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The Mirror Never Lies

4,227
Posts
19
Years
    • Seen Aug 11, 2009
    Okay. One, Chapter 12 isn't up yet. Two, that post was referring to Chapter 12 (I'll quote what I'm talking about when it's up). Three, I'm not going to hit the few mistakes here (leave it for AE), but I would like to highlight something:
    She went to sit by the fire and, as an afterthought, she glared at Fred again.
    "Oh, and remind me to never, ever have children with you." she grit out, "Under no circumstances, even if it would ensure the survival of the human species!"

    ...Um, this is the kind of thing two people who were DATING would say, so...are we missing something...?
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Okay. One, Chapter 12 isn't up yet. Two, that post was referring to Chapter 12 (I'll quote what I'm talking about when it's up). Three, I'm not going to hit the few mistakes here (leave it for AE)

    Hehe, actually, I got it eventually. ^.^' Silly, slow Ria ^.^' Yeah, you might have to wait for Ch12 for a bit because I had a virus outbreak and lost EVERYTHING. All I have left is a skinny beta (more of a storyboard, really) which I backed up way before :( The next chapter will be up as planned, though, so no worries :D

    ...Um, this is the kind of thing two people who were DATING would say, so...are we missing something...?

    What? Don't be silly, I kid around with my mates like that all the time. Naw, Fay and Fred are just friends, if they were anything more, trust me, you'd know. ;) Maybe if you took it literally, MAYBE then it would have such a conotation, but in this case, it was just a joke ;)
     

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Ria said:
    "I miss Yarch's ship." she complained grumpily, "I mean, sure the trip ended with me almost drowning, then freezing, then getting killed by an insane pokemon, then being captured, but at least there were cocktails."

    Nyah, the full stop after "complained grumpily" should be a comma. Shocking but true. Also, I noticed that Fay mentioned "getting killed", even for tactical exaggeration that is a bit of an overstatement. Just thought I'd point it out.
    Ria said:
    Her wish came true in the form of a sudden halt which caused her to lunge forward, her head colliding with an odd, seemingly useless chandelier, hanging from the ceiling.

    No comma needed after "chandelier".
    Ria said:
    "Yes, we are and in good time too!" the girl who looked like Lola giggled as she passed by with an armful of dishes, "We'll have lunch together and then turn back."

    The question was "Are we there yet?" therefore the logical answer is "yes we are", not "yes we have".
    Ria said:
    Fay looked around and realised that everyone was busy with cooking-oriented chores. Svadlav went to join Senka and Ilvire who had gathered up some dry branches to build a fire and Kveroslava was fussing nearby, while tossing various vegetables into a large pot.

    'Everyone' is a singular expression, therefore 'was' rather than 'were'. Also, the comma after "Kveroslava was fussing nearby" is redundant.
    Ria said:
    Fay exchanged incredulous glances with Luno and they hurried in the direction Fred was shouting from, leaving Woopy behind to play with Ilvire.

    Comma needed after "shouting from".
    Ria said:
    "Hey, that's no way to train a pokemon." Luno remarked in a disapproving tone, "I'm glad he's not my trainer."

    Comma rather than full stop after "a dissaproving tone" since the stuff after it is continuing the first quotation.
    Ria said:
    Woopy stared at her amused trainer and then, before looking up, at the bird and bursting out laughing in her own way. The Hoothoot puffed his feathers up and glared at Fred accusingly.

    Commas needed on both sides of "before looking up" to avoid confusion. It actually took me a while to decipher that one so I hope I got your intention right.
    Ria said:
    Fay almost dropped her mug from shock at the sudden noise. She and Fred exchanged stunned looks before jumping to their feet. They called back their pokemon and Fay showed Ilvire to follow them and they all hurried in the direction the clamor was coming from.

    The double 'and's aren't looking to graceful there. You might want to try a more eloquent sentence structure for better flow.
    Ria said:
    Just as Fred and Fay broke out of the shrubbery on one side of a small clearing, a boy roughly their age dashed out at the opposite end, apparently running from something. He slided to a stop when he spotted them and there was a frozen moment where they all just stared at each other. Fay had to admit that she'd never seen such a strange person in her entire life.

    Ho-hum, I'm pretty sure that the past tense of 'slide' is 'slid', not 'slided'. o.O
    Ria said:
    The boy's dark blue eyes were the only thing that seemed sharp on him, everything else seemed rather scruffy; his auburn hair was shaggy and he was wearing a ridiculous brown, tweed suit which had seen better days. It was clean but shabby and patched on the elbows. He even had a silly, matching top hat, equally scruffy as the rest of his attire.

    Nyah, in keeping with the past tense it's "a suit which had seen better days". Also, the last bit (which I underlined) sounds kind of odd. I'm not sure about it though, so I won't risk correcting something which might be correct.
    Ria said:
    The boy - Jasper, Fay assumed - took a shaky step back, grinning nervously at his attackers.
    "Blimey, look who's here!" he beamed at them uneasily, "Fancy meeting you guys in these parts...eheh...imagine, running into each other in this huge forest, eh?"

    You could replace the commas around "Jasper, Fay assumed" with the line-thingies to make it clearer. Also, the 'nervously' should be before "at his attackers" rather than after it.


    Anyways, that's just about all the things that bothered me about this chapter. Sucks about the last one, though. I think I kind of know how you feel since my harddrive broke a while back and since the backup files had gone missing that means I lost absolutely everything stored on that computer, which wasn't too nice. <.< Anyways, Jasper made me laugh. He's a regular little weasle, isn't he? Something about him reminds me of a game character, but I can't recall who that character is. o.O Oh, and Fred sure has an...unusual taste in nicknames, doesn't he? Poor guy. xD Well, I'll be waiting for the next (And previous) chapters as always. ^^
     
    4,227
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    19
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    • Seen Aug 11, 2009
    0.0 *GASP* Alter Ego missed something!! AHH, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The sound of timid footsteps caught Fay's attention and she looked over her shoulder to see that Ilvire had approached them and was watching the scene wistfully. He was an odd child, quiet and shy. While his sister, Senka, was a right little chatterbox, eager to go everywhere and speak to everyone, he was her polar opposite. In fact, Fay could almost sweart she hadn't heard the boy utter a single word during the whole trip.

    ..."sweart"?

    Oh, and that line should be corrected as "Woopy stared at her amused trainer before looking up at the bird and bursting out laughing in her own way. The Hoothoot puffed his feathers up and glared at Fred accusingly." The "and then" is unnecessary.

    And lest I forget, Ria,
    Ria said:
    What? Don't be silly, I kid around with my mates like that all the time. Naw, Fay and Fred are just friends, if they were anything more, trust me, you'd know. ;)Maybe if you took it literally, MAYBE then it would have such a conotation, but in this case, it was just a joke ;)

    If that's how you kid around, then...actually, no, I'm just going to leave it at "How ELSE could that line be taken?"
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Also, I noticed that Fay mentioned "getting killed", even for tactical exaggeration that is a bit of an overstatement. Just thought I'd point it out.

    Maybe you're right, but we don't really know what's been going through Milly's head at the time. I put it there for gradation's sake, though, so I guess we could just say that Fay tends to exaggerate when she's annoyed ;) (which is quite true, actually :D)



    The question was "Are we there yet?" therefore the logical answer is "yes we are", not "yes we have".

    Ack! Blame it on the tea break! What is it about yellow Limpton tea that makes you forget about EVERYTHING else? O.O'


    'Everyone' is a singular expression, therefore 'was' rather than 'were'. Also, the comma after "Kveroslava was fussing is redundant.

    Oh yeah...O.O Why didn't I notice that? O.O' Off to fix! :D


    Commas needed on both sides of "before looking up" to avoid confusion. It actually took me a while to decipher that one so I hope I got your intention right.

    Hehe, yeah I do that sometimes ^.^' I wrote the darn thing so I tend to forget it's not as clear to other people as it is to me ^.^' I'll fix it. :D

    EDIT: I figured out what's wrong. There was an extra "and then" for some reason ^.^' I took care of it.


    Ho-hum, I'm pretty sure that the past tense of 'slide' is 'slid', not 'slided'. o.O

    Yeah, about that, like I said in my yesterday's post (which was HUGE but I lost it when that one-hour-modification thingy struck :tired:), I gave that a long thought ever since the "Seaman's Tales" chapter (there's a similar situation there too, when they miss the train ;) ) and, while the past tense of 'slide' really IS 'slid', this just sounds...well...right. And I decided to just leave it until I can find a better solution :(


    Nyah, in keeping with the past tense it's "a suit which had seen better days". Also, the last bit (which I underlined) sounds kind of odd. I'm not sure about it though, so I won't risk correcting something which might be correct.

    I'll check it out ;) EDIT:Oh, I see what you mean. Naw, I'm pretty sure it's okay, just imagine there's a "which was" relative clause. It can be left out, though, so I did to avoid an overuse of the words 'which' and 'was'


    You could replace the commas around "Jasper, Fay assumed" with the line-thingies to make it clearer. Also, the 'nervously' should be before "at his attackers" rather than after it.

    Consider it done! :D


    Sucks about the last one, though. I think I kind of know how you feel since my harddrive broke a while back and since the backup files had gone missing that means I lost absolutely everything stored on that computer, which wasn't too nice. <.<

    No worries. ;) I'll make it so that it's even better, you'll see. :D

    Anyways, Jasper made me laugh. He's a regular little weasle, isn't he? Something about him reminds me of a game character, but I can't recall who that character is. o.O

    It's not impossible. ;) He's actually based on every one of those roguish, yet loveable scoundrels that ever featured in any book, movie or game ;) I just love him! ^o^ There's SO much about him...ack, no. I really shouldn't ^.^'

    Hehe... /grinns a grinly little grin/ :badsmile: I'm even thinking of doing an entire seperate fanfic arc all about him and his (mis)fortunes but that's, like, very, very distant (almost SciFi, really) future when I have more *gasp* TIME. O.O'


    0.0 *GASP* Alter Ego missed something!! AHH, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The end of the world!?!?! *grabs a cookie*

    ...

    What am I doing? o.O'



    ..."sweart"?

    Ye olde anglelangue...naw, not really ^.^ Heh, thank's for pointing it out ;)

    Oh, and that line should be corrected as "Woopy stared at her amused trainer before looking up at the bird and bursting out laughing in her own way. The Hoothoot puffed his feathers up and glared at Fred accusingly." The "and then" is unnecessary.

    I'll see what I can do. Thanks. :D


    If that's how you kid around, then...actually, no, I'm just going to leave it at "How ELSE could that line be taken?"

    Aaaargh! As a joke! Joke! You know - joke? When someone says something intended to be FUNNY. I mean, come ON, it's not even REMOTELY related to anything real. If they WERE together or anything like that, don't you think such a statement from Fay would be a bit disturbing? O.O' I can't believe that's the only possible context you see for this sentence. Looks like I'll have to elaborate with an example:

    /curtain lifts/
    My best mate Vic: Gah, a kid just threw up on me! Them little buggers should be locked up until they're 13!
    Me: Sheesh, remind me never to have kids with you!
    *people present chuckle*
    /curtain down/

    It's a JOKE! :tired:

    In the end; fine. If it bothers you THAT much, I'll change it. This isn't the full version of the fic anyway, so it doesn't really matter. But I really don't think it's SUCH a big deal.

