[Pokémon] Pocket Hearts (E10+) (KH crossover)

This my most up-to-date version of my epic fanfiction. This time around,I am going to write the first Chapter "Destati/Dive into the Heart" in this post, and will explain the plot as I go along, as the basic plot hasn't changed much at all since last time.


(Destati/Dive into the Heart)
Eric's home village, on Kingdom Island, a rather small island right in between The Battle Zone and the rest of the Sinnoh Region.

Eric's spiky reddish hair stood still, despite the breeze, and his palish skin was rather dull in contrast to his female friend Peggy, whose skin was much darker than his, and was sitting right next to him on top of a large rock, overlooking the ocean, and the young couple was looking at the stars.


Eric was a superstar Trainer on the island, and was a very smart young man. He had a Snag Machine on his right arm, which Gonzap, the Boss of Team Snagem himself, has given to him as an early birthday gift this year.

Eric, however, only had one Pokemon, an Infernape, which he has had since it was a Chimchar, which Eric inherited after the dead of his grandfather Vladimir. Infernape was out of its Pokeball at the moment.

Peggy was a Pokemon Ranger wearing the usual uniform, and her partner was a Pachirisu she saved out on a mission.

"Do you think there are other worlds out there?" Eric asked, talking in a British accent.

"Hopefully. One of the Rangers at the Academy told me that it's very likely that there are too many worlds to count, and each star in the night sky represents a different world." Peggy told him, in a spunky African-American accent.



Infernape and Pachirisu were sitting in the beach grass nearby.

Pachirisu stood up, tugging at Eric's left sleeve, and stuttering.

There was a meteor shower, but it seemed to be a little too close for comfort.

Infernape grabbed Pachirisu and ran to safety as the space rocks fell into the ocean.

"WHOA! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Eric shouted, motioning for Peggy to get up and follow him, Pachirisu, and Infernape.

Pachirisu noticed a strange little dark creature, with pitch black skin and bright yellow eyes, and wanted to make friends with it, thinking it was a young Pokemon.

Pachirisu jumped away from Infernape, and the black creature, called a Heartless, of the "Shadow" variety, jumped toward the young couple to attack.

Eric called Infernape back to its Pokeball for safety, not knowing what in the name of Arceus was going to attack them.

The Shadow Heartless jumped up into the air.

"Peggy! RUN! I'll handle whatever this thing is!" Eric shouted.

"Alright! I'll warn the others!", Peggy said back, running to the interior of the island.

Eric threw a punch at the Heartless, but it was futile, and the Heartless was much faster.

Eric then fainted, and the single Heartless vanished.

Eric then had a dream-like vision when he was lying in the sand.

He was in a pitch black zone of nothingness, only with an fairly large, white, round, platform in the middle. This was inside Eric's heart.

A silhouette of Arceus appeared to him.

"Eric... Use the Keyblade.... It is one of the few weapons that can destroy the Heartless." Arceus roared in a raspy, god-like voice.

"Heartless? So that's what that thing that tried to kill Peggy and I is called? And what's a Keyblade?"

Arceus revealed itself.

"This." Arceus explained, making a weapon in the shape of an oversized key of some sort, appear in Eric's left hand.

"Also, if you always have both your Snag Machine and the Keyblade... You have a special power. The Dimensional Scream." Arceus added.


"Dimensional... Scream? What is it?"

"It lets you see visions, either of the past of the future, if you touch something that triggers it in the worlds you will go to on your quest to stop the Heartless. If you trigger the Dimensional Scream, you may get an odd dizzy feeling, but that's normal. You'll know when you experience it."

Eric nodded, and Arceus vanished in a flash of light.

The platform then revealed what seemed to be a stained glass picture of three Princesses: Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora.

Eric noticed a giant Heartless, with a heart-shaped hole in its chest.

This was the Darkside Heartless.

Eric tried to attack its head using his Keyblade, but failed.

Eric fell back, and had a dizzy spell.

He screamed loudly, startling Darkside, and hearing Arceus's voice.

"Attack its hands when they come down." the voice said.

Eric dodged Darkside's attacks, getting hit a couple times each attempt, but mercileslly attacked Darkside' hands.

Eric heard Infernape's cry from inside its PokeBall.

Infernape instinctively came out, finishing the fight for Eric, using Mach Punch and then Flamethrower, before getting back into its Pokeball.

"Thanks, Infernape." Eric laughed.

Eric woke up in a strange cave, and saw an odd Pokemon.

This Pokemon, Mewtwo, apparently saved Eric's life.

"It seems that Team Rocket has unleashed the Heartless on this world. Giovanni is an insane fool." Mewtwo thought out loud.

"Team Rocket? I've heard of them. Why would they want to use the Heartless?! And anyways, thanks for saving me." Eric said, getting up, his Keyblade appearing in his hand.

"They want this world to plunge into Darkness, so Giovanni can rule it with an iron fist. And I do not require your gratitude. I have also heard rumors that somebody named... Peggy... Has disappeared from your island. She reminds me of a girl I once know who saved my life. She sacrificed her own to save mine. Mewtwo explained.

