Pokemon: Quest towards the new frontier!

Animehero

Elite PKMN Trainer
  • 191
    Posts
    18
    Years
    Prolouge
    "Go! I choose you, Arcanine! Blast the outskirts of them plains wit' an emba!" Arcanine spit out multiple fireballs across the plains as ordered. The herds of Tauros scrambled. "Let's go, Rapidash!" I watched as my father galloped down the ledge and towards the herd. The year's 1882, we're cowboys. "hmm. Xatu, Psybeam!" My father simply embraced Rapidash on the side of the face, and Rapidash swiftly evaded the attack. The attacker was a Xatu-tribe indian. They son't only use Zatu and it's evolution. They use all psychic types. "Poke'ball!" My father threw a poke'ball at the head Tauros of the herd and captured it. Back then when you captured the leader, you had captured the whole herd. The mission was accomplished, the only problem was the Xatu-tride. "Confusion!" The Xatian yelled. "Fire spin!" Father yelled. The confusion built an aura around the flames, it had perfect sync. The flames were being redirected! "Overheat!" Rapidash fired the blast towards his original attack and brock through! It was heading straight for the Xatians. "If I, the head cheif of the Xatians, Ochabo, is to die today... I'm taking that blasted coowboy with me!! Psybeam!" Ochabo's pokemon's blast evaded the overheat and hit father head on. The Overheat hit Ochabo head on... the dust cleared and none were seen. Ochabo's son, no older than me, stared down on me, I too. We were destined enemies, yet we both felt a kind of kinship. Both fathers lost in war, in front of eachother. That was 6 years ago..
    [End Prolouge-Chapter 1 coming soon!]
     
    Plenty of things to work on... for starters, you'll want to use paragraphs. It's rather difficult to read at the moment. It's not good to have your story as a block of text.

    There's not enough background or detail to the story. Everything is happening too fast. Readers don't know who is who... Add in detail so that it clarifies the characters a bit better. Also, it's a generally good guideline for battle scenes to be really filled with descriptions. In most cases, there's not enough description of the battle unless readers can totally see the image of the battle in their head.

    Refer to this general guideline for detailed advices:
    https://www.pkmncommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46646
     
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