    PS: Sorry if that came off as angry, I'm really not, I'm just jumpy ever since the race on Sunday. Stupid Schumacher *mutter* *mutter* the only reason he *mutter* wins is *mutter* cheap sabotage *mutter* :tired:
     
    Last edited:
    4,227
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    19
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    • Seen Aug 11, 2009
    Aaaargh! As a joke! Joke! You know - joke? When someone says something intended to be FUNNY. I mean, come ON, it's not even REMOTELY related to anything real. If they WERE together or anything like that, don't you think such a statement from Fay would be a bit disturbing? O.O' I can't believe that's the only possible context you see for this sentence. Looks like I'll have to elaborate with an example:

    /curtain lifts/
    My best mate Vic: Gah, a kid just threw up on me! Them little buggers should be locked up until they're 13!
    Me: Sheesh, remind me never to have kids with you!
    *people present chuckle*
    /curtain down/

    It's a JOKE! :tired:

    In the end; fine. If it bothers you THAT much, I'll change it. This isn't the full version of the fic anyway, so it doesn't really matter. But I really don't think it's SUCH a big deal.

    PS: Sorry if that came off as angry, I'm really not, I'm just jumpy ever since the race on Sunday. Stupid Schumacher *mutter* *mutter* the only reason he *mutter* wins is *mutter* cheap sabotage *mutter* :tired:

    Well, there's joking (like I'm kinda doing now) and there's going too far. Eh, maybe it's cause there seemed to me to be other hints to that, too...but I'm not going to go hunt one down right now,...'cause...I'm lazy! OH NOOO!

    Now GIMME THAT COOKIE! No more cookies for you, remember? You want food, TAKE A DONUT! *runs off to blow up nearest Dunkin Donuts*
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Haha, I just knew something would come up yesterday! Good thing I scheduled an alternative date for the new chappy. In your face, Murphy! :P

    Chapter XIV: "Sound of Silence"

    It took a moment for Fay to recover from the shock at the sight of the pokemon Jasper had just released. She opened her mouth to comment, but Fred beat her to it.

    "An Aipom!?" he snapped at Jasper, "You bet our chances on-on that thing!?"

    He stabbed his finger in the direction of the little, purple pokemon angrily, causing it to clamber up Jasper's sleeve and settle on his shoulder.

    Jasper grinned and puffed up his chest proudly.
    "Oh, come on, fess up! It was a spectacular bluff!" he sniggered, "On the other hand, I daresay these chaps weren't too bright to begin with, if you catch my drift. Why, I practically have them taped."

    "Didn't look like it a few minutes back." Luno growled tartly.

    Fay decided to save the little calmness she had left so she shook her head with a jaded sigh.
    "What did they think you were going to let out anyway?" she asked eventually.

    Jasper looked a bit uneasy.
    "Er- long story." he muttered unclearly before throwing on another grin, "Ah, but bless me for bein' an idiot if I haven't gone and forgotten me manners! I am Jasper, the traveling TM merchant, part-time magician, tour guide and entertainer extraordinaire."

    He bowed extravagantly and the Aipom gave a little squeak as it was forced to balance on his shoulder. Jasper sniggered and pointed at the pokemon with his thumb.
    "Oh, and this is Woodward." he remarked casually.

    Fay stared.
    "Right, that's it!" she snapped suddenly, "I can't deal with this without tea. Come on, back to the camp with us and then we'll talk."

    ***

    They were soon back inside the warm circle of their campfire. While the pokemon ate, Jasper babbled over a warm mug of tea.
    "This day's looking up, I should say." he remarked cheerfully, "Warm fire, good tea and charming company."

    He grinned at Fay disarmingly but she glared back, not at all in the mood for flattery.
    "How about some answers to top it all?" she grit out crossly.

    Jasper slouched back casually.
    "Fair enough." he remarked idly, "What would you like to know, oh my valiant saviours?"

    "How about why were those thugs after you?" Fred asked, not at all bothering to hide a very suspicious look.

    The strange boy grinned suddenly.
    "Well, rather a funny story, actually." he sniggered, "You've noticed this whole funny business with our black-leather clad friends, no? Well, I know you have, miss Longfellow."

    He gave Fay a mock-gallant nod.
    "Well, so did I." he spoke on, "I knew they'd be trouble from the first attack they launched about two years back."

    "Well informed, are we?" the girl asked dryly.

    The smile Jasper flashed her shone with pride.
    "Oh, yes." he said, "I do so try. You see, miss Longfellow, my little TM business brings me enough funds to get by fairly well, but proper information can buy you your skin if needs be. I learned that a long time ago."

    He waited for a comment from his audience, but none came so he decided to continue.
    "I made a little effort to approach the group." he said imprecisely, "As I said, good information is very valuable...not to mention addictive. I get about quite a bit, if I may say so myself. I hear all sorts of...things, you know what I mean?

    His eyes sparkled with smugness as he spoke on.
    "I gave them precious little every now and then." he snickered furtively, "You know, a bit of info here, a tad of news there and – voila! They grew to depend on me more than they even knew themselves."

    "He sure can tell a story." Luno remarked from his spot next to Fay, "You have to give him that much."

    Fay sent her pokemon a quick smile before looking back at Jasper.
    "So...can you share some of that 'precious' information with us?" she asked him carefully.

    The boy gave a lazy nod.
    "I suppose." he mused, "You did make an effort to save my skin back there...and you treated me to some very good tea."

    He waved his mug in their general direction with a charming grin.
    "Plus, I daresay we share a common goal." he added with a shrewd wink, "What little I've found is quite enough to make me want to stop them from achieving their plan."

    Fred groaned impatiently.
    "Will you have mercy on us and tell us already?" he snapped.

    Jasper threw him an amused look.
    "Tsk, so eager." he chuckled, "If only you knew how much patience, time and effort I put into gathering what you'll hear in just minutes..."

    Fay rolled her eyes.
    "Jasper, please?" she sighed tiredly, "It's late and this has been a lousy day. Can we just get on with it?"

    "Your wish is my command, m'lady." the boy replied immediately with another mock-courteous nod, "I'll share what little I've found."

    He sipped his tea pensively as if pondering where to start from.
    "The group itself is built around one man." he began eventually, "A gentleman to whom my former sources refered as, simply, Mr. J. R. Dryton. A rich chap, apparently. He had dedicated his entire life to studying pokemon and, some ten years back, he retired from the public life and concentrated all of his time and considerable funds to his research."

    Jasper glanced at his tea pensively and shrugged.
    "It looks like from that point it was a chain reaction." he mused, "Money bought top-notch lab equipment, but more people had to be hired to work it. With so much people around his precious research, security was required so he hired elite trainers to guard him and his work. As time passed, the group grew. Mr. Dryton made himself untouchable and his study advanced to astronomic magnitude. No one knows what happened next."

    Fay frowned.
    "How is that possible?" she asked, perplexed, causing Jasper to grin ruefully.

    "Ah...maybe that wasn't the right way to put it." he admitted, "I mean, sure, we know what happened generally. They turned from a research group to conquerors, which wasn't really all that hard with the forces he had gathered to guard his work and himself. No one I spoke to knew exactly why, though. They get paid well and were promised power, so they follow orders."

    Fred shook his head irritably.
    "Ran out of money, I'd wager." he grit out, "That's why they started attacking everyone."

    Fay stared into the fire pensively.
    "But they don't steal money, they take pokemon." she pondered, "And if most of his men are mercenaries, they'd make tracks as soon as they realised that their pay is at risk. There's got to be something else..."

    "They found something." she concluded suddenly, "Like-like that thing they did to Milly's baby."

    Jasper nodded.
    "That's about as much as I figured out too." he agreed, "But, just before we-ah...had our fallingout, so to speak, I managed to-er...overhear a thing or two about the so-called 'diamond' pokemon that ol' bastard Benedict uses."

    He leaned in clandestinely.
    "A couple of things, you see, just didn't make sense." he said conspiratorly, "For one thing, if Mr. Dryton is the main guy, how come that that twit Benedict has the most powerful pokem-well...whatever? Or, why are they looking for this 'final achievement' thing when Benedict can control it just fine? Or, if they found a way to create such creatures, why did they only make one?"

    Fred shrugged.
    "It could be all sorts of reasons." he said pensively, "I doubt diamond pokeballs come cheap, for one thing."

    Jasper chuckled.
    "No, I imagine they wouldn't." he said, "I heard, though, that it was a one-time thing. An incident in one of the laboratories which resulted in-well...the creature, or whatever you might call it. They are probably working on re-creating the conditions right now, but there's something else, something even more disturbing."

    He seemed slightly uncomfortable.
    "I heard that the 'diamond' pokemon was actually meant to be a copy of something much more frightening." he said with a somewhat nervous look, "It didn't go quite as planned, but it resulted in heavy warfare anyway. Apparently, the original is unstable, so they don't really have the guts to use it until they have the means to control it flawlessly."

    "The Final Achievement." Fay muttered.

    "Oh, come on!" Fred snapped, "That's just a myth!"

    Jasper shrugged.
    "I don't know, mate." he said neutrally, "They're wasting lots of time and resources, chasing that 'myth'. There's bound to be some truth in it."

    Fay yawned slightly and glanced to where Ilvire was snoozing.
    "Well, maybe things'll be a bit clearer when we get to Lotus." she murmured sleepily.

    Jasper perked up immidiately.
    "Ah, going to Lotus, my pilgrim friends?" he asked cheerfully, "Well, you'll need my linguistic abilities, then!"

    Fred frowned at him.
    "What are you talking about?" he asked tetchily, "We can speak for ourselves, thank you."

    Jasper sniggered. He seemed to be having a good time.
    "Not this time, I wager." he said in an amused tone, "Lotus is a village of monks, my friend. Sworn to silence, all of them."

    Fay's eyes widened in comprehension as she glanced at the sleeping boy.
    "Oh! Now I see why Kveroslava is sending Ilvire there!" she said suddenly.

    "Yeah, the poor nipper will blend in, if nothing else." Jasper agreed, "What I'm saying is, you need a good guide if you want to communicate with them."

    Fred rolled his eyes with a groan.
    "Jeez, come on!" he snapped, "Figures. There's just one place like that in the whole of Rylan and that's where we need to go!"

    Luno shuffled his fur gruffly.
    "Welcome to our world." he growled.

    Jasper threw on a wide grin.
    "That's where yours truly comes in." he remarked, "I visit the monk fellows every month or so to do business and exchange info. You know, for a remote mountain village, they sure are well informed. It must be all the strong trainers going there to practice and catch rare pokemon."

    He seemed to remember something, so he reached for his bag.
    "Oh, speaking of business, how about some TMs for my valiant saviours?" he rummaged through the contents of his pack before taking out two discs and tossing one to Fay and the other to Fred, "There you go, free of charge. No, no, I'll hear none of it, you need those more than I do. You kind of suck right now, quite frankly."

    Fred turned the disc in his hand.
    "Aerial Ace?" he wrinkled his nose in mild distaste, "That's an amateur move!"

    Jasper shrugged with an as-you-like-it grin.
    "I'll give you a different one, if you'd like." he said casually, "But I really think your little bird could use the confidence from a never-missing move. Your call, in the end."

    Luno tried to catch a glimpse of the disc Fay was staring at.
    "Oy, Fay!" he barked curiously, "What did we get? Come on, let me see! Can I learn it? I could forget that tail wagging thing, it makes me look like an idiot."

    "Return..." Fay muttered pensively, before glancing up at Jasper with a slight smile, "Thanks. Uh...maybe I'll teach it to Woopy later."

    "What!?" Luno barked indignantly, "Hey, what about me!?"

    Jasper gave her a slightly surprised look.
    "Well...it's your call." he said hesitantly, "But I had your vigorous Eevee in mind, actually."

    "Did he just call me fat?" Luno growled with an impatient squirm, "Come on! Even the weird guy says I should have it!"

    Fay shook her head.
    "Well...I'll save it, then." she sighed, "Maybe someday."

    Luno was outraged.
    "Wha-!? What do you mean someday!?" he barked, "You don't think I can learn it, do you? Well, bring it on! Pfeh, if Woopy can learn it-"

    "Luno, enough!" Fay snapped suddenly. She couldn't go into details now that Fred and Jasper were here. She was hoping that Luno would drop it until she had time to explain.

