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Pokemon: A New Journey

Cascade'A Stupidity

Biggest Muppet there is.
  • 72
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen May 4, 2009
    Well, this is my first pokemon fanfic, so, I'm a little ner... I mean, excited... no... wait... Don't think theres a word for it. But anyway, let's get this started.

    This is going to probably be PG-13 but I'll keep it as toned down as I can for the younger viewers and all.

    Prologue

    7.30am. An alarm clock rang in a house, waking up a soon to be important character in the world of Pokemon.

    Adam eagerly hopped out of bed and shut off the alarm in his clock. Today was the day, the day he could finally become a pokemon trainer and begin his journey. After 5 long years of Trainer School, he finally graduated.

    He grabbed a few clothes from the wardrobe in his room and put them on, lightning fast. He ran down the stairs, almost tripping over every step, into the living room. His mum was sitting on the sofa, sipping at a cup of tea. She sighed.

    "Well, you're leaving." She said. "It had to happen some day. I suppose its inevitable."

    "Aww, come on mum, I'll be visiting back here as soon as I can..." Adam said.

    "I know, but it's just the feeling that you're leaving; and that I can't do much about it." His mother replied.

    "Well, you always have my mobile number, which reminds me, where've you put it?"

    "You kids and your phones, I tell you. It's on the kitchen table, along with a special surprise or two." She explained.

    Adam walked into the kitchen. He picked up his mobile and placed it in his trouser pocket. There were a few more items on the table, though, things you wouldn't really expect an innocent mother to have.

    Adam's mother got up from the sofa and joined him at the table. She smiled and watched Adam's reaction to the items on the table.

    On the table, other than the mobile, was a large wad of PokeDollars, about 10,000 to be precise, a pokedex and a pokeball.

    "How... How the hell can you afford ALL this on your salary!?" Adam shouted.

    "I have my ways." His mother replied, tapping her nose gently.

    "So, spill the beans, what's in the pokeball?" Adam asked.

    "Open it and see." She said.

    "A'right." Adam replied, taking the pokeball. "Let's see what we have here!" He shouted, dropping the ball to the floor.

    There was a short silence as it opened.

    "SWEET!" Adam shouted, gleefully.


    Aaaaand thats where we cut off our little prologue.

    I'm currently running the chapter through a spell checker, so if there are any spelling mistakes I'll have them corrected in a jiffy.

    Other than that,

    ENJOY!

    Oh, and be honest with your reviews.
     
    Well, this is my first pokemon fanfic, so, I'm a little ner... I mean, excited... no... wait... Don't think theres a word for it. But anyway, let's get this started.

    This is going to probably be PG-13 but I'll keep it as toned down as I can for the younger viewers and all.

    Prologue

    It was 7.30am. An alarm clock rang in a house, waking up a soon to be important character in the world of Pokemon.

    Adam eagerly hopped out of bed and shut off the alarm in his clock. Today was the day, the day he could finally become a pokemon trainer and begin his journey. after five long years of Trainer School, he had finally graduated.

    He grabbed some clothes from the wardrobe in his room and put them on, ?Lightning fast? (not really the best use in the sentence.) He ran down the stairs, almost tripping over every step, into the living room. His mum was sitting on the sofa, sipping at a cup of tea. She sighed.

    "Well, you're leaving." She said. "It had to happen some day. I suppose its inevitable."

    "Aww, come on mum, I'll be visiting back here as soon as I can..." Adam said.

    "I know, but it's just the feeling that you're leaving; and that I can't do much about it." His mother replied.

    "Well, you always have my mobile number, which reminds me, where've you put it?"

    "You kids and your phones, I tell you. It's on the kitchen table, along with a special surprise or two." She explained.

    Adam walked into the kitchen. He picked up his mobile and placed it in his trouser pocket. There were a few more items on the table, though. run on sentence Things you wouldn't really expect an innocent mother to have.

    Adam's mother got up from the sofa and joined him at the table. She smiled and watched Adam's reaction to the items on the table.

    On the table, other than the mobile phone, was a large wad of PokeDollars, about 10,000 to be precise, a pokedex and a pokeball.

    "How... How the hell can you afford ALL this on your salary!?" Adam shouted.

    "I have my ways." His mother replied, tapping her nose gently.

    "So, spill the beans, what's in the pokeball?" Adam asked.

    "Open it and see." She said.

    "A'right." Adam replied, taking the pokeball. "Let's see what we have here!" He shouted, dropping the ball to the floor.

    There was a short silence as it opened.

    "SWEET!" Adam shouted, gleefully.


    Aaaaand thats where we cut off our little prologue.

    I'm currently running the chapter through a spell checker, so if there are any spelling mistakes I'll have them corrected in a jiffy.

    Other than that,

    ENJOY!

    Oh, and be honest with your reviews.

    You are probably one of the best stories I've read so far yet. The characters are clear, you can tell that the mother is more of a silent, friendly person and Adam is always cheerful, and a little sarcastic. Most of your grammar mistakes are in bold, if I missed something, someone tell me. You did good use of the dialogue verbs. Most people use Said for every line, but you use a good variety. Your spelling is great so far. The only thing that should be explained in chapter two for me is how Adam is, inside and outside. Also, you spell out numbers below a hundred. not 90, ninety. Just to make sure you know that. Anyway, If I were to rate it I'd give it an 8/10.
     
    a really great start! why did you have to stop it there i want to know what it was. 10/10 for me anyways
     
    I really liked it to be honest. I think Andorale has covered all the spelling errors so I'll not bother with that. The only other thing i can think of is that it seemed a little dialogue heavy and could have done with a little more description, but thats only a minor thing and didn't really detract from my enjoyment of the piece. I realise that may just be because it was a short prologue. Anyway, I look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.
     
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