Thank You (A Thanksgiving Special)

Ed Phoenix

Perfection matters
  • 13
    Posts
    17
    Years
    • Seen Feb 25, 2009
    Hi everyone, E.P. here. I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. I was gonna put this up yesterday but couldn't find the time to finish it.


    It's only a few chapters long. And well is basically just a holiday special.

    Enjoy. Also, I apologize if this is in the wrong place. =P






    Thank You (A Thanksgiving Special)


    Chapter 1


    The bone-chilling cold of fall isn't anything new or even remotely special. The wind outside almost seemed alive. It had raged for two days straight all the while collecting grounded leaves as it's companions; and scattering them all over Pallet Town. The many flocks of bird pokemon, that regularly remained for the entire year, were either roosting in the bare trees, or were no where to be seen. The cold and windy month's end was in sight, however one day in particular was extra important to a group of pokemon trainers who also happened to be planning a surprise party for one of their friends. As fate would have it, his birthday happened to fall on Thanksgiving this year.

    "Is everything in place yet?" asked Blue eagerly as she went over a list of plans she had made for today on a clipboard.

    Blue was girl from Pallet Town but was kidnapped at an early age. She managed to return home after a difficult and rather lengthy ordeal. She was wearing her regular clothes, a light blue top, which matched the color of her eyes, along with a red skirt. The hat she normally wore to give her dark brownish hair more color was absent.

    "Let's see, we finished decorating," replied Yellow as she looked around the lab admiring their hard work. "Hey Ruby, how are things going in there?!" she shouted to her friend in the kitchen.

    Yellow, who was slightly younger than Blue, had arrived earlier with her friend Red, who was currently out with Professor Oak and Green to get a few things she had forgotten to bring with her. She was wearing a black shirt with jeans to match with Red. Her long blonde hair was also tied back as usual.

    "Everything's great Yellow," replied Ruby as he continued preparing the food. "Sapphire, could you hand me a spoon?" he asked before turning around to see his friend poking the bread dough with a fork.

    "Just a sec, you said we have to make the bread rise, so I figured if I filled it with holes, the air could get our better," she replied, ignoring the looking on his face.

    Both Ruby and Sapphire were from the Hoenn region, which is southwest of Kanto. Ruby wore his regular attire, but also had on an apron, as he was to be the overseer of making dinner along with Sapphire. She too wore her usual clothes, as well as an apron.

    "Umm…you do realize that you…nevermind," he sighed before uncovering another tray of bread. "I have to run upstairs to get something, watch the oven, I'm pretty confident our main dish is almost ready," he said, admiring his work.

    "No problem," replied Sapphire as she finished stabbing the bread. "Just don't be too long, Red and the other's should be back any minute now."

    Ruby rushed out of the kitchen and zipped past Yellow and Blue, who were busy going over their preparations for the evening.

    "Food and decorations…" stated Blue.

    "Check," replied Yellow.

    "Cover-up story…" asked Blue.

    "Check," replied Yellow again. "What about the gifts?"

    "Check!" shouted Ruby, as he carried a handful of boxed items down the stairs. "Seriously Blue, was there any real need to get something that big?" he asked, almost falling down the stairs.

    "What are you implying?" she asked. "I just thought it would be nice to get him something special, that's all," she folded her arms and walked toward the window.

    "Yeah right Sis," replied Silver from across the room. "Everyone knows the real reason you bought the biggest gift; it's so he'll notice it more, isn't it?"

    Silver, who was a year younger than Yellow, originally lived in Viridian. Like Blue, he was also taken from home at an early age.

    "As if," replied Blue trying not to show her embarrassed face to Silver. "Like I said, I just thought it would be a good idea to get him something nice that's all."

    "I think he makes a good point," said Yellow, as Blue blushed slightly. "Red told me you guys spent some time together when we were in the Sevii Islands, so I doubt it's a coincidence," she smiled as Blue's face got even brighter.

    "Of course we spent some time together!" she shouted back. "If Red would tell the story right, then you guys wouldn't be accusing me of having a crush on Green!"

    "We can't accuse you of anything that's already been made public," replied Ruby with a smirk.

    "Who asked you?!" replied Blue angrily. "Besides, shouldn't you be finishing dinner anyway?" she said, turning her head in the direction of the kitchen.

    "Yeah, but Sapphire's in there…" he replied before realizing what he had just said. "…so I should probably be getting back to finishing our meal," said Ruby before dumping the boxes in Yellows arms and rushing back into the kitchen. "Sapphire, did you…."

    "I heard you the first time ya know," she replied while applying the finishing touches on the cake. "Do you really think I'm that dense?"

    "With you, everything's a mystery," sighed Ruby as he sat down to join her.

    Just then, Pika and Chuchu, two pikachu, jumped down from the window and alerted everyone to a group of people approaching the front door.

    "They're back already?!" asked a surprised Silver.

    "Knowing those two, they probably raced each other the moment they arrived in town," sighed Yellow.

    "More than likely," agreed Blue as she went to open the door to greet the group.

    "Wait a sec Blue, we're not finished yet!" shouted Ruby from the kitchen.

    "I've got it!" said Sapphire as she picked up the cake and ran upstairs.

    "Well, you've gotta give her some credit right?" sighed Ruby before following her up the stairs with the cake decorations.

    As soon as the two Hoenn trainers disappeared above the stairs, Blue opened the door and was greeted by her long time friends Red and Green.
     
    Enter DP479, catching grammar errors and saving Hanako-chan a lot of work since... um... November 22, 2007!

    Note: Everything below will also appear on this review in the "other forum."

    collecting grounded leaves as its companions, and scattering them all over Pallet Town.
    A comma is more appropriate here.

    or were nowhere to be seen.
    In this context, "nowhere" is one word.

    Blue was a girl from Pallet Town

    "Everything's great, Yellow,

    she replied, ignoring the look on his face.

    "I have to run upstairs to get something. Watch the oven, I'm pretty confident our main dish is almost ready,"
    I separated a run-on sentence here.

    Red and the others should be back any minute

    that's all." She folded her arms and walked toward the window.
    The action isn't connected to the speech, so it's a separate sentence rather that a dialogue tag.

    First off, I'd recommend you go into a bit more detail on what the characters look like, just in case someone comes along who doesn't have knowledge of the manga characters. In particular, Yellow doesn't really have a game character equivalent.

    Other than that, this is a rather nice read. And through actions alone, you've been able to give us a glimpse of each trainer's personalities (though showing what thoughts are going inside their heads could reveal even more of their character). Overall, a surprise birthday party on Thanksgiving, with inklings of romance- sounds pretty cute:)

    Ironically, one of my friend's birthdays also falls on today - Thanksgiving!
     
    collecting grounded leaves as its companions, and scattering them all over Pallet Town.

    A comma is more appropriate here.

    No, a comma means:

    it's = it is

    its = belonging to them.

    Don't put a comma there/
     
    collecting grounded leaves as its companions, and scattering them all over Pallet Town.
    No, a comma means:

    it's = it is

    its = belonging to them.

    Don't put a comma there/

    No, you are referring to the apostrophe. I am talking about the punctuation after the word, "companions," which was a semicolon to begin with. That semicolon needed to become a comma. In fact, if you look, I recommended that the "it's" be changed to "its" in the first place. Note that in my reviews, things in bold usually denote what I have already corrected for the author.
     
    Back
    Top