pokemon adventures

baby_dragonite

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    Hi.This is my first fic so no flames please.
    I ran as fast as my feet could carry me to prof.oak's lab.I was in a hurry because today was the day i started my pokemon adventure."Bre!"I stopped wen i heard my name called."Hi brian,hows it going?"I said.Brian has been my best friend since second grade and weve been friends ever since."what pokemon are you getting?"I asked."Maybe a pikachu,or dratini.how bout you?"eevee."I simply said.
    We arived at the doorstep of oaks lab."hello come in"he said.He led us to a small room with a donphan digging for food,an eevee with a little red head band around his head,a pikachu and poliwag playing with a ball,and a goldeen in a tank."pick a pokemon"Prof.oak said.I headed for the eevee when Oak stopped me."I would'nt chose that one."he said."It has problems with its legs,it cant walk to good."I looked over and saw brian holding the pikachu.
    "profesor,I have deep feelings for cretures like that so i think I like eevee."I said."very well then.witch do you chose,brian?"Oak asked"I like pikachu"brian said."would you like to give nicknames to your pokemon?"oak asked"Shiro."i said."shocker"Brian stated."Ok,Shiro the male eevee,and shocker the female pikachu."oak said.Brian and i whent outside and started toward the first gym.Shiro sat on my shoulder and shocker sat on brians shoulder.somthing told me we were going to have a great time.


    so,what do ya think?good,bad,ok?tell me
     
    If you make paragraphs I think would be a great story! Also, great start! ^_^
     
    Story Check

    Nice story! Of course it could always need some refrasing!

    Plot

    Very nice story! It needs some more description. It was a little short, but you're a begginer!

    Description

    We really don't know who you are. Who's "I" is it a he or she? You need to describe yourself a little better. Same with everyone else. You also didn't say what town you were in. I know that you're in Pallet town, but other people might not. Overall it was okay.

    Grammatical Review

    There was a couple grammar mistakes in this story. First:

    I ran as fast as my feet could carry me to prof.oak's lab.I was in a hurry because today was the day i started my pokemon adventure.

    Every time you start a new sentence you always double space between the period and letter. Second:

    Brian has been my best friend since second grade and weve been friends ever since."what pokemon are you getting?"I asked.

    You always start a new paragraph when someone speaks. You also need to capatalize the first letter. Also you must space when you finish a the speech. Example:
    "I want that Pokemon," I said.
    Third:

    YOU MUST put a ' when it's someone's thing or place. Example:
    Hey! That Mary's bag!

    Spelling Errors

    Wen is When
    Cretures is Creatures
    Would'nt is Wouldn't
    Somthing is Something
    Cant is Can't
    Witch (hehe you mean the flying woman on a broom stick?) is Which

    Abskull's Nitpicks

    None really exept the fact of not capatilizing Pokemon names. Like pikachu I like capatilizing their names so it would be Pikachu.

    Overall

    I'll give this my seal of Needs Some Improvment.

    Try typing this on word (Microsoft word etc.)
     
    sorry

    Im really sorry to the people that enjoyed the first chapter but I wont be updating it any more.I just whant to write fic that has characters from the anime and suff first because I cant do a selfinsertation as my first fic.You might see it up again somtime or another but Im gonna start of easy.Sorry.:'( :'( :'(
     
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