[Pokémon] Pokemon Wheat Version

[Maxite]

Prologue
It was five years ago that my older sister disappeared without saying a word, leaving only a notice inside her Gym: "I'm moving on to see the world once again, and to move on with my dreams. No more Harvest Badges shall be given out; trainers seeking to take part in the League Challenge should head to Clayridge Gym and challenge the Leader there."

For a normal family, this wouldn't have posed a problem. All across the globe, and even across my home region of Shiman, many children leave their parent's homes at young ages, some even as young as ten. For my sister, she had to wait until she was fifteen to participate in the League Challenge, as she was needed to help work on the farm. When she returned three years later, she opened up the Wheaton Village Gym. Her gym was in operation until I turned ten, and that is when she left.

I am fifteen now, and I have yet to train any Pokemon. I've been held to this farm, working the land for years. It was only in the past week that we received a package from the Pokemon League Regional Headquarters. Enclosed were three Pokeballs and one note: "Machoke and Wooper for tending the farm; the last one is for you to take." I went outside and opened the Pokeballs. From the first one exploded a Wooper, who danced around merrily. The second one released a Machoke. From the last Pokeball erupted a strange Pokemon I had never seen before. It was a puddle of green ooze, with some red splotching in it. Something about it disgusted me; something about this entire thing disgusted me. It was clear that my sister sent us all of these things, and I didn't care for that. Ever since she left, I had been forced to pick up the slack at the farm, and Mom became increasingly worried about how we'd support ourselves.

That evening, during our traditional supper, Mom came and talked to me. "Aidan, you're fifteen now. You've worked the land for so long, that I'm becoming worried about you. We've received a package from Lily, and it has some Pokemon who'll be able to help me out with the farm. Why don't you go to the village and speak with Professor Maple. She seems like a friendly person, and is new in town. I'm sure she'll be able to help you in getting started on a League Challenge."

I stared at my mother for a few moments without saying a word, an embittered look on my face. When I let my mind be known on the matters of my sister, my mother became the one with the bitter look. That all happened last night, and now... I begin my adventure.

Chapter 1: All Boys Leave Home One Day (Wheaton Village)
Today is the first day in years that I could sleep in. Normally I'd have been awake at five in the morning doing chores like watering the crops, milking the Miltank, or grooming the Mareep. Today, the Machoke and Wooper are taking care of that. All I have to do is pack my things, and head off to Professor Maple's Laboratory, which is a few miles north in Wheaton Village proper. It's a long walk, but I keep my mind off the time by looking at the slimey green blob that is rolling beside me. From time to time, it'll make disgusting blurping noises.

I eventually reach the Laboratory, which is the first building that one runs into when entering the village from the south. The building is rather basic in construction, but the inside it absolutely amazing. I'd wager that the equipment in the lab is worth more than the net worth of the rest of the entire village. Various aides stand around tinkering with machines, peering into microscopes, or studying various Pokemon. I stand in front of a tank full of Goldeen and stare at them for a few moments, until I hear some screaming.

"Aiyee!" a frizzle-haired woman is running around the laboratory, a tea light chasing her. The green gloop next to me tenses up at the sight of the tea light Pokemon, and makes some enthusiastic burping noises. The woman notices I have a Pokemon out, and rushes toward me, the tea light still in pursuit. She hides behind me, and the tea light charges toward me.

"Go... uhh... what the heck is this thing? Err... go Gloopy!" I shout out. The foot-tall ball of green ooze burps in response to my command. "Gloopy, use tackle!" To be honest, I have no idea what moves this Pokemon has, but a pile of goo isn't going to have very many impressive moves. The goo pile uses tackle, which stopped the charge of the tea light, but which retaliates with a tackle of its own. The two take turns alternately ramming into each other for a minute before the woman cowering behind me hands me a Pokeball and tells me to capture the thing. I throw the ball, and capture the tea light.

