oni flygon
:)
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re-posted "Valentine's Day"
My best fic IMHO ... X_X;;;
My best fic IMHO ... X_X;;;
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Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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well... I wouldn't choose A Light Kiss to be a story to learn tone from, as this story's most outstanding achievement is all the hidden meanings underneath (or on the marking system, story structure.)
Who picked up the theme of "God vs Devil" in this fanfic, and has found supporting evidence for it? =D
Full of symbolism, and full of metaphor word play... took me 3 reads to find out all of them... (or what I hope as all of them...)
If you want to read a story to improve on character tone, I'll go with Iveechan's story. With the exception to Kay who got the "perfect character" (which Iveechan knew already from what she posted in the story), all the characters are unique in its own way, with a unique voice of their own. It is also a must-read for anyone who wants to write a good Pokemon battle scene. The Pokemon tournament chapters are absolutely amazing in descriptions...
For atmosphere, yes I'll also agree with Summer's Dying Days... This is where the story structure cooperates with the narration in order to establish a certain tone... not that I got attached to Linoone (I'm sorry that my heart froze =p), but the atmosphere is certainly present.
Who picked up the theme of "God vs Devil" in this fanfic, and has found supporting evidence for it? =D
Full of symbolism, and full of metaphor word play... took me 3 reads to find out all of them... (or what I hope as all of them...)
If you want to read a story to improve on character tone, I'll go with Iveechan's story. With the exception to Kay who got the "perfect character" (which Iveechan knew already from what she posted in the story), all the characters are unique in its own way, with a unique voice of their own. It is also a must-read for anyone who wants to write a good Pokemon battle scene. The Pokemon tournament chapters are absolutely amazing in descriptions...
For atmosphere, yes I'll also agree with Summer's Dying Days... This is where the story structure cooperates with the narration in order to establish a certain tone... not that I got attached to Linoone (I'm sorry that my heart froze =p), but the atmosphere is certainly present.
Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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@ The Unown Ones
-i think that you should be using a semicolon after "growing cold" but not certain...
-horn is *always* head only. You need to use another word in place of horn there, such as spike.
-now I *really* start questioning something... Do you actually want "Unown" or Unknown?" O_o; Unown is the Pokemon. Unknown is the word for not knowing (noun or adjective)... Now no readers can really argue against the title, but...
O_o; Now if the speaker is Rukario, why is it calling itself an Unown which is a completely different Pokemon? I *think* that it's a Poke-addict problems with mixing up real words with Pokemon names, like how Caterpie will roll off the tounge easier than saying Caterpillar... However, this is quite a fatal mistake as it resulted in a huge contradiction in terms of identity, which is a major idea in this story...
-title is quite overused... *unless* you do want to use Unown instead of Unknown. Prepare your arguements/supports ready if you do indeed meant to use Unown instead of unknown purposely in your story in order to claim marks refund.
-another problem in this story is that it starts off a lot of detailed illustrations of some plausible symbolisms and motif. They keep reapearing, and Rukario keeps mentioning of it. However, they lead readers to nowhere o.o; It will be best to connect all of those literature devices that you started to the major ideas or plot in your story.
-watch for originality... this is something that's been done plenty of times (even the official Pokemon Movie has Mewtwo doing pretty much the same thing). Besides the fact that this is Rukario being the protagonist, I felt that I've really read this story before...
-this *isn't* a good oneshot, but it *is* a good prologue to a chaptered fiction. A completed work (oneshot or with chapters) must have a beginning and an end. Now, an end isn't necessarily a resolution, but every story must have an end. Right now it feels really unfinished... =/ Cliffhangers aren't suitable endings.
-doesn't feel very much like a Pokemon fanfic... but then again, I'll ignore this one for now since you are using Rukario which we know nothing about
Good Points
-creative character used
-motif
-characterization
Focuses to Improve On
-grammar
-syntax
-need an ending!
Title: 2/5
Grammar Basics: 7/10
Coherence/Readability: 8/10
Characterization: 15/20
Story Structure: 5/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 9/15
Diction: 13/20
Effort/Originality: 10/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (motif)
Total: 70
"Yet" always shows negation. In this statement, "yet" is not needed because the best of the night devouring all other creatures is not an act of kindness to begin with...
-i think that you should be using a semicolon after "growing cold" but not certain...
STRANGE paragraph o.o; first part regarding "feet," "paws and "legs" is very awkward. It's a bit hard to identify which part is which with these terms when we aren't talking about human beings. Really, how does "paws" and "feet" exist on the same creature... just kind of hard. As for the fact that the narrator has been travelling for long distances, it just didn't belong in this paragraph at all. Nothing else in this paragraph relates to this idea, so it's best to save this piece of information for later uses. "Hair" is both singular and plural form already. You can't add a "s" to it.
-horn is *always* head only. You need to use another word in place of horn there, such as spike.
An obvious sign that you really need to rework the syntax or diction in this sentence to avoid so many uses of "and." This is a completely needless repetition.
No idea what you're trying to say here, except somehow the narrator is confused as if suffering from an amnesia.
The mountain isn't harsh. The *weather* is harsh, or the condition on the mountain. It's just really awkward there...
Why was I *standing* still
-now I *really* start questioning something... Do you actually want "Unown" or Unknown?" O_o; Unown is the Pokemon. Unknown is the word for not knowing (noun or adjective)... Now no readers can really argue against the title, but...
O_o; Now if the speaker is Rukario, why is it calling itself an Unown which is a completely different Pokemon? I *think* that it's a Poke-addict problems with mixing up real words with Pokemon names, like how Caterpie will roll off the tounge easier than saying Caterpillar... However, this is quite a fatal mistake as it resulted in a huge contradiction in terms of identity, which is a major idea in this story...