    The Eevee bristled his fur furiously and marched away from his trainer to sulk, muttering all the way.
    "Fine!" he grumbled, "Maybe I don't want to learn the stupid move...probably sucks anyway. I wouldn't learn it now if you paid me in milk!"

    Fay thrust the disc in her pack, fully aware that Jasper and Fred were staring at her.
    "I know what I'm doing!" she snapped crossly and made an effort to change the subject, "We should get some sleep. We have a long climb up tomorrow."

    With that she crawled into her sleeping bag demonstratively and made every effort to appear sleeping. The boys followed her example soon, and the little camp sank into a drowsy silence.

    ***

    "For Pete's sake, are we there yet!?" Fred cried while staggering up a narrow mountain path. Ilvire was perched happily on his back, enjoying the scenery.

    The sun was quite high already and they had been hiking since early morning, taking turns carrying Ilvire whenever the boy got tired. Conversation was mostly limited to Fred asking if they were there yet and Luno's occasional muttering.

    Jasper rolled his eyes.
    "Oh, won't you just grin and bear it like the rest of us?" he sniggered, "You've only been carrying the nipper for two minutes, even Fay lasted longer."

    "I'm bearing it, but I'm not grinning." Fay muttered in response, "Seriously, Jasper, how much farther?"

    Their guide glanced up, trying to estimate the distance.
    "Well, we're not making as much progress as I normally do." he said, "But I recon we ought to be there in about half an hour. It's really not such a long climb, you chaps ought to work out more."

    "If I had Vida with me, we'd be up in five minutes." Fred muttered crossly, causing Fay to snigger.

    "Come on, you heard him." Fay said positively, "There's just a bit farther to go."

    They pressed on, hoping to arrive before lunchtime and soon they were rewarded by the sight of the large, ornate gates at the entrance of the village. The huge doors were hospitably wide open and the little community had a quaint vibe with its scattered, charming little cottages nestled between ancient trees and all the pleasant, smiling people strolling about.

    The monks weren't quite as Fay imagined them to be. They weren't wearing robes, they weren't all old and neither one of them had a shaven head. They did share something in common. They all seemed utterly at peace, fully content with where they were. They strolled around casually, enjoying the sunshine and the silence only disturbed by soft chipper of birds and the chilly spring breeze.

    One of them spotted Jasper and waved with a bright smile.

    They boy grinned devilishly.
    "Oy, monks!" he boomed as loud as he could, "Jasper's back! Did you miss me!?"

    He startled quite a few of them, but they all laughed and approached to greet the visitors. Jasper was obviously in the zone, he knew everyone by name and they, in return, seemed earnestly glad to see him. When an elder man in grey jumpsuit emerged from the crowd, Jasper grinned and shook his hand.

    "Mr. Lev, sir!" he grinned disarmingly, "Always a pleasure, I should say. I got you that Psychic you ordered, works like a charm! First, though, let me introduce some mates. Fay, Fred and Ilvire."

    He waved his hand towards them. When he mentioned Ilvire, one of the monks pulled his sleeve and made a few signs with his hands.

    "Ah, this chap says he's supposed to be in charge for the nipper." Jasper translated.

    Fay glanced down at the boy.
    "Oh, dear..." she sighed and leant towards Ilvire, "Uh...Ilvire? This is the man who's going to help you out here...er-he'll teach you all sorts of stuff, you know?"

    The monk came up to them and extended his hand to Ilvire. The boy looked up hesitantly, but he met kind eyes and a warm smile so he accepted the hand shake, trying to look as adult as possible.

    "Aw, tears in me eyes, for sure." Jasper grinned, before turning to the elderly guy again, "Anyway, Mr. Lev, sir, this is Fay Longfellow, she needs a favour."

    Fay flinched and gave him a nervous smile.
    "Er-right." she started, not really sure how to adress this, "See, my brother, Eru-"

    She trailed off when the monk waved his hand suddenly, motioning for them to follow him. Fay looked up at Jasper in mild confusion.
    "What was that?" she asked.

    The boy shrugged.
    "Looks like he was expecting you." he replied, "Come on, he'll show us where Eru lives."

    The monk led them to a small hut at the edge of the village and left them there. Fay smiled faintly as he looked up at the charming little cottage.

    "He really was going to settle here." she chuckled, "Come on, let's go in. I ought to warn you, though, it's probably a mess."

    It was. They barely managed to squeeze inside. There was a narrow path through the cluster which lead to the bed and the bathroom while the rest of the space was taken up by all sorts of mundane trinkets.

    Fay sniggered a bit as she picked up a huge, hideous belt buckle.
    "I'm afraid to even try and guess what he needs most of this stuff for." she chuckled, looking a bit sad.

    Fred glanced around in utter fascination.
    "Wow...and I thought my room was messy..." he muttered in an awestricken voice, "Why are we here, anyway? I know he left you some poem in my Gym, but why would it mean that he wanted you to come here?"

    Fay rolled her eyes fondly.
    "Oh, it's silly, actually." she explained, "It's one of his funny attempts to get me to become a trainer too. He and dad were always at it. He wrote me a poem, you see. As a gift. It wasn't very good, obviously, Eru's not much of a writer, but it was honest and I loved it. He said that, if I ever wanted to read it, I'd have to travel to Lotus and visit him. When I saw that verse in the Hall of Fame, I knew this is where I had to go."

    She glanced around, as if looking for something specific and then she smiled suddenly.
    "There." she pointed at a frame, hanging from the only wall which wasn't covered in trinkets.

    They all went to look at it and Fay read it quietly.

    I fear for you, my dearest light,
    For I can't protect you from the life's bite.
    I can't be sure you'll never grieve.
    All I can do is make you believe
    I will always be there to kiss your cheek,
    To make you strong when you feel weak.
    I'll take your hand and seek your eyes,
    Your lips will smile and your spirit rise.
    Of course, that will cause my heart to sing,
    And you'll hardly ever know the joy you bring.
    For, such delight can not be portrayed
    By meager words we use every day.
    I'd need to know the very words,
    Uttered to create the songs of birds.
    The same ones you'd need to say
    To have a perfect ending of a perfect day.
    The precisely matching ones, in fact,
    To create the very thing for bliss you lacked.
    And even though I have them at my reach,
    Whenever your eyes with my own I breach,
    I can never utter them because of fear
    That the invocation would make you disappear.
    And, instead of you, my angel sweet,
    I'd have some birdsong and a perfect day at my feet.
    But the very thing I needed for bliss would be taken away,
    For all the birdsong, and bliss, and a perfect day
    Are only there when your gaze wanders my way...

    "Sheesh, I forgot how naive it was!" Fay said tenderly, "And how much I liked it anyway. It just felt so...honest."

    There was something else under the poem, but she had to squint to read the fine print. It said:
    "I knew you'd come here eventually, Fay. Remember that your brother loves you very much and that some things should always be kept in the family."

    Fred looked confused.
    "What's that supposed to mean?" he muttered.

    Fay scratched her head pensively.
    "I...don't know." she admitted, "Let's look around, there's probably something here..."

    As soon as she finished the sentence there was the sound of something large unfurling behind them and a wave of dust rose when a large tapestry suddenly unrolled and hit the ground.

    Fay glared at Jasper who stood frozen, holding a piece of string which had kept the thing together just a second ago.
    "I barely touched it!" the boy said defensively.

    Fay was just about to snap at him, but then her eyes fell on the tapestry and she gaped at it.
    "I can't believe it!" she rasped out eventually, "It's the Longfellow family tree!"

    She came up to the huge wall hanging and looked it over in fascination.
    "This was my grandma's!" she murmured, "When I was a kid, I used to stare at it for ages."

    Jasper raised his eyebrows as he studied the branching family tree.
    "You sure have a lot of black sheep in the family." he remarked.

    That was true. In every generation there was at least one vigorously crossed-out name and in the very beginning there was nothing but a blank space.

    Fay nodded.
    "Yeah, dad never wanted to talk about that." she agreed, "I even have an uncle we're forbidden to speak of."

    She traced a name near the bottom of the tree – Cain Longfellow.
    "I always wondered what he could've done to...to..." she trailed off in shock when her eyes found her own name.

    She stared at it for a long, frozen moment before she finally found her voice again.
    "Why, the hell, am I crossed out!?" she gasped, white from shock.

    To Be Continued: Why IS Fay crossed out? Will they figure out where they should go next? What is the secret which the monks of Lotus keep? How will Ilvire adjust to the life among them? Read in the next chapter:"The Sanctum"

    Hmm...is it just me, or is this chappy a bit on the long side? O.O' Meh, no biggie. Um, yup, poem sucks, I should know, I wrote it. :p As you can see, I ain't much of a poet either, but it was meant to be sweet, not good, so it's okay. ^.^' Eerrrm, next chapter will be up on Thursday, October the 12th. By then, the "Crazy Time" of year should be finished and done with (I'm kinda worried, but still, glad it'll be over ^.^' ) so I'll have more time to work on the missing chappy and other...erm...plans... ;) See yuz! :D

    PS:
    Now GIMME THAT COOKIE! No more cookies for you, remember? You want food, TAKE A DONUT! *runs off to blow up nearest Dunkin Donuts*

    Whadda!?!?! O.O When did we decide THAT!? O.O' I'd never agree to such lunacy unless I'm drunk or something- er...oh, wait...was it last Friday? ^.^'
     
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    Whadda!?!?! O.O When did we decide THAT!? O.O' I'd never agree to such lunacy unless I'm drunk or something- er...oh, wait...was it last Friday? ^.^'

    It was...oh, I forgot that the post was erased...:\ uh, um, I MEAN, YES, it was.:nervous: .................:paranoid:
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • It was...oh, I forgot that the post was erased...:\ uh, um, I MEAN, YES, it was.:nervous: .................:paranoid:

    /posh accent/ QUITE RLY? I shan't agree to such travesty as long as I still draw breath. If you proceed in such appaling attempts, gentleman, I shall be obliged to urge your presence to converse with the extended end of my outstreched upper extremity. /posh accent/

    With that out of the way - COOKIE! :D

    Anywoo, chXII is up! ...no, literally, it's 'up'. /points up/
     

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • "An Aipom!?" he snapped at Jasper, "You bet our chances on-on that thing!?"

    Nyah, no space required between the two 'on's. It's awfully trivial, I know, but I thought I ought to point it out. ^^
    Jasper looked a bit uneasy.
    "Er- long story." he muttered unclearly before throwing on another grin, "Ah, but bless me for bein' an idiot, if I haven't gone and forgotten me manners! I am Jasper, the traveling TM merchant, part-time magician, tour guide and entertainer extraordinaire."

    No comma needed after "an idiot". By the by, I've seen that exact "bless me for bein' an idiot" part, and now I remember who Jasper reminded me off. I'm gonna' keep it a secret, though, because I feel like it. xD
    Jasper slouched back casually.
    "Fair enough." he remarked idly, "What would you like to know, oh my valiant saviours?"

    Nyah, the last part seems a bit off. Maybe remove the 'oh' to correct that, although I suppose it could work as is.
    "How about why those thugs were after you?" Fred asked, not at all bothering to hide a very suspicious look.

    The 'were' should be after "those thugs", I believe.
    "They found something." she concluded suddenly, "Like-like that thing they did to Milly's baby."

    Same as the 'on', 'on' point. ni space between the 'Like's.
    Jasper nodded.
    "That's about as much as I figured out too." he agreed, "But, just before we-ah-had our fallingout, so to speak, I managed to-er...overhear a thing or two about the so-called 'diamond' pokemon that ol' bastard Benedict uses."