"Amber.... Thank you..." Mewtwo quietly muttered slowly.

"Look, Mewtwo. I know who you are, but leave the Heartless to ME! I'll use my Keyblade to destroy them, AND I'll save Peggy! Arceus said it's my destiny. How do I get to those... Other Worlds... Anyways?!" Eric paused to breathe after saying that.

"There are strange portals popping up all over Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unova. Only one portal appears at a time, but the same portal may either disappear permanently, or be sealed temporarily. People and Pokemon might go into these worlds, and the Heartless will almost certainly make it out into this one. I have one request of you... Eric... Find these portals, go inside, and do what you must to destroy every last Heartless." Mewtwo explained.

Eric nodded.

"Will do." Eric said, then noticing his Poketch had been modified with many new apps, like a built-in Pokedex, and one that locates nearby portals to other worlds.

Eric then felt an itch in his pocket, but a small insect with a top hat an a cane jumped out. This was Jiminy Cricket, whom would record Eric's adventure to save all of the worlds in his Journal.

"Whoops! I wouldn't do that if I were you, Eric! I was sent by my King to watch over you! Jiminy Cricket's the name!" The aristocratic-looking arthropod said.

"Who is this... King? And what were you doing in my pocket?' Eric asked.

"You'll find out the answer for that first question on your own. But your second question... That I can answer! The King sent me to make a record of your adventure. This is my first job working with a rookie Keyblade wielder, so this is a great honor for me." The insect answered.

An opening appeared in the cave wall, bringing in the light of the morning sun.

"Alright. Let's go. Just hop in and out of my pocket as you please." Eric laughed somewhat calmly.

Mewtwo teleported away before Eric could say anything to thank it.

Eric exited the cave, and noticed a News team outside.

(Destiny Islands, Part One, will be up when I have the time.)
EDIT ONE:
In the meantime, I will let you imagine how the characters might sound.
(Character: Voice Actor [Memorable Role])
Eric: Voiced by Daniel Radcliffe [Harry Potter in the movie series of the same name]
Peggy: Voiced by Regan Gomez [Roberta in The Cleveland Show]
Gonzap: Voiced by Jason David Frank [Tommy from Power Rangers]
Miror B.: Voiced by Tom Kenny [The title character of SpongeBob SquarePants]
Queen Layla: Voiced by Colleen O'Shaughnessey [Sora from Digimon Adventure]


Other Pokemon/Disney/Final Fantasy Characters will be voiced by their most recent voice actor
 
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I think you're going the right way with the idea, it's very creative. I think primarily what you need to work on is sentence structure, grammar and detail.

I think potentially you could start out with something different than talking about Eric's home island, because at the start of the story the reader doesn't know who Eric is. Yes they can assume he is the main character but for the first sentence it isn't needed. Yet, at least. I did like the next sentence, how you described Eric, and Peggy. The sentence though seemed to run on.

I would just structure that sentence differently:
Eric's spiky reddish hair stood still, despite the breeze. His pailish skin was rather dull in contrast to his friend Peggy, her skin was much darker than his. They both sat on top of a rock overlooking the ocean. They were alone looking at the stars.

I tend to put too many commas as well, and from criticism of my own, I can easily find extra commas in sentences. I think this way it keeps the fluidity of the sentence but doesn't make it as confusing. Maybe it doesn't have to be that 'cut-and-paste' but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to convey in that sentence.

The other sentence which I found confusing as the one about his Snag Machine. I think it could be better structured this way:
He had a Snag Machine on his right arm. The boss of Team Snagem, Gonzap, had given it Eric on his birthday earlier this year.

I liked how you described the shadow, but I think it would be better for the story if you didn't describe what it is at first. I think giving it some mystery, and then possibly having Arceus describe it to the reader and Eric might seem less intrusive.

I think the main character Eric takes this information of the world of darkness much too easy at face value. If I recall even Sora was confused by what was happening.

The only other thing I would consider adding is maybe some more detail about the fight with the Darkside Heartless, the battle was pretty intense in the game, and there isn't too much detail to create the scene in the mind.

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your story, I really do like the idea.

Keep it up!
 
Also, while I am plotting the story of this series... I will start with a list of Pokemon the major characters will have on their team.

Eric, Barry, and Paul will rotate most of their Pokemon (excluding their Starters), as they catch more, and are subject to change to suit each world.

Paul's Pokemon: Torterra, Bibarel, Drapion, Electivire, Weavile, Gastrodon (East Sea), Honchkrow, Froslass, Gliscor, Azumarill, Scizor, Tentacruel

Barry's Pokemon: Empoleon, Roserade, Staraptor, Heracross, Rhyperior, Milotic, Houndoom, Luxray, Snorlax, Rapidash, Gardevoir, Altaria

Eric's Pokemon: Infernape, Crobat, Alakazam, Dusknoir, Tropius, Octillery, Absol, Mamoswine, Garchomp, Girafarig, Medicham, Kricketune

More coming soon.
 
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