-title is quite overused... *unless* you do want to use Unown instead of Unknown. Prepare your arguements/supports ready if you do indeed meant to use Unown instead of unknown purposely in your story in order to claim marks refund.
-another problem in this story is that it starts off a lot of detailed illustrations of some plausible symbolisms and motif. They keep reapearing, and Rukario keeps mentioning of it. However, they lead readers to nowhere o.o; It will be best to connect all of those literature devices that you started to the major ideas or plot in your story.
-watch for originality... this is something that's been done plenty of times (even the official Pokemon Movie has Mewtwo doing pretty much the same thing). Besides the fact that this is Rukario being the protagonist, I felt that I've really read this story before...
-this *isn't* a good oneshot, but it *is* a good prologue to a chaptered fiction. A completed work (oneshot or with chapters) must have a beginning and an end. Now, an end isn't necessarily a resolution, but every story must have an end. Right now it feels really unfinished... =/ Cliffhangers aren't suitable endings.
-doesn't feel very much like a Pokemon fanfic... but then again, I'll ignore this one for now since you are using Rukario which we know nothing about
Good Points
-creative character used
-motif
-characterization
Focuses to Improve On
-grammar
-syntax
-need an ending!
Title: 2/5
Grammar Basics: 7/10
Coherence/Readability: 8/10
Characterization: 15/20
Story Structure: 5/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 9/15
Diction: 13/20
Effort/Originality: 10/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (motif)
Total: 70
Geometric-sama
The Manly Man of Steel
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*sticks Fwosty dear's frozen heart in an oven* Better?
How long will your "Fanfic Analysis" thing take? *is dying for more reviews* XD
How long will your "Fanfic Analysis" thing take? *is dying for more reviews* XD
Strawberry Delcatty
Neko daisuki-na no nya!
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Chapter 4 of my HMW revision is taking longer than I thought. Sorry if I'm going too slow...
EDIT: Argh! What is wrong with me?! I didn't think that it'll be taking me THIS long to have the chapter 4. To be honest, I never liked the original chapter 4 that much, but now (in my eyes) it's pure gold compared to what I'm writing.
I didn't expect that all of chapter 4 would end up being changed.
EDIT: Argh! What is wrong with me?! I didn't think that it'll be taking me THIS long to have the chapter 4. To be honest, I never liked the original chapter 4 that much, but now (in my eyes) it's pure gold compared to what I'm writing.
I didn't expect that all of chapter 4 would end up being changed.
Last edited:
Dragonfree
Teh Spwriter. :3
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I posted a new one-shot, Chains. It's my most symbolic piece ever, and I consider it one of my best... *urges everybody to go read it*
Strawberry Delcatty
Neko daisuki-na no nya!
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I'll read it ASAP. Meow.Dragonfree said:
Geometric-sama
The Manly Man of Steel
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I had a quick scan of it, I'll do a full review later. I just did feedback on Aiya's piece... it ended up being 1500 words including quotes *sweatdrop*
Aiya Quackform
Her High Quackiness
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And you rock for it! Thanks, JA, I appreciate it. Hopefully, the rewrite will be up in a couple days. I have some more rewriting to do, and some of it won't be easy.Jedi_Amara said:
Strawberry Delcatty
Neko daisuki-na no nya!
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Chapter 4 of my HMW revision is up. I doubt it's very good, but that's just me. Anyway, read and review please.
I'll check out Dragonfree's one-shot and some other fics later.
I'll check out Dragonfree's one-shot and some other fics later.
Geometric-sama
The Manly Man of Steel
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Hope it helped, Aiya. ^^;
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Frostweaver
Ancient + Prehistoric
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Mewthreee said:
*eyes burn due to a lack-of-paragraph improperly script formatted fanfic*
Not that I need to read it to know that it's not going to be a very enjoyable fanfic... just literally need to skim in 10 secs =/ Refer to the basic Pokemon Fanfic Writing FAQ
I'll be gone for 2 days ^^; Visiting a friend for the Easter holiday
*wants a hug from Lily* .______.
Lily
◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
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*hugs frosty*
;; bye! I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier. x_x;
thanks willow-in-da-wisp. :O
;; bye! I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier. x_x;
thanks willow-in-da-wisp. :O
Strawberry Delcatty
Neko daisuki-na no nya!
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Great. There goes my chance of getting a review.
I feel so ignored here.
I feel so ignored here.
Geometric-sama
The Manly Man of Steel
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Don't worry Neko. Want me to review your fic? That's right, you asked me to didn't you?
*gives Lily dear a hug to give to Fwosty dear*
@ Mewthreee: You're not allowed to talk about your own fic as a hit series! XD
*gives Lily dear a hug to give to Fwosty dear*
@ Mewthreee: You're not allowed to talk about your own fic as a hit series! XD
Strawberry Delcatty
Neko daisuki-na no nya!
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Yes, yes!Jedi_Amara said:
*rubs against Jedi's leg* Neko will be very happy! :D
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Join the club :( I think I should redo the first chapter because it might make readers assume my fic is a regular trainer fic, when in fact all the hints to it being a regular trainer was actually making fun of the Anime, but then I relized people actually do it because they have no original ideas
Avegaille
Misaka Mikoto > you.
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>I'm trying to revise my fic and I jsut did.... maybe I should advertise it on my sig for people to read and give out comments at least....
Flatulus
God of Wind
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Destiny of Understanding is now up to chapter 6, some reveiws this time will be nice but not vital as i already know the lastest chapter is bad and the fic on a whole is considered bad by FrostWeaver... it's just be nice to be reminded of why I write it...
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