View Full Version : Attempts

July 22nd, 2007, 8:03 AM

Wonders in the world how I know what to think,
Would Destiny make me float or would fate make me sink?

I thought about it hard saying 'maybe I would see' ,
But when I pondered that it felt like the end of me.

Noon through midnight time could only tell,
My thoughts turned into actions that couldn't come out well.

Nature to disaster and metal into scrap,
In my head I knew all I needed was a map.

A foolish thought not a map of Fate,
I'd lose my way searching at this rate.

So the final attempt was to wait 'till the end,
Where I'll fly to the sky to reach Heaven.

Where all my Attempts die..

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
July 22nd, 2007, 11:25 AM
I loved it, really. Rhythm/metric need to be polished a little, but other than that, it's pretty good. See you around.

July 22nd, 2007, 5:14 PM
Thanks ,Pichu ,I'm glad you liked it.

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
July 23rd, 2007, 8:53 AM


I don't read alot of Poetry actually, but when I read poems like this, it makes me wonder why I don't~ x3

I really liked it. It was cute, and had a splendid point.
XD; I actually liked the rythm alot, and thought that it flowed nicely~

Well, nice work :2: