Jamie Hubley, Gay 15-Year-Old Ottawa, Canada Teen Commits Suicide, Cites Depression,

Zet · Oct 17, 2011

Jamie Hubley, a gay 15-year-old from Ottawa, Canada, committed suicide on Friday.

The 10th grade student documented his life, including his depression and the hardships of being a gay teen, in a blog, reports the Ottawa Citizen.

The blog, called "You Can't Break... When You're Already Broken" featured posts with numerous references to and photos of self harm and cutting, pictures of guys kissing and mentions of wanting a boyfriend, and bleak, ominous messages like "Sometimes I wish the breeze would just take me with it," "The only thing worse than being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist," and "Suicides is always an option."

Other posts revealed how difficult school was for Hubley:

"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school… It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left, Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I'v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last. People said "It gets better". Its f***ing bull****. I go to see psychologist, What the f*** are they suppost to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? I give up."

His last post, which he wrote on Friday, paints a heartbreaking portrait of a boy looking for -- and ultimately unable to find -- acceptance:

Im a casualty of love.

Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.

First Id like to mention my friends Nancy, Abby, Colleen, jemma, and Kasia

Being sad is sad : /. I'v been like this for way to long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant f***ing stand any f***ing thing.

I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either… I love my mom and dad : ) Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.

I hit rock f***ing bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck.

My favorite singers were lady gaga , Adele , Katy perry, and Jessie james, Christina aguilara and most of all I think KASIA!!! I LOVED Singing, and she helped me a lot : ) Im not that good at it though :"/, Im going to miss you guys
(well You know who you are, But to the people who didnt like me (many) A big f*** you, Go ride a unicorn. But w/e I love you anyway.)

Remember me as a Unicorn :3 x) MAybe in my next life Il be a flying squirreel :D

Il fly away.

"From the outside, he looked like the happiest kid. He was always smiling and giving everybody hugs in the halls," said Steph Wheeler, a close friend of Hubley's.

"I just remember him wanting a boyfriend so bad, he'd always ask me to find a boy for him. I think he wanted someone to love him for who he was," she said.

A Facebook page dedicated to Hubley has been set up and students are planning a memorial performance in his honor.

Hubley's death comes just weeks after American teen Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide after being bullied for being gay.

While many, including Lady Gaga who has called for bullying to be made illegal and Dan Savage who began the It Gets Better campaign, are working to help gay teens, sadly, it's obvious there remains much work to be done.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or visit stopbullying.gov. You can also visit The Trevor Project or call them at 866-488-7386.

Another sad story that brought tears to my eyes. I wish he found someone :(

Sydian · Oct 17, 2011

Il fly away.

Ahhh this got me right here...

"Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away, to a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away."

I hate stories like this. It's so sad that he seemed so helpless with it too...and he had no one, it seems. Unfortunately, those that are depressed seem to hide it well, in regards to him seeming like a happy person. We don't always know what really haunts someone's mind. It's terrible that this happened. RIP Jamie. <3 :(

Shining Raichu · Oct 17, 2011

This is what scares me more than anything about depression. I've heard so many stories like this, where the people who you'd least suspect to commit suicide are the ones that end up doing just that. It makes you think that anyone could be hiding some dark turmoil and be taken from you at any moment. This is why whenever anybody shows me the slightest hint that they might be unhappy, I always ask "Are you OK?" It's all I can think to do.

The "I'll fly away" line didn't get me until Sydian posted that :(

R.I.P Jamie, I hope that wherever you are, you've found what you were looking for.

Sydian · Oct 17, 2011

This is what scares me more than anything about depression. I've heard so many stories like this, where the people who you'd least suspect to commit suicide are the ones that end up doing just that. It makes you think that anyone could be hiding some dark turmoil and be taken from you at any moment. This is why whenever anybody shows me the slightest hint that they might be unhappy, I always ask "Are you OK?" It's all I can think to do.

