The wayfarer at night

[Hassan_Abdillah]

Just something random I wrote because the mood kinda caught me.

And lo, the weary shadow loomed beneath the starry night.
And so his weighty footing tossed about the desert quiet.
And thus, awoke the land, and spurred awoke the windy songs;
Then awoke the gusty whites, the dusty soul abrades along.

And yet, the stars do fall; the dawn is not too far away.
Nor are the crazy winds, they dash about the lonely grey.
And with the creaking dark, the eerie trekker drags his feet.
And soon the cool will pass, to break before the desert heat.

And so this wanderer, he pauses in his sandy stride,
To take a tiny flask of water he has set aside,
Beneath the fallen night, to wash, and then to stand to pray,
And his Adhaan* would take the calmness of the night away.

And lo, the weary shadow cast aside his worldly self.
And still the gusty winds, they preached about their nightly tales.

*The Muslim call of prayer.

 

[TJgamer]

I find it pleasant to imagine myself in a desert landscape at night. With the stars and moon above me.
But anyway, I like how visualizing this poetry is. I read the words and they bring pictures to my mind. The rhyming is good too, except the for the first two lines. They seem to only half-rhyme. But no biggie.
Not much else for me to review on. Though I could probably say more if I had more information behind this poem.

 

[Hassan_Abdillah]

Thanks TJ, it means a lot.

There isn't really any information behind this poetry, like I said it's just a random attempt.

If you are curious about the content, well Im not an Arab, but I'm a biiiiig fan of lets just say "Arab things", especially the desert and the starry nights and the iconic wayfarer lifestyle. That's where this stems from.

 

[Oryx]

I really enjoy the rhythm and flow in this poem. It's really easy to read, and most of the time I can find multiple places in a poem where the rhythm stumbles, but in this I can't really find anything that is off by even one syllable rhythm-wise. The only thing that's a big strange is that you're in rhyming couplets the entire poem, except the last 2 lines. Although, looking at the rest of the poem, I'm guessing that having the last two lines not rhyme is intentional.

Honestly, I usually have a lot to critique on poetry but I can't think of anything for this because it's so well done. It's obviously very thought out by the rhythm and rhyme, and although the content isn't quite something I would understand, it isn't incomprehensible either and I'm sure means a lot to someone in that lifestyle.