Buoysel: I don't think he knows how to quote something. He did say that he agrees, which means that he was referencing your post. Probably just an honest mistake. Anyway, on topic.
You need to learn basic formatting before you get any serious readers. Take a look at some of the other fictions on this site before posting any more of it. You should have separate paragraphs according to topic instead of one massive paragraph that encompasses everything.
Many grammar errors riddled this prologue. Buoysel and Sir Matt already pointed out two of them, although Sir Matt didn't correct it completely, so showing much more would be redundant. One thing you really need to work on is commas though. You used very few throughout this prologue/chapter one, and most of the ones you did use were used incorrectly. I would suggest looking at grammar stickies in the Writer's Lounge before continuing. If you are serious about writing, I would also suggest applying for a beta-reader in the respective thread. They can find things you normally wouldn't, and may provide helpful advice contentwise.
Another one of your problems is that you don't stick to a consistent subject, and you change the objective of your fiction at every turn. You need to learn to stay on task, and not shift your focus while you're writing.
I would do a full review right now, but I have little time to do so. So maybe if I have time later, I will get one done. I hope you take my advice and check out those stickies, and that you find some help therein.
Edit: Well, here's a full review. I'm going to make my corrections in bold so that you can find them easier. This is meant to be constructive criticism, so don't feel too bad about the insane amount of corrections you are about to see. It's not to make you feel bad, it's to help you become a stronger writer.
As the sun rose on a new day, Lucario arose from his slumber.
This sentence reads weird as it is, even with the comma included. It should be restructured to flow better. Also, you should throw in more description. Describe the sun and the Lucario, giving the reader information such as size, color, the sun's brightness, etc. This sentence should be much longer than it is here. Lucario's name should also be capitalized.
The day has finally come, he thought to himself. As he exited the dark, damp cave he had stayed the night in, a giant shadow covered him. As he gazed into the sky, he saw the bright, shining feathers of Ho-oh above him.
The first part of this section should have been a standalone sentence, and furthermore, should have been identified as a thought of Lucario's. The next part should have been longer, with adjectives describing the cave included. It was also very awkward to read anyway, so restructuring would be a good idea. The next part had an adverb clause before the primary clause, so there should be a comma separating them. As a general rule, Ho-oh, like any other Pokemon, should be capitalized. It is not necessary, but most writers do it here. Covering implies that the Ho-oh was right on top of Lucario, so I replaced it with "above", which sounds better anyway.
As he walked onward, he pulled out the adament orb that he had stolen from dialga.
Instead of saying onward, you should give the reader the exact destination of Lucario. Say something like "As he walked toward *city*..." to give the reader a better image of Lucarios destination. Also, trading "which" for "that" gives it a better flow, and also introduces the subordinate clause much better.
The bright stone truley was a magnificent sight, giving Lucario lustful thoughts of keeping it for himself. However, he knew that to get what he really wanted, then he had to give it up.
"Truley" is unneeded, and was spelled wrong anyway. The second half of the sentence works better as a gerund phrase rather than connecting them with a coordinating conjunction. This should also be split up, using the word "however" as a transition to a new sentence. you spelled "knew" wrong, "that" introduces the subordinate clause better, "really" is a better adverb than "truly", and you should include the comma and "then" for structural purposes.
Lucario had planned on returning to spear pillar with the azure flute.
Not much really wrong grammatically, but you shifted the topic here unexpectedly. If you wanted to do something like that, then you should have created a new paragraph that focused on that idea.
So he began to sprint to his destination.
Could have joined that with the sentence before to create a compound sentence. You also forgot to add the word "to" to the sentence.
As he reached Celstic Town, a dense fog broke out.
You should ALWAYS capitalize names of towns, since they are proper nouns. Also, it should be restructure to say "A dense fog broke out as he reached Celstic Town", then you should proceed to describe the fog and/or city.
Lucario was surrounded by humans with strange devices that he had seen before.
Describe the devices here. Everyone knows that you're talking about a Pokeball, but that doesn't give you an excuse to not describe them. Besides, not all Pokeballs are identicle. There are regular Pokeballs, Great Balls, Ultra Balls, Master Balls, Premier Balls, etc. etc. Also, if Lucario has seen these before, then there is no need to state that. If you want to say that he has seen them before, you should tell us when he had and the circumstances surrounding that sighting.