Maybe it's just me, but I think that depression is at its worst when someone has just had it for so long it just doesn't show (or even any amount of time without showing is bad). They've learned how to hide it, and that's just not the thing to do. At least when someone is obviously depressed, you can see it, and you know you can go in and help. But when someone seems happy, bright, and optimistic, but deep down they're depressed, then yeah. The condition has overstayed its welcome.

-Jared- · Oct 17, 2011

Oh god, we don't need any more of these stories. ;___; I mean it, this breaks my heart, both as a gay man, and as a friend to a (formerly, and thankfully alive) suicidal person. Everything he wrote sounds so familiar to me, and I can only wish he had more people to support him. ;-; My prayers go out to his family and friends.

FreakyLocz14 · Oct 18, 2011

My friend used to be suicidal. He never actually did it (that I know of; we've lost touch). He mostly used to cut.

Esper · Oct 18, 2011

I wonder if his blog where he mentions self-harm was a long term thing or a something new he started. Like, I'm wondering if there were signs that his behavior had changed or if it was a long-standing depression. But it said he talked with a psychologist and was on antidepressants so at least someone knew he was having trouble and was trying to help him. That's the silver light I'm seeing in this story: although it wasn't enough, he was still getting help.

femtrooper · Oct 18, 2011

Yeah, this is incredibly sad. I hate reading stories like this mostly because of the bullying and how I hate it so much, but also because it is so sad that these kids think that killing themselves is the only way out. Life must be pretty ****** if your only resort is suicide. It bothers me so much because there are so many outlets to go to like free counseling, talking to anyone, people on the internet, and most of all, it gets better. I love that campaign because it's so true. Being 15 sucks for anyone, and omg, it gets better. Being 18 is better, then being 20 is better and so on. It really does get better because kids mature and then even if you are bullied, once school is done, you can move on with your life. This is why I find it so sad to hear of kids committing suicide at such a young age. They need to know that things are going to be okay!

Alex · Oct 18, 2011

This is sad, but suicide is the easy way out. He was in his freshman year of high school, he had a ton of maturing to do. High School is hard on everybody.

Oryx · Oct 18, 2011

Penatrait said:
This is sad, but suicide is the easy way out. He was in his freshman year of high school, he had a ton of maturing to do. High School is hard on everybody.

Not in the same way, unfortunately. A lot of the things that makes things hard in high school are overshadowed by the social aspect, which he felt he didn't have and was completely alone. It's terrible that he did that, I wouldn't go so far as to say "high school is hard on everybody" as if you're implying that his high school experience was the same as everyone else's.

FreakyLocz14 · Oct 18, 2011

Scarf said:
I wonder if his blog where he mentions self-harm was a long term thing or a something new he started. Like, I'm wondering if there were signs that his behavior had changed or if it was a long-standing depression. But it said he talked with a psychologist and was on antidepressants so at least someone knew he was having trouble and was trying to help him. That's the silver light I'm seeing in this story: although it wasn't enough, he was still getting help.

The parents should have done something like pull him out of school and sue the parents of the kids responsible, as well as the school district if they knew of the bullying and did nithing to intervene. Taking him to therapists won't solve anything. All therapists are are people you pay a lot of money to listen to your problems for an hour a week. They don't solve anything.

Captain Fabio · Oct 18, 2011

This kid has some issues, excessive swearing?
Look, this is a shame, it always is when a teen takes their life, but what I don't understand is how he can CERTAINLY KNOW he is gay at 15.

I never understood this frame of mind, while I can understand some people might realise this from an early age, but everyone has thoughts and goes through some form of thoughts about being gay.

Normally, I am sympathetic, and I still am, but from reading that entry, I just think he was an angry person, end of.

Sydian · Oct 18, 2011

This kid has some issues, excessive swearing?
Look, this is a shame, it always is when a teen takes their life, but what I don't understand is how he can CERTAINLY KNOW he is gay at 15.

