[Pokémon] "Pokemon Awakening": An Ares FanFic

AresTheAwesome

The Awesome Trainer...
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    • Seen Jun 3, 2013
    FanFiction preview.

    I do not own any of the things from pokemon (herpderp) im just writing this fanfic for my own persoal entertainment. Please Enjoy.


    Pokemon Awakening: Prologue (preview)


    By: Ares

    "Why is it that at the age of ten years old, children are permitted to leave home and freely wonder the land? Why is it that it is safe? Is it safe?
    These are but a few of the most commonly asked questions in the world of Pokémon. And the answer that answers nearly all of them is, 'It is not safe... alone...'
    Nothing else needs to be said. Everything will soon be revealed, just shut your mouth and open your ears, the answers will be given. But the answers cannot be received unless you reach for them. 'Can you reach?' is not the correct question to ask. The real question is 'Will you reach?' For if you cannot reach, then you can never attain your goals..."
    These were the very words that the pokemon professor, Oak, spoke to us when he visited our class on the previous day. These words spoke to me. I had copied them on to a sheet of paper, using my neatest hand-writing possible, and put it in a picture frame on my black wood dresser. I turned around and looked all over my room, the neatly shelved books on one side, and my closet on the other. In the far left corner were my medium size bed with red sheets and a comforter with a design of a pokeball, with a Squirtle and bulbasaur standing by each other. In the far left was my bathroom, connected to my room of course. Then, next to my large black dresser, was the door out to the rest of the house. I had posters all over my walls of pokemon gym leaders, frontier brains, and the national champion; a man named White, who not only saved the Unova region from liberation of pokemon, but also stopped the devious schemes of a corrupted man named Ghetsis. I would have given anything to meet them all.
    I was so excited that night, my tenth birthday was the next day and I was to get my first pokemon from professor Oak at the pokemon research lab. But nothing went how it was supposed to... Everything was ruined, for on that morning of my birthday, I received a letter saying that on my father's business trip to the Sinnoh Valley Wind Works, there was an incident and he was killed in an explosion caused by a gas leak. I stormed straight in my room and tore down all of my posters and through all of my things on the ground, then I jumped on to the bed and cried myself to sleep.

    ~3 years later~

    It was the morning of my thirteenth birthday. I hadn't received my first pokemon on my tenth birthday because of my mother fearing that the same thing would happen to me. Today would be the same as my previous birthdays, I would beg my mother to let me, and I would be rejected once again. The alarm clock went off. I was feeling too horrible to do anything, but o gathered all of my will and slapped it off of the nightstand. Sure enough, it stopped ringing when it hit the floor. I got up and put on the usual clothes, blue jeans and a black tee shirt with black shoes and white laces. I put on a black zip up hoodie that said Pokémon in white on the back of it. To top off the whole look, I put on my traditional gray beanie. I had been wearing it every day ever since my father died; it was the same beanie he wore during his days as a professional pokemon trainer. I walked gloomily down the stairs into the kitchen where my mom was standing with a bunch of boxes being loaded into a large sixteen-wheel truck with an orange trailer attached to it by a bunch of Gurrdurrs.
    My mother was a 39 year old woman who frequently wore a white business woman suit and high-heels with silk panty hose. She approached me and said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier honey, but I've decided to take a job as an assistant at professor Birch's Pokémon lab in Hoenn. I knew you wouldn't want to go, and this is your thirteenth birthday, so I decided that I'm going to let you go off on a journey,"
    "Seriously? I get to leave here, and pursue a career as a pokemon trainer?" I asked, more excited than I had been in years.
    "Yes, I have to get going though, the ship to Hoenn leaves in eight hours, and the ride to Castelia City is a long one," she replied.
    I hugged her and told her I loved her and to have a safe trip.
    "I love you too honey," she said and kissed my forehead before she walked out and got into her car and followed the moving van along the road out of Nuvema town.
    The following night I was packing my bag for the journey I would embark on the next day. I packed the necessities, potions, antidotes, status healers, and some pokeballs my father had left over. They were all packed along with a few changes of clothes, my pokegear (a gift from Professor Oak when I was supposed to begin my journey three years ago) some water bottles, and some emergency cash. I was ready to go, so I went back up to my room, where my things were all packed into boxes for the movers to bring to my mother in Hoenn the next day. I heard some loud noises comming from outside. What could be happening at this time of night? I decided to go outside and check it out. It was pitch black and the wind was really strong so that I was nearly blown away. The sound grew louder, and the wind stronger, I was starting to get worried. There was a flash and I was blinded, I quickly threw my hands up to shield my eyes. There was a bolt of lightning and it started to pour down rain. During the split-second that the lightning bolt flashed, I saw the form of a monster that looked like a flying snake in the distance. A second later i was hit and the wind was knocked out of me, I was no longer touching the ground and the speed of the motion was too much to handle. I heard an explosion and saw what I thought was the ground on which I had been standing on explode. It was after the explosion that the motion caused me to black out...