"Ah... thank you so much. I'm Professor Maple, and I was studying that Wixxer when it suddenly went berserk and started attacking me." the frizzle-haired lady apologized. "How about as a gift, I let you keep that Wixxer. It's a starter, but nobody comes out to a small farming village to get starter Pokemon."

"Umm... thanks. But I already have this goopy Pokemon." and point at the burping green ball of slime rolling around next to me.

"Oh... an Algoop? These are found in the bogs out in the east, but even there they're rather rare." She removes some glasses from a pocket of her labcoat, and crouches down to study the Algoop more closely. A few minutes later, and she stands back up, and tells me "It's healthy." I feel less than impressed at the Professor's astute observations.

"What do you study here?" I ask. I quickly regret doing so, as I get a five minute song and dance from the Professor detailing her life's work. From what I gather, she studies Pokemon typing, and discovered the new Elastic-type. It takes a few more minutes after that to calm the Professor down enough to tell me how to go on with a Pokemon League Challenge.

"So I should head to Clayridge City and challenge the Gym Leader there?"

"Yes..." The Professor nods her head knowingly.

"And then...?"

"Ash Ketchum figured out what to do on his own when he was ten, and now he's the Global Champion. You're older than him when he started; you should be able to figure it out on your own." I clench my teeth in anger at the comment, but don't dare to retort back. "Ah yes! You'll probably want one of these thingers." Professor Maple exclaims, and hands me a Pokedex. "It's a thinger... a Pokedex thingy... it records data on Pokemon. You should find it useful."

"Are you really a Pokemon Professor?"

"Yes, but my degree is in Typing, not Computers."

With the Pokedex in hand, I head off to the local shop. Our village is too small to have a full PokeMart, but we do have a nice shop that sells lots of useful things. They sell various berries and seeds for usage at the farm, and also are renowned for being able to get a hold of rare items. I'm heading to the shop to get myself some final supplies before I head out of town.

"Ah... Aidan! Finally going out into the world?" I'm greeted by the daughter of the local shopkeeper, Marcy. She's about my age, maybe a year older. Her father, Marty, owns the shop.

"Yea.. I need a bag, and a PokeGadget." I respond dryly. I want out of town quickly.

"We have bags, but you'll need to go to Harvestale Town to grab a PokeGadget." Marcy smiles sweetly as she talks. She hops over the counter and heads into a backroom, and returns quickly carrying a bag and throws it to me. "Consider this a present. Good luck in your endeavours." Marcy smiles at me again. I smile back, feeling a bit more at ease. Marcy has been known to calm evening rampaging Gyarados. I leave, and head to check out the old Gym that my sister ran five years ago.

The Abandoned Gym is in horrible condition. Five years of neglect have taken a toll on it, especially considering the shoddy construction and the local climate. I remove some vines from the sign in front of the gym. Faded, I can still read the lettering "Wheaton Ville Gym. Gym Leader: Lily. The Grass-type Farming Gym." I smile a bit more at the old memories I have of visiting the gym when I had free time, and watching my sister battle against trainers, or train her beloved Grass Pokemon. My trip down memory lane is short lived, as I hear sounds coming from inside the gym. Gloopy bounces to attention immediately at the noise, and groans a bit.

I grab a piece of wood lying around, and enter the gym. Inside, a girl my age with short light blue hair is standing on the old Gym Leader's podium and vandalizing the gym. I shout out for her to stop, but she takes no notice of me. Gloopy becomes very agitated at the sight of this. I briskly walk toward the girl with the board still in hand, and shout for her to stop again. This time she notices me, and turns around. Her cold eyes stare into mine briefly, before she releases a tiny dolphin Pokemon.

"Gloopy, go!" I order, and Gloopy enters into battle with the Pokemon. I use my Pokedex to learn about this Pokemon.

"Finnitas, the Dolphin Pokemon. A Water-type Pokemon that is capable of circling the globe eight times without stopping for a break." I put away the Pokedex, and direct Gloopy in the battle. A few tackles later, and Gloopy is victorious. The girl recalls her Finnitas, and quietly leaves the gym. As she walks by, I clearly hear her go "Hmmph!" and she raises her nose as if to indicate nobility of some sort.

