The Hylosto league

[The Vince Knight]

This story is about a boy named drago who has one dragon pkmn which is a Bagon. His items are a master ball 20 ultra balls 12 potions 7 super potions and
19 Revives. Anyone can be put in and continue the story.
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At drago's house.

Drago: "I'm going to begin my pkmn quest with Bagon, Bye mum!!
Drago's Mum: Sya honey!!
At route 101
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Drago: "I wonder what I should do now? Train Bagon?
In a tree
Jessie,James and Meouth: "We'll just drop this wurmple on this kid and while he is destracted We'll will steal his Master ball then we'll tell Giovanni."
Jessie drops the Wurmple and in goes into Drago's shirt.

Drago:" A pkmn is on my back ahhhhhhh!"
Jessie and James come out of the tree.

Jessie: "To protect the world from devastation....."
Meouth: "This is no time for the model!!!!
James gets the master ball and runs off with it.
Jessie and meouth run off with him.

Drago: (shooken off the wormple) Hey gimme that back,Thieves!!!!!
They got away and Drago could not catch up with them.
Drago: Now i'll never get it back.*sighs*





To be continued...

 

[The Vince Knight]

Sorry for the double post.



Route 101

Drago: Bagon! Ram into that tree!!!!

 

[oni flygon]

Enter the fanfiction critic :badsmile:

First of all, You can edit your post using that edit button, second of all, it's obvious you wrote this in a reply box. Third, make your fanfiction longer, fourth, please refrain from using script fanfics (They're as boring as that Romeo and Juliet script we read in Literature class) lastly, check your grammar and please, use ORIGINALITY.... -_-;;

 

[The Vince Knight]

Ok...
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Chapter 2: The quest to dimond city
Drago:*Sighs*
They walk to covevio town
Drago: I wonder if there is a gym here....
He looks everywhere But there is no gym.
Drago: I guess not... Oh well i'll be inside the pkmn center then!
Drago: Oh and I also fooled them TRs. I had the real master ball was inside my bag hahahahaha.

TR headquarters

Jessie: The boss will be so happy!!
James: This is going to be our best stealing ever!!
Meouth: Then the boss is finally gonna give me a uniform!!!!
Giovanni: So you bought me something eh!
James: Yep!
James,Jessie and meouth give him the toy Master ball
Giovanni: What! This is not a master ball it is a beach ball!!!!!
Jessie,James and Meouth: Yes it is A master ball...
Giovanni: Get out!!!!!!!!!!!
They run!

Back at Covevio city
Drago: I think i'll be going.
He runs very quckly to the next city.
Drago: It's Dimond city!!!!


To be continued....


Chapter 3 the gym battle

 

[oni flygon]

I thought Jesse and James hated the black Team Rocket uniform. O.o

Ohh... Jesse and James are here...

As I said before, try making your fanfictions longer. Maybe around 5 pages in Microsoft word every chapter. Please refrain from using scripted fanfictions. ^^

 

[The Vince Knight]

In Dimond city
He also caught a swablu and a trapinch.
---------------------------------------------
Drago: "I wonder where the gym is?"
He looks through his binoculars and sees the gym
Drago: "Looks like my question has just been awnsered."
A tree in dimond city
Jessie: (Angry)" Grrrr... We failed again! That's it team we go to plan B!
James and meouth: "What is plan B???
Jessie: "Coming in from... errrr."
James: " The gym? Thats where all pkmn twerps go to battle the gym leader but only if there is a gym in the city"
Jessie:" Oh thanks. Coming in from underground the gym and use Weezing to use smokescreen"
The front door of the gym
Drago: "Time to get my first badge."
The door of the gym opens
Trock: "Welcome to Dimond gym I hope you are ready to battle me."
Inside
Referee: 3 vs.3 match Between Drago from Rooto city and the gym leader trock. Trainers ready.... Go!!!
Drago: Go Swablu!
Trock: Go Wooper!
Swablu uses a wing attack
Wooper uses a bubble.
Wooper faints.
Referee: Swablu Wins!
Drago:" Yeaaa!
Trock: Go Geodude!
Geodude uses Rock throw
It's super effective!!
Swablu Faints
Referee: Geodude wins!
Drago: Nooo!
Trock: Yes!
Drago: Go Trapinch!
Trapinch uses bite
Geodude keeps getting flinched.
Geodude faints
Referee: Trapinch wins!!
Drago: "Yes!"
Trock: " Prepare for the Victory for me! Go!
Out comes a trapinch
Foe Trapinch used Rocktomb
Trapinch faints
Referee: Trocks Trapinch wins!
Drago: It's not over till it's over! Go!
Out comes bagon
Bagon uses headbutt and trapinch keeps flinching.
Trapinch faints
Referee: Bagon wins the victory goes to... Drago!
Drago: Yesss!
Bagon is flashing

To be continued..

Chapter 4 Shelgon!!!

 

[The Vince Knight]

Here is chapter 4 Shelgon and the time to go to the bellic tower!


Drago: Whats happening to Bagon?
Trock: It's evolveing!
Bagon evolved into Shelgon!
Trock: This badge is truly yours.
Drago: Yea!
Drago: My first badge!
Trock: If you wan more training then go to bellic tower.
Drago: Then off to bellic tower!
A hole appears and smoke comes out
Jessie: Prepare for trouble with a....
Meouth: Now's not the time for model!!
James: Now gimme that master ball!
Drago: Oh no you don't!
Drago tells shelgon to do a headbutt!
James: (Hit by Shelgon with stars in his eyes) oooooooooo!
James gets bashed into jessie and meouth
All: We're Blasting off again!
Wobeffett: Wobeffett!!!!
At the tower
Drago: Time to go in!
But the door is locked
Drago: It won't Budge!! Shelgon Headbutt!
The door falls down
Inside
Drago: Ahhhhhhh!



To be continued.....
Chapter 5 The ghosts of the tower!

 

[The Vince Knight]

Drago: What the heck is that???
He sees a ghost
Drago: I'll look it up on the pokedex.
Pokedex: Unknown pkmn.
Drago: (Surprised) Huh? Then they must be... A person in a cloth???
The cloak moves and two more appear.
Jessie: (Taking off the cloak) The anwsers right so prepare for trouble!
James(taking off his one): Next is going to be wrong so make it....
Meouth: We'll cut it short from there!!!
Jessie: Now hand over the master ball!
James: Or will take it by force!
Drago: Never!!
Meouth: That's it i'll take it!!!
Shelgon bashes meouth!
Drago: Thanks shelgon!
Drago runs to the next floor!
Jessie,meouth and james: You won't get away...
Drago: Watch me!
2nd Floor
Drago: Now what a herd of gastly!
Drago Sends out trapinch and swablu
Drago: Knock them all out one by one!
Drago runs away with his pkmn to the last floor.
Drago: I wonder whats up here?
On a boat going to dimond city port.
Ash: Off to the hylosto league!
Brock: We're going to the first city Dimond city
May: Its going to be relaxing!
Meanwhile at the top floor of the bellic tower.
Drago runs until he sees a man.
The man: Hope your ready to battle.
Drago uses shelgon
Man uses haunter
Shelgon used dragonbreath!
Haunter used hynosis but it failed!
Shelgon used bite!
Haunter fainted
Man: Thats not all...
He sends out gengar!
Shelgon used dragon breath Critical!
Gengar fainted.
Drago: That it?
Man: Yep.
Drago used ecsape rope.
At the port
Ash: We made it!
Brock: Ash maybe you should go to the bellic tower for training.
Ash: Ok!
A picnic near the tower
Drago: Its nice having a picnic next to the tower after a good battle. Eh
Shelgon?
Shelgon: Shelgon!

To be continued...

Chapter 6 the battle with Ash.