I never understood this frame of mind, while I can understand some people might realise this from an early age, but everyone has thoughts and goes through some form of thoughts about being gay.

Normally, I am sympathetic, and I still am, but from reading that entry, I just think he was an angry person, end of.

And some realize it and accept it earlier than others. I don't understand why you feel the need to chastise him for knowing that he's gay of all things. 15 is a normal age to figure that out, least it seems to be for people I've known.

Alex · Oct 18, 2011

Toujours said:
Not in the same way, unfortunately. A lot of the things that makes things hard in high school are overshadowed by the social aspect, which he felt he didn't have and was completely alone. It's terrible that he did that, I wouldn't go so far as to say "high school is hard on everybody" as if you're implying that his high school experience was the same as everyone else's.

The feeling of being completely alone is exactly that: a social aspect. Secondly, in the article we see someone saying that Jamie was always asking them to find him a boyfriend. Unless he went around asking random people to find him a boyfriend, it sounds to me like he had at least one good friend. If he took more appreciation in that friendship, he might have made it through. Furthermore, he had the complete wrong attitude towards his psychotherapist. For 2 years of my life I went to see a psychotherapist and believe it helped me drastically. He could've also looked to his parents for comfort. I'm not bashing the guy for not knowing how to handle the stress of life, but suicide is simply the easy way out. With age and maturity, what he so firmly disbelieved, that it gets better, is actually true.

High school is definitely not the same experience for everyone. But I know I had a terrible time in high school. My junior and senior years were tough as hell. Not academically, but socially. Everyone I've spoken to regarding high school have said it was not fun for them either. I'm sure some may have thought it was the time of their life but I think most don't.

Taemin · Oct 18, 2011

Auugh, man.. I just read through some of his blog, because I was trying to go far enough in to find some happy posts. They were quite a few pages back, but were still mixed with so many suicide messages. :/ There are some people who've said that high school is hard, and bullying sucks but you can get through it, and that.. really depends on the person. Some people can't get through it, and depression at that level is often something that takes a long time to fix. When you're that down nothing really matters anymore, and it sucks that he didn't hang on because he was only 15. Likely if he would've told his parents, really told his parents, what he was going through they probably would've worked with him as far getting through school, or taking a break from it.

Not that it matters at this point with what happened, but it's pretty shattering when someone that young takes their life. It's amazing to me how some kids who are barely past 13 can feel such deep negativity. Bullying makes me sick. Any type of bullying is wrong, but I feel so bad that he was basically destroyed just because he was in love with another guy, and / or was openly gay. That took bravery on his part, to come out at all, and it ended up taking his life. Ugh. How sad. ; ;

Just thinking out loud, not much debating going on in this post.

Edit: Just I started browsing that blog, Dr. Phil started up and it's about teen suicide and bullying. D; How saaad.. :/

Chikara · Oct 18, 2011

"The only thing worse than being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist,"

This is when I started tearing up.

But what Penetrait said isn't exactly wrong either. He did have a lot more maturing to do. 10th grade is around the time when kids get stubborn and don't want help with their problems. I'm assuming that's why he thought talking to a psychiatrist about it wasn't going to help him in any way. I was like that when I went to one, and I was around that age. I didn't want to talk, because that stranger wouldn't understand.

The fact that he didn't hold on long enough to see things improve is the most upsetting part. I didn't see anything saying he had gotten bullied, it just seems to me like he was depressed and done with life ):

femtrooper · Oct 18, 2011

Captain Fabio said:
This kid has some issues, excessive swearing?
Look, this is a shame, it always is when a teen takes their life, but what I don't understand is how he can CERTAINLY KNOW he is gay at 15.

I never understood this frame of mind, while I can understand some people might realise this from an early age, but everyone has thoughts and goes through some form of thoughts about being gay.

Normally, I am sympathetic, and I still am, but from reading that entry, I just think he was an angry person, end of.