    To Be Continued...
    Tell me what you think about it! And if you dont like it, then just tell me with some constructive (not harsh and cruel) criticism. Thank you.

    ~Ares~
     
    wow, with this forums format, this prologue looks really short... oh well, il just increase the font size next time lol.
     
    Chapter 1:
    I was lying face down in a pool of muddy water. The water was causing me to get really cold, but I was unconscious so I didn't know. Once I started to come around, there was already water starting to slither into my mouth and down my throat. The feeling was so horrible that I immediately shot up from the ground and started coughing loudly. There was mud all over my face and all over my jacket. I was wiping off my clothes when it struck me that I didn't know where the hell I was. I looked around at the small pool of water I landed in. There were a bunch of trees and damp ground everywhere, so I was obviously in a swamp. But what swamp? I was clueless, the only place it could've been was Pinwheel Forest near Nacrene City. It would be at least a two day walk back to Nuvema, and from there I wouldn't even know what to do… Was Nuvema Town still even intact? Should I even go back? I thought about all of these for a long time. In the end I decided to keep moving forward toward Castelia City, if I was quick I could get there by the end of the day and catch my mom before she leaves. So I set off, I didn't really know where I was going so I was really just following my gut.
    While I was walking along the road, I stumbled upon a large group of Tympole. They appeared to be playing a game but as I watched, one of them rammed into another one that was smaller than the rest. I then realized that they were bullying the smallest one. They rammed into him several times, I couldn't bear to watch so I ran out and shooed off all of the other Tympoles. The small one was left there lying on its side. It appeared to be scratched up and had a few nasty looking bruises that were starting to swell up. I carefully picked him up and wrapped him up in my jacket. I was decided I was going to bring him to Castelia City with me to try and find some help for him.
    Once I arrived in Castelia City, I stopped to take in the view of all of the billboards and signs and other things. The docks, the stores, the tall buildings, it was all great, but then one of the large electric billboards cut off and a new image appeared. It was a man with a white out-fit, long green hair, and a simple black and white cap. He started speaking.
    "Citizens of the Unova region, a few years ago, there was a group of people known as Team Plasma. They wanted to liberate pokemon from humans, for the sake of the pokemon. I was their king, but of course, our plans were foiled by a determined child with pokemon that actually liked him… But since then, I haven't seen a single person whose pokemon like them that much. So I have come back to finish the job, I haven't given up yet. So wherever you are White, I want you to meet me at the top of the tower that I have just built above the first castle where we battled. If you don't show up, then Reshiram and I will wreak havoc on the innocent. That is all, continue your pitiful lives."
    This angered me on so many levels. He was implying that the whole regions fate lies on the shoulders of one boy, and that none of us can do anything about it, but I won't accept that. I looked down at the sleeping Tympole, then at the poke-mart, then at my bag. An idea was forming inside my head. This journey wasn't going to be one of those clichés where I battled all of the gym leaders and then eventually the elite four. This was real, this was what pokemon really was.
     
    HINT: LEAVE FEEDBACK OR I CANT TELL WETHER OR NOT TO CONTINUE. THAT IS ALL
     
    Im wondering if any of you are actually reading more than the first sentence before blowing it off for some other random waste of your lives.
    /rage/

    But seriously, it took alot of work to make these, some feedback would be appreciated.
     
    What is wrong guys? I cant continue the fanfic if i dont know your opinions, i can see that some peeps have been reading the fanfic, but only one guys posted besides me, and his post was removed...

    REPLIES HERE
     
    Might as well review. I'm itching for some action. About the format for chapter 1, just leave it as is. Making it bigger doesn't make it seem longer. It's just harder to read. In the future, just use default.

