Silent Pain

[Midnight Moon~]

A new poem, and a different approach to writing it. Hopefully it's better then my others..

Silent Pain

This love is like an ocean storm;
Raging through my heart.
Rain and sunshine, chaotic mix;
Alone in the dark.

Do you know the power of love?
So hard to control;
Tearing me to pieces inside;
Release my poor soul.

I need the kiss of peace;
To restore my faith.
Hateful love burns my ravaged heart;
Oh, my pain is great.

My saddened eyes drop crystal-like tears;
I scream out in pain.
A silent scream that goes unheard;
Barely staying sane.

Dropping to my knees, face in hands;
Holding back my sighs;
Hurting like I've never before;
Why me? Why now? Why!?

 

[Azurne]

Ooh, I like the dark tone of this. You have a good talent for poetry and it shows.

This line here is my favorite, I think:

Hateful love burns my ravaged heart;

The way you combined hateful and loved was particularly nice.

Some concrit:

I scream out in pain.
They're silent screams that go unheard;

First it is a single scream, but now you have 'they're' with the plural screams, and it somewhat throws us off a bit. Maybe 'I scream out in pain. A silent scream that goes unheard'? Otherwise I think I know where you're coming from.

Holding back my sighs;

'Sighs' is an interesting choice of word here, since I would have chosen a stronger verb like sob, to convey the narrator's hurt. Was it just the first word that came to mind or deliberate?

Why me? Why now? Why!?

And lastly, I do love how you ended this. =3

 

[Midnight Moon~]

Thanks(: I chose sighs over a stronger word due to it adding to the effect of 'Why!?' at the end, but I might change this. I agree with the scream thing, I'll go edit that now. Thanks for the advice ^.^

 

[Cloud Lines]

i like this a lot! it sounds like some loud rock song!
definatly a good job in my eyes!

 

[Midnight Moon~]

Thanks. I didn't see it in that light before you mentioned it, but now that you have...I see what you mean(:

 

[TJgamer]

Well, I wouldn't think of it as better than your others, but I still think it's wonderful.
Keep on going, Midnight!

 

[Midnight Moon~]

Yeah, I don't know if it is either or not, everyone has different opinions. ^.^

 

[Zeffy]

This poem...this...this..this touched my heart. :)
Keep going for it, I love this poem!

 

[Midnight Moon~]

Thank you(: I have another one like this coming soon, it's half finished. Started on it five minutes ago.
(Does the speed in which I write affect the quality of my poems?)

Why me? Why now? Why!?

To get the intended feeling form this ending, it helps if you've heard a heart-breaking scream before. Like a mother who's just lost the life of her child, for example. Or, if you ever played final fantasy crisis core, when Cloud screams "NO!!!!" when Zack dies. (Yes, I cried at the ending u.u)