Trainer's Shadow:Reminiscence(if I write more)

[DaRKCHarMaNDeR]

"There it is.You ready Larvitar!"said a little boy standing in front of Pallet Town.
"Laaar",cried his pokemon.As the boy walked towards the town he ponders about his purpose of even thinking of coming.About a week ago,The boy was standing in a suit at a funeral.
"Oh dear Silent,I wish your grandfather wouldnt have been killed."said the boys mother.Silent walked away thinking about who would have killed him.Not only that how would he get the killer back.Revenge was in his heart and his mind.It was all he could think about.Back at his town of Violet,him and his family are sitting at thier kitchen table having dinner.
"You know dear with your father and all gone too I think you should know something hard for me to tell you."said Silent's mom."The thing is,I think you should meet your other grandfather."
"Excuse me!"Silent got up and started shouting about how stupid it was to hold secrets about stupid things and how his mom makes things difficult and he didnt want anything to do with his other grandfather.His mom sat there shocked.Silent looked around and stormed into his room.The next day,Silent couldnt stop thinking about revenge on who ever did that to his grandfather and how mad his mom made him.Laying under a cool shaded tree,he just couldnt relax.He jumped to his feet and starts to bolt in his house and give his mom another load,when he trips over something from the ground.He looks back to see a pokemon digging its way from the ground.He crawled toward it and saw none other than Larvitar.Face to face with this pokemon,he forgot about all of his problems,his grandfather,his mom,his vengeful thoughts.He smilied and hugged the pokemon.
"Hi Larvitar,I'm Silent."he said while standing up.The pokemon smiled and started jumping.Silent chuckled and kneeled down and the pokemon climbed on his back.Him and his new pokemon headed inside the house.
"Oh my goodness what a cute little pokemon!"said his mom overjoyed.
"Yeah,look,I'm sorry for...yeah,I would like to know where i can find my other Gramps."said Silent looking at his feet.His mom smiled and wrote the address on a piece of paper.
"You can find him at this address."said his mom.Silent took the paper and headed out.

Over the days,Silent has been battleing and travling towards New Bark Town to talk to Elm for some info and register when he returns to Johto.With Silents pal Larvitar he felt he was invincible.When Silent arrived in the little town,a man in a white coat approched him.
"Yes Hello there,I'm Elm.A few days ago your mother gave me a call of your arrival.said Professor Elm.
"Well yeah im here to get help getting to Pallet and register when i return."replied Silent
"I see,well im going to Lavander Town to visit an old friend.I could drop you off at Viridian City."said Elm.
"Yeah thanks!".The two walked in Elms lab and Silent looked on a table and saw 3 pokeballs.Something about him gave him a shiver,but in a good way.
"Here as you can see are 3 pokeballs.I am going to give you one for your journey."said Elm.
"Cool!"Silent walked over to the table and grabbed the first one and released it.
"Ah,yes thats a Cyndaquil,the fire pokemon."said Elm
"I love it!"replied Silent.Larvitar looked over at him shocked.
"No no Larvitar your my favorite you should know that."
"Haha,Attached is he.Thats great,but how come hes not in a pokeball."said Elm.
"I have no pokeballs"answered Silent.
"Well here you can have these 5 pokeballs."said Elm."Oh and I'll call Professor Oak and ask him to give you a Pokedex in Pallet."
"Pokedex?"asked Silent
"He will sum it up for you.We need to get going."The two headed out of the lab and into a balloon behind the lab.Arrived in Viridian,Silent and Larvitar start walking towards Pallet Town.Now we see our two characters in front of the address on the paper.Silent opened the door and headed in.......

 

[oni flygon]

*plants a big, fat, red arrow on the ground pointing to the stickied thread that says "READ FIRST"*

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

I'm back with the blunt reviews people! ^_^

Well, if you don't want to read the very helpful sticky that oni suggested, I'll tell you instead where you went wrong and what you could do to make up.

Well, the only thing I'm going to applaud you for is the plot in general. The funeral part was a different approach to the start of a trainer fic, and not many of people would have thought of that, so well done.

On the other hand, there was one little thing that bugged me: Description! You didn't describe a single thing. It would have been nice to even find out what the people looked like. All they seem is like blobs of nothingness, and even real blobs of nothingness would have personality. You need to describe things if you want the readers to appreciate the plot - as the two coincide perfectly with one another.

Length was also a problem, but that would have been solved by description, and varying the sentence structure. Another thing I noticed was that it was just two long paragraphs. You could have easily split that up into nine or ten paragraphs detailing Silent's journey to Professor Elm's.

There were also some rather large grammatical and spelling errors, so it's best to check it with a spell checker if you write it in a word processing programme such as Microsoft Word.

Well, on the whole, it has the potential to go places. But with the effort you've put in, it doesn't seem to be cutting the mustard - well not yet at least.

 

[emeraldslay]

What everybody else said. And, I think it moves a little too quickly. But you're on the right track.