View Full Version : something untitled

March 2nd, 2005, 6:46 PM
here's something they made me write for an english class at school, eli told me to post it XD;

I am selfish, I have fallen from grace
how can I compare you to some
you know me, you embrace me
and you wiped my tears away
skies of amber, seas of jade, watch this moment
Ill hold this memory forever, dont let me fade, away

Its complicated, I am weak, you are strong
I know your right and I am wrong
Save me now, hold me close, cause I have fallen
and Im tired of holding on

winter, summer, the sound of rain
shining light, Ill take away your pain
nothing left, well remake, erasing not an option
it never was

why havent you run away, are we both damaged
please dont worry, Ill always stay
you told me once, took me by surprise
I always pulled away before, but you were different
I could see it in your eyes
just dont say it, lets make things easier

March 2nd, 2005, 6:56 PM
Omg Paige I love it!!! ^_____^ you put so much detail into it!!! it needs a name XD

March 2nd, 2005, 7:04 PM
It's great, I love your flow but it could use some work[10 out of 10]

March 2nd, 2005, 8:16 PM
That was really good Hotaru ^^, its a nice love type poem that oyu put alot of effort into (I think XD).

I don't like to critize any type of poetry related to "love", because thats something that really comes from inside and I don't feel right saying wheather or not its good or not because of the diffrent views based on it, especially the person who wrote it. But let me say you really did a good job on it, the only thing that could be fixed though is puncuation after each stanza like capital letters and periods ^^'.

oni flygon
March 3rd, 2005, 5:12 PM
That's a pretty coold poem you wrote, Paige! Keep up the great work! =D

March 3rd, 2005, 9:19 PM
Thanks so much for the feedback guys, I really appreciate all of your comments ^^
and not as much as I should have, LT ~_~