The lost island.....

Ash and the gang were makin their way down route 224. He had recieved a letter from proffeser oak and he decided to go. When he got their, Oak was standing next to a rock. Oak said that ash should engrave what he is truly thankful for. Ash wrote on the rock, "My Greatness." All of a sudden a huge path appeared. Ash and the gang walked down the path. The path was known as "Seabreak Path" and it was covered in flowers. An hour later, they had reached the end. It was a quiet and mysterious place with tons of flowers. A sign read "Welcome to Flower Paradise. Pop-1." Ash walked into it and there on a bed of flowers he say a mysterious pokemon that looked like a little hedgehog with a green back and a flower on his face. He took out his pokedex to reavel that it was "Shaymin, the Boquet of the Sky." Gloating, Ash said "This thing is no match for me. Pikachu, use thunder!" Pikachu tried to explain to ash that shaymin was a very powerful pokemon. Ash did not listen, and pikachu used the move. Out of nowhere, he was hit with a giant Solor Beam! Pikachu was fainted. Ash tried every pokemon he had, but they were all defeated by an arsenal of moves including Seed Flare, Grass Know, and Solorbeam. Ash was mad. "Thats it, its my Turn!!!" He charged at shaymin only to be nailed by solorbeam and sent high into the sky. He made like Team Rocket and blasted off, again. Brock ordered the rest of the team to get out and they left. Ash was gone and the all powerful Shaymin remained the king


inspired by my cousins lvl 100 Shaymin

constructive critisism

Okay first of all, this story is too short and lacks substance. It seems to robotic and it needs to flow more. You expect us to know what the flowery path is because we may play the game. Be more descripted. It also is too fast paced. I wouldn't be suprised if this was locked up any time soon.

Um. Excuse me, but what is this?

When he got their, Oak was standing next to a rock.

Click to expand...

You used the wrong one. It should be 'there'. Check out the Grammar Sticky in the lounge.

including Seed Flare, Grass Know, and Solorbeam.

Click to expand...

Proofreading is key. And it's solar, not solor.

Anyway, this thing is horribly lacking in description, and I don't even know what you were trying to accomplish. This story makes no sense at all, which is why description is needed. Badly.

Ash walked into it and there on a bed of flowers he say a mysterious pokemon that looked like a little hedgehog with a green back and a flower on his face.

Click to expand...

Okay, look. In this sentence, I have no clue what you're trying to convey. It's a run-on sentence. Major. And Shaymin doesn't have a flower on its face. The flower is on the side. When I read that, I'm thinking of a Shaymin with a flower smack on his face.

This needs work. Go check the stickies in the lounge.

-Silver

I see way to many stories about level 100's and way too many short stories.
(For future reference, level usage in stories should not be used, unless you are excellent at making it work without any awkwardness)

If you can learn to use enter to space out unrelated sentences and each individual piece of dialog, that will lengthen it, but not to the proper length. It would be best to expand on this, unless you want your story closed.

This is...well... lulz-worthy.

Since this isn't a chapter but is supposed to be a short story, it's really short. Like, really really short.

And lulz-worthy.

Too many grammar problems, no clear plot, confusing, and Ashy-boy is out-of-character. Yay.

Read the rules, yes yes.