    Same old same old about the line-thingies.
    He leaned in clandestinely.
    "A couple of things, you see, just didn't make sense." he said conspiratorly, "For one thing, if Mr. Dryton is the main guy, how come that that twit Benedict has the most powerful pokem-well...whatever? Or, why are they looking for this 'final achievement' thing when Benedict can control it just fine? Or, if they found a way to create such creatures, why did they only make one?"

    See above.
    Jasper chuckled.
    "No, I imagine they wouldn't." he said, "I heard, though, that it was a one-time thing. An incident in one of the laboratories which resulted in-well...the creature, or whatever you might call it. They are probably working on re-creating the conditions right now, but there's something else, something even more disturbing."

    Am I starting to sound like a broken record about the line-thingies? xD Anywaysm the last sentence should either have a 'something' in it after the comma or have the 'else' and the comma removed.
    Jasper shrugged.
    "I don't know, mate." he said neutrally, "They're wasting lots of time and resources, chasing that 'myth'. There's bound to be some truth in it."

    No comma needed after "time and resources".
    Fred rolled his eyes with a groan.
    "Jeez, come on!" he snapped, "Figures. There's just one place like that in the whole of Rylan and that's where we need to go!"

    A 'the' needed before "whole of Rylan".
    Fred turned the disc in his hand.
    "Aerial Ace?" he wrinkled his nose in mild distaste, "That's an amateur move!"

    lol, Fred is such a N00Blet. Aerial Ace is the second-best flying move in the game and he calls it amateur? No wonder he got his buttocks kicked. xD Umm...there are no actual errors here, though, so maybe I should move on? Sorry, my moveset rating side does come out at times. ^^
    They pressed on, hoping to arrive before lunchtime and soon they were rewarded by the sight of the large, ornate gates at the entrance of the village. The huge doors were hospitably wide open and the little community had a quaint vibe with its scattered, charming little cottages and pleasant, smiling people strolling about.

    Nyah, 'hospitably' should come before "wide open" rather than after it. Also, the way you formulated the last sentence would imply that the cottages are strolling about. o.O You might want to change that.
    Fay glanced down at the boy.
    "Oh, dear..." she sighed and leant towards Ilvire, "Uh...Ilvire? This is the man who's going to help you out here...er-he'll teach you all sorts of stuff, you know?"

    Once again about the line-thingie.
    Fay flinched and gave him a nervous smile.
    "Er-right." she started, not really sure how to adress this, "See, my brother, Eru-"

    And again.
    She trailed off when the monk waved his hand suddenly, showing them to follow him. Fay looked up at Jasper in mild confusion.
    "What was that?" she asked.

    'showing' isn't really the right word in this context. It should be replaced by something like 'gesturing for'.
    Fay glared at Jasper who stood frozen, holding a piece of string which had kept the thing together just a second ago.
    "I barely touched it!" the boy said defensively.

    A 'had' required between 'which' and 'kept', unless I'm once again missing out on some fancy tense.
    Jasper raised his eyebrows as he studied the branching family tree.
    "You sure have a lot of black sheep in the family." he remarked.

    Jasper is raising his eyebrows, not himself, therefore it's "Jasper raised" rather than "Jasper rose".

    Hmm...is it just me, or is this chappy a bit on the long side? O.O' Meh, no biggie. Um, yup, poem sucks, I should know, I wrote it. :p As you can see, I ain't much of a poet either, but it was meant to be sweet, not good, so it's okay. ^.^' Eerrrm, next chapter will be up on Thursday, October the 12th. By then, the "Crazy Time" of year should be finished and done with (I'm kinda worried, but still, glad it'll be over ^.^' ) so I'll have more time to work on the missing chappy and other...erm...plans... ;) See yuz! :D

    Why yes, it is on the longish side, actually, which is another reason for why I love it. ^-^ Yeah, corrections end at the last comment by the way. I should really have done this several days back, but somehow I could never find the patience to sit down and read. The plot is getting even more interesting, and there were several little things I enjoyed - such as the TM conversation (I think Luno is the only one who doesn't have a clue about why Fay won't teach him Return. xD) - and Jasper is simply hilarious. Especially the scene with the tapestry created a very clear image. ^^ Anyways, I'll take a closer look at the rewritten chapter a bit later, that way I'll have something to do while waiting for the next chapter. ^^
     
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    Sigh...I give you a heads-up on this but you STILL don't listen...this is why you DON'T GET ANY MORE COOKIES!! *takes cookie away and eats it*
    "Let's have a look around." she said as she reached for her trainers.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again...my initial reaction:

    O.O

    Now, my current reaction:

    ......
    . .
    . .
    . .
    . .
    . .
    . .
    . .

    *looks up* Oh, boy that came out wrong...*mumblemumble* OK, let's try this:

    (scroll down a little)


    Anyway, TRAINERS HAVE NO TRAINERS! GET THAT INTO THAT THICK HEAD!!!
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Nyah, no space required between the two 'on's. It's awfully trivial, I know, but I thought I ought to point it out. ^^

    No worries, every little bit helps. ;)


    No comma needed after "an idiot". By the by, I've seen that exact "bless me for bein' an idiot" part, and now I remember who Jasper reminded me off. I'm gonna' keep it a secret, though, because I feel like it. xD

    You don't play BG2, do you? Cause that would be TOO weird O.O' Yup, I took that phrase because it was just so darn cute XD But at least he doesn't say 'COO' all the time XD (if that was what you meant, that is...if not, well...NYAH ;)


    Nyah, the last part seems a bit off. Maybe remove the 'oh' to correct that, although I suppose it could work as is.

    I shalt cecketh it oute...:D


    The 'were' should be after "those thugs", I believe.

    It's indirect speech, so - inversion.


    Same as the 'on', 'on' point. ni space between the 'Like's.

    Ni??? Aaaah! The knights who say 'NI'!!! /hides/

    ...I really deserve to get smacked with a rubber chicken sometimes. XD

    Hehe, sure, I'll fix it...and sorry for the lame Pyton reference XD


    Am I starting to sound like a broken record about the line-thingies? xD Anywaysm the last sentence should either have a 'something' in it after the comma or have the 'else' and the comma removed.

    Hehe, I have no idea why I suddenly started using them like that ^.^' Consider it a phase...and it's over XD


    lol, Fred is such a N00Blet. Aerial Ace is the second-best flying move in the game and he calls it amateur? No wonder he got his buttocks kicked. xD

    Um, yeah, it kinda, sorta works a bit different in Rylan world ^.^' I tweaked some moves ever-so-slightly. Nothing major, just...well, you'll see soon enough ;)


    Umm...there are no actual errors here, though, so maybe I should move on? Sorry, my moveset rating side does come out at times. ^^

    No prob ;) I understand, I love Aerial Ace too, it's one of my favourites XD


    Nyah, 'hospitably' should come before "wide open" rather than after it. Also, the way you formulated the last sentence would imply that the cottages are strolling about. o.O You might want to change that.

    But the cottages ARE strolling about o.O'

    Naw, just kidding :P Sure, I'll fix it ;)


    'showing' isn't really the right word in this context. It should be replaced by something like 'gesturing for'.

    Oui, mesieur ;)


    A 'had' required between 'which' and 'kept', unless I'm once again missing out on some fancy tense.

    Hmm, lemme just check.../scrolls.../ Ah, yes, you're quite right XD

    Jasper is raising his eyebrows, not himself, therefore it's "Jasper raised" rather than "Jasper rose".

    Darn! Not again XD


    Why yes, it is on the longish side, actually, which is another reason for why I love it. ^-^ Yeah, corrections end at the last comment by the way. I should really have done this several days back, but somehow I could never find the patience to sit down and read.

    Hehe, no problem XD As I said before, you're perfectly allowed to read just for the heck of it. You don't have to correct anything if you don't feel like it. I mean, it helps tremendously, but if you're not up for it, you're not up for it, I'm not a slave driver or anything XD

    The plot is getting even more interesting, and there were several little things I enjoyed - such as the TM conversation (I think Luno is the only one who doesn't have a clue about why Fay won't teach him Return. xD) -

    Hehe ^.^' Yeah, good ol' Luno ^.^'

    and Jasper is simply hilarious. Especially the scene with the tapestry created a very clear image. ^^

    I'm glad you liked it! :D I just luv Jasper so much. I'll have to be careful not to let him steal Fay's spotlight, though ^.^' You didn't see ye olde version of this chappy, it was "Jasper this" and "Jasper that"...ugh /shudders/ Aaaall in good time :cool: /wallows in own malicious deviousness/ :D

    Anyways, I'll take a closer look at the rewritten chapter a bit later, that way I'll have something to do while waiting for the next chapter. ^^

    Oh, it's not rewritten, I found a backup on one of my dad's discs XD It's actually almost the same as it was before it went 'poof'

    Sigh...I give you a heads-up on this but you STILL don't listen...this is why you DON'T GET ANY MORE COOKIES!! *takes cookie away and eats it*

    *turns into Gyarados* ROAR!!!


    Anyway, TRAINERS HAVE NO TRAINERS! GET THAT INTO THAT THICK HEAD!!!

    Gah! Right! Look, it's not a mistake! It's NOT! I specifically searched for a synonim for 'sneakers' and I found the word 'trainers'.

    I like to think I'm pretty flexible about criticism, I even corrected some stuff I was pretty sure I didn't have to just because your reaction was so darn adorable, but this is just NOT a mistake. It isn't! /cries/ It iiiiiisn't! T.T

    Spoiler:


    I'm warning ye /waves a heavy dictionary at Icha/ I've got this- er- large...um...paper...thingy...O.O'...which- er...has in it...written- um...things people say...O.O...And I'm not afraid to use it! XD
     
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    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • *Stares at Icha's outburst*

    o.o

    Aww...I know what you're going through right now. I had that issue with a certain sign up in an RP which came about 30 pages into the bloody thing (Even though I quite explicitly closed sign-ups at the beginning of the second page <.<), but believe me...spontaneous combustion is not the answer, especially when the thing in question is, in fact, a perfectly appropriate use of language (Double meaning or no). Sorry, but it's true. *Sympathetic back pat*

    You don't play BG2, do you? Cause that would be TOO weird O.O' Yup, I took that phrase because it was just so darn cute XD But at least he doesn't say 'COO' all the time XD (if that was what you meant, that is...if not, well...NYAH ;)

    Ah-hah! You stole that phrase from Gaelan Bayle! (Hope I spelled his name right. xP) I knew it! *Victory dance* Yeah, I used to be a big BG 2 player, actually, (Have been planning to run through it at least once more for old times' sake) and when I saw Jasper's notorious line here it just struck me that he was just like Gaelan and Saemon Haverian mixed, but I figured nah...couldn't be. xD Just goes to show ya', the world is a decidedly weird place. ^^ But yeah, good thing about the 'coo's...they're at the beginning of just about every bloody sound clip he has, so there's no way of skipping past it without turning the sounds off, no matter how fast you klick. It's like the 'you must gather your party' sound...ahh...they're pure evil! >.< Still, good times...good times. ^_^
    Um, yeah, it kinda, sorta works a bit different in Rylan world ^.^' I tweaked some moves ever-so-slightly. Nothing major, just...well, you'll see soon enough ;)

    *Twitch* Tweaked moves? *Twitch* That sounds awfully suspect...but yeah, wait and see...since you said so. ^^
    Hehe, no problem XD As I said before, you're perfectly allowed to read just for the heck of it. You don't have to correct anything if you don't feel like it. I mean, it helps tremendously, but if you're not up for it, you're not up for it, I'm not a slave driver or anything XD

    Aww...but writing a less-than-full review goes against my religious principles. xD Besides, it's good practice for me as it sharpens my skills for lit. analysis and suchlike. ^^
    I'm glad you liked it! :D I just luv Jasper so much. I'll have to be careful not to let him steal Fay's spotlight, though ^.^' You didn't see ye olde version of this chappy, it was "Jasper this" and "Jasper that"...ugh /shudders/ Aaaall in good time :cool: /wallows in own malicious deviousness/ :D