Personally, I have never ever gone through thoughts of contemplating my sexual orientation, however, why wouldn't he know he was gay at 15? I certainly knew that I was heterosexual at 15. Actually, I'd say by 1st grade that I knew I was straight (not in those terms, I just knew I liked boys). I started dating my boyfriend of 7 years at age 15...it's not like I was like, Ummm, well, I might be gay, well, not sure. People know if they're gay or not, or straight or not. Well, I do not agree with his decision to kill himself, people know what their sexual orientation is by 15 and well before.

Taemin · Oct 18, 2011

Captain Fabio said:
but what I don't understand is how he can CERTAINLY KNOW he is gay at 15.

For some guys any sort of sex drive can kick in as early as age 11 or 12, so from that point on you'd start questioning things related to that. So Jamie probably had a few years to figure out what he was as far as his orientation goes. Plenty of people who are 13, 14, etc develop crushes. Crushes or falling in love for the first time is normal when you're around that age, and if you can fall for someone, then you'd definitely have to have picked up on whether you were straight or gay to get that far in the first place.

(=Nemesis=) · Oct 18, 2011

Much as I hate to be the Voice of Negativity, people commit suicide surprisingly often, and threaten it even more often. This isn't a notable case. I just wonder why it's the subject of a topic here. He isn't even notable for Gay+Suicide. Reading what he said, it sounds like he's more a victim of Hollywood Logic than anything else in particular. Seriously the only social values kids get out of movies these days is that being popular and attractive will make you a special special person who deserves nothing but the world on a silver platter. That you're so wrapped up in your own identity that everyone you meet should like you regardless of what it is you actually do. That's not how the world works, and this kid's parents should have sorted that out with him while they still had the chance to.

Sorry if this is coming off as overly harsh. But if you ask me, throwing away the gift of life in an attempt to find relief ranks quite highly in the list of Most Ill-Conceived Things You Could Do.

Alley Cat · Oct 18, 2011

This is a real sad story. But I'm tired of hearing about this crap. What is with everyone(and mostly gays as it seems to be) that makes them just give up the moment the going gets tough? He didn't even have it that bad to be honest.

This is what bugs me:

"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school…Highschool isn't all of life. Someone will come. I'm the only openly gay in my highschool too. Yeah, it sucks pretty damn bad. But you know what? I'm going to push through until I do find that amazing enough guy. It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left, Well, there's his problem. He's too negative. How can he get better when he is always doubting his life? Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I'v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last. People said "It gets better". Its f***ing bull****. It does get better, but not with that attitude. It won't just magically transform into a better life, you have to change the things you don't like. I go to see psychologist, What the f*** are they suppost to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? Well, obviously they don't make the problems go away. The just help you react and handle them better. Everyone has problems, you can't just expect them to all disappear. AND, just because you have problems, doesn't mean that your life isn't good. I give up.

From what he seemed to describe, I'm in the same boat as him. Except for the fact that I haven't resorted to meds, and that I actually am trying to stay positive and enjoy life. That's all that it comes down to. You can't control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to everything that happens to you. It's about time people learn to stand on their own two feet again.

Now... to move onto my disgust with the media: Him being gay doesn't have anything to do with his suicide. The article portrayed as if he took his life because he couldn't find love, and didn't agree with society. It didn't really mention that he had any form of great torment, which would make that fact irrelevant. It seems the media feels they have to report on him just because he is gay.

Jamie Hubley, Gay 15-Year-Old Ottawa, Canada Teen Commits Suicide, Cites Depression,

More options

Zet

Sydian

fake your death.

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Sydian

fake your death.

-Jared-

Certified Responsible Adult

FreakyLocz14

Conservative Patriot

Esper

femtrooper

Starfleet Commander

Alex

what will it be next?

Oryx

CoquettishCat

FreakyLocz14

Conservative Patriot

Captain Fabio

Sydian

fake your death.

Alex

what will it be next?

Taemin

move.

Chikara

ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ

femtrooper

Starfleet Commander

Taemin

move.

(=Nemesis=)

Alley Cat