Reality

Azurne

The Local Trickster
    • 77
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Aug 19, 2011
    (I was supposed to be writing an abecedarian poem. What happens? I write something completely unrelated and not productive in any way to my intended poem. To be honest, I'm not sure what kind of poem this is. I think with the amount of repetition I put in it, it's a prose poem, except I'm missing a main metaphor. ._.; )


    Reality

    Her hair is not quite as long, nor does it shine with a single vivacious color. When it blows in the wind, it does not gracefully flow in one fashion, but rather comes apart in threads which make a mess. Her skin is not a flawless milky white, instead sickly pale with acne scars that force her to stand out in a world of sun-kissed bodies and tanned voluptuous breasts. Her voice is not a gift to the ear, but speaks anyway to get her point across, and commands no one's attention but her own. Her eyes are not large endless orbs, nor do they show her every emotion. Instead they are small, and stare back at a world she decidedly loves. Her smile is not magical, nor does it make the entire room light up at the first quirk of her lips. Instead it brings her personal happiness, and an infinite joy which no 2-dimensional character can ever possess.



    I hate my word choices, but that's what I get for scribbling it down in a parking lot. Suggestions are most welcome. D:
     
    Hmm. A whole different kind of poem from the usual ones seen here..I like it. It might help if it was put in line/stanza form though. It'd be easier to read, but regardless, I like it. Alternate word choices..
    I'm sorry, but I don't think I can really help with that, as it'd feel like I'm changing the whole poem and I quite like how it is now xD..
     
    Midnight Moon~ said:
    Hmm. A whole different kind of poem from the usual ones seen here..I like it. It might help if it was put in line/stanza form though. It'd be easier to read, but regardless, I like it. Alternate word choices..
    I'm sorry, but I don't think I can really help with that, as it'd feel like I'm changing the whole poem and I quite like how it is now xD..
    Click to expand...

    Hm... I'd put it in line/stanza form, but Prose poetry isn't written with the usual style of poetry. The best way I can explain is with examples. XD

    https://webdelsol.com/tpp/t-su97dl.htm
    https://webdelsol.com/tpp/sj1-tpp.htm

    If I change it to line/stanzas, I'll have to change things up a bit more, I think. In which case, I'm still at a loss on how to write it. ;.;

    <- Not a poet obviously

    Thank you for reading it. =D Give me a couple minutes and I'll comment on yours. :3
     
    Thanks, but you don't HAVE to comment on mine(: (I've posted a lot of poems today)
    I'm a very amateurish poet in my opinion. I need a lot more practice, and I know pretty much nothing about the mechanics of it all..
     
    i really like this one. it really reaches out to normal girls. i think i like it because it sounds like me.
    i like it the way it is. don't change it a bit!
     
    Your poem may not be the greatest for its structure, but the concept is terrific and unique! I congratulate you for that!

    <- Not a poet obviously
    Click to expand...
    Aww, come on. Don't say that.
    Everyone has a good sense of poetry inside of him or her.
    You just need to find it.
     
    You must log in or register to reply here.
    Back
    Top