    Nyah, yes, it would be very much like Jasper to steal the spotlight. No worries, though, I'll let you know if the story takes a turn towards becoming the Jasper road show...well, unless the Jasper road show is more entertaining than the original course of the plot, that is. xD

    I'm warning ye /waves a heavy dictionary at Icha/ I've got this- er- large...um...paper...thingy...O.O'...which- er...has in it...written- um...things people say...O.O...And I'm not afraid to use it! XD

    Yup, the heavy dictionary is a formidable weapon, but of course, it's not in the same league as the red herring of quality (Mine, all mine. Don't even try to steal it! <.<), you could also try a tennis ball cannon. Apparently those are very useful for stuff like that. ^^
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Ah-hah! You stole that phrase from Gaelan Bayle! (Hope I spelled his name right. xP) I knew it! *Victory dance* Yeah, I used to be a big BG 2 player, actually, (Have been planning to run through it at least once more for old times' sake) and when I saw Jasper's notorious line here it just struck me that he was just like Gaelan and Saemon Haverian mixed, but I figured nah...couldn't be. xD Just goes to show ya', the world is a decidedly weird place. ^^ But yeah, good thing about the 'coo's...they're at the beginning of just about every bloody sound clip he has, so there's no way of skipping past it without turning the sounds off, no matter how fast you klick. It's like the 'you must gather your party' sound...ahh...they're pure evil! >.< Still, good times...good times. ^_^

    I didn't steal, think of it as an easter egg. ;) There were others too, but no one seemed to notice /lil' angel/. Hehe, BG2 is, like, my fave game - EVEEEER! I started playing it since it came out and, thanks to all the awesome mods, I'm still playing it! XD

    *gets smacked with a rubber chicken* Wha? Oh, right! Off-topicness ^.^'


    *Twitch* Tweaked moves? *Twitch* That sounds awfully suspect...but yeah, wait and see...since you said so. ^^

    Oh, no, no, no! Don't worry, I know it sounds horrible but it's really, honestly not. I mean, it's quite possible that you wouldn't even notice if I hadn't told you..well, maybe you would, but most people wouldn't, so - relax, deeeep, cleansing breath. Small little, teeny, tiny tweaks, remember? I mean, how big a change is a pokemon's head falling off after performing Aerial Ace?

    ...

    Kidding, btw ;)


    Aww...but writing a less-than-full review goes against my religious principles. xD Besides, it's good practice for me as it sharpens my skills for lit. analysis and suchlike. ^^

    In that case, review anew, mesieur...that sucked XD I meant to say, fire away...argh! I can't stop!!! O.O'


    Nyah, yes, it would be very much like Jasper to steal the spotlight. No worries, though, I'll let you know if the story takes a turn towards becoming the Jasper road show...well, unless the Jasper road show is more entertaining than the original course of the plot, that is. xD

    Oy! Jasper will get his spotlight soon enough, but this is Fay's story. XD

    Yup, the heavy dictionary is a formidable weapon, but of course, it's not in the same league as the red herring of quality (Mine, all mine. Don't even try to steal it! <.<),

    You do realise you've just implied that people would want to steal it? XD No, no, just kidding, it's lovely, honestly XD



    Chapter XV: "The Sanctum"


    Fay stared at her crossed-out name in utter astonishment. She tried, in vain, to phantom why on Earth would she be treated like all the less-presentable members of the Longfellow family. As far as she could remember, she hadn't done anything especially unforgivable lately.

    "Maybe it was a mistake?" Fred pointed out helpfully.

    Fay looked at him and then stared at her name again. It didn't seem like a mistake to her. There it was, still visible, but purposefully scored out just like many others.

    Jasper shrugged slightly as he studied the large tapestry.
    "Let's not jump to conclusions, now." he said objectively, "How do you know the poor chaps did something wrong anyway? I mean, if no one ever talks about them..."

    There was a sulky mutter near Fay's feet.
    "Maybe they only cross-out tightfisted TM-grabbers." Luno growled tartly.

    Fay glared at her pokemon briefly before looking up at Jasper.
    "Maybe you're right." she conceded, "Eru would never cross me out because of something like that."

    She studied the familiar pattern again, but this time searching for anything she might have in common with her crossed-out relatives. The number of scored out Longfellows diminished from generation to generation. In the first line only one name was clear; Brutus K. Longfellow. As Fay searched lower and lower on the family tree, she found more and more clear names.

    "Looks like the only remaining crossed-out Longefellows are my uncle and me." she said eventually, studying the only two scored out names which didn't have a year of death under them, "It's still hard to believe he hasn't done anything wrong. Dad would always get upset if I asked him about his brother."

    "Maybe that's your clue?" Fred offered, "I mean, maybe Eru scratched your name out to draw your attention?"

    Fay paled suddenly and stared back at Fred in utter shock.
    "Wow..." she said incredulously, "You're right!"

    The boy shot her an annoyed look.
    "You don't have to look so surprised." he muttered, "I mean, I do have some brief flashes of intelligence every now and then."

    The girl rolled her eyes fondly.
    "Oh, pack it in, that's not what I meant." she snickered, "I just can't believe I didn't think of that."

    She gave the tapestry one last, pensive look before cheering up suddenly.
    "Well, looks like I'll have to pay Uncle Cain a family visit." she concluded readily, "I must admit that I've always wanted to meet him."

    Jasper suddenly looked nervous.
    "Er." he said, "Are you sure about that? I-uh...I mean, maybe I was wrong, you know? What if he did do something bad? Er...what if he's a raving maniac? Yeah, that could be it! What if there's a history of mental demention in your family?"

    He pronounced that last remark in such an optimistic tone that Fay actually stared at him open-mouthed and lost in utter disbelief.
    "Somehow you feel that would be a better option?" she asked pointedly, "I'm crossed-out too, in case you forgot!"

    "It holds water, if you ask me." Luno remarked idly.

    Fred shook his head jadedly.
    "That just might be the most ridiculous thing I've heard all week." he muttered, "I think we should go see him. I'm a bit curious about him too."

    Fay brightened up immidiately.
    "Yes, thank you for that vote for reason." she grinned, "Now let's go and find Ilvire. I want to say goodbye to him before we leave."

    As soon as they stepped outside it became obvious that something was going on. The silence was still unbroken, but the monks seemed nervous now. They stood in little groups exchanging worried looks and gesticulating wildly.

    The source of all confusion seemed to be waiting for them right outside Eru's home. Two young men stood there patiently, accompanied by a pair of Medichams.

    "Miss Longfellow?" one of them asked formally, "My name is Gevin and this is my brother Kent."

    The other young man nodded politely.
    "Good day, miss." he said, "We've been sent to deliver an invitation from the leader of Mirage Gym, Ursula."

    The girl stared at them. She had shared every one of her siblings' victories and defeats throughout their journey towards the League, but not once did she hear either Eru or Lea mention a Mirage Gym. She glanced at Fred quizzically, but he seemed as confused as she was.

    "There's not one Gym registered under such a name in Rylan." he answered her look.

    Jasper shrugged.
    "I hear lots of stuff, but I've never heard anything about this." he said, his cobalt eyes glittering with interest, "Let's go check it out!"

    "You can talk on the way there." Gevin interjected impatiently, "We shouldn't leave Ursula waiting."

    His brother nodded with assent.
    "Please follow us and keep close." he said, "We'll lead you safely through the mist."

    Fay looked up at Jasper helplessly.
    "Should we?" she asked in the absence of anything better to say.

    Jasper looked around the gathered monks and exchanged a look with Lev who nodded with a somewhat nervous smile.

    "Well, if ol' Lev says they're okay, then they're okay." the boy concluded with a slight shrug.

    "Well...alright, then." Fay relented, "But make it quick, we still have work to do."

    They followed the brothers up the rugged path away from the village. There was an odd moment when Fay suddenly looked around and realised that they were surrounded by thick fog, even though it seemed far away just a minute ago.

    "What the...?" she muttered, trailing off with a nervous look.

    Fred seemed fascinated as he looked around eagerly.
    "Amazing!" he gasped, "It was true after all!"

    He spotted the odd look Fay was giving him.
    "There's this story I loved when I was a kid about how no one has ever climbed Mount Pearl to the very top because the fog is tricky and you end up going in circles for ages." he explained quickly, "It looks like it was true."

    Fay appeared as calmly nauseated as one could possibly be without being on a rolling ship.
    "You don't say...?" she managed to press out.

    Kent glanced back at them suddenly.
    "Oh, don't worry." he assured Fay with a friendly smile, "Our Medichams know the way very well, we won't get lost."

    The girl relaxed a bit, but her eyes flew to her pokemon immidiately.
    "Stay close, Luno." she warned, but the Eevee was already practically glued to her leg.

    "Way ahead of ya." he muttered nervously, "I don't like this place, the stupid fog makes my nose itch, I can't smell a thing."

    The girl smiled a bit before glancing up at their guides.
    "So...what type of Gym is this?" she asked, "And why doesn't anyone know about it?"

    Gevin didn't even bother to look at her when he spoke.
    "Any questions you might have, you can address to Ursula herself." he retorted curtly.

    His brother gave him a mildly admonishing look.
    "Don't be uncouth, Gev." he chided gently before speaking to Fay again, "Don't mind him, he's like that with everyone. Mirage Gym trains the Fighting type, but our insignia is Medicham. It represents the unity of power and intellect. All our trainers raise one to honour the Creed. I'm afraid that's all I can say, but I'm sure Ursula would be more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Don't worry, she's a very powerful trainer, but she's rather nice."

    Jasper glanced between Kent and Gevin in bemusement.
    "Are you sure you two are brothers?" he asked with a cheesy grin.

    Neither of them dignified him with an answer.

    After a while the fog seemed to clear as abruptly as it had appeared and Fay suddenly froze in her tracks, gaping at the awesome sight that appeared in front of them.

    In short words - it was a wall. Expanding the description would involve words such as 'majestic', 'colossal', 'terrifying', 'disturbing' and maybe even 'endless'. The awesome structure stretched as far as they could see and a heavy silence seemed to linger about, so very different from the one in Lotus.

    The Wall was thoroughly decorated with carvings, if you could call the unsettling details 'decoration' at all. It was divided into countless, even squares, each of which depicted a head, carved out of stone. They were all different. Some were beautiful, some were grotesque, some male, some female. They also depicted a seemingly endless myriad of moods, ranging from happiness to sorrow, anger and even insanity.

    Noting the way Fay, Fred and Jasper gaped at the structure, Kent decided to explain.
    "That's just the Wall of Ancients." he said assuredly, "The Sancum is a bit farther down this side. If we hurry, we'll be there in five minutes or less."

    The brothers led the way and Jasper and Fred followed them hesitantly, but Fay stood frozen where she was, staring at the wall in utter horror.

    "Oy, Fay!" Jasper called, "Get a move on, will you?"

    Everyone stopped, staring at the girl who shook her head suddenly.
    "I'm not going near that thing." she said before she even had the time to wonder why she felt that way.

    Luno growled impatiently.
    "Oh, come on!" he snapped, "It's just a stupid wall. An ugly, stupid wall for that matter. Seriously, someone should strangle the artist. Let's get out of here, already!"

    But Fay didn't move an inch. The very sight of the hideous structure filled her with terror and she felt the need to be as far away from this place as possible.
    "I am not going near that thing." she repeated, her eyes traveling across the stone features in morbid fascination.

    It was hard to explain why she felt that way. Odd images seemed to swarm in her head, coming from somewhere deep within. Images of these same heads, moving, screaming, ground shaking and immense dread consuming all sanity as everything around fell apart.

    The brothers exchanged looks silently.
    "I...suppose we could walk in parallel from a distance." Kent said hesitantly, "Er...well, let's get a move on, then."

