Vahnto Legend

[RealPokemonFan]

This is a new fanfiction by RealPokemonFan, inspired by RubyRulez's Lento Legends. I will be doing my own characters, storyline, and some new pokemon. Expect about 2 chapters every day! For today, I will enter three chapters as a sample. They are all in script form, and will all tend to be somewhat long. If you don't like long Pokemon fics, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS!
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CH. 1: New Adventure


Naomi, a girl of eleven with red hair down to her shoulders, and green, enchanting eyes, is packing her backpack, preparing for a long journey ahead of her. Adventure and spring in her step, she walks out the door onto the dirt path that starts her trip of destiny.

Naomi: Okay... Let me see... My first stop is Professor Lillie's lab.

Naomi begins to walk proudly towards Professor Lillie's lab. The lab is rather large, and sets upon a hill in the middle of the town.

Geroi: Naomi, wait!

Geroi is Naomi's friend. He has short, black hair, and it is spiked at the front. He wears a cap backwards almost all the time.

Naomi: Hm? Oh! Hi Geroi! Care to join me?

Geroi: Naomi, I'm going with you! Im going into the Vahnto League with you!

Naomi: Really!? That's great! I was hoping someone would join me!

Geroi: Where 'ya headed?

Naomi: To Professor Lillie's lab. She says she has something that will help me on my quest. Maybe she will have something for you too!

Geroi: Cool! I can't wait to get on the road... Hey, I'll race 'ya!

Both of them rush off up the hill, trying to see who would reach the big building first. When they reach the door, Naomi knocks on it, and waits politely for a response.
...

The door opens .

Prof. Lillie: Oh! Geroi, Naomi! Come inside! I have something for you both!

Geroi: Wait.. How did you know I was coming?

Prof. Lillie: I just had a feeling... But, back to the point...

Professor Lillie is a young woman about the age of twenty-one. She has a "sexy" build to her body, with many curves and fine legs. She wears earrings resembling lillies, hence her name. She has long, blonde hair, that reaches about breast-level.

Prof. Lillie: I have a Pokedex for both of you.

Professor Lillie hands them both a Pokedex.

Prof. Lillie: You also both get a starter pokemon. One out of three.

Naomi: I choose... This one!

Prof. Lillie: You chose the Blazorb. Let your Pokedex find it's data.

Pokedex: Blazphere, the flame pokemon. Blazorb resembles a blazing
orb. This pokemon enjoys challenges.

Geroi: This one is mine then.

Geroi picks up the ball in the middle.

Prof. Lillie: You chose the Leefroot.

Pokedex: Leefroot, the Leafy Pokemon. Leefroot is a large leaf with a pointed edge and roots for feet. This pokemon also absorbs energy from
the sun for energy.

A stranger walks in the door. His eyes are red, and he has short spiky red hair.

???: Professor, you promised me a Pokemon, correct...?

Prof: Oh, hello Erik. This is the only Pokemon left.

Professor Lillie hands the new kid the last Pokeball.

Prof: It's a Lanmaid. It's a water pokemon that resembles a mermaid.

Erik: Hmph... I was hoping I could geta Blazorb...

Prof: Please don't whine Erik...

Erik: I will if I feel like it...

So, our group got their first Pokemon. What lies ahead?
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This was only the Intro, it wasn't a real chapter, thats why it was short. I will post up next chapters soon. Till then, leave reviews please!

 

[Lily]

ooo script fic. :O

Your idea is good; for me, it's always difficult to think of new pokemon in entirely new land etc etc, when you must explain everything and captivating the reader's interest at the same time. Characterization is a bit rusty. ALl you do is basically describe them, and putting Naomi's eyes as 'enchanting'...well...>>; Same goes for Professor Lillie having the 'sexy' build, there are ways to describe that without the need of wrong words.

Dialogues could use some working as well. You don't always have to blanatly put the words the character is saying, but perhaps like:

Geroi: [curiously] Where 'ya headed?

It adds more emphasis to it.

Ah, well. I'm not an expert on script fics, but it' pretty good. You just need to spiff it up more and it should work out exceedingly well. =D G'luck!

 

[Act]

Script format is playing tennis without a net; knowing the rules of baseball but never picking up a bat. There is no credibility involved.

General advice: If you are going to write something, write something. If you want to be a playwright, be a playwright. Don't go somewhere is the weird middle that is ludicrous. True 'script format' is generally more work than a properly written fic. You must give a setting, narration, scene, stage directions, etc.

This is why I don't go to forums.

Pokedex: Blazphere, the flame pokemon. Blazorb resembles a blazing
orb. This pokemon enjoys challenges.

You should be able to pick up the error there.

Aside, actual script format... meh. PM me if you have any desire to know how to properly do it. If there is indeed a way to script fanfiction.

All in all, not much to say when not much is said.

 

[rubyrulez]

Wow, this fic is amazing. I really liked it, and I hope you write more! :)