Cheating

[Sun]

Cheating is never acceptable, it is understandable if you no longer love the person/developed a feeling to an another person, just cut off the relationship cleanly before starting a new one.

 

[shadowmoon522]

Cheating is never acceptable, it is understandable if you no longer love the person/developed a feeling to an another person, just cut off the relationship cleanly before starting a new one.

not all types of cheating occurs because someone falls in love with someone else. quite a bit of it occurs because people can't manage their lust in the right manor.

 

[Sun]

not all types of cheating occurs because someone falls in love with someone else. quite a bit of it occurs because people can't manage their lust in the right manor.

Yep, I'm just talking about the love area. As for the lust, 'go to hell' is what I'm gonna say to those people. They can screw themselves.

 

[curiousnathan]

If you cheat on me, we're done.

 

[gimmepie]

Cheating is never acceptable, if you're not happy leave.
This is pretty much the single most despicable thing you can do in a committed relationship as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Sanguine]

It's never acceptable, do the responsible thing and just end the relationship if you feel as though you need to screw somebody else behind your partner's back. I've been cheated on, and I was so in love with my partner that I was willing to ignore the amount of hurt that I was feeling just so that things didn't end between us.

Now that the relationship is over, things have been cleared up for me - if you cheat on me while we're dating, get the fuck out of my life. Marriage is a different beast entirely, I feel as though my partner would be entitled to the opportunity to explain themselves. I doubt I could ever trust them again though, so that marriage would probably be over.

 

[Bellsprout]

my first bf cheated on me and yeah it sucks to go through, but i guess on the positive side it taught me a lot too

i guess i dont understand because im a very loyal person. im either with you and just you or i'm not feeling it between us anymore and i tell you and move on like an adult. it makes sense to me in marriages where the love is dead between them, but the person cheating doesn't want to go through the legal trouble of it all.. things to that degree, etc. in a relationship for me, once you cheat you're dead to me

 

[Universe]

I definitely agree that cheating has it's circumstances, for those trapped under someone else's abuse I could never blame. That's not to say all cheating is A-okay though.

In my teenage years I was cheated on a few times and I've definitely carried damage from it.. so we'd be through for good if someone cheated on me now. If they have it in them to hurt me that deeply without caring how it'd make me feel, they don't deserve to ever speak with me again. Just break it off if you're really done enough to cheat, man.

 

[Hiidoran]

I have trust issues enough already - for no good reason, mind you.

If you cheat on me, then there would be absolutely no way I could ever trust you again. Without that, well, our relationship isn't going to be that enjoyable and there really wouldn't be much of a point in staying together. There's no getting back to good with me after cheating. That being said, I've never actually been cheated on to my current knowledge, and hey, that's just me. What happens in some peoples' relationships is their business and they can remedy it how they please.

 

[Unwoken Dream]

I don't cheat although I tend to flirt a lot.

Cheating is acceptable for me, I really don't care what my significant other does in the end.
I can easily break up with someone if they do something I'm not comfortable with. I'm not the type to constantly nag someone about what they do wrong, lol. It's hard enough maintaining a relationship so to cheat makes it easier for me to go back to being single talking to whoever I want to. I've never been cheated on to my knowledge but who knows?!?!

 

[Psychic]

I'm curious here since I've never been in an open relationship - how? This is gonna sound terrible but I've always seen an open relationship as a closed one where cheating is basically allowed. Saying "we're together but you can sleep with other people" is, in my mind, essentially permitting cheating. I'm obviously not exactly right there but... yeah, could you explain this?

Absolutely! :)

The thing to keep in mind is that not all open relationships are necessarily the same. If a couple decides to open up their relationship, they generally have a conversation that sets some ground rules and establishes boundaries, and those differ based on individuals' levels of comfort and so on. Examples of those rules can be:

• "please let me know in advance if you are planning on sleeping with someone"
• "we can do X with other people, but not Y"
• "I'm okay if you sleep with women, but not men"
• "no forming emotional attachments with other people"

So if a couple sets a rule/condition, and one person breaks that rule, then it's still cheating. It's very important for those in open relationships to clearly establish boundaries in advance, because you want to make sure everyone is on the same page and no feelings get hurt.