    "Why is it that at the age of ten years old, children are permitted to leave home and freely wonder the land? Why is it that it is safe? Is it safe?
    These are but a few of the most commonly asked questions in the world of Pokémon. And the answer that answers nearly all of them is, 'It is not safe... alone...'
    Nothing else needs to be said. Everything will soon be revealed, just shut your mouth and open your ears, the answers will be given. But the answers cannot be received unless you reach for them. 'Can you reach?' is not the correct question to ask. The real question is 'Will you reach?' For if you cannot reach, then you can never attain your goals..."
    Okay right here. It's a large quote from Professor Oak right? Don't space it out. Just make it into a large nice flowing speech, in one paragraph. No spacing, no skipping lines, just one. It's long enough but when you split it up, it only made it a bit more confusing.


    These were the very words that the pokemon professor, Oak, spoke to us when he visited our class on the previous day. These words spoke to me. I had copied them on to a sheet of paper, using my neatest hand-writing possible, and put it in a picture frame on my black wood dresser. I turned around and looked all over my room, the neatly shelved books on one side, and my closet on the other...
    So this is pretty much your second paragraph. And boy is it one wall of text. Try to split it up into more neat segments. Makes it so that it gives it more flavor to the eyes and it just looks better. I just quoted about half of it, but you get my point.


    I stormed straight in my room and tore down all of my posters and through all of my things on the ground, then I jumped on to the bed and cried myself to sleep.
    I call these a synopsis. This is an emotional scene, correct? Add a bit more description of it, mix it in with confusion and questioning. The father died, and this is in first person. Think as your character would. Try to understand how and write that down.

    "Why was he taken?" "How could this happen?"
    -Yeah cliched lines, but you get my point. I always believe first person must always dwell on the mind, as that is the main element of first person narrative.


    My mother was a 39 year old woman who frequently wore a white business woman suit and high-heels with silk panty hose. She approached me and said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier honey, but I've decided to take a job as an assistant at professor Birch's Pokémon lab in Hoenn. I knew you wouldn't want to go, and this is your thirteenth birthday, so I decided that I'm going to let you go off on a journey,"
    I need a space here
    "Seriously? I get to leave here, and pursue a career as a pokemon trainer?" I asked, more excited than I had been in years.
    This happens pretty much throughout your whole story, but if I point it out once you should get my concept. Space it out, just helps with the formatting. Then here is another example I bolded. Okay, you're excited. Shouldn't you feel something else? Heart beating faster, quite of shock, a drip of sweat, wide pupils, something to show it rather than just saying "I'm excited." Attempt to make it more interesting.

    I heard some loud noises comming from outside.
    Just a typo, but it's "coming". But, I don't really think you need this verb at all. Even rewriting the sentence as "I heard some loud noises outside." Try to keep it more fluid and less wordy.

    So, your story has a nice background and actually has a plot. Check. But now, how are you explicating them? Remember, help the reader visualize as much as possible, and I'm not solely talking about setting. Characters and their mannerisms are also important, so try to add in a bit of characterization . For example, add in a bad habit of some sort a character does so we can identify or relate to him/her.

    Be a bit more reactive to situations. Especially situations that are going to be stressful. I mean, kids around the United State whine to their mothers because they can't play another level of Call of Duty. If their father died, what would you do? It's a big event and I want to see some explications and imagery.

    I stormed straight in my room and tore down all of my posters and through all of my things on the ground, then I jumped on to the bed and cried myself to sleep.
    That's the passage I'm talking about. And I also noticed a mistake. The correct form of the verb is "threw", as "through" is a preposition in most cases.

    So back to what I was saying about first person? Add thoughts in. They really speak a lot about characters. I mean, their thought process pretty much sums up their personality and characteristics. Lacking that, you'll be hard pressed to mix in character development.

    Okay, so this pretty much concludes my review of your prologue. Too tired to go on right now. But I hope this is enough to help you and your fanfic. Good luck, and if you have anymore questions, you can just message me or respond here.

    See you around!
     
    Thank god i got a reply, il go through (used it right there lol) now i have a reason to continue this literature thingy... and yes very cliche that one part, but not to worry, im actually writing a fanfic on another forum that im making have a very sad, very non-cliche ending. But thats for another time. Anyways, maybe il have the next chapter up this weekend.
     
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