Fanfiction Lounge

[Geometric-sama]

We should have a "writers' club" and swap reviews. ^^

 

[oni flygon]

I already made one at the clubs forum...>.>
https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=34484

 

[Frostweaver]

>I wish some people here would review mine at least.........

If you want, I can review the fanfic for you, that is as long as you're willing to live up to waiting for 3 weeks (ahahahaha *nervous laugh* I blame my 4 tests on Friday) on top of possibly harsh criticism =p

If you're still willing to, just PM me with a link to your story and I'll put you into the review quene ^^;;

Same for anyone else who's interested of course. I'll try to do 1 reviews every 2 days latest with the exception of this week due to the 4 tests.

 

[IceKing]

Hey, I wanted to say that I'll start reviewing peoples fics since I know how annoying it is to post to thin air. PM me if you want a review! My reviews arent quite as good as Frostweavers or Jedi Amara's, but hey their still reviews

 

[Breezy]

Hoennshipping is evil. >_>

XP So true! Whoever created it needs to . . . get rid of it somehow heh.

*whistles innocently*

>I wish some people here would review mine at least.........

That's to me huh? >> I don't review at SPPf anymore heh, but I'll review here if you keep bugging me lol.

 

[Frostweaver]

@ Memory, @ Accolade

(starting with Memory first)

-"just" is not a conjunction so it results in a run on sentence

-"Big Whitney" is a proper noun so the b needs to be capitalized too. You definitely implied "big" as part of the name there regardless if that is what you want in the first place.

-regarding the word "shopping," well the fact that it isn't exactly English until the very recent years really do not help... Shopping is acceptable as a noun, an adjective, and a very special verb. Shopping is a noun "I love shopping" which is obvious. It can be an adjective, which is also definite if we look carefully: "I went to the shopping mall yesterday." What kind of mall? A *shopping* mall. You can even use it as a verb with "Let's go shopping!" Now look at "Let's go to eat!" Shopping kinda replaced the verb of "to shop" too. No one says "to shop" anymore but "shopping" to replace "to shop." So yes in the context of the fanfic, shopping is used correctly.

-some of the double quotation marks are missing for some reason XD;

-now randomly generated numbers that aren't meant to do anything are NEVER a good sign... be vague about numbers, such as "few, several, many" and so on. I really don't see the significance of 37, with 1 alive and 36 dead... If you want to see how chaotic things can get over a number, refer to Macbeth and the 3 witches inside, and talk to an english teacher about it =p

-though I understand that the main focus of Accolade isn't on Jordan, but Jordan sounds quite abnormal about his father's return... his father finally returned to him after so many years, yet right now he doesn't sound angry or upset about it.

-another set of well written fanfics as always... what can I say but another excellent fanfic? Even though I personally feel offended by reading it and won't like it... But regardless of how much I'll love to disagree with the point that the theme of the story is trying to prove, it is well supported, with both fanfics helping each other's theme to develop, which is worth praising about.

-short point of plot: very high predictability o.O; very obvious that Katy is an imaginary friend from the beginning especially after mentioning that Jake's brother left for a journey, or how his mom now works for TR (whichever one comes first gave away the rest of the story). As for Accolade, when the father talked of how he infilitrated the HQ years ago, it got very predictable regarding his reason of visit... in an angst fanfic, mystery is your best friend which seems to be absent here. (i only took off 2 marks off originality for this, a -1 for each story making a -2... as this is kinda plot related... bored me since I predicted the endig at latest half way, so I didn't get the angsty feeling that the fanfic is definitely trying to produce, killing the mood greatly... however at the same time, maybe it's just me who's picking up the ending as "obvious" so I don't want to take marks off mood with this too. In the atmosphere department, I took off points in it due to Jordan's awkward response and his lack-of-emotion state in front of his father...)

Good Points
-story structure (excellent)
-implication/hidden story

Focuses to Improve On
-grammar (minor though)
-clarity (mainly with character names... lack of reinforcement regarding who is related with who)

Title: 5/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 18/20
Story Structure: 15/15 *well done!*
Tone/Atmosphere: 13/15
Diction: 17/20
Effort/Originality: 13/15
Lit. Device bonus: +5 (juxtaposition and contrast +2, irony, theme/main idea +2)

Total: 93

Another would-have-been Standard of Excellence Fanfic but then only one awarded story for each author =p

However, this review isn't as accurate as always... because of that predictability thing I mentioned earlier... It did kill a lot of mood, tone or the expected angsty feelings for me making this story very... not so enjoyable for me, but seems too plot-related to take marks off... I am not certain rather taking off 2 is the right thing to do, or if it's too little for such a critical point... so yeah.

 

[Geometric-sama]

Thanks for the review, Fwosty dear~ XD

I don't know what Jordan is thinking. Maybe he's in shock XD

Big is NOT PART OF THE NAME! It's a DESCRIPTION! I'm sure I already said that o_O

 

[Dragonfree]

Just wondering... if somebody writes two Standard of Excellence fics, do they get to choose which one gets a spot in your sig or is the first one just stuck there forever?

 

[Avegaille]

XP So true! Whoever created it needs to . . . get rid of it somehow heh.

*whistles innocently*

You were the ones who created Hoennshipping in the first place! o_O;;;

That's to me huh? >> I don't review at SPPf anymore heh, but I'll review here if you keep bugging me lol.

