Ode to Electrode

[luxuriate]

The way I thought you were a Pokéball
From afar, I fell in love and I turned
Head over heels and this I swear, I swear

You caught me off guard, like a wrecking ball
Superstar, I fell in love and I burned
I'm needing you and this I swear, I swear

You're electric, one shocker bomb
Amazing trick, one rocker psalm
You self-destruct, and you explode
Please reconstruct, please, Electrode

The way I believed you were Rare Candy
But you are, I fell in love and I tried
Tried catching you and this I swear, I swear

You blew me away, like a fair brandy
Shooting star, I fell in love and I cried
Cried catching you and still I tear, I tear

 

[Oryx]

A Pokemon themed poem, yay!

One critique I have on this is that the story doesn't stand out very well. I see that you're trying to mix in your images with the story to make it pop out more to the reader, but there are so many different ones that it's distracting from the actual point. One simple way to fix that would be to make some of the stronger images into similes (you have a few but more metaphors I believe", so the reader can see the connection between the story and the image more clearly. Another thing that makes it so broken is the repetition the lines seeming very separate from each other. The lines don't seem to flow as an actual story, each one seems like it's meant to be separated from the lines around it.

What I do like is constructing the poem around the third stanza. It's by far your strongest stanza, with a great rhythm going on. The lines don't connect story-wise but they connect in style, which really bonds it together. I'd really like to see the rest of the poem follow the rhythm and ease of the third stanza because it's super fun to even just read.

My last little tweak suggestion is that last line. Because you've been saying "I swear" throughout the entire poem, the reader will naturally be looking for a rhyme for that, so they'll try to rhyme "tear" with "swear". If you mean the other pronunciation, you should probably change the words around to not parallel those lines, and if you do mean tear as in "I tear tickets at the movie theater", then I'm not sure the ending has a very big impact because I don't get it. xD;

 

[luxuriate]

Haha it was meant to be funny, I didn't really try hard on this...
But thanks anyway for the critique, gave me something to think about