[Pokémon] The Unown King please comment...

The Unown King





Prologue


"One day in the far future, 2 young boys will be born on the same day to twin sisters within 1 hour of each other, these young boys will hold the key to human's survival in their hands, you must pray to the Unown King, to deliver them onto your kingdom before the Ureqians wipe us out, These were the last words of the holy messenger of the king as she drew her last breath and was lifted to Paradise with the Unown King, now we need all of you to pray to the Unown King to deliver them to us!", said the King's Holy Announcer.


"Do you think they will actually come? Will they help us?", asked Announcer, his question aimed at the King.
The King answered, "Let us hope so Julian, Let us hope so, but for now we must prepare for war. Go summon the War Chief, and let us talk war."

Chapter 1


3687 Years Later


On March 28 1994, the unthinkable happened twin sisters Arie and Maria gave birth 54 minutes apart from each other. Both of them gave birth to beautiful healthy boys which they named Michael to Arie and Jason to Maria. These young boys, though they will not know it until their 15th birthday hold the key to the future and the past of all mankind. But their story doesn't begin for another 10 years.


10 years Later


The boys were raised next door to each other and they were best friends. They always did everything together and that continued even after their tenth birthday


"Come on Jason, hurry up, we have to get there early, or we won't get any Pokemon!", yelled Michael up at his cousins window.

Jason yelled back out the window, "Give me a minute, cuz, I have to get something!". Jason looked down at his desk to get his Poketch and Pokegear, presents given to him the night before by his father.


"AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH! Hurry up", screamed Michael. Jason just smiled and laughed as he ran downstairs and went outdoors to head to the Pokemon Lab 3 blocks over to get his first Pokemon.


"Hurry up, cuz or you'll be late", said Jason sprinted past Michael. Michael then did a double take and laughed while sprinting to catch up to Jason. Laughing and Roaring they sprinted down the 3 blocks and rushed into the lab.


"Whoa there boys, where are you going while all excited?" Asked Pokemon Professor Wood with a gleam in his eyes as if he already knew.


"We're ten years old, and we want a Pokemon!", screamed Michael and Jason simultaneously.
Professor Wood laughed and then suddenly stopped and stared at the young boys seriously and asked in the most realistic serious voice ever, "Do you both promise to take good care of these Pokemon and trust them and love them?"


Both boys answered quickly and seriously, "Yes of course we will, we love Pokemon."


"Then you must have your choice of the beginners Pokemon. Your Choices are Abra the Psychic Pokemon, Vaporeon the Water Pokemon, and Ghastly the Ghost Pokemon.", said Professor Wood. But before either of them could choose a Pokemon a girl named Jessica who lived in their town came in.


"Hi professor, Michael, Jason.", exclaimed Jessica.


"Oh, hello Jessica, have you come to choose a Pokemon as well?" asked the Professor.


"Yes, I have, my parents are letting me go although my birthday was 2 months ago, and they made me promise to stay with Michael and Jason for a few months for protection."


"Hmmm, I see well I think the boys will have to be gentlemen and let you pick your first Pokemon, wont you boys?'


"Sure", answered Michael while Jason just stared at Abra.


"Well I want Vaporeon, is that Okay?" asked Jessica


"Of course it is, here you go" answered the Professor while handing Jessica the Pokeball containing Vaporeon.

Woah... Woah.... You give a girl A Vaporeon, While you gives the two main characters, Stinky ones. BUT! I do understand if the girl is hot.

Benjamin510 said:

Woah... Woah.... You give a girl A Vaporeon, While you gives the two main characters, Stinky ones. BUT! I do understand if the girl is hot.

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Well In my opinion,i think that abra and ghastly are better then Vaporeon but thats my opinion and later in the story you'll see why they need ghost and psychic types...

continuation Chapter 1





"Now boys, which Pokemon would you like?".


Jason said, "Abra" a split second before Michael said "Ghastly".


"Well here are your Pokemon, now remember your promises to treat these Pokemon with respect." Declared the Professor.


This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between Michael and Jason and Jessica, who spent the next Five years training together and went on to get all 10 badges in their region before going on to the Elite Eight, but before they could face them, they ran into some ruins on the edge of their world. These ruins mark the appearance of 2 young boys in the middle of Pokemon shaped like letters. And One shaped like a crown. With all 3 of them mastering all of the Pokemon of their starters type. Jason with Psychic, Michael with Ghost and Jessica with Water. Michael and Jason will have to watch each others back and protect each other and many others. And this is when their Epic Journey shall begin. First with them exploring the ruins.











