[Other Original] The King's Ships

[Freddy Fazbear]

A bit of a forward to this one: I don't know how many plays are seen here on this forum - it's been quite a while since I was really active here. But here's the first scene at least of a play I've been working on for months. I came up with the concept whilst studying Shakespeare, especially Hamlet, and I wanted to see if I could emulate the emotions that work has evoked on me. I was also into the steampunk idea at the time, so this work takes a lot of elements from that genre as well. I don't have any other scenes completed at this time, and I don't know if I will end up posting them here if I do finish them, but I wanted to see what you all thought of my first scene. I know I haven't been active on this site for some time, but this is - for some odd reason - the place I am most comfortable posting my work.
The play takes place on an alternate Earth, by the way, so I've taken some liberties with the names of the countries. So no, I know how England is spelled, but this is Angland. Also, airships are a thing. Think zeppelins I guess.

The King's Ships
Act I​

Scene 1. Maxwell's study in the clocktower. Maxwell is at his desk, bent over a design and
scribbling furiously. The room around him is unkempt, as if a tornado blew through and no one noticed. Books, models, and discarded blueprints are strewn about the room. You can hear the shifting of the clock as it ticks away the seconds. A candle serves as the only artificial light source, and it gently flickers as Maxwell draws away. A window streaming light is in the back. Outside is the nation of Angland, a kingdom that survived many hardships and battles and has emerged as one of the most powerful nations in the world. Angland is ruled by King Raymon, a headstrong man who inherited many of the harsh ideas of his father, who began the war with Tamwell. Tamwell is a nation that fights for peace and equality, and succeeds in bringing the peace and equality that only comes in death. Enter Messenger.

Messenger: Ho, Maxwell! (Maxwell ignores him) I've come for the designs.

Maxwell: (Stirring, as if waking from sleep) Hmm? Oh, yes, here. (hands him designs without
looking up from work) Give King Raymond my regards, won't you?

Messenger: (looks through papers, mildly impressed) Oh, the King would like to see you Maxwell.
(hands him invitation) He says -

Maxwell: (not looking at it) I'll be happy to attend.

Messenger: You… Gave it nary a glance. Are you certain you can make it?

Maxwell: (laughing) Sir, I spend nearly every hour in this tower, drawing and building. Surely I'm
not too busy to have time to see the King.

Messenger: (somewhat expecting this answer, as if this were a typical situation) I'll inform his majesty immediately. Good day, Maxwell. (waits for response, but, not getting one, exits)

Maxwell: Day, did he say? Here in this tower, night is day and day is night; I cannot discern the
two. What do I care for the position of the sun? I spend my life drawing, drawing, always
drawing, until the messenger comes. Is there a sun?

(enter young Kent) (Maxwell turns from work for first time)

Ah, so there he is! Prince Kent, welcome!

Kent: Maxwell! Father took me for a ride in his airship!

Maxwell: Oh? And how did it feel to touch the sky for the first time?

Kent: Well, first it was cold, but then I saw that the sky was so big! I've never felt so small!

Maxwell: Small? Someday, Prince Kent, those skies will belong to you. The clouds will be yours to
capture.

Kent: When I become King, Maxwell, can I take you up to the clouds with me? Would you like to
see the sky?

Maxwell: (laughing) I build airships, young sir! Old Maxwell is not meant to fly in one.

Kent: (disappointed) Still, wouldn't you like to try? I think you'd have fun!

Maxwell: Someday, Prince Kent, perhaps I'll fly with you.

Kent: You'll love it, Maxwell! (clock chimes)

Maxwell: Ah, my Prince! I'm afraid it's time for you to return to the palace. (returns to his work)

Kent: Oh, very well. Good-bye, Maxwell! I'll come back tomorrow!

Maxwell: Farewell, Prince Kent! (Kent exits) (enter Tara)

Tara: Hello Max!

Maxwell: (turning from his work again) Tara, my dear! You just missed your cousin Prince Kent.

Tara: It's you I wanted to see, Max! I'll see Kent later.

Maxwell: Well, m'dear, what brings you here?

Tara: I just wanted to see your drawings, Max. I love seeing your drawings. (takes a drawing
from desk) Ooh this one's cool! Can I ride in it once it's built?

Maxwell: Tara, you know why you can't.

Tara: (upset) I don't care! I want to fly in an airship!

Maxwell: Tara! You're far too old to be acting like this. Calm down.

Tara: Okay… (calms down) I'm sorry Max. I just wish that I could fly in an airship, just once! I
can't understand why my father won't allow it!

Maxwell: You're father is simply concerned for your safety, Tara. He doesn't want to see you hurt.

Tara: He doesn't need to worry so much! I'm big enough to handle myself!

Maxwell: I'm afraid your father doesn't believe the same, dear. But you shouldn't worry so much.
It's not so great, flying. If you went and stood on the balcony of the clocktower, it would
feel no different.

Tara: I can't believe that, Max. When have you ever flown in a ship?

Maxwell: Once, long ago… But those days are long gone for old Maxwell. (rising) Now, Tara,
would you accompany me to the castle? I have been summoned by His Majesty King
Raymon and would be glad to have some company. (starts for exit)

Tara: Oh, very well Max! On our way I can tell you about what I saw on the way here! (Exits with
Maxwell) (End Scene)

 

[ShivaDF]

Hm, well, I've read Hamlet and Macbeth. If this story is going to feel anything like those plays, it's going to get dark and cerebral very soon. Right now, though, I can't really tell what the tone is going to be.

I think this play could benefit from less stage directions. Many of the small details can simply be inferred. I mean, Shakespeare's plays seem to have very minimal stage directions except for "enter" and "exit," and they are still clear. I also don't think you need to describe Angland and Tamwell randomly at the beginning. In As You Like It, Shakespeare introduces the conflict in the duchy's backstory via character dialogue.

Now more modern plays sometimes have huge stage directions to set the tone of the scene, and then very few afterward. For example, in Death of a Salesman mostly uses long stage directions to begin a scene and show the emotional setting.