Finally, PC's server seems to be steady again, so let's do some fanfic review!
@ Sincerely, Feebas, Act
Title- 5/5
5 Title is symbolic, highly relevant and unique to the story
4 Title is relevant to and descriptive about the story
3 Title is descriptive, but is not precise in terms of descriptiveness, or is clich?
2 Title is general, and applicable to most stories
1 Title is irrelevant, and applicable to all stories
-title is definitely unique to the story, and it also reveals the special form of narrative
Narrative Manner- 5/5
5 Narrative manner is excellent, and adds strength and/or hidden meaning to the story
4 Narrative manner is good, and adds some emphasize to the story
3 Narrative manner is decent, and is suitable to the story
2 Narrative manner is acceptable but not precise, or format is incorrect
1 Narrative manner is poor, and weakens the story
-letter format is a unique 1st person narrative manner
-strong personal voice connects the readers to truly understand the view points of Feebas
-an excellent choice in narrative manner; very supportive and appropriate for the story
Grammar/Coherence- 6/10
10 Grammar mistakes are inexistent, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
8-9 Grammar mistakes are rare, and coherence exists throughout the entire story
6-7 Grammar mistakes are uncommon, but story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
5 Grammar mistakes are common, and story occasionally suffers loopholes in plot
1-4 Grammar mistakes are common, and story suffers loopholes in plot
In fact, there are several of us who will very readily tell you they prefer the feebas form to the giant worm that is milotic.
you need a "that" after the you and before the they
We as a community feel that, though the average feebas has about one-hundredth of the intellectual power of an alakazam, a personal preference involving looks is no reason to discriminate.
this sentence is really odd in its structure. It doesn't flow very well at all. Try "Although the average feebas has about one-hundreth of the intellectual power of an Alakazam, as a community we Feebas feel that a personal preference involving appearances is no reason for discrimination."
used, not using
We may be dimwitted, but ugly is a very harsh word that should be using sparingly and preferably only against a sibling in the occasion of a disagreement.
Awkward sentence again. There is a lack of a link between Feebas being dimwitted and the rest of the sentence.
Not some depressed to tears by our ?ugliness?.
take out the some
they aren?t all abusive saps with try to exploit us for milotic
"who try to exploit us to have a milotic"
Yes, they treat us as a contest pokemon is treated.
"should" after contest Pokemon
-there are no plot loopholes, but there's an unusually lot of grammar mistakes for a short letter at this length... it's not like you O.o;
-I tried to reason with myself if the grammar mistakes are done on purpose. However, that doesn't seem to be the case. If they're done on purpose (to ridicule the Feebas), then shouldn't the mistakes be more frequent, and obvious? Some of these mistakes are just the flow of a sentence that is troubling, yet they are grammatically correct, so... I dismissed this possibility.
Major Character(s)- 14/15
14-15 Major characters are very multi-faceted. All details are highly precise and relevant
12-13 Major characters are multi-faceted. Most details are highly precise and relevant
11-12 Major characters are multi-faceted but limited. Details are precise and relevant
9-10 Major characters are slightly stereotypical. Details are precise but not very relevant
7-8 Major characters are generally stereotypical. Details are present but need precision.
5-6 Major characters are stereotypical. Details are present but limited in amount.
1-4 Major characters have no personality traits, and no details are paid to characters.
-all facets and details about Feebas in the Pokemon world are explained very carefully, ranging from their abilities to their sense of pride
-usage of anecdotes will definitely further strengthen the story, as well as telling the readers even more about Feebas+company. Right now, all the little stories are only a sentence long. It's a bit limiting in terms of what we can learn about Feebas and their situation. This will be more interesting if we can hear even more about Feebass' stories of their life in the hands of trainers/writers/coordinators/etc
Minor Character(s)- 5/5
5 Minor characters are necessary and relevant, contributing to the story in multiple ways
4 Minor characters are interesting and relevant, contributing to the story
3 Minor characters are interesting, but are limited in contribution to the story
2 Minor characters are irrelevant, and are limited in contribution to the story
1 Minor characters are completely irrelevant, and are completely unnecessary to the story
-very unique that the reader plays the role of the minor character, as the letter unfolds many different ways of stereotypical thinking regarding Feebas
-parody is successful with its accuracy regarding what people do with Feebas in the game, fanfic or anywhere
Story Details- 9/10
9-10 Details are relevant, contributing to at least four out of the five story components
7-8 Details are sometimes relevant, contributing to most story components
5-6 Details are lacking, not necessarily relevant and verisimilitude is endangered
3-4 Details are severely lacking, and verisimilitude is damaged
1-2 Details are almost inexistent, and verisimilitude is severely damaged
-there's only one detail that I don't understand... why mention "nosepass" or "glalie" in the end when they're fellow Pokemon who will never receive any form of attention? Nosepass will never appear in any story unless Roxanne is using one, in which Nosepass will usually die in one way or another, defeated by the OT trainer/hero(ine). Glalie appears when Ash appears. Otherwise, Glalie will never be mentioned either. I have no idea why Feebas choose to mention these two in the end. I was thinking about the legendaries, Charizard (now this one is like, PERFECT Pokemon to mention regarding overusage and unreal endurance... yes Charizard can survive like, 6 hyperbeams?), and other overused Pokemon...
