HELLO
I HAVE IT BACK. I AM TYPING TO YOU ON MY LAPTOP AT A RECORD PACE. THE PACE OF AN ACTUAL KEYBOARD!
I imagine this is what a cheetah feels like after it recovers from a broken leg. The wind in my hair, whiskers flying arse-about. Not going to type you a message and then thinking "oh damn it I can't be bothered dealing with the iPad keyboard right now". You know, like cheetahs do.
What have you been productive with? If you're about to tell me you just invented tinned strawberries then I'll understand. The patent work alone is a pile of paperwork Ms. Moneypenny herself wouldn't dare to go near. (I'm thinking Ms. Moneypenny was James Bond's secretary who sat in an office pushing papers until he needed to fuck her, but feel free to contradict me if I'm wrong. Our marriage is already in tatters, what's one more contradiction to add to the pile when we go to couple's therapy?)
Now, I agree to milk the cows, but I don't think you're gonna agree to eating the Coco Pops burnished in the milk of the day before. Have you ever tasted milk straight from the cow? I haven't either, but word on the street is that it tastes like complete ass. You need to pasteurise it, whatever the hell that means, and add all those lovely things that make it drinkable and probably toxic so that the government can control our life expectancy.
Did you see a government conspiracy theory coming out of that paragraph? I didn't.
I will never, however, change my name or profile to Taylor Swift, and I will give you the reasons why.
1) I have no idea how to change anything on my profile. Everything you see here was done for me with completed artwork and a comprehensive step by step on implementation.
2) If I were to change my name to Taylor Swift, it would be locked that way until May :P
3) It would not be good for my self-esteem or my soul.
4) Taylor Swift is a dog.
Though I will say that this was the funniest thing I have read in forever:
so congratulations on that :P