    Fay gave one last, long look to the frightening wall before following after the rest of the group, eager to lose sight of the structure.

    It took them longer this way, but eventually they arrived in front of a large monastery. It was a refreshing sight after that disturbing wall, even though they could still make it out through the sparse trees. When Gevin opened the doors to let them through, Fay practically burst inside, happy to finally not have to fight the morbid urge to stare at any of the heads anymore.

    She blushed a bit when she realised that everyone were staring at her quizzically.
    "I'm fine!" she snapped defensively, "Er. Can we just get this over with?"

    Kent seemed a bit worried.
    "Are you quite sure you're alright?" he clucked maternally, "You look a bit peckish, maybe you ought to have some nice tea-"

    "Oh, would you cut the nonsense?" Gevin snapped at his brother suddenly, "The sooner they talk to Ursula, the sooner they can be on their way. I don't like strangers in the Sanctum."

    He turned suddenly and strode through the courtyard where many trainers were practicing. They halted in their exercise to study the newcomers, which made Fay feel a bit uncomfortable. She glanced over her shoulder to see how the boys were doing only to find Jasper dawdling several steps behind them, talking to a small group of curious trainers.

    "Brick Break, my black belt friends!" he babbled cheerfully while spinning a reddish disc in his hand for all of them to see, "Not only is it a reliable fighting move, ideal for your less human comrades, but it can also shatter them annoying little barriers those pesky psychic pokemon use – no offense to our Medicham friends, of course."

    Fred stared at him in utter fascination.
    "Try saying that last sentence quickly twenty times." he muttered.

    Fay rolled her eyes exasperatingly.
    "Jasper!" she snapped, "Can't you do that later?"

    The boy flinched.
    "What?" he said defensively before glancing at the TM he was holding, "Oh! This isn't the best time for this, is it?"

    Fay gave a quiet groan and turned to the baffled brothers.
    "Don't ask." she grit out edgily, "Let's just go."

    Jasper shrugged and tossed the TM back into his bag, much to the disappointment of his audience.
    "No worries, my friends." he grinned at them disarmingly as he hurried after the others, "It'll still be here when I come back! Limited amount, though, so sit tight! I take orders, by the way-"

    "Jasper!"

    The boy beamed sunnily as he caught up with them inside the monastery.
    "There, there, here I am." he said charmingly, "No need to pine for me."

    Fay and Fred exchanged stoic glances, but didn't comment. They followed the brothers through the large hall. On their way they passed a large door which had a Gym sign carved into the stone beacons supporting it on each side.

    "I can't believe it." Fay murmured, "It really is a Gym."

    "It looks so old." Fred asserted pensively, "It's possible that it was one of the first..."

    Jasper glanced between their guides and the door they had just passed.
    "Oy!" he called, "Aren't we going inside to meet that Gym leader of yours?"

    Kent flashed them a quick smile.
    "You'll meet Ursula in her quarters." he said, halting in front of a large door at the far end of the hall, "Well, here we are. In you go, then. And be nice, won't you?"

    When they passed through the door, they found themselves on a narrow path leading just inches above a surface which was glittering in the dimly lit hallway. Upon closer inspection Fay revealed it to be water. There was no way to tell the exact depth, but she could just make out vague shadows moving somewhere under the surface.

    There was a crisp scent in the air which complimented the pleasant chilliness of the room nicely and Fay suddenly realised that it came from beautiful white water lilies, scattered here and there on the calm, clear surface.

    Fred glanced around eagerly, trying to spot the Gym leader first.
    "Say, what do you think she looks like?" he wondered aloud.

    "Ursula?" Jasper mused, "I dunno. Some burly crush-girl, I'd wager."

    Suddenly pleasant laughter chimed and all eyes flew to the end of the pathway where someone was waiting for them.

    "Not all strength is in the body, dear boy." the person said smilingly.

    When they approached, Fay and the boys found themselves at a loss for words. A woman was patiently waiting for them, sitting in a wheel-chair. There was an IV bag perched on a pole which was attached to her vehicle and the flexible tube which served to transfer the liquid snuck and disappeared under the white sleeve which hung from a slim, pallid arm.

    The woman obviously wasn't a day over thirty, but her smile was tired and her warm, blue eyes were almost too large for her face, making it hard to tell her exact age. The only thing that appeared healthy on her was her lovely, shining hair which fell down her shoulders in slopes of pale gold adding a translucent quality to her entire appearance along with her white dress and pale complexion.

    Fay stared at her for a long second before she remembered that it would probably be polite to say something right about now.
    "Er." she managed lamely, "Ursula?"

    The woman nodded warmly.
    "Mm." she smiled and moved her chair so that the company could step onto the widening stone platform the path ended into, "Please, do have a seat."

    They each took a chair on the raised area which was actually sort of a living room. There was a crammed bookshelf next to a small table which held a tea set and a plate of biscuits. The sparse furniture sank snugly into the thick, beige carpet and soft, pleasant music came from an old record player next to the bookcase.

    Ursula smiled prettily as she poured everyone a cup of tea, including some for Luno in a small bowl along with some biscuits.
    "Welcome to my humble home." she said amiably, "I hope the trip to here wasn't too much of a bother."

    Fay practically snatched the teacup and gulped down more than half of its contents. It was very well-made dry yellow tea. She tried to think of something to say, anything that could possibly make sense.
    "Er." she pressed out, "So...you wanted to see us, miss? Er-ma'am?"

    The woman smiled at them again, revealing beautiful, white teeth.
    "Ursula will do." she said gently, "Yes, we shouldn't stall the issue. I wanted to see you, Fay, because I've had word that you possess certain...abilities when it comes to communicating with pokemon. Is that true?"

    Fay almost coughed her tea out from shock. How the bloody hell did she know that!?

    "One of my regular correspondents mentioned it to me." she explained serenely, "Our mutual acquaintance, madam Kveroslava.

    Fay froze.
    "Oh!" she gasped, "I see! She must have seen me and Luno talk...but how did she contact you? Bird pokemon? A Xatu, maybe, they could find their way through the fog..."

    Ursula smiled a bit.
    "Actually, she e-mailed me." she said prettily, "She's quite attached to her laptop ever since she found out she could make all her planetary calculations on it."

    Fay stared.
    "Oh" she said, "Of course."

    Fred seemed rather shocked by something else.
    "Hang on!" he said suddenly, "Talking to pokemon?"

    He glanced down at Luno who was munching on the biscuits.
    "Maybe you had a point with that demented family comment." he told Jasper.

    Fay glared at him toxically.
    "See, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone." she grit out.

    Ursula gazed at her pensively.
    "So it's true." she mused.

    Fay returned her look gratefully.
    "You don't think I'm nuts?" she asked desperately.

    "On, no, not at all." Ursula laughed, "My dear friend here can affirm you're telling the truth."

    She motioned to their left and Fay suddenly spotted an oddly-coloured Abra, even though she could swear that he wasn't there just a second ago.

    "Oh, he was there." Ursula answered her surprised look, "He was just using his powers to make sure you didn't notice him."

    Jasper studied the strange pokemon curiously.
    "I thought you were the leader of a fighting Gym." he said, "What are you doing with this little nipper?"

    Ursula caressed the yellow pokemon's shiny head.
    "Mosca is more of a friend, really." she said, "And I'd like to ask you to bring him along, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother. He's not your ordinary Abra, you see, I'm sure he can help you. Plus, he's young, it would be a shame for him to spend his entire life cooped up in here."

    She handed a white pokeball to Fay who accepted it hesitantly.
    "Well...if you're sure." the girl said slowly, before pointing the ball towards the psychic pokemon, "Come back, Mosca."

    Ursula gave a slightly sad smile.
    "Good." she sighed before cheering up, "So, do you have any idea where your ability comes from, Fay?"

    The girl spread her arms helplessly.
    "No!" she said desperately, happy to finally have someone to talk about this, "And the thing is, I can only understand Luno. And I couldn't even do it from the start! I could only understand him after I..."

    She trailed off suddenly and her hand flew to the silver locket she'd gotten from Seraph.
    "Wait..." she gasped, "Could it be this? It was Eru's and Seraph had it...of course!"

    Ursula extended her hand to Fay.
    "May I see it?" she asked gently and waited for the girl to take it off and hand it to her.

    She studied it briefly, but eventually a slightly sad smile crossed her lips.
    "It's very pretty." she said, "But it's only a trinket."

    The girl blushed a bit when her theory was foiled.
    "How do you know?" she asked defensively.

    Ursula smiled pointedly.
    "It's off." she said, "Try talking to your pokemon."

    Fay flinched and glanced at her Eevee who was halfway through his fifth biscuit.
    "Er...Luno?" she called carefully, causing her pokemon to glare up at her for disturbing his eating.

    "What?" he snapped, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

    Fay rolled her eyes defeatedly.
    "You're right, I guess." she mumbled to Ursula, "I suppose it would've been too easy."

    The girl took the pendant from Ursula and put it on again.
    "We were going to see my uncle, Cain, before we got your invitation." she said pensively, "I just have a feeling he might know something."

    The woman smiled nostalgically.
    "Mm. Cain Longfellow." she mused, "Yes, I suppose he could. He knows much."

    Fay jumped slightly in surprise.
    "You know him!?" she asked eagerly.

    This was perfect! She could finally clear out the dilemma on whether her uncle had done something unforgivable or not.

    When she opened her mouth to speak, Ursula's face indicated the second option, but her voice was drowned in a sudden explosion of noise. The stone gate at the entrance crumpled as a huge, dark creature burst through the door with a terrifying roar.

    Fay jumped to her feet, pale with horror.
    "Benedict!" she gasped and her eyes darted around the room, searching for a way they could possibly get away safely.

    She had hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with Milly's baby for a while since it had turned on its trainer, but it looked like he was controlling it again.

    Fay had just decided to give up and panic, when Ursula's calm voice soothed her.
    "Don't worry." she said, "I'll take care of this."

    To Be Continued: Can Ursula do something? Or will Fay be forced to run again? How did Benedict find his way to the Sanctum anyway? Read in the next chapter:"In Search of Kin"


    Phew...another long one. O.O' Well, that's about it. Next chapter will be up on 19th of October, so - see ya then! :D
     
    4,227
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    • Seen Aug 11, 2009
    Gah! Right! Look, it's not a mistake! It's NOT! I specifically searched for a synonim for 'sneakers' and I found the word 'trainers'.

    ...Why did you search in the first place?? "Sneakers" is just fine to use.

    *pulls out nuke from before* And ARE YOU SURE you want to throw that book at me?
     

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • You do realise you've just implied that people would want to steal it? XD No, no, just kidding, it's lovely, honestly XD

    Of course people would want to steal it! It's a divine weapon created to aid in the war against the demons of illiteracy and stupidity. (+12 against low-int creatures, I'll have you know) But like I said, it's mine. All mine! *Clingith* You don't have the proficiency for it, so don't even think about stealing. <.<

    I didn't steal, think of it as an easter egg. ;) There were others too, but no one seemed to notice /lil' angel/. Hehe, BG2 is, like, my fave game - EVEEEER! I started playing it since it came out and, thanks to all the awesome mods, I'm still playing it! XD

    Nyah, good on you. Myself, I had a couple of run-ins with crappy mods, combined with my computer's spontaneous decision not to notice the existence of the game (The install program did, though, which handily prevented reinstalling. <.<) and kind of threw me off, not to mention that schoolwork was kind of piling up. I never found the time to return to the game until recently. -.-
    *gets smacked with a rubber chicken* Wha? Oh, right! Off-topicness ^.^'

    Off-topicness? *Blinks* We had a topic? Oh, right...that topic. Hehe...I'll just get right back to the topic then, shall I? *Grins nervously at rubber chicken* It wasn't my fault, though! Honest! Ria made me... T_T

    Fay stared at her crossed-out name in utter astonishment. She tried, in vain, to fathom why on Earth would she be treated like all the less-presentable members of the Longfellow family. As far as she could remember, she hadn't done anything especially unforgivable lately.

