I don't want to get into my parents' past in too much detail, but for instance, one of the things I learned about my dad that helped me understand him more was that he grew up without a dad, and I feel like that was kind of why he didn't know how to be a good dad emotionally. He had to drop out of highschool at 15 and started working to support himself and his mom, and knowing this, it made a lot more sense to me why even after he was financially stable and had a family he would put all his time into his work instead of spending time with his family, and why money is so important to him - I resented him for that when I was younger, but it dawns on me now that this is what he thinks a good father should be. No one was there for him financially and he got by with what he could make for himself, so I think because of this, his idea of a good father is just being able to provide for his family, even if he had to sacrifice time actually spent with us and getting to know his children.
A lot of work also means a lot of stress though, and one of my least favorite things about him was how often he would snap at me and my mom for no reason. Still does, but it doesn't scare me anymore, obviously. It makes me a little sad to say that I've never and don't feel close to him in a way that I should feel close to a parent emotionally, but I do appreciate him so much and all he's done to raise me and my brothers.
My mom is kind of the complete opposite - I love her a whole lot, but she's been absolutely spoiled her whole life and she was also lucky enough to find my dad, who continued to spoil her, so she never had to work a day in her life, lol. My mom's never grown up - she still acts like a teenager, she's judgmental like a teenager and likes to criticize people solely on their looks, and has a pretty limited world view that she's never cared to expand (ie. she says things like "I don't watch the news because it's sad" and she literally doesn't care to learn about what's happening in the world). She also doesn't know how to adult, like in recent years I've come to learn she needs us to do everything for her, from filing taxes to getting a new passport, or just getting anywhere at all since she doesn't drive and doesn't know how to get around via public transport. I love her, she's very funny and she loves me, but there's no denying she can be kind of childish.
Neither of them knew how to nurture children or treat kids like kids either - they were very no-bullshit parents, and I think one of the stories that illustrate this best was when I was in preschool; I wanted to go to the bookstore after class (as I always do) but that day, we had to leave immediately for some event, so I started misbehaving and whining about the bookstore. And keep in mind I was like 3 or 4 at most, right - but after a few minutes of me misbehaving, my dad just stopped the car and told me to get out. And he actually drove away just to scare me - it was a safe neighborhood so I wasn't in actual danger or anything since he came back in a few minutes after the point was made, but yeah, like I don't feel like that kind of thing is good parenting, lol. I mean, it worked, I never misbehaved again, but the lack of empathy for a small child kind of amazes me, looking back.
