Some things I need to vent

I know that some people online and offline might see me as a cheerful guy, as I really like to be! But, honestly, I question that -- am I really as such? Cheerful, an optimist, and laid-back? I honestly think I can get as moody as a sour puss. Just last night, I was depressed for various reasons; and the only way I felt that I can shave off that depression was eating potato chips; which even then, at the end of the day, It didn't work! I felt like a pig, and even more stressed out. Really; I really have no idea why I get so stressed and depressed when there's nothing wrong at all. I just call it "one of those days..." Its happening more frequently now a days; and its eating me up inside.

Have you ever felt those feelings on where at the end of each day, you just say: "what the hell's the point anymore?" That's the question that's been riddling up my mind these past months. At home, I'm always compared to other people around my age; like for example, the fact some of them my grandmother talks about has a higher paying job than I; and the fact is, the job I have really takes a toll on me emotionally; which... I couldn't even begin to tell on how depressed I was that my friends were being more successful than I. Another example is when my uncle said that: "RAAAAAAWWWR U HAVE NO GIRFRIEND!!!1! YOUR COUSIN HAS ONE!" That especially took a toll on my emotional state because I personally, lost track on how many relationships that just went downhill for me. Honestly? At first I was like: "why would I give a crap?" I wouldn't call the most popular guy around anyway, and I didn't give a crap about that anyways; I've made my friends for who they are; not on their "social standing". Even when it comes here to PC; I don't want people to just look and talk with me, just because I'm a moderator; I just wanna chat cause I'm Shawn, and I'd really would like to get to know the person. Anyhow, admittedly, watching the people who are currently having a successful relationship in their life; I guess I get pretty jealous. That's an emotion I don't like -- jealousy.

I guess another thing is that sometimes I like to think and view life like a play. Well its weird! But yeah; there are no small parts, just small actors. I just wish that the people who are closest to me could understand that. My mother's relationship with my father is in the pits and rocks. Everyday, my mom always chews dad out for not doing well for himself, which, on the contrary, dad has a good paying job working with cars; even a second job to boot for even more money. While it is true that mother is a nurse, and most likely make more of a yearly salary than my dad, I always tell my mom that dad is trying to make something of himself too. However, whenever I do, mother always chews me up: "oh? why do you always defend him?" Like this is a battles of sides or something. Of course, they're divorced, but before, I used to always be in the middle of their heated arguments. Its unbelievable.

What I don't like about dad though is that he's pretty much a perfectionist. While there's nothing wrong with that honestly; its just -- the heat that my dad gives me for "not giving his standards" is nerve racking. I'm not the type of person that goes well under pressure. If I get yelled at because of a mistake, I'll just keep doing more mistakes; and I'll like an idiot at the end of it all. I know sometimes I might make mistakes when it comes to moderating here; its just, ugh, I just... kick myself over that. Even when it comes to talking with people; I sometimes have noooo idea what the subject even is; thus, I ask a lot of questions. Maybe it comes off annoying? I dunno about other people, but...I sometimes feel...lower? Wow I don't even know.

Anyhow, this blog post is just somethings I needed to come out my chest and vent; sorry if its..confusing; if you have some advice for me, I'm all eyes. [not ears because, you know. Computer text. ^.^;]

I know that some people online and offline might see me as a cheerful guy, as I really like to be! But, honestly, I question that -- am I really as such? Cheerful, an optimist, and laid-back? I honestly think I can get as moody as a sour puss.

Click to expand...

The ability to feel a range of emotions is what makes us human! It would probably be more worrying if you were insanely happy all the time. Mistakes are common with everyone too. Everyone has "those days" I find the best thing to do is take your mind off it by talking to someone, or watch a comedy show/film you like. That works for me, but everyone is different you just have to find what makes you feel better.

As for being compared to others, I never understood that. Everyone's different, everyone has positive and negative aspects about them. But someone's job or social standing isn't what defines them. You just need to somehow learn to brush off unfair criticism, which is hard. Whether you're in a relationship or not really doesn't matter, no disrespect to your uncle but that seems like a really childish thing to say. And the fact you have a job at all is something to be proud of!

I like your analogy with life and plays. It's true!
As for your parent's relationship, sadly it often happens with divorced parents. And it really does become a battle with two sides. There's bound to be some bitterness and a lot of the time they just can't let go. My dad still talks crap about my mum 13 years on, it's probably never going to stop. All you can really do is ignore it.

Don't let other people bring you down! You seem to be doing fine in life to me.

No one can be happy go lucky 24/7. Eventually you'll have your moments where you irritated for reason or another. Maybe you could be eating out of boredom?

I think everyone at some point has questioned "Why am I doing this am I really getting any where". That's just part of the daily grind everything seems more of the same after awhile. While you set at home comparing yourself to somebody else they will be out their applying themselves to their craft whatever it may be. Don't dwell on what they can do or what they can achieve but rather think too yourself "What can I do, what am I good at, do I enjoy what I do?" Honestly if everyone had the same paying job we would all be socialists, your always going to have somebody that earns more then you and less then you. Only you can control which direction you go. You shouldn't be expected to be in a relationship all the time. Some people need time on their own, and others need a person to rely on and all that good stuff. If your cousin has a girlfriend good for him, that shouldn't play a bearing on what currently relationship or lack thereof you have at the immediate time so don't let your Uncle dick like comments get to you. OMG your a Moderator that's why I am posting in your blog so I can get brownie points! There will always be people like that, people that want to get close to you because they may think if they get in with you that their chances of becoming a staff member may increase. There really isn't much you can do about that it is what it is. Although they should know it's not who they know but what they do to obtain the said position so I hope those people realize that. I can understand your jealousy of people success and relationships, but doesn't brooding over what they have and what you don't just add to the self pity fest? At the end of the day that's not going to help.

Your dad tries, even if his job is low paying he does the best he can at what he does. I couldn't ask anything more then their best. And so what if you defend him he is your dad, if somebody even my family slandered my dad I was say the same thing.

I commend your dad for being a perfectionist, but he also needs to realize not everyone shares the same mentality he does. Some people work well under press and some don't. You may make mistakes, but part of living is learning from those mistakes and trying not to repeat them. Shawn I think everyone has made moderating mistakes at one point or another. I for one know I had made mistakes at Marriland and apologized too people for coming off to harsh against them. Just remember this, you are a Team they have your back so no worries. Questioning things shouldn't come off as annoying. Too learn you must question, and if you don't question then you are bond to remain ignorant. Unless of course you find the answer on your own.