Pokemon Catchers

[Eevee Tamer]

This is about a 12 year old boy,who is ready to start his Pokemon journey.But,oh no!A team of thieves called PokeCatchers are scattering all over the regions,to catch and even kill Pokemon!We'll see what happens,in the series!...
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Hometown - 9:02 P.M.
Dalton Josh Miller lies in his bedroom's bed,restless.He only thinks about which Pokemon he will get,and he finally gets to travel alone.He has black,dark short hair.Clear,blue eyes.He is wearing his favorite P.J.'s-- his shiny,navy blue shirt,and his unwrinkled,soft and smooth orange shorts.He wanted to pick Umbreon,the coolest evolution ever.Beside it,he liked Jolteon,too.But other than that,he liked Vaporeon... and Espeon... and Flareon... He couldn't decide what he wanted,yet!And he'd been thinking about it for weeks and weeks!Perhaps the professor would decide for him.After 28 minutes of thinking,his eyes got so sandy,he couldn't help but to close his eyes,and fall asleep.

Hometown - 8:09 A.M.
Then,it was morning."Oh,Dalton!"shouted Mrs.Miller from the kitchen."Breakfast is ready!And you need to get dressed for Pokemon!" "OK then,Mom!"Dalton yelled back.Then,he ran down the stairs.He dashed into his kitchen.He got pancakes from the counter and started eating."You must be very excited today,"said Mrs.Miller."You're face's expression shows you bloom."she said again,giving Dalton a glass of milk,as she sat down and drank her cofee."Yeah,Mom,"said Dalton."I've been waiting for my whole life."Mom smiled."But,'cha better hurry,"she said."Prof. Evel says,he won't be allowing children to get Pokemon,straight at '30."Dalton spat out his milk at the news."8:30?!I'd better get going!"Dalton finished his breakfast,and kissed Mom."Good bye,honey."she said."Good bye,mother."said Dalton,as he ran out the door,and headed downtown.

 

[^^NICK^^ v.2.0]

Good story, looks different because of the starters. I have some suggestions:
1. Try to use corect grammar more often. I know it's hard to tell sometimes. Like how you list things. Ex: "He wanted to pick Umbreon,the coolest evolution ever.Beside it,he liked Jolteon,too.But other than that,he liked Vaporeon... and Espeon... and Flareon..."

2. When a new character is using dialogue, indent. Well, you can't indent, so just start a new paragraph.

3. After eachpunctaution mark, push the space bar, it looks neater, LOL.



Other than that. I see nothing wrong with the story. I think it's good, and you have talent. I want find out which starter Dalton chooses.

 

[Eevee Tamer]

I just am not used to that way... but I'll try getting in it somehow ^_^;
The and's weren't there for no reason.The and's were showing the point,of how much others he likes besides Umbreon.If it were a list I didn't do that reason to,I wouldn't put them multiplely.OK,this says it more simple:He likes this,and that,and that.

 

[Eevee Tamer]

Hometown - 8:12 A.M.
Dalton ran as fast as his body allowed him too,even though,he had some pains.He ran past 7 spreaded out houses,and towards a house titled 'Pokemon Lab' infront of him.Then,he tripped over a rock in his path,and fell over.He knocked open the door,and collapsed on the hard floor.

Pokemon Lab - 8:16 A.M.
A professor was at his computer,typing.When he heard Dalton's crash.Dalton's leg was bleeding,and was dripping on the floor.The professor made a sick face.Then,2 twin men with sunglasses came down the stairs.1 cleaned up the mess on the floor.While the other helped Dalton up."Are you OK?"asked the professor."Uh... yeah..."said Dalton."I am Prof. Evel."said the professor."What is your name,sonny?"Dalton got up."My name's Dalton."He said.Prof. Evel laughed."Nice name."Prof. Evel said."You came for a starting Pokemon,didn't you?"Dalton gasped."Uh... yes,I did."He said.

 

[Eevee Tamer]

I'm trying to write right this time.If anyone can't read this because I'm doing it wrong,I'll switch to scriptive writing,which is cheap,old style for beginners.
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"I see... come with me,to the Pokemon rooms."said Prof. Evel,tapping on his chin.
"Where are the Pokemon,professor?Aren't they in this room?"asked Dalton,curiously.
"Unlike other centers... there's 6 rooms.Each contains a pokeball,info,and status."said Prof. Evel.

Dalton followed Professor Evel,up a path of stairs.He went into a room with a lable,titled 'Eevee',with him.

 

[Eevee Tamer]

Well,since its easier,and it'll be faster,I'll use scripts.
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Dalton:He stares at the sign."Why does this say 'Eevee' on it?"
Prof. Evel:He laughs."Because,Eevee is a you-know-what.Seperate rooms."
Dalton:He blushes."Oh,yeah... I have never knew that,before..."

Then,Professor Evel and Dalton enter the Eevee labled room.There were 6 PKMN images,and below each one was its Pokeball,sitting on a table underneath.

Prof. Evel:"Does this look exciting,to you?The PKMN look like those."
Dalton:"Okay,but are these my choices,or a PKMN show-off room?"
Prof. Evel:He chuckles."Why,yes.They are.I will explain each 1 to you."

Prof. Evel explains about each PKMN that are in the room,for him to pick.Dalton feels more excited more and more as Prof. Evel talked.He was kind of worried of his choices,though.

Prof. Evel:"...And,these PKMN are called the Eeveelutions.They cannot be found very often in the regions."
Dalton:Looks worried."OK.I will try them all.But,I cannot choose... I will choose this PKMN,and nothing's stopping me!"
Prof. Evel:He looks confused."Oh,don't get too excited.Some PKMN might already be taken by on time trainers who were here."

Dalton reaches over,and grabs the Pokeball under Jolteon's picture.To his suprise,the Pokeball was empty.As clear as a ball can be.Dalton looked mad.In a few minutes,all the Pokeballs were tried,but empty.

Dalton:"Aww,man!"He clings."All the starting PKMN are gone!What does this mean?Do I not get a PKMN of my own,Professor?"
Prof. Evel:He taps on his chin."Well,you can notice that Pokeball that lays over there..."He points."Next to your shoes."

Dalton looks at his shoes.He sees a Pokeball there!He picks it up.Next,the ball opens up.Then,flashes of light occured.Finally,there lay a PKMN,right ontop Dalton's head...

 

[capalex65]

this is a good story plz continue writing

 

[Eevee Tamer]

A brown "fox" with a bushy,brown and white tail and a cute smile was found to be it.The Eevee was smiling at Dalton.

Dalton:*Frowns* Uh... can I get a different PKMN?
Prof. Evel:*Nervous* Well,uh... you can check them...

As the Eevee jumps from Dalton's head to the floor,Dalton hauls in all the PokeBalls,in the different rooms.

Dalton:*Puts the 4 balls down* OK!Open them up,professor!
Prof. Evel:Oh,yes... it won't be too bad to just peek a choice.

Prof. Evel opens up all 4 PokeBalls,but they all appear to be empty.Dalton snaps.

Dalton:Figures... does this mean I don't get a PKMN?!
Prof. Evel:If its the only one... you might aswell get Eevee...

Dalton turns around,and sees Eevee,gazing out the window.

Dalton:*Sigh* Eevee,I choose you!
Eevee:*Turns around* *Smiles* Wee!
Prof. Evel:I hope you can get along with Eevee.
Eevee:*Jumps from window into Dalton's arms*Wee!
Dalton:Well,Eevee... Let's become a team together!!
Prof. Evel:Well,good luck,Dalton.Come visit me another time.
Dalton:We sure will!Come on,Eevee!Let's go tell Mom about it!

Dalton runs home with Eevee by his side,back to his house,to tell Mom and parents one last good bye.With Eevee,now by his side,he can't do nothing!