View Full Version : Perfect Light

September 15th, 2009, 12:40 PM
Hello all. i wrote this just now, 'cause i'm feelign like crap right now...and i know the title sucks...
i have no idea what the type of poem it is free-style i guess...
Perfect Light
Once upon a time there was a girl.
And every day she had to be perfect.
Not only for others but for herself
To prove she wasn’t worthless
But everyone knows you can’t be perfect all the time
And no one knew what she thought of herself
As her mom’s screams grew often
And she grew weary
As the people around her grew more irritating
She started hurting
Deep inside it all began to tear at her
Her emotions were being warped
And she felt dimmer everyday
Sometimes she could hardly stand it
Having to be perfect for herself
To have to shine her light every day
Despite her feeling dim and dumb
But everyone knows you can’t shine all the time
Even the girl herself, but she kept going
It was easy on the good days
When she felt happy inside
But the bad days began taking a toll
She could feel it inside
The light began blowing out
She was older now
And she was expected to do more
To be responsible
But how could she?
With all this weight on her?
She couldn’t and she knew it
On a particular bad day
Her light was low
And she was tired
But her mom expected certain things
And when she didn’t’ do them
When she couldn’t do them
Her self-worth began tearing
As her mother’s words were flying
She endured it all silently
But when everything was quiet
She went to her room in a hidden corner
And silently cried
she wiped her tears though
And tried to regain her light
But she couldn’t’ find it
And she knew she had failed herself again
And that was the final straw
Slowly and silently she closed her eyes
Leaned against the wall,
She let a last breath
And her light went out

please rev.

September 15th, 2009, 1:36 PM
Mm... interesting. It flows awkwardly at first then smoothes out. I can easily empathize with the exhaustion and depression she's feeling. Not bad aura-chan. Hope you feel better.

September 15th, 2009, 1:40 PM
THank you winter!! that just made my day!!
any other reviews guys?