Ive cheated on many people. Anyone whos ever been dumb enough to try to talk me into dating them after I warned them. Cant say I feel guilt for them inviting it.

Is this a joke? You can't blame another person when you cheated on them. If you know that you are incapable of being monogamous, then you should know better than to enter into monogamous relationships. It sounds like you have poor willpower if you can't say no to "many people," and the fact that you shift the blame like that is really sad.

~Psychic

 

[shadowmoon522]

Is this a joke? You can't blame another person when you cheated on them. If you know that you are incapable of being monogamous, then you should know better than to enter into monogamous relationships. It sounds like you have poor willpower if you can't say no to "many people," and the fact that you shift the blame like that is really sad.

~Psychic

honestly, that can't even be called cheating. they got into the relationship knowing full well she was more then likely going to sleep with other people & they got into the relationship anyway and thus agreed to her doing so. the only time they could be upset is if she brought back an std(if she doesn't have one already, that is).

 

[Infinitum]

If the love is over, it's better to have a conversation or just break up. Even if your partner doesn't have any more time for you, or if your relationship is full of conflicts, cheating can't be motivated.

 

[Psychic]

honestly, that can't even be called cheating. they got into the relationship knowing full well she was more then likely going to sleep with other people & they got into the relationship anyway and thus agreed to her doing so. the only time they could be upset is if she brought back an std(if she doesn't have one already, that is).

No, cheating is defined as any romantic or sexual relations done without your partner's consent. The only time having relations outside of a relationship isn't considered cheating is if you have your partner's specific permission in advance. This is clearly not the case for Ashes to Ashes, who herself admitted that it was cheating, and to say otherwise shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the definition of fidelity and trust.

Again, Ashes to Ashes should not have entered into these monogamous relationships in the first place if she couldn't be monogamous. Considering that she did this "many times" and won't actually own up to the fact that nobody is to blame but herself, this is clearly not the moral high ground. If a man tells a woman "I'm a bad man" when they enter into a relationship, if he abuses her then he is still responsible for his own actions, and you can't blame the woman because "well, he warned you." The onus is on the person who is doing wrong, especially because they clearly know better.

~Psychic

 

[shadowmoon522]

No, cheating is defined as any romantic or sexual relations done without your partner's consent. The only time having relations outside of a relationship isn't considered cheating is if you have your partner's specific permission in advance. This is clearly not the case for Ashes to Ashes, who herself admitted that it was cheating, and to say otherwise shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the definition of fidelity and trust.

Again, Ashes to Ashes should not have entered into these monogamous relationships in the first place if she couldn't be monogamous. Considering that she did this "many times" and won't actually own up to the fact that nobody is to blame but herself, this is clearly not the moral high ground. If a man tells a woman "I'm a bad man" when they enter into a relationship, if he abuses her then he is still responsible for his own actions, and you can't blame the woman because "well, he warned you." The onus is on the person who is doing wrong, especially because they clearly know better.

~Psychic

she said to each person she dated that she may sleep around if they got into the relationship. at that point, anyone who wanted to get into the relationship could not do so without consenting to her sleeping around.

 

[Ashes to Ashes]

Absolutely! :)

The thing to keep in mind is that not all open relationships are necessarily the same. If a couple decides to open up their relationship, they generally have a conversation that sets some ground rules and establishes boundaries, and those differ based on individuals' levels of comfort and so on. Examples of those rules can be:

• "please let me know in advance if you are planning on sleeping with someone"
• "we can do X with other people, but not Y"
• "I'm okay if you sleep with women, but not men"
• "no forming emotional attachments with other people"

So if a couple sets a rule/condition, and one person breaks that rule, then it's still cheating. It's very important for those in open relationships to clearly establish boundaries in advance, because you want to make sure everyone is on the same page and no feelings get hurt.



