Ninja Caterpie
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
- 5,979
- Posts
- 16
- Years
- Age 28
- Best City OCE
- Seen Oct 18, 2021
WOW...SO COOL...
It means I won't have to read the manga at least :D
It means I won't have to read the manga at least :D
WOW...SO COOL...
It means I won't have to read the manga at least :D
If you read the first post, you would know that this is not a novelization of the actual Manga. It's merely my own version of the Poke Special Manga: Diamond and Pearl.
Awesome chapter there man, I was waiting for it. So much action in just one chapter, I loved it for sure. Even though Volt and Trident couldn't do anything, and look at poor Pyra...
But, what I love most now is the fact that the story is seriously really starting to pick up/progress more and more now. I wonder what Diamond will use against Fantina, though. Diamond was advised not to use Trident, so its definitely a head scratcher. Surely, he will pull through :P
And, as mentioned before, Volt the E-Vire, and a fifth badge from the old gym leader?
;D
Haha, can't wait for it man! Though I am still curious about what Dia will use against her Drifblim.
And, I wonder if Pearl will use Gaia more, he does seem to be a little focused on Volt.
"Stockpile three times!"
How come the word thrice is never used?!?
It was a very nice chapter... I was hoping Froslass would be used... Oh well...
Sometimes, during action scenes, you might want to use words that sound more powerful. "Came" is such a weak word to use in battles. Since the attack is like a bomb, "shot" would sound better, and brings to mind the image of a cannonball.Rose hacked and coughed as a toxic, liquidy, sludgy ball came out of her mouth.
Wrong homophone here. DP479 explained this in the Grammar Guide, and that would be better than me explaining it here.The bomb hurled upward towards Bastiodon, hitting the prehistoric Pokemon in the face, but by no means effecting it.
That seems like an odd word to use here. I would just use "didn't" because it sounds really awkward with "rarely". And I don't think it means what you think it means, since "rare" means a lack of occurrence in simple terms.Rose had a repertoire full of Poison-type attacks and rarely knew attacks outside of that type.
"Than ever" implies that Bastiodon's forehead has never ever been this shiny. Unless this is a really good Iron Head attack that's different in some way, I would just use "than before".Then, the Shield Pokemon charged in Rose's direction, its forehead glimmering and become more metallic than ever.
Comma should be a full stop. (And whoo! You know how to use "whom"! ^^)Diamond looked down to his Skuntank whom had a determined look on her face,
Watch for repetition of words.Bastiodon came at her again once it received another command from its trainer, Byron. The Rock/Steel-type Pokemon slammed its head against Rose's body again, tossing her into the wall.
Comma should be a full stop.Diamond gritted his teeth and clenched his fist,
Okay, Diamond's thoughts are in the present. "Could" is a word of the past. Since Diamond is thinking this in the present, those "could"s should be "can"s."How could Rose attack if she could not even get an attack off?"
Full stop needs to be a comma.From left to right, there was Lucario, Infernape, Gastrodon of the west species.
"since as a child"And as you know, since a child he has wanted to battle me.
Comma needs to be a full stop. (While checking over the homophones, maybe look at the dialogue section of the grammar thread?)He smiled,
"harm's", since the way is own by it.Bastiodon neared Rose, but the Skuntank was able to jump up and move out of harms way.
Eh, when you say "from behind", I would imagine that Bastiodon isn't facing Rose. But if she's able to burn his face, then that would mean that Basty either turned, or Rose didn't come from behind. It's just kinda confusing.Rose ran at Bastiodon from behind, her jaw completely open. A beam of flaming hot fire shot at Bastiodon's face.
How come Basty got a gender here, but didn't before or after?Bastiodon's top left portion of his face was partially burnt.
Comma after "burn" should be a full stop.Byron shouted, noticing the burn,
Same here.Diamond tilted his head,
The second part of this sentence seems like it could be on its own with the "was" in it. If the "was" is taken out, then it would be fine.Then, Bastiodon sprinted towards Rose, the Skuntank was defenseless now.
Need a comma after "shouted". And comma after "air" should be a full stop.Diamond shouted clenching his fists in the air,
Comma needs to be a full stop.He held the badge up a bit into the air before placing it in his badge case,
Same here.Diamond turned to walk towards the exit,
Think you mean "now"."No, you won't go see your father until the day after tomorrow, you hear?"
Comma needs to be a full stop.She smiled cutely at him and blew a kiss,
Write out numbers: "twenties"I SWEAR YOU KIDS IN YOUR 20s THINK LIFE IS ALL ABOUT PARTYING!"
Comma after "up" should be a full stop.Roark shook his head, 'accidentally' hanging the PokeGear up,
When in place of or part of a name, the title is capitalized. So here, where you can switch "father" with "Byron", "father" would be capitalized.We have a Pokemon National Conference that's very important to father.
You don't need a comma after "this".This, was his old house before Riley moved his family to Twinleaf Town.
Need a comma after "started" for the direct address."This is where it all started guys.
Write out numbers here too.We lived here until I was about 4 or 5.
Comma should be a full stop.He looked to each of his Pokemon and then back at Sam,
Comma should be a full stop.He removed his beret as they withdrew from the hug,