 

[The Vince Knight]

Chapter 6 The battle with Ash


At the bellic tower
Ash: I wonder what is here?
Ash and co. see Drago
Ash: Who are you?
Drago: My name is Drago and I want to be the best dragon master and you are?
Ash: Mine is Ash and I want to be the best pkmn master ever!
Drago: I know you! I saw you at the johto confrence! I was watching in the seats and cheering for you. After the confrence I challenge you to a battle.
Ash: That was a long time ago.
Drago: I know and now I challenge you to a fight with pkmn battle but this time I'm better!
Drago sent out swablu
Ash sent out tallow
Swablu sing but it failed!
tallow used wing attack! Critical!
Swalow faints
Drago: Not bad!
Drago sent out trapinch
Trapinch used bite!
Tallow kept getting flinched!
Tallow faints
May: Go Ash!
Ash used treecko
Treecko used absorb!
Trapinch faints!
Brock: Two to one!
Drago: I'm Not finshed!
Drago used Shelgon
Shelgon used ember!
treecko faints!
Ash: Your not bad as well!
Ash used pikachu
Pikachu used headbutt the best one it can do! Critical!
Shelgon faints!
Drago: Oh well!
Brock: Ash wins!
Ash: Wanna become friends???
Drago: Why not? Yea!







Chapter 7 Ash turn to get the first badge!

 

[The Vince Knight]

Chapter 7

Ash: To the first gym!
2 hours later
Ash got the first badge!
Ash: Yes!
Drago: Cool!
They go to the next route.
Drago: Trainer ahead!
Twins: Yep!
Ash: Lets battle!
Drago: No wait Ash! Lets battle together!
Ash: Ok!
Drago and Ash used shelgon and pikachu
Twins used wailmer and roselia!
Drago: Headbutt!
Ash: Jump on shelgon!
When shelgon is at ramming distance
Ash: Pikachu! Jump and use thunder!
Thunder hits both and Shelgon hits roselia!
Both faint
Twins lose!
Ash: lets go into this cave behind the twins!
Inside
Ash and co.: Wow!
Drago: Its like a den in here!




Chapter 8 the dragons den

 

[Abolishing Flames]

Like what Oni said, just try using your word Processor and use good Grammar. Make your chapters longer at least.

 

[oni flygon]

For you chapter, it lacks detail... we didn't even get to know about the gym leader!!! Please add detail too and make your characters better... I think I'm getting sick of stereotypedness..

 

[The Vince Knight]

Read chapter 3 for the gym leader!!!

Chapter 8 The dragons den!

Ash: This is cool! Like the one in johto!
Drago: Your right!
They run to the shrine
Clair: Ash?
Ash and brock: Clair?
May and Masato: Whos Clair?
Ash: The 8th gym leader from johto!
Clair: Ash since we haven't Seen each other for a long time how about a battle?
Ash: No thank you.
A opening in the cave
Jessie: Where are we?
James: I don't know.
Meouth: This is like the den back in johto!
A dragonite appears!
Dragonite used hyper beam!
Jessie,james and meouth: We're blasting off again!
Meanwhile...
Clair: I came here for a visit what brings you here?
Ash: I want to get all the 8 badges
Clair: And you?
Drago: Me too.
Clair: I hear something...
A crack from the top of the cave
Jessie,James and meouth(Falling from the top):Ahhhhhhhh!
Jessie: Ha! Give us the master ball!
James : Or this time we battle for it!



To be continued.....


Chapter 9 TR Battle!

 

[The Vince Knight]

Chapter 9 TR battle!