-besides that, I found all the details to be precise, and relevant to the story. Every choice contributes to some aspect about Feebas' character, and what they think about human beings
Conflict- 5/5
5 At least 3 conflicts are present, ?good and evil? cannot be divided
4 Many conflicts are present to enhance the plot, ?good and evil? are questionable
3 ?Man vs. Man? along other conflicts, good and evil are obvious
2 ?Man vs. Man? only, good and evil are obvious
1 ?Man vs. Man? only, ending is highly predictable
-a special case where "Man vs Society" is the only conflict. But then, a letter can only do so much, and the single conflict is well supported enough to make the story entertaining
-conflict may also exist for readers against the truthfulness that is revealed by the story
-"good and evil" cannot be divided. Though humans are generalized to be discriminating against Feebas, some are obvious exceptions.
Diction/Tone- 13/15
14-15 Diction greatly contributes to story components. Tone is very relevant and suitable
12-13 Diction contributes to story components. Tone is suitable but not always relevant
10-11 Diction and tone are suitable but not always relevant
8-9 Diction and tone are sometimes suitable but always relevant
6-7 Diction and tone are sometimes inappropriate and are not relevant
1-5 Diction and tone are inappropriate and are not considered by the author
-dictions are generally effective. A mild tone of complaint is created, which is again, revealing for Feebas' character. Though they feel discriminated, they largely remain calm and understanding.
-starting 3 consecutive paragraphs with "As..." can be kinda boring o.o;
Story Structure- 13/15
14-15 Story structure is carefully planned and greatly contributes to all story components
12-13 Story structure is planned and contributes to most story components
10-11 Story structure is planned and contributes to some story components
8-9 Story structure is slightly weak and sometimes contributes to some story components
6-7 Story structure is weak and rarely contributes to story components
4-5 Story structure is weak and endangers the story components
1-3 Story structure is fragile and damages the story components
feebas are treated like normal pokemon
awkward sentence that goes against the flow of that paragraph... you sure that this is what you're trying to say?
-the 3rd paragraph in the letter isn't very powerful. It's not strong enough to start another paragraph, while it's connected in meaning to the 2nd. I'll just join those 2 paragraphs together, unless you'll further develop the statement regarding Feebas being "dimwitted" and stupid. Right now, the 2nd paragraph mentions Feebas' intelligence with the statement about Alakazam. It makes it fitting for the 3rd paragraph to just join up with the 2nd.
Effort- 9/10
9-10 A great amount of effort is shown. Author?s re-read and editing are apparent.
7-8 A good amount of effort is shown. Further double checking maybe necessary.
5-6 A good amount of effort is shown. Double checking and spell checking are necessary.
1-4 A limited amount of effort is shown. Please use spell check and other helpful devices.
-good amount of effort is shown with a very original idea of a parody
Literal Device Bonus- + 2/15 (Foreshadowing /1, Contradictive Style /1, Foil 1/1, Dramatic Irony /2, Situational Irony /2, Allusion /2, Motif/Symbols /3, Theme 1/3)
Total: 91 {Standard of Excellence}
-it's really hard to compare this fanfic with the other fanfics that got a Standard of Excellence. Character is very weak in comparison to the other fanfic, but do remind yourself that this fanfic is dealing with a character that isn't even a specific character. It's definitely difficult to not be OOC yet talk so much about one entire species of Pokemon, instead of one individual. Though it's not muich, this is probably the most any author can say about the entire species of Feebas unless future generation of the games/anime/manga reveal more about Feebas. A fanfic that's worth a read because of its originality more than its writing skills, I think.