Chapter 2


"Hey guys, look at this", yelled Jessica.


"What is it?" asked Jason, while Michael studied the pictographs on the opposite wall from Jessica.


"There are two boys carved here among many letter pictographs", said Jessica.


"Actually," began Michael, "I don't believe these are just letters, I think these are Pokemon but I have never seen a Pokemon like any of these, I count 28 different types all the letters and an exclamation point and a question mark, wait no make that 29, come look at this one" Jessica and Jason walked over to the wall to look at the pictograph that Michael was pointing at.


"Woah is that a crown?" asked Jason.


"Yes," answered Michael, "I think it is but it's the only type of its kind that I have seen."


"Hmmm." exclaimed Jessica while she poked at it, "AAAAHHHH!" she screamed as the figure shone with the bright intensity of 15 suns.


"WOAH!," screamed Michael and Jason as all the figures on the walls except the two boys shone, then the light seemed to come to life as they took the form of the pictures of the walls and danced around them. The last thing Michael, Jason and Jessica saw before they passed out was the crown looking Pokemon looking down on them. And the last thing they heard was the Pokemon seem to say "Save Them, with all your power save them" which they all thought impossible because Pokemon don't talk especially ones that no one knows about. But they did not have long to think about it for their world seemed to lose color right in front of their eyes as they fell asleep.


Jessica was the first to wake up in a ruin with blank walls, she was the first to stumble in the darkness trying to find her way out. When she got out she remembered about Jason and Michael and screamed for them to come out. When they didn't respond she decided to go find help at the Elite Frontier which was the closest form of civilization she knew about. So she ran to find it but it was 3 hours away.


As she ran, an old lady, came out of the rocky terrace surrounding 3 sides of the ruins and declared, "Thank the King, they have arrived, they will save my ancestors" after saying that she turned and returned to her town hidden in the terrace to tell her kinsman about the incident which had happened at the ruins.

Like I said, I think the idea for the story is good, but in my honest opinion I think you may be moving the story on too fast, there's no time to get to know the characters and get involved in the story (although I know it's only the first two chapters you've done, so just keep it in mind that you shouldn't rush through it and it has the potential to be great :D) I'll keep checking back when you post new updates!

Numbers said:

Like I said, I think the idea for the story is good, but in my honest opinion I think you may be moving the story on too fast, there's no time to get to know the characters and get involved in the story (although I know it's only the first two chapters you've done, so just keep it in mind that you shouldn't rush through it and it has the potential to be great :D) I'll keep checking back when you post new updates!

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yea right now i'm just rushing until 5th chapter and then i'm gonna go back and fill it in.

wolfeydawg said:

yea right now i'm just rushing until 5th chapter and then i'm gonna go back and fill it in.

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That's honestly not good. I'm sure the fifth chapter is the chapter you are most excited about writing, but that doesn't mean you should post lesser quality work until you get there.

I'm going to come back to this later and give a full review. Right now, though, I'm stuck on the choices for the starter Pokemon. Abra and Gastly I can kind of understand, since they fit as starters. But I'm really stuck on the idea of a Vaporeon. It's a fully evolved Pokemon, already giving Jessica an advantage over the boys, since her Pokemon is stronger than theirs.

And I'm really wondering why you didn't finish chapter one in the same post.

Right now though, until I can get back to this and actually review it, my suggestion would be to slow down your writing/posting speed.

Astinus said:

That's honestly not good. I'm sure the fifth chapter is the chapter you are most excited about writing, but that doesn't mean you should post lesser quality work until you get there.

I'm going to come back to this later and give a full review. Right now, though, I'm stuck on the choices for the starter Pokemon. Abra and Gastly I can kind of understand, since they fit as starters. But I'm really stuck on the idea of a Vaporeon. It's a fully evolved Pokemon, already giving Jessica an advantage over the boys, since her Pokemon is stronger than theirs.

And I'm really wondering why you didn't finish chapter one in the same post.

Right now though, until I can get back to this and actually review it, my suggestion would be to slow down your writing/posting speed.

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it's not so good still a rough draft once i get some more replies i can go back and get more ideas. I was thinking of changing the Vaporeon to a Poliwag but i need an almost complete water pokemon?