This is every chuck norris joke known to chuck norris (not to man for chuck norris i THE man every one else is just a man)
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars and thats why there are no signs of life there.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper but it wouldnt take **** from anybody
Chuck Norris' blood type is blackbelt
Chuck Norris can win a staring contest against a mirror
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris wins the game. If he loses, that means the game is over.
Chuck Norris is the reason Pangea broke up. He roundhouse kicked it into seven continents.
there's no such thing as chucky. it's only a mini verison of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris it the reason waldo is hiding.
midgets are people that Chuck Norris thought would make good footrests
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey, he chewes bees
Chuck Norris caught all 493 Pokemon in 4.3 seconds. He refuses to trade them with anybody.
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. EVER.
Chuck Norris has had sex with the girl in your sex dreams.
Chuck Norris fertilizes his lawn with emo kids so it will cut itself.
Chuck Norris made the Giraffe by uppercutting a spotted horse.
Chuck Norris is the reason why new born babies cry.
The last time Chuck Norris sneezed, hurricane Katrina destroyed Louisiana.
Everytime Chuck Norris kills someone, an angel gets its beard.
God wonders if Chuck Norris is human, cuz he sure as hell never created him.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.
Chuch Norris can kick start a car.
Chuck Norris was in a remake of alien vs preditor. best three hour movie ever he kills all aliens in the first three seconds the rest of the movie is him screwing your mom sister dog and girlfriend.
The Death Star wasn't killed by luke skywalker -- Chuck Norris looked up.
so never look Chuck Norris in the eye...
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He dares it to grow
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
Chuck Norris got his driver's license at the age of 16........seconds....
Chuck Norris can win a game of tennis against a brick wall.
Eventually chuck norris WILL get old. this is expected to happen somewhere around the turn of the 4003rd century.
Chuck Norris once beat a man to death with his own corpse.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes out ready.
Instead of being like other baby's, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb to get out faster.
Chuck Norris once had sex on top of a semi-truck and one of his sperm got loose and fell into the engin. the truck is know known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn't have one good side.
He has two GREAT sides.
There is no weakist link. There's just the person Chuck Norris hates the most.
When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into CHUCK NORRIS!
Chuck Norris went back in time and stopped JFK's assassination with his beard, but JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
it takes 12 puppeteers to make chuck norris laugh, but only two to make him blow up an orphanage
we don't live in a democracy. we live in a chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris doesn't trip over anything, anything trips over Chuck Norris.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris, because it knows you won't find Chuck Norris. He finds you.
So these two cowboys and Chuck Norris are sitting around a fire when one cowboy decides to say "Oh, man, I am so tough! This bull got out of the pen today and took down 7 people! So I jumped in there and took him down with my bare hands!"
The second cowboy, who doesn't like having someone say they're better than him, says "Psh, that ain't nothing! I was walking through the desert the other day and this rattlesnake launched at me! I caught him with my hands, bit him and sucked all the venom outta him!"
Chuck Norris said nothing and just stirred the coals........ With his penis....
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret
No one can beat Chuck Norris. Gandalf claims he did, but that one was a tie.
Some claim Cthulhu can beat Chuck. Cthulhu fervently denies that rumour.
You know how little kids have teddy bears? Little bears have Chuck Norris dolls.
if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck has more money than you.
If Jesus can walk on water, then Chuck Norris can swim on land
Chuck Norris invented black, and every other color in the spectrum, except for pink; Tom
Cruise invented pink."
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands.
If chuck Norris were to fight him, chuck Norris would win. Period.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris doesn't ever have frostbite .He bites the frost
There is no such thing as a tornado; chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
Everything King Midas touches turns to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
Chuck Norris is so fast; he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris jumps in the pool, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet; the pool gets Chuck Norris.
When you say, "I don't believe in fairies," Chuck Norris kills a fairy
First there was Norris... then there was nothing
Chuck Norris went back in time and stopped JFK's assassination with his beard, but JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesnt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN believes it's not butter.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Ear hart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris' incredible dance moves were the inspiration for the popular scene from Napoleon Dynamite. A copyright infringement suit was recommended, but Chuck decided to just kill Jon Heder.
Chuck Norris invented puppies.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday".
First there was Norris... then there was nothing
Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on a corn field.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can flip a coin and it doesn't land on either heads OR tails.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always have sex on the first date. Always.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies, check a list of extinct species
Chuck Norris is late. Time better slow the **** down.
Chuck Norris isn't funny, stop laughing. Now.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and shouting Bang.
Chuck Norris went back in time and spoke to himself.
Chuck Norris can clog a toilet with his piss.
When it's taxes time, Chuck Norris simply sends blank forms with a photo of himself, crouched and ready to lunge. He has not paid taxes ever.
Someone tried to slit Chuck Norris's throat, but his throat broke the blade.
Chuck Norris's Calendar Goes From March 31st To April 2nd. Because Nobody Fools Chuck Norris.
You pray to God, but God prays to Chuck Norris.
You can tune a piano, but Chuck Norris can tune a fish!
In a fight between Super Man and Darth Vader, Chuck Norris won.
Chuck Norris won in a staring contest against the sun and Stevie Wonder.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris is right behind you.
Chuck Norris's face was going to be carved into Mt. Fuji, but his beard was too hard for the stone.
Chuck Norris has no pubic hair because hair can't grow on steel.
It has been said that Chuck Norris is God's Right Hand Man. This is not true. God is Chuck Norris's Left Hand Man.
Chuck Norris once lost both of his legs in a car accident, and he was still able to walk it off.
People say the Badlands of Montana are named so because they were home to T-Rexes and Velociraptors. This is false. Chuck Norris does his morning exercises in the "Badlands" of Montana.
Some people call Brokeback Mountain a gay cowboy movie, Chuck Norris calls it the pile of dead bodies in his front yard.
Red Bull's main ingredient is Chuck Norris's Urine.
People say they look better when they smile. Chuck Norris refuses to smile because he says he doesn't want to give people false hope that he's "Just passin' through".
People invented automobiles to get away from Chuck Norris, to out-do this achievement, Chuck Norris invented the automobile accident.
E=MC^2 is transated to "Energy equals mass times the speed of Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick squared".
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a man so hard that it is said (should he have survived) that his great-grandchildren would have flinched.
Amnesia is the mental state of forced memory loss after a near encounter of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. The fear drives people to insanity if they can't forget the event.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage and releases it at timely intervals.
The circle of life is the cycle of life, reproduction, and death. The circle of death is the outline of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
if you are within 2 miles of
ChuckNorris and you drop your toast it will land butter up. Always
chuck norris is afraid of rising gas prices cause he's afraid it might affect his drinking habit.
there is no such thing as global warming. chuck got cold so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris does not eat food. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris's fists is inside his own body.
We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
Chuck Norris's agent once asked him if he wanted to be in brokeback mountain. Chuck Norris's agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris if he wants to be in a gay cowboy movie.
Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomohawk missle. At mach 3. In the face.
Lighting doesn't strike twice, because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
When they said "There is nothing to fear, but fear itself" they lied.
There's Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, u suffocate, because air is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't wear clothes. Clothes cling onto Chuck Norris
Whenever Chuck Norris plays Monopoly...it ACTUALLY effects world econmy,
The egyptias didn't build the pyramids....Chuck Norris just commanded a bunch of stone to form together into triangles,
if Chuck Norris uses his power to much he'll blow up the universe. Thats why he only roundhouse kicks things.
Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talking about.
Can Grate fresh parmesian cheese with his rust-red beard
Chuck Norris has a jeep upholstered in denim
Chuck Norris was Danny on 'Full House' until and unfortunate accident with the Olsen Triplets
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun and WON
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch-he decides what time it is
When Chuck Norris died he was presented before the Lord. God looked upon him from his almighty throne, and Chuck Norris simply said, "You're in my seat."
When God said "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said "Say, please."
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with all of Mount Rushmore, and won.
When the bad guys hear that Chuck Norris is coming, they kill themselves.
When chuck norris roundhouse kicks you if you play it in slow motion you see that he actually rapes you in the ass, smokes a cigar with dennis rodman, and then roundhouse kicks you in the face
Chuck Norris had a starring contest with a gun and won.
Chuck Norris' tears could bring King Tut back to life, but Chuck Norris doesn't cry. Ever.
The Big Bang is equivalent to 1CNRHKTTF(One Chuck norris roundhouse kick to the face).
Chuck norris has two speeds:Walk and Kill
If you see a giant bolder split in half you instantly think Chuck Norris was here
Chuck Norris can kill peope by just thinking of them
Chuck Norris can nail jell-o to a tree
Chuck Norris can mix volcanos and lighting storms without even trying
Chuck Norris can destroy a black hole with a round house kick
Chuck Norris put "laughter" in manslaughter
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN lick his own ELBOW
When Chuck Norris dies he gets so angry that he jumps back in time.
The reason Hitler killed himself was because Chuck Norris was behind him.
Chuck Norris is gods most favorite mistake
When u spell Chuck Norris's name wrong on google it doesn't give you results its just says run while you still can
Chuck Norris doesnt hav sperm he has little white ninjas about the size of quarters whose only mission is to seek and destroy
"If Chuck claps his hands and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? The answer... no.. When Chuck claps his hands it breaks the speed of light. Therefore no one hears or sees it.
Chuck Norris isn't funny, stop laughing. Now.