View Full Version : Lackluster Video: A FanFic

September 27th, 2003, 3:22 PM
*Bell Rings*
Jacques: Hello, welcome to our video store!
Customer 1: I am enraged! I rented Holes for my children, and I got this... this... THIS PIECE OF CRAP!
Dominique: No, No, No. You no rent Holes. You rented Moles.
Customer 1: MOLES!?! Play this sorry excuse for a movie!!
*Moles plays*
Customer 1: See!!?! I'm gonna report this to Blockbuster!
Jacques: We are Lackluster, not Blockbuster...
Customer 1: Whatever! I'm outta
*Bell Rings*
Customer 2: I rented The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and I got this piece of ****! I wanna speak to the manager!
Dominique: Papi!
Brigitte ("Papi"): What is it!?!
Dominique: This woman is mad because she rented the Lizzie McGuire Movie and got a different movie!
Brigitte: Whaaaatttttt!!!???!!!
Jacques: No, No, No. You no rent The Lizzie McGuire Movie. You rented The Frizzy McFire Movie!!
Brigitte: This Movie Better! MUCH BETTER!
Customer 2: Oh yeah!?! See for yourself!
*The Frizzy McFire Movie Plays*
Customer 2: I'm outta here....


oni flygon
September 27th, 2003, 3:25 PM
hmmm, I should advice you to use a paragraph form and make it longer.

Also, please make your story a bit more descriptive and observe the 4 most important elements of writing: PLOT, CHARACTER, CONFLICT and SETTING. (your story lacks 3)