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- 14
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- Seen Jul 6, 2010
Hi :] this is my story from when I posted it on another website earlier today.
Can I just have some feedback/improvements/constructive critisism if thats ok ?
It's only the first chapter so far. I am a couple of paragraphs from finishing the second.
Thanx :]
Sinnoh Sound.
Sinnoh Sound ~ Diamondillium - 1 - Some time ago in Eterna Forest.
There are various pokémon gathering near a glowing green rock.
Flareon and Jolteon seem to be play fighting not far away; providing heat & entertainment. Krickitune, Politoad, evolutions, and various others are playing battle music to the duel. Aswell as watching it. Leafeon instructed a fellow Glaceon to carry the ghostly/dark egg all the way back to Snowpoint City. Vaporeon is with mother Gardivour and trusted friend Medicham holding the sacred egg.
Umbreon is asleep, Espeon looks wary...
POKÉMON SPEAK -
"It should hatch out anytime soon", began Gardivour.
"What, like its mine?" Laughed Medicham.
"Well.."She started, "I'd rather let it be yours than.. Him.
"Too right !", Vaporeon interrupted. "Oh yeah.. As you were, your highness."
"MMmmmHmmm.." Gardivour pressed her lips together. "Anyways, I would love you to be the father of my child. I really regret letting that vile, cursed, IDIOT be with me. I h-"
"Don't say it Gerty." Interrupted Medicham.
"Why not? It's true."
"I Hate him."
(8)PPPWWWOOOAAAARRRRHHHH !!!(8) A PERISH SONG is now playing
"Your Highness !!" Sounded Umbreon.
"He's coming!", Alarmed a flying bug type of sum sort.
- Various sounds of elemental attacks are worrying the rest of the forest -
"Ready?" Gerty smirked.
"Just let me warm up", Medi teased back.
-- Silence --
..
...... .. (Start cheesy battle music)
Gallade and Sableye appeard !
"That child is mine !! Get him Sableye !!"
"Sable...... EYE..."
"Save the queen !!", Said Espeon
"Long live the queen", Sounded the bug pokemon
"Lets DO this!," Spoke the others.
Saybleye used PERISH SONG
It failed due to perish song already being in play.
Gallade used LEAF BLADE on -
Celebi used FOLLOW ME
All eyes are now on Celebi.
Gallade used LEAF BLADE on Celebi.. Celebi evaded the attack.
Gardevour used CONFUSION on Sableye.
Sableye was completly unnafected. "Sable.. EYE....."
- End of turn.
"Whats goin on ?", Asked Medicham
"I.." - Gerty..
Medicham used BATON PASS
Celibi used TELEPORT on Gardeviour !
Various pokemon were using flamethrower and electric type moves and the whole forest seemed to go up in flames.
Galade was still on he rampage to this date.
To Be Continued...
</H3>
Can I just have some feedback/improvements/constructive critisism if thats ok ?
It's only the first chapter so far. I am a couple of paragraphs from finishing the second.
Thanx :]
Sinnoh Sound.
Sinnoh Sound ~ Diamondillium - 1 - Some time ago in Eterna Forest.
There are various pokémon gathering near a glowing green rock.
Flareon and Jolteon seem to be play fighting not far away; providing heat & entertainment. Krickitune, Politoad, evolutions, and various others are playing battle music to the duel. Aswell as watching it. Leafeon instructed a fellow Glaceon to carry the ghostly/dark egg all the way back to Snowpoint City. Vaporeon is with mother Gardivour and trusted friend Medicham holding the sacred egg.
Umbreon is asleep, Espeon looks wary...
POKÉMON SPEAK -
"It should hatch out anytime soon", began Gardivour.
"What, like its mine?" Laughed Medicham.
"Well.."She started, "I'd rather let it be yours than.. Him.
"Too right !", Vaporeon interrupted. "Oh yeah.. As you were, your highness."
"MMmmmHmmm.." Gardivour pressed her lips together. "Anyways, I would love you to be the father of my child. I really regret letting that vile, cursed, IDIOT be with me. I h-"
"Don't say it Gerty." Interrupted Medicham.
"Why not? It's true."
"I Hate him."
(8)PPPWWWOOOAAAARRRRHHHH !!!(8) A PERISH SONG is now playing
"Your Highness !!" Sounded Umbreon.
"He's coming!", Alarmed a flying bug type of sum sort.
- Various sounds of elemental attacks are worrying the rest of the forest -
"Ready?" Gerty smirked.
"Just let me warm up", Medi teased back.
-- Silence --
..
...... .. (Start cheesy battle music)
Gallade and Sableye appeard !
"That child is mine !! Get him Sableye !!"
"Sable...... EYE..."
"Save the queen !!", Said Espeon
"Long live the queen", Sounded the bug pokemon
"Lets DO this!," Spoke the others.
Saybleye used PERISH SONG
It failed due to perish song already being in play.
Gallade used LEAF BLADE on -
Celebi used FOLLOW ME
All eyes are now on Celebi.
Gallade used LEAF BLADE on Celebi.. Celebi evaded the attack.
Gardevour used CONFUSION on Sableye.
Sableye was completly unnafected. "Sable.. EYE....."
- End of turn.
"Whats goin on ?", Asked Medicham
"I.." - Gerty..
Medicham used BATON PASS
Celibi used TELEPORT on Gardeviour !
Various pokemon were using flamethrower and electric type moves and the whole forest seemed to go up in flames.
Galade was still on he rampage to this date.
To Be Continued...
</H3>