Yeah, I will keep bugging you om msn if you don't! XD

---------

And for everyone else...... I'd appreciate reviews on my revised fic.... and chapter 5 is coming up! The fic is on my sig!

 

[Breezy]

XP So true! Whoever created it needs to . . . get rid of it somehow heh.

*whistles innocently*

You were the ones who created Hoennshipping in the first place! o_O;;;

Yeah well... whatcha gonna do about it if you hate the shipping you help kickstart it. I didn't create it btw, just the name cuz I didn't know the real name. ^_^;

And yes, I know you will big me heh.

Anyways, I updated the uber crappy, why-the-hell-is-it-ff-of-the-week, even-though-I-revised-it-it-still-sucks May I in which I wished I could of changed the title, but people know it by that.

Ja. Enjoy the major dialogue in that one. X3

 

[Avegaille]

Yeah well... whatcha gonna do about it if you hate the shipping you help kickstart it. I didn't create it btw, just the name cuz I didn't know the real name. ^_^;

Well...... I don't know..... I'm not much into shippings, but since May is in it, I have to support it!

I like any shipping as long as May is in it and the shipping is good!

As for fics I don't get the last statement of yours!

 

[Frostweaver]

Just wondering... if somebody writes two Standard of Excellence fics, do they get to choose which one gets a spot in your sig or is the first one just stuck there forever?

Whichever one I think is better (regardless of which one scored a higher mark), or whichever one can convey more varieties of writing techniques. It can definitely be changed.

 

[Strawberry Delcatty]

Here's the plot for the fic that I'm currently planning.

A sad time has fallen over the world of Myumajo. The king's beloved wife has died, and he decided to ask a sorceress who was a close friend for help. Believing that this was an opportunity to finally reach her goal after years of failure, the sorceress told the king that she'll make a miracle potion.

After hearing the news, the sorceress's daughter, Nyaomi helped her mother gather the needed ingredients. However, most of them were hard to find. Some were to believe that didn't even exist anymore. Nevertheless, the sorceress and her daughter continued their search.

Just when all but the last few ingredients were found, unfortunately, something happened that made everything turn for the worse. Zindo, a young mischievious wizard apprentice, has made a dare with Nyaomi to enter into another world by the Crystal Portal at Sapphire Echo Canyon. Nyaomi accepted the challenge, but it resulted in her being stuck in a strange world known as the Johto region. What was even worse was that she couldn't go back to Myumajo after being in another world for a certain period of time. She eventually managed to adjust to the strange new world until the day before her trainer journey. Despite learning a lot about Pokemon (and being very familiar with one), Nyaomi didn't want to go because of her identity. Unfortunately, she ended up going against her wishes.

Early in her trainer journey, however, three of king's servants found Nyaomi and told her that they have opened the Crystal Portal. Nyaomi mentioned her goal to collect the Johto Gym Badges, and the servants told her that it'll be open for another year. Upon hearing the mention of the miracle potion from the servants, however, Nyaomi got an idea: finding some of the final ingredients of the miracle potion in the world she was currently in. Now she must complete her goals before time runs out.

Anything that needs to be improved?

 

[Geometric-sama]

That sounds nice ^^ A nice fantasy type fic. The idea for my next fic is something like this:

In the real world, Pok?mon aren't known. Only a select few may partake of the goodness of Pok?mon, and they can be identified by the small electronic devices they carry with them - Pok?Gear. (Yes, I know this sounds like Digimon, but bear with me.) These privileged few know that Pok?mon exist, but they are never able to touch them - they see them, and their opponents from around the world, only by means of special video screens. Battles are carried out not by spoken instruction, but by using tokens - and these tokens can grant special powers to the Pok?mon. When a trainer is in peril, her Pok?mon must find a way to access the real world and save her - time is running out.

Comments?

 

[Frostweaver]

to both reviews: when a *SUMMARY* is more than 4 lines long, it's some identication that you should probably redo the summary and shorten the length... it's not really serving its functions if the readers need to read that much in order to decide rather s/he is attracted to the story. Make it shorter and direct to the point.

 

[Flatulus]

I've added another chapter to 'Destiny of Understanding' and next week I'll start revising the whole thing... In about 10 day the fic will be of a much higher quality and I'll start asking well known reviewers to review it.

I'd like to know whether anyone her is actually intrested in my posts here about my fic, or do you all think it is a waste of forum space?

 

[Casual Billy]

Just here to announce that I will become a reviewer here too. I'm still gonna continue on with my fic but the updates will be less frequent (partially because I'm changing the plot a little bit from what I had before). So, there it is.

PS - I can just do that, right? I don't need some kind of license or anything do I?

 

[Breezy]

I liked your fic Flatulus. 'Course, then again, I haven't read it in awhile. ^^;

If you need a license to review then I... I... [insert witty comment here since Breezy can't think of one].

But no, you can review on your own free will.

 

[Geometric-sama]

We need a list of reviewers with the number of reviews each has on his/her waiting list so people know who to ask for reviews.

I have 3 on my list: 1. Frosty's beta read. 2. HMW. 3. WPC.

 

[Aiya Quackform]

I'd like to be a reviewer, but right now I'm really busy. I'm also about to judge a competition at another forum. I'll probably start taking requests within a couple weeks. (I know I don't do much reviewing here, but I'm really not bad at it when I sit myself down and actually do it.)