Winds of a start

[Frostweaver]

-better than the script chain stories, but there's still a heavy amount of unneeded dialogues... too many of them are always boring

-try to insert a space between all paragraphs

-eww another OT fic with the most predictable professor beginning... it'll be awfully tough for you to make your story standout

-very awkward scene... in terms of how Gina joins Katherine. It's like
"Hi! I don't know you!"
"I don't know you either!"
"Since I don't know you, can I join you?"
"Sure!"
Really lacking transition there...

-I personally don't like "great info rush" like here in this chapter... you could've possibly saved some of the info for later chapters, spreading them out a bit.

 

[Frostweaver]

Why do I love constructive criticism? XD
Who said it was going to end up at going to the Professor? It's not going to be a jolly run down the hill to the next town you know...
And I believe it can't do a space in a paragraph, but that's what I get for copying directly from Microsoft Word... Ya better not be skim reading.

Say that to every one else who writes at PC, and see how their fanfic turns out. Do note that I don't mean indent but something like

(blah blah blah)
<paragraph blank space>
(blah blah blah)

That's what's lacking... really hard to read without those lines. I didn't say in front of paragraphs, but between. =)

 

[oni flygon]

And I believe it can't do a space in a paragraph, but that's what I get for copying directly from Microsoft Word... Ya better not be skim reading.

A paragraph space on word? Easy. Just press enter twice. ^^
I do it in my fanfic all the time...

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

By indent, we mean pressing "Enter" twice. Many of the points I was going to say were covered by frosty, but I'll still have a shot at some constructive criticism seeing how you like it so much. :D

First thing: What the **** do these people look like?! Sorry, but you gave absolutely zilch description of the people themselves, and saved it all for the scenery (which you did quite well). For all I knew, they were just blobs of nothingness waiting to be moulded into human beings.

Second thing: There does seem to be a **** of a lot of dialogue. The fic should be balanced between description and dialogue, but speech does seem to take up the majority of this fic - and that worries me a bit.

Well, now for your good points:

It's definitely better than your chain stories, since it actually features description and gives the readers an understanding of what they're reading.

The flow of the story is quite good, and if you could improve on the length, and shorten the speech a bit, then it could work well with the storyline so far.

On the whole, it does seem extremely predictable, but you'll probably change it... so... meh. Keep it up I suppose :D.