They were able to capture a Pokemon's essence and contain it in those orbs.
Two things wrong here. First, you only said "devices" in the last sentence rather than describing them as orbs. You should have given us the more exact description first rather than second. Second, this seems more like an interrupting sentence rather than an actual one. You should join this with the sentence before with new wording to make it flow better.
One trainer hurled one at Lucario, but he avoided it and leaped into the air. Then, using a doubleteam attack, he distracted the human and moved in for a direct attack.
First off, you spelled "hurled" wrong. Next, Lucario should have been capitalized. You should have placed a comma after Lucario due to a rule about coordinating conjunctions. To make it more exciting, you should have cut this into two sentences, placing the actual attacks into the second sentence rather than putting them with the first. You should NEVER abbreviate words such as attack in a fiction. It is extremely lazy and only makes readers lose interest. Distracted was spelled wrong, and you abbreviated attack again.
The human found himself face to face with lucario.
Unnecessary information. We can figure that out in the next sentence.
Lucario placed his hand flat against the humans chest and, with a loud roar, released an explosion of aura that sent the human flying throught the air.
This flowed very badly throughout the entire sentence. The first correction was to make it less awkward, I added commas to make it read better, and I ommitted launched since you restate it almost directly after.
Lucario reached Celestic Town with great anticipation.
Lucario should be capitalized, as should the name of the town. This is a choppy sentence amidst the longer ones you were using beforehand. You should lengthen it more, describing how Lucario felt to finally reach his destination.
As he prepared to enter the cave, he observed the portraits of dialga and a strange pokemon he had never seen before.
I don't know about you, but if I was in a hurry to meet my objective, then I wouldn't have stopped to look at pictures of Dialga and Palkia. Besides, if you're going to say that there was a strange Pokemon that he hadn't seen before, then you should at least describe it. Referencing it only once is not a good idea, since the curiosity of the reader to know what the picture showed will distract them from the rest of your fiction.
He entered the cave, anxious to see what was inside.
Should have used a comma here. You, again, completely shifted the focus of the paragraph. This should be the start of a new paragraph rather than a continuation of the wall of text.
Inside he saw a strange illustration of three Pokemon surrounding a stone.
You use the word strange a lot in your fiction. Try to replace some of those with synonyms, like "unusual". This sentence is also incomplete. You need to add more, such as a description of the Pokemon illustrations and the stone.
The picture of the stone was an indent he placed the adament orb in the slot and the walls began to light up.
Redo this entire sentence. It makes absolutely no grammatical sense, and there is no salvage for it. I would suggest a better way to write it, but I want to see if you can do it yourself. You can't rely on only reviewers to fix your mistakes. You need to do some work to fix it yourself.
The entrance to the cave shut closed and the ground began to shake.
"Shut" should be taken out, since you pretty much say the exact same thing twice in a row. Also, "quake" should be exchanged for "shake" since quake doesn't get your message across well enough.
Lucario stood ready for anything that came his way.
You shifted the tone of the paragraph here. You should never do that in writing. It only confuses the reader and irritates reviewers.
As The illustrations on the wall began to slide off and swirl around him in a twister of light.
"As" does not belong in this sentence. "The" should be the first word of the sentence instead, and would accordingly be capitalized. Replace the present tense "begin" with the past tense "began" to keep with the rest of your paragraphs tense.
Lucario was blinded by this light and when he finally came to, he found himself in a strange place that was not Celestic Town, but Eterna City. However, it was different than what he remembered. The city was leveled and the citizens were gone. The only thing Lucario could see were two people. He walked over to them and they stared at him and said, "welcome to the future."(to be continued)
Holy cowbells, this was a long sentence. You used present tense verbs throughout this entire sentence incorrectly. You also didn't capitalize proper nouns, as you should have. Instead of being one massive sentence, this should have been several smaller sentences. Finally, the "to be continued" is quite unnecessary as you put "pt. 1" in your title. This tells us that there will be subsequent parts to this story. So no real need to tell us you're continuing it.
I hope my review will help you become a better writer. If you feel that I didn't provide a good enough explanation for grammar issues, then check out the
grammar guide. Also, if you want a good fanfiction writing guide,
check here. There are other resources on this forum, but those are the basic ones. If you want links to the other resources provided, then just ask.