Jessie,james and meouth used Dustox,Gulpin and Meouth
Ash,clair and Drago used Pikachu,dragonair and shelgon
Ash,clair and Drago: All attack!
They attack there pkmn and there pkmn bash into TR.
TR: Were blasting off again!
Clair: That sends them flying...
Ash: Bye clair
Clair: Bye!!
Ash and co. in the next route.
Ash: Look!
Drago: I see a trainer.
May: There twins.
Curulian city
Misty: A postcard?
It says:
Dear Misty
Come to hylosto if your sisters allow you
to but meet us at warto town
Take a boat at vermillion and ask if that ship is going there
From Ash
Misty: Daisy?
Daisy: What?
Misty: Do you mind if I go to Hylosto?
Daisy: No.
Misty runs to the boat in vermillion


Back at the battle
Shelgon hit wailmer girl
pikachu hit wailmer boy
Ash and Drago: We win!
Twins: Were from curulian gym!
Ash: Really?
Twins: Misty told us to send this to you.
Ash: A letter?
Dear ash and co.
I am allowed to come just meet me at the port at that city. Ok?
Bye from Misty



TO BE CONTINUED....



Chapter 10 The gym leader battle Double Battle!

 

[Sankari]

Yeah, this story stinks. It's lacking detail, and it's not a play! Make it into an actual story, not a script!

 

[The Vince Knight]

Can someone close this?
I'm not good at No spripts so this can be closed now!

 

[Dragon Man]

I don't think this is a bad Fan Fic. I like it. It doesn't stink to me. The way Chapter 9 ended made me really want to read Chapter 10.

 

[oni flygon]

As long as you try, your story won't suck.

Ok, ... for example, imagine how the Gym Looks like...

"Drago walked inside the gym. Everything was dark except the battlefield which was shown by spotlights above the gym roof. Rocks and pot holes littered the battlefield giving out Drago's advantage to rock types."

or during a battle:

"Shelgon, Headbut!" Drago yelled out.

Shelgon charged forward with its head lowered. It ran fast towards Geodude with unspeakable fury. The attack sent out Geodude flyging.

"Geodude, watch out!" Brock said out loud with fists clenched.

Tip: Read any of Geodude's or My fanfics to learn more techniques...
Geodude managed to stay afoot by landing on the rocks below.

"Use rock throw!" Brock commanded.
--

I tell ya, it's much much MUCH better than:

Pidgey used sand attack
Shelgon's accuracy was lowered
Shelgon used headbut

>.<

And one more:

Try using Microsoft word please! Don't post your story in the message box typos can [typo]hppen[/typo] like that.\

Tip: If you want to learn some fanfiction techniques, try reading Ali(Mika Umbreon), Geodude or My fanfics.

 

[The Vince Knight]

I won't want this to close but i'll try microsoft word.
I'll type it up and type it here.
^^
All I can tell you is that it is funny.
Here it is.
I'll change the Chapter name. 10 TR stealing and gets a fake delcatty.
I consider this the funnyest I've ever
Ash: Eh?
Jessie: We're here to steal your pikachu!
James: Then we are finally going to get the charges paid.
Ash and compony: Your kidding...
Jessie and james use a giant hand to grab pikachu.
TR: Now we have to run or fight.
James: Concider run!
They transform the ballon into a ship and they get away.
Ash: Now i'm never going to get that next badge...*Sighs*
Drago: No worries Ash i'll get it back...
Ash: How?
Drago gets a delcatty suit and puts it on.
Ash: Oh I get it....
Where TR ship is.
TR: We finally got pikachu!
Meouth puts pikachu in a safe place.
Meouth: Hey a delcatty!
Tr: We will steal it!
Ash: The plans working!
Drago does a Delcatty cry.
Tr steal the delcatty and get awy with it.
On the ship

Tr: Why is the Delcatty covering its mouth?
Meouth: Hey look a ****rouch on your back!!!!
Drago: Where?
Jessie: Meouth.
Meouth: Yes?
Jessie: Did you see.
Meouth: Yes. English speaker.
Jessie: Meouth.
Meouth: Yes.
Jessie: Scratch at will.
Meouth scratches and Drago is seen.
Drago: Ahhhhh!
TR: No they tricked us!
Drago presses a switch

 

[oni flygon]

That's slightly better... but now they censored out ****roach!? argh...

The reason I don't like scripts, it's because you don't know how the person who said something reacted or you can't get a full picture of it. You might have that since you are the author but the reader becomes lost in that fanfiction...