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  • aw well i'm glad i can help a bit! life is hard and navigating interaction is often confusing, but with some work we can make the majority of our time here pretty chill and fun~ that's my general goal, anyway. i spent a lot of time in my life stressing over stuff that i honestly could have resolved by trying a few different things or a few different angles rather than getting stuck in my own doom spiral. or i could have re-evaluated and come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't something that was super important to me anyway. but i can't sit here and worry about what i did in the past, either, 'cause thats all done. i eventually found a lot of peace in just stopping to reframe things! and ofc i'm still learning to keep doing that, with every challenge i face. but as you accumulate experience and start seeing patterns, it certainly becomes easier. and having someone you can talk to that will help you reframe or will ask questions you didnt think of is also super helpful when you're stuck~
    i think it must be remembered that it is fiction, it is a story, and the stress in that world is not your own. it's easy to get caught up and put so much of your feelings into your character and vice versa- but in the end, even if things go poorly, you can play a new story with that character, can't you? write a little fic for them on your own, a fix-it or whatever you want.

    but in terms of communication: you do not have to express yourself perfectly on the first try. if you are not clear or people misunderstand, just ask them to pause and let you clarify. work together to figure out how you each can make things clear to the other. nobody ever succeeds in expressing themselves with complete clarity to every person in every conversation; so much of interacting is just figuring out what the other person is saying haha. you just have to keep working at clarity until everyone is on the same page. it's fine! it you're really worried about it though, writing it down a few times in a few different ways can be a helpful way to figure out the core of what you want to express- then even if your words get off track while talking, you have those core ideas you can keep circling back to.
    but like if you arent able to voice your feelings how will you ever feel heard or seen enough?

    nobody likes being yelled at, and it's especially hard when there's trauma around it. but i genuinely dont think people are just going to randomly start yelling at you for expressing your feelings or offering up ideas. especially if you make a point to keep including everyone and being kind as you go along, people will generally respond in the same way. do you know why julio sounds sad so frequently? understanding that would probably help you communicate with him better, in a way that doesn't make him end up hurt or upset.

    what things have you asked for that your rp partners aren't respecting?
    i think that makes life very difficult and not very enjoyable, if your world is governed by fear. it's hard to enjoy time with others if all you're thinking about is your own possible mistakes.

    are your friends/rp partners kind? have you seen them being kind to others who make mistakes? do you see them forgiving and recovering from arguments with each other or other friends of theirs? i hope you do. i hope you hang out with kind people. and if you do see them doing those things, wouldn't it make sense for them to approach any conflict with you in a similar way?

    but that's even assuming expressing your feelings and needs and wants leads to conflict at all. most people are willing to simply say "sure, let's try that next time" or "oh, i didnt know you felt like that! sorry!". even "i dont understand why you feel that way" is okay, because that leads to a conversation- it's not a value judgement on you, it's moreso that they need context because their perspective didn't account for your angle. nobody can think of everything, after all!
    that's definitely a situation where you need to be communicative ooc; your rp partners need to know how you're feeling and perhaps you can together make sure that the next arc has a bit more for your character. it's hard sometimes because what works for one player/character isnt going to be what works for others, and sometimes you just have to take a back seat to someone else's time to shine. it really is hard to trade off on being in the spotlight, though, especially when you're more excited about your own character than others'.
    understandable, yeah! it takes a lot of constant communication to make sure everyone is on the same page, though. people forget, or get too excited about something, and sometimes they just need reminding! or clarification that you're overwhelmed; sometimes the same things that were fun for you before are something that are all of a sudden hard to handle. and others outside of your head can't just know that instinctively, yknow?

    there's this thing i keep thinking about that said like... people have a kind of knowledge bias, in that we assume everyone knows as much as we do, about any given thing. and that's just not true at all! so i've been trying to be more careful and intentional about telling people what i need them to know, even if i think they know already. it's been helpful in the grand scheme of things!
    nah I getcha, lots of people don't even fill it out. it's hard to just, randomly think of things to describe yourself! but yeah just wanted to say please be cautious with your information, but it's completely up to you where you put it!
    i meant that it's in your profile, though! which is definitely visible to the public, so just a note of caution :)
    hiii i've seen you around the forums a few times and finally clicked over to check out your profile- i just wanted to say that it's best practice to never post your full name online, even in a community as kind and safe as this one. of course it's fully up to your discretion, i just like to keep an eye out for people!
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