    Ehh...you do know that 'phantom' is another term for 'ghost', right? I believe you were going for 'fathom', which means 'to understand'.
    As soon as they stepped outside it became obvious that something was going on. The silence was still unbroken, but the monks seemed nervous now. They stood in little groups, exchanging worried looks and gesticulating wildly.

    Believe it or not, there's a comma required after "little groups". Elope, people, elope! The end of the world as we know it is one comma closer! @.@ (By the by, I have no idea why I chose that particular verb. Guess it just sounded better than 'run for it'. xD)
    Luno growled impatiently.
    "Oh, come on!" he snapped, "It's just a stupid wall. An ugly, stupid wall for that matter. Seriously, someone should strangle the artist. Let's get out of here, already!"

    No comma needed after "out of here". Whew, looks like the balance has been restored for now. Okay, never mind the previous order, everyone. Bussiness as usual. ^^
    But Fay didn't move an inch. The very sight of the hideous structure filled her with terror and she felt the need to be as far away from it/the place as possible.

    Ho-hum, the 'this place' looks pretty odd outside of dialogue. It should be either "the place" (Refering to the place described just before, wherein the wall is located) or just plain 'it' (Refering to the wall, obviously). The wall is a nice creepy touch, by the way. ^^
    Fay rolled her eyes exasperatingly.
    "Jasper!" she snapped, "Can't you do that later?"

    Nyah, 'exasperatingly' implies that the way in which Fay rolls her eyes is exasperating for others. Are you sure you don't mean 'exasperatedly'? Just thought I'd ask.
    "Not all strength is in the body, dear boy." the person said smilingly.

    Umm...I'm not even sure that 'smilingly' is a word, and even if it is, can you say something smilingly? Sounds kind of far fetched to me. o.O


    Aaaanyhow, that's all I could find right now. I'm still enjoying the story a lot, including the quirky little asides (Such as Kveroslava's laptop. xD). Nice move with eliminating the overly simple answer to the communication thing too. ^^ Still, the suspense is building and I have to wait for the 19th? *Whines and stamps foot* Aww...but I wanna' know what will happen, RIGHT NO-OO-OW! ;__;

    Nah, just kidding. I can wait for that long. ^_^
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
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    18
    Years
  • Ehh...you do know that 'phantom' is another term for 'ghost', right? I believe you were going for 'fathom', which means 'to understand'.

    Yikes! XD I mean...er...what, you've never heard of the phrase "I'll ghost you?" No? Well...it doesn't exist. XD Jeez, this type of mistake is so embarassing. ^.^'


    Believe it or not, there's a comma required after "little groups". Elope, people, elope! The end of the world as we know it is one comma closer! @.@ (By the by, I have no idea why I chose that particular verb. Guess it just sounded better than 'run for it'. xD)

    How about flee? Escape? Make self scarce? Run for the hills? Make tracks? XD Oh, well.


    No comma needed after "out of here". Whew, looks like the balance has been restored for now. Okay, never mind the previous order, everyone. Bussiness as usual. ^^

    Phew! :D I can return the emergency cookies to the bunker, then. XD


    Ho-hum, the 'this place' looks pretty odd outside of dialogue. It should be either "the place" (Refering to the place described just before, wherein the wall is located) or just plain 'it' (Refering to the wall, obviously). The wall is a nice creepy touch, by the way. ^^

    It bloody well shood be, it comes from a nightmare I used to have which also involved a wooden head screaming:"You took the head of a dead maaan!!!" while steam came out of its ears and nose...what is it with the heads??? O.O'


    Nyah, 'exasperatingly' implies that the way in which Fay rolls her eyes is exasperating for others. Are you sure you don't mean 'exasperatedly'? Just thought I'd ask.

    Well, according to the dictionary it should, but I ran into it quite often in reading and conversation so I just went:"meh" and left it ^.^'


    Umm...I'm not even sure that 'smilingly' is a word, and even if it is, can you say something smilingly? Sounds kind of far fetched to me. o.O

    Yes, as a matter of fact, smilingly is a word. It just means doing something while smiling ;)


    Aaaanyhow, that's all I could find right now. I'm still enjoying the story a lot, including the quirky little asides (Such as Kveroslava's laptop. xD). Nice move with eliminating the overly simple answer to the communication thing too. ^^ Still, the suspense is building and I have to wait for the 19th? *Whines and stamps foot* Aww...but I wanna' know what will happen, RIGHT NO-OO-OW! ;__;
    Nah, just kidding. I can wait for that long. ^_^

    Oh, dear ^.^' /backs away cautiously/
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • ...Why did you search in the first place?? "Sneakers" is just fine to use.

    Various reasons: I'm a maniac, I had free time and 50 chocolate cookies, I own an original Cambridge dictionary along with a CD version which is a breeze to search through, I look for synonims for any words I only know one expression for, I was on my 5th run through that particular chapter (which, of course, didn't stop me from messing up in various places XD) and, last but not least...er...that was all I could think of, actually. ^.^'

    *pulls out nuke from before* And ARE YOU SURE you want to throw that book at me?

    /gulps down her 105th cookie today with a maniacal grin/ Yes, I am. :badsmile:
     
    4,227
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    • Seen Aug 11, 2009
    *fades in from corner of room* o.0' Goodness Gracious! I leave for...*takes quick glance at calendar, then does quick calculation* FIVE DAYS, and you two go on a crazy spree?? Geez, WHY AM I ALWAYS NEEDED!!???

    ...Okay, let's snap out of it. *Throws dictionary at Alter Ego* that's for you and *throws rubber chicken at Ria AGAIN :badsmile: * that's for you. Now then, let's all calm down and come back to the little rock called Plu...I mean, Earth, shall we?

    Alter Ego said:
    Believe it or not, there's a comma required after "little groups". Elope, people, elope! The end of the world as we know it is one comma closer! @.@ (By the by, I have no idea why I chose that particular verb. Guess it just sounded better than 'run for it'. xD)

    ......

    *grabs rubber chicken from near Ria and hits Alter Ego with it*

    Ria said:
    /gulps down her 105th cookie today with a maniacal grin/ Yes, I am.

    Then do it and see what happens.

    *fades back into darkness*
     

    Ria

    Minx Extraordinaire
    127
    Posts
    18
    Years
  • Okay, I'm freaked out, I dreamt that I posted the latest chapter in someone else's fanfic thread by accident and it was REALLY embarassing. n.n' What REALLY creeped me out was that that's EXACTLY the kind of thing my clumsy little self might do n.n'. That said, VOILA:

    Chapter XVI:"In Search of Kin"

    Another tremor almost knocked Fay off her feet. The pathway and the platform were crumpling under the creature's weight, it was unsafe to stay there for much longer. Fay was just about to check around for an escape route when Fred grabbed her and Jasper, turning their attention toward Ursula.

    "Look!" he hollered.

    Ursula was calmly removing the IV tube from her thin arm, barely sparing a glance to the raging creature which was just waiting for a command to tear them all apart. She gingerly supported herself on the arms of her chair and rose into a standing position carefully, after which she looked at Fay.
    "Could you release Mosca, please?" she asked politely while reaching after her own pokeball.

    Without even wondering why, the girl did as she was told and a second later the yellow pokemon appeared, sparkling briefly. Ursula smiled at him gently.

    "Would you be so kind to teleport your new trainer and her friends back to Lotus?" she inquired.

    Fay gaped at her.
    "Wha-I mean, wait!" she snapped, "What about you?"

    Ursula smiled enigmatically and pulled out an odd, glittering pokeball. Fay stared at it in shock, but Fred was the first to comment.
    "No way!" he gasped, staring at the diamond ball with utter amazement.

    "Er-" Jasper managed, "Is that-"

    "Yes!" Fay snapped impatiently, her eyes darting from the pokeball to Ursula's face, "What's going on?"

    The woman didn't have time to reply because Benedict practically burst into the hall at the other end of the crumbling path. He had just ordered his Crobat to use wing attack to ward off a persistent Meditite when he spotted Ursula and the others. His eyes darted to where Fay and the boys were standing and his face suddenly grew ashen with rage.
    "YOU!" he practically hollered, "I'll kill you, you little-gah!"

    He was forced to go back to fighting when his pokemon just barely missed the attacking Meditite's Thunderpunch.

    "He sure seems more murderous than usual." Fay muttered guardedly.

    Jasper nudged her with his elbow nervously.
    "Maybe we ought to make tracks?" he pointed out, "I mean, Ursula will probably jolly well take them to the cleaners, but-ah...just in case?"

    Fay shook her head obstinately.
    "No way!" she snapped, "I want to see the pokemon!"

    Luno squeaked when he just barely dodged a piece of the crumbling ceiling.
    "I can't believe what I'm about to say," he yelped, "But the weird guy is right!"

    "Just a little longer..." Fay murmured as her eyes keenly followed the ball while it left the slim, pale hand and snapped open.

    There was a sudden outburst of dazzling light which caused everyone to cringe away and cover their faces. When the brightness dimmed a bit, Fay immidiately looked around, but only the peaceful scenery of Lotus greeted her.

    "Oh, come on!" she groaned at the Abra, "You couldn't have waited one minute!?"

    The yellow pokemon gave her an 'orders are orders' look, causing Fay to glare at him jadedly.
    "Great..." she muttered before looking around to make sure that everyone's accounted for, "All alive, then?"

    "I'm fine." Luno replied, trying to unbristle his fur.

    "Alive and well." Fred muttered.

    "Ugh." Jasper groaned, "Ask me again in five minutes."

    The girl sighed and glanced around the village. Some of the monks were staring at them with interest, but no one seemed particularly surprised by their sudden appearance or worried about the attackers. Ilvire bounced out of a nearby house, looking rather happy as he chased after a jolly Zigzagoon. The boy waved at Fay as he ran.

    "It's so calm." the girl murmured, following Ilvire with her eyes, "I don't understand, Benedict must've gone through here."

    Jasper shook his head.
    "What I don't understand is how he found his way to the Mirage Gym in the first place!" he snapped, "There's got to be more to it than just having a psychic pokemon, right?"

    "Maybe he followed us?" Fred offered, rejecting his own theory immediately, "No, he would have to had stayed close in order not to get lost in the fog, we would've seen him..."

    "There's no point mulling over it now." Fay sighed, "I guess we ought to make ourselves scarce...though I feel bad leaving Lotus like this. What if Benedict comes back and attacks the monks? And with Ilvire here too..."

    She trailed off worriedly, staring after the boy who was playing not far away from them.

    Jasper shrugged slightly.
    "I'd hate to sound like a cold, realistic bastard," he remarked, "But if that old git somehow beats Ursula and her entire Gym and makes it back here, there wouldn't be much we could do against him, would there?"

    "Where should we go next?" Fred asked, "If Benedict decides to give chase...which he probably will, I'd hate to lead them back to Hauregy."

    Jasper looked pensive for a moment.
    "Well...we could head west." he offered, "There's a Holiday Camp on the other side of the mountain with a cable car connecting with Terraville. It ain't exactly skiing season, but it ought to be open."

    Fay nodded contemplatively.
    "That's not bad..." she mused, "I'll need a computer to find my uncle's address...we can see where we need to go from there."

    They said quick goodbyes with Ilvire and their silent, but friendly hosts before they made for their destination. Just before they passed the large gates Fay stopped suddenly, looking back with an uncertain expression. She stared at Ilvire who was watching them leave. Something about the boy's sad look, his condition and Jasper's earlier comment about psychic pokemon gave her a vague feeling she could help him somehow.

    Her hand accidentally brushed over the pokeball Ursula had given her and, suddenly, everything clicked into place.

    Of course!

    It was so simple!

    Fay rushed back to the confused boy and knelt in front of him while releasing Mosca from the white ball.

    "Ilvire, I want you to have him." she said ardently, "It's a psychic pokemon, you won't need to talk in order for him to understand you."

    The boy stared at her.

    "Er-" she tried again, "You're perfect for each other, you know?"

    Since Ilvire still didn't move, she just tucked the white ball in his hand.
    "Here you go." she said gently, "It's okay, he's yours."

    The little boy stared at the ball with huge eyes, almost as if he couldn't believe that he finally had a pokemon of his own. He then stared up at Fay with a look of sudden, shocked realisation before launching himself at her unexpectedly. The girl sniggered a bit as she gave him a bear hug.

    "Take care, okay?" she whispered into Ilvire's ear, even though she knew he couldn't hear her.

    Fay rose abruptly and glanced at the monk in charge of the boy.
    "Er-" she said, "Look after him, alright?"

    The man grinned rather un-monkishly and gave her a thumbs up.

    When Fay caught up with the boys again, Jasper gave her a skeptic look.
    "You do have some general idea how rare and valuable psychic pokemon are, don't you?" he asked in a tone which portrayed a mixture of amusement and wonder.

    The girl glared at him wearily.
    "Yes, yes." she sighed impatiently, "Ilvire needs him more than I do, end of story."

    She marched on stubbornly, signaling that the discussion was over.

    ***

    The sun was already setting when they finally arrived at the holliday camp. It wasn't a very luxurious establishment, but it had a Pokemon Centre and free bunks for traveling trainers and that was all Fay wanted to see right now.

    They all relished in the gentle wave of heat which splashed over them as soon as they stepped inside. This Pokemon Centre had a cozy feel about it with its soothing, fawn interior and relaxing music in the background. Then again, Pokemon Centres were like that generally, safe places where trainers could relax and enjoy time with their pokemon away from battle.

    The girl looked around for a nurse and spotted a person with long, blonde hair standing by the counter. She stood with her back turned to them, but she wore a white coat so Fay decided that she must be the person to talk to.

    "Er, excuse me, nurse?" the girl started, but went mute when the person turned around to face them and it became obvious that 'she' was actually a young man.

    "Er-" Fay managed with a guilty flinch, "Sorry, I thought you were...ah-"

    The young man waved it off with a wide, bright smile.
    "Oh, don't worry one bit." he said cheerfully, "It's quite alright, I get it all the time."

    Something about his tone made Fay doubt that they were thinking of the same adjectives, but she decided it would be best to drop it.
    "We're looking for a nurse-" she started, but was interrupted again.

    "Oh, right!" the young man flashed them a rueful smile as he scooted behind the counter, "Sorry, I'm still new around here. Could I have your pokemon, please?"

    Jasper stared at him in utter bemusement.
    "Er-" he almost sniggered, "You're the nurse, uhm...miss-ter?"

    Fay nudged him with a cross glare, but the young man didn't seem to catch the derision as he turned the dazzling brightness of his grin a notch up.
    "Why, yes!" he stated proudly, "You can call me Ezra, though. I'm still in med school, but don't worry, I won't mess up or anything."

    "I mean, it's not like it's complicated work." he babbled cheerfully as he took the pokeballs from Fay and the boys, "You just push a button."

    He looked worried, suddenly.
    "Er-" he gulped, "Don't spread that around, though, or I'll run out of work."

    Luno looked a bit worried when Fay put him on a metal plate and handed him to the weird young man, but he forgot all about it when he was placed in the warm healing apparatus which resembled an incubator.
    "Oooh, that feels nice!" he almost purred, rather uncharacteristically, "I think I'll stay in here for a while."

    "Okay, that ought to do it." Ezra smiled, "You can pick them up in the morning, but they'll be as good as new in a few hours too."

    Fay tried to keep a straight face.
    "Er...okay." she said, "Um, look, is there a computer around here I could use? I need to find an address."

    Ezra scratched his chin and Fay couldn't help but stare at his perfectly manicured hands.
    "I'm afraid that our computer won't do you much good with that." he mused, "Ever since that attack on Sylph, the database is messed up."

    Fred looked at Fay and Jasper helplessly.
    "Now what?" he sighed, "It'll take us ages to find Cain if we just run around blindly."

    "Well, you could do it the old-fashioned way." Ezra offered, "You're perfectly welcome to browse through our telephone directory archive."

    "That'll take forever!" Fay moaned, "But I guess I've got no choice..."

    "You guys will help me look, right?" she asked Fred and Jasper desperately.

    "I will," Fred said, "But I want to get in touch with Lola and let her know we're okay first."

    Fay seemed to remember something.
    "Oh, yeah!" she said suddenly, "Good idea, you ought to tell her how Ilvire's doing too and about his new pokemon."

    "No problem!" Fred sniggered as he sauntered toward the computer.

    "He can still send mail, right?" Fay asked Ezra worriedly.

    "It should be okay." he answered, "Only Sylph's servers are down, the rest should work normally. Come on, then. I'll walk you to our archives."

    He led them up the stairs and unlocked a dull-looking gray door. When the room was lit, Fay winced at the amount of stacked up, thick books.
    "Oh, boy..." she pressed out, her eyes darting over the rickety piles of tomes, "This'll be fun..."

    Ezra seemed as surprised as she was.
    "Oh, dear." he poked his head inside, glancing around reluctantly, "If I'd known what a mess this was, I would've cleaned it up. It figures, really, we almost never use these."

    He wrinkled his nose slightly at the dust and the stale smell.
    "Er-" he cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well, good luck! Remember to check the dates of edition for each phone book since no one ever bothered to sort them."

    With that he disappeared, leaving Fay and Jasper alone in the clustered room. The girl glanced around helplessly.

    "Well..." she managed eventually, "You take that wall and I'll take this one and meet you in the middle. Look for Cain Longfellow, remember?"

    Jasper sized up his pile with a sigh before clambering up to reach for the phone book at the very top with a mutter.
    "The things I do for...wait, why am I doing this, again?"

    "Less talk, more look."

    After about an hour of rustling dusty pages and squinting at the small letters in the dim light, Fay slammed the phone book she was checking shut and tossed it on the pile of all the others she'd checked through.
    "It's hopeless!" she moaned, "What if he's not even listed?"

    Jasper sent her a bloodshot glare over his phonebook.
    "Hats off to you for knowing how to motivate people." he said sarcastically.

    "Ugh...sorry." the girl muttered, "I mean, look at this place. I can't help a bit of pessimism here and there."

    "Maybe we need a change of strategy." Jasper offered and started digging through the stack of books in the middle of the room, "Let's look through these first, they're bound to be...WHAT THE-!?!?"

    The last part was a reaction to a stray Spinarak which popped from under one of the phone books with a threatening chitter. Jasper gave a shriek one might expect from – oh, let's say Ezra, for instance – leapt backwards, hit the nearest pile of books, causing it to sway dangerously, bounced off of it and slammed his head right against the light switch successfully depriving the room of illumination.

    There was a rumbling sound of – oh, let's say hundreds of heavy phone books creating an avalanche, for instance – and Fay felt herself being knocked on her back as the revenge of much neglected telephone directories hit her in full intensity.

    When everything calmed, Fay found herself lying on her back under a heavy pile of books, staring up into the darkness inertly while wondering if this position could possibly get any worse. Then Jasper flicked the light switch again and the first thing that Fay could see was an especially thick phone book at the top of an especially high and rickety pile right above her head, swaying back and forward, as if contemplating whether to give in to the seductive charms of gravity or not.

    Of course it would.

    "Oh, come on!" Fay grit out just before the heavy book hit her face just after flapping open in the air.

    Jasper, who had remained unscathed rather miraculously, given that he was the source of all the bovver, winced at the impact. Fay couldn't see him, what with the five pound book lying wide open over her face, but she could swear that she heard a choked back chortle before the boy spoke.

    "Er, you alive, Fay?" he asked carefully.

    "Yes." came the muffled reply, "Hard luck for you, though."

    "Er...okay, I deserve that...let me get that..." he said as he picked up the book off of Fay's face.

    He glanced at the book once and was just about to toss it away, but then he stared at it again, open-mouthed.
    "You are not going to believe this!" he gasped.

    "Try me."

    The boy grinned maniacally as he practically smothered her with the open phone book.
    "There it is – Cain, bleedin', Longfellow!" he laughed smugly, "Now you can't kill me, can you? Because we found him thanks to meis bugger was on the very top, we would have looked for it for ages!"

    Fay stared at the name unenthusiastically.
    "Joy." she said, "Jasper?"

    "Er...yes?"

    "I'll need some help."

    "Oh, okay. What with?"

    "Everything."

    "Moving?"

    "Everything."

    "A-ha! So now it is you who needs saving, m'lady?" the boy sniggered as put away his find and tried to pull Fay out from under the pile, "Oof, m'lady could bear to put the fork down every now and then."

    "I beg your pardon!?"

    "There, there, just kidding, your Seriousness." he chortled, "Up, up! There's a lass! You can stand okay? Or should I sweep thee of thy feet and carry m'lady to her quarters like a dashing saviour I am?"

    "Ngk, no, thank you." Fay grit out murderously before glancing around the now-much-messier room, filled with dozens of, she suddenly realised, identical books, "Jasper...where's the phone book?"

    The boy looked around with a confused expression before gulping rather loudly.
    "Erm...which phone book?" he uttered with barely restrained dread.

    If looks could kill, Jasper would've been dead five generations back when Fay glared at him.
    "THE phone book!" she grit out homicidally, fully prepared to do something a houseproud mother might tell her child about and add '...and that's what happens to little boys who don't eat their greens'.

    Suddenly, Jasper broke into a snigger and picked up one of the books.
    "Relax, I'm just yanking your chain." he said with an utterly despicable grin, "I've got it right here."

    He waved it in front of Fay's not any less murderous face demonstratively.
    "Well, no need to dawdle here." he added, while backing away cautiously, "Let's go back to where there are witness-er, I mean, people...yeah, we should see where Fred's at too, he was supposed to help, remember?"

    They found Fred practically lying across a table near the computer, holding the telephone receiver in one hand while, apparently, trying to pull his hair out with the other. He looked so tortured and disheveled that Fay actually found herself feeling sorry for the poor chap.
    "For the thousandth time, Lola, he's fine!" the boy groaned pitifully, "No I didn't see him eat...wha-!? How am I supposed to know that!? ...okay, sorry...would you calm down!?"

    He looked up desperately at Fay and Jasper, helplessly motioning towards the receiver.

    The girl rolled her eyes with a tired chuckle.
    "I'm going to bed." she stated, "I've had enough excitement for one day."

    The rest of the adventure, or whatever it was they were going through would have to wait until tomorrow.

    To Be Continued: A bad day, but you can't say that Fay hasn't had worse. And so, Fay sets off to find her uncle, but what is her next destination? What will she encounter on the way? Will Fred finally manage to end the phone call to Lola? Read in the next chapter:?


    My word, what a lame ending. O.O' Well, to anyone who's noticed the "?" where the name of the next chapter should be...DON'T TELL ANYONE!!!! O.O

    Hehe, just kidding. ^.^' This is exactly where the fic ends and the storyboard continues ;) I'll have the next chapter ready by 26th of October, so sit tight ;)

    Not much happened in this chapter, but I just felt a bit of a reprieve from the main story was in order, hence the little interlude ^.^' I ended up rather liking it, but then again, Jasper's in it so - of course I would. XD

    See y'all soon!

    PS: And gimme back my rubber chicken, or I shall be forced to taunt you like a medieval frenchman and MAYBE even call you a [french accent]son of a one-legged window-dresser![/french accent] XD
     
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