I exit the gym, and head east. On the way to Route X01, I heal my two Pokemon in the PokeCenter. Fully healed, I continue onward, in my quest to become a Pokemon Champion, to find my sister, and to figure out who that was who was in my sister's gym.


Author's Notes

~ Algoop -- The Algae Pokemon -- "Lives in cool bogs and swamps. What appears to be one Pokemon is actually a colony of many individual microscopic ones." -- Grass
> It's a blob-shaped colony of algae. No real distinct features, beyond maybe a vague pair of eyes and a mouth.

~ Wixxer -- The Candle Pokemon -- "This small Pokemon was used since the days of antiquity to provide lighting." -- Fire
> It's a tea light candle. To be more precise, it's a small disc of wax with eyes, a flaming wick for a nose, and a mouth. Moves by hopping or rolling on it's side.

~ Finnitas -- The Dolphin Pokemon -- "A Pokemon that is capable of circling the globe eight times without stopping for a break." -- Water
> It's a dolphin. Nice blue coloration, with gold highlights around it's fins and other places.

 

[Esper]

I liked how you handled your prologue. It gave some background, introduced some characters, and wasn't overly long or short. It caught my attention.

The story was looking like it was going along fine and then there's this paragraph which lacks the level of description you had up to that point:

"Gloopy, use tackle!" To be honest, I have no idea what moves this Pokemon has, but a pile of goo isn't going to have very many impressive moves. The goo pile used tackle, which stopped the charge of the tea light, but which retaliates with a tackle of its own. This went on for a few turns, before the woman cowering behind me hands me a Pokeball and tells me to capture the thing. I throw the ball, and capture the tea light.

It feels like you could have put more effort into this scene. While I wouldn't want to read a whole battle that's nothing but shouts of "Use tackle!" I think you could expand a little more and show a little of the fight. You know, is this tacklefest graceful or awkward, do they headbutt each other patiently in turns (like in the games) or wrestle continuously? That kind of thing.

Our village is too small to have a full PokeMart, but we do have a nice shop that sells lots of useful things. They sell various berries and seeds for usage at the farm, and also are renowned for being able to get a hold of rare items.

This is pretty generic. The shop sells "useful things" and "rare items" but not a single example beyond "various berries". I get that it's all written in the first person so I'm seeing through this character's eyes so to speak, and he might not be very observant or descriptive, but I'd still want a little more detail.

I didn't expect you'd put in fakemon. I thought your Algoop was a Gulpin and I rather liked the way you portrayed it. I have a good enough idea of what this gloopy pokemon looks like based on your initial description, but no idea what a tea light pokemon should look like because you leave that out.

Do more of what you did with your prologue and the first two paragraphs of the first chapter. I think your writing was best in these parts.

 

[Maxite]

I've edited the story a bit, along with the Author's Notes. This should help clear up what the "Fakemon" are. As to why there are fakemon, it's to help make it seem a bit more realistic, since we are in a new region. The first chapter has introduced what are the three starter Pokemon (yes, Aidan has two starter families). I'll try not to go overboard, but expect (with time) a decent amount of fakemon.

Pokemon battles will, for the most part, be kept generally vague. Some minor exceptions will be battles against major characters, which will have some time and energy devoted to writing out those battles. Otherwise, they'll be lightly referenced (if at all).

As far as the shop is concerned, that is intentionally left vague. The shop will play a major part of the story. Many major items, like the Itemfinder and ExpShare, will eventually be retrieved through the shop. The "useful berries and seeds" is also left vague because some mechanics and equipment needed for using it have yet to be given to the player (like a pail). The "rare items"... it'd be too much of a spoiler to list out what they are, but some of them will be fetch-questing types of items.

I thank you for taking the time to write down a response, and I'll certainly work to try and keep the story interesting at all times. Just realize that sometimes I need to foreshadow some things, so some things will be kept vague (for the time being).