Is this a joke? You can't blame another person when you cheated on them. If you know that you are incapable of being monogamous, then you should know better than to enter into monogamous relationships. It sounds like you have poor willpower if you can't say no to "many people," and the fact that you shift the blame like that is really sad.

~Psychic

I give in because its easier to let them get hurt than to put up with nagging, and more beneficial for them than punching them in the face. These people know who I am and what Im like. I warn them beforehand. They insist, so I let them see how crazy they are. Most of them learn their lesson afterwards and are better for it.

 

[Psychic]

she said to each person she dated that she may sleep around if they got into the relationship. at that point, anyone who wanted to get into the relationship could not do so without consenting to her sleeping around.

Ashes to Ashes never actually told us what she told the people she dated - it sounds like you're just making assumptions, here. Her partners almost certainly would have asked her not to cheat on them if she had "warned" them, so that isn't valid. Either way, Ashes to Ashes literally said that she cheated on these guys - you can't even feign moral ambiguity here, because she admits it was cheating.

That said, I really don't understand why you would defend the idea of cheating on multiple people without remorse and without taking any responsibility for it.

I give in because its easier to let them get hurt than to put up with nagging, and more beneficial for them than punching them in the face. These people know who I am and what Im like. I warn them beforehand. They insist, so I let them see how crazy they are. Most of them learn their lesson afterwards and are better for it.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. I can't imagine that these were enjoyable experiences for you, especially being pursued by people who can't take "no" for an answer. *shudders*

It sounds like you're doing a lot of mental hoop-jumping to justify your actions, though. You don't seem to be owning up to the fact that nobody put you in these positions but you. You could have refused to enter these relationships, but you didn't. You could have ended these relationships if you were unhappy, but you didn't. You could have remained faithful, but you didn't. The fact that you "warned" the person in advance doesn't change the fact that you made those decisions. Nobody can be responsible for what you do except for you. It's not like you magically teleport into other peoples' pants - you have to make a series of conscious decisions to get to where you got, especially if you got there "many" times. That's not the end of the world, but it's something you should take responsibility for.

That said, it honestly it sounds like you deserve to be happier than this. Being in a relationship that you don't want is shitty, and you know that nobody wins when you agree to it. It sounds like this is a pattern you need to break. Being honest with people hasn't seemed to work for you, so have you considered seeking out open or polyamorous relationships instead? Monogamy isn't for everyone, and you might be a lot happier in a relationship where you a) like the person, and b) can be yourself without having to worry.

Just some food for thought. :)

~Psychic

 

[Wicked3DS]

Cheating is unacceptable in any circumstance.

 

[Kanzler]

I think cheating is by definition unacceptable. If having sex with people outside of a relationship is acceptable, you wouldn't be calling it cheating (unless it's part of a cuckold fetish and that's complicated). I mean, to say that cheating is acceptable is to say that having that breach of trust is acceptable because that's what cheating really is at its core (as evidenced by how people can have sex outside of a relationship without a breach of trust). As for people in abusive relationships, I consider it de facto dead if one person decides the relationship isn't for them any longer but is otherwise compelled to stay. Some relationships can be very complicated, however, with both partners abusing each other yet claiming to want to stay with each other. In such cases, I would say that cheating is still wrong to the extent that one's trust is breached.

 

[shadowmoon522]

I think cheating is by definition unacceptable. If having sex with people outside of a relationship is acceptable, you wouldn't be calling it cheating (unless it's part of a cuckold fetish and that's complicated). I mean, to say that cheating is acceptable is to say that having that breach of trust is acceptable because that's what cheating really is at its core (as evidenced by how people can have sex outside of a relationship without a breach of trust). As for people in abusive relationships, I consider it de facto dead if one person decides the relationship isn't for them any longer but is otherwise compelled to stay. Some relationships can be very complicated, however, with both partners abusing each other yet claiming to want to stay with each other. In such cases, I would say that cheating is still wrong to the extent that one's trust is breached.

if either is abusing the other & neither one of them is a masochist, then they shouldn't even be in a relationship to begin with. thats the type of crap that leads to one of them in prison or on the run & the other to the grave.