View Full Version : A love poem I wrote, like it or not.

Flygon trainer
November 26th, 2004, 11:30 AM
First of all, I'd like to dedicate this to my pair, also my one and only love. he's become the reason for my existance, and this is a first for me.

Hearts Whispered Song
By me.

I am scared to tell you what I feel,
Am I insane? Are you real?
When I look at you, I hope to see,
That I can be happy, my spirit free,
I want to show you who I am inside,
But when I dare show you,
My heart tries to hide.
When I look at you, my heart skips a beat,
All the blood rushes to my heart quickly from my feet.
I dont understand why my love for you seems so great,
But I do know that finding you was an act of fate,
I am slowly stumbling out of the dark,
A woman unsure lead by her heart,
My passion runs deep, my soul is strong,
My love is eternal, and this is my song:

you are my one,
the one half of me.

You are the one
That makes a complete me.

November 26th, 2004, 11:42 AM
Love,love,love,love love love....love love love,makes the world go round.I love it. :P :D :D :P :P :D :D :P :D I give it a 8/10

November 26th, 2004, 11:58 AM
Wow, that'z zuch a touching poem! =3

It'z excellent that you not only had a nice rythem to it, but you ztaid on one zubject. Alot of poemz zound pretty, but they really have no meaning behind them. Yourz on the othe hand really explainz your feelingz.
Keep it up ^_^

The only thing I can zee iz a rythem thing in a couple of linez:
I want to show you who I am inside,
But when I dare show you,
My heart tries to hide.

In mozt of your poem every two linez ryme, but here it zkipz a line. Maybe if you combined theze two linez:
But when I dare show you,
My heart tries to hide.

Then agian, that'z juzt a picky thing <<; (didn't want to leave without giving tipz ^_^'') It zoundz great either way! =D

November 26th, 2004, 1:29 PM
It really was good from start to finish, it seems like you really put effort into it, but seeing how its for a person you care and love so much for, you would have to.

Like Teara said, the rhymn was really nice, and you used commas alot to make readers know when to pause, and when to begin. Really good job all around.

November 26th, 2004, 4:45 PM
9/10. Lovely, and... so... touching. It's not perfect, but it's faultless in my eyes, but I can't give 10/10 for various reasons...

*heart breaks* So sweet!!! Eeee! *starts sobbing* I need to tell the world! The whole world that - whoops. *puts hand over mouth*

November 26th, 2004, 7:13 PM
ya, I liked it too, even though I'm only 10 XD but I still liked it...

November 26th, 2004, 7:16 PM
It's a sweet poem, and good in most aspects. Solid rythm, defined structure. Good things, those. My main complaint is that sometimes I get the feel that you wrote it to fit the rhyme scheme, instead of getting your thoughts out first, then editing a rhyme in later.

November 27th, 2004, 12:26 AM
well i loved it. 10/10 thats for sure. great job. i should write a poem...

December 17th, 2004, 3:51 PM
I give it a 10/10!I loved it!

Elite Four Lance
December 18th, 2004, 3:13 PM
That was a lovely poem you made. Good work.