Song of the Storm

[Harry Potter]

Winds that spin,
And winds that Blur,
Please do take me,
Not her.

Rains the seep
Into my soul,
Give my Spirit
A Strong pull

Thunder, Lightning,
Wind and Rain,
I try to run
But escape is vain

My freedom is lost,
my world is shattered,
My soul is beaten,
Broke and battered.

She tried to come,
To comfort me,
I pray she's safe,
Where ever she be.

Her eyes were diamonds,
Her Hair was silk,
Her precence itself
Felt like warm Milk

THe winds now own my soul
The Rains now own my heart,
The thunder has my freedom,
The pain is like a dart.



So, what do you think. I Might make a story out of this poem.

 

[Natsuki]

^__^ Well it's a good start, but I'm worried about the flow. =\ When you read it, it kinda sounds choppy and unfinished. <.< You should try and add some words on to some of the shorter lines or combine two lines together. ^____^

Well, this poem makes you think of a ravaging storm. It has such power and force it sems surprising how it does not destroy everything that crosses its path.

Yet after a storm hope begins to unfold her wings. For it is said that storms are needed to keep the order in the world. After a storm or fire, the earth is somewhat renewed. <3~~~

Nice work Harry, I bet if you were to make a story out of this it would turn out wonderful. ^^ *stamps the "Kelsey Seal of Approval" on Harry's poem* :3

~Kelsey

 

[Anacortes]

Err..lines are too short? XD
The best thing you can do about it is get rid of some verses and combine them into the lines that fit together. Good job there, and I would love to see a story come from this!

 

[Harry Potter]

Err, Thank you. Do I get the Award?*Gets hit by a passing Beehive* YOUCH

*Three hours Later*
Well, thank you for your support. If a story does blossem out of this, please note that I will not be using the Name Harry for once. And Please, future repliers, RECYCLE!