• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

[Pokémon] Frantic Recollections [PG-13 - FranticShipping]

IanDonyer

Time to kick ass? Definitely.
179
Posts
13
Years
  • -frantic recollections-

    -a pokemon special franticshipping story-


    Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events, or the quotes (yes, they are direct quotes (most of them anyway) from the Pokemon Adventures/Special manga. Nor do I own any aspect of the Pokemon franchise. I am merely a fan. An obsessive fan, but a fan.



    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

    Their individual masters were trying to encourage them, and in a way, it worked - for thoughts of each other were all they needed.

    "Can you bear to lose your loved ones?!"

    They were scared, but the fear stood nothing in comparison to their deepest desires that these words would unlock in their memories, causing a smile to cross their shaky lips and these words to pass through them, their thoughts in sync - unknown to them at the time... but whichever way you went about it, the only edit to the point behind the words being their unique dialect.

    "... No. There's still someone I want to meet."

    Each of them carried an intense loathing for their child selves, and what they really remained deep inside.

    Him, he hid his skills in the fighting field by obsessing over sheer beauty, aesthetically pleasing things instead of blood, and pain...physical and emotional.

    Her, she tried to conceal her more feminine, docile side - the side that told her to maintain perfect hygiene, to play with dolls and to wear pretty, frilly dresses... she covered it by training herself to become more physically adept, and skilled in the field of battle.

    "... We only played together for a few days, but they were the best playmate I've ever had."

    They had separated after that day, because they had each left a scar on the other - they never saw each other again...
    ... or so they thought.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~​



    "She was quiet as a mouse, and loved pretty things... a real sweet girl."

    "Hehe..."

    She placed a dainty hand outward, fingers pressed lightly together to try and be as comforting as possible to the hot pink fur in which they were about to connect with. It was a soft, pleasant experience to stroke this Skitty's fur, especially considering who she belonged to. Ruby disgusted Sapphire sometimes, with his dirty air, but she supposed his other commendable qualities more than made up for his errors.

    "She's so cute, Ruby!" Sapphire squealed in delight, her girly tendencies oozing through her pores.

    "He was very agile and strong... a cool boy."

    To Ruby, it emitted a toxic yet alluring scent, hypothetical of course, but still very real to him - she was a contrast to his boyish charm, and he admittedly had to respect that. It was a very awesome look into things, to see that there was more to the world than the fighting he had grown up with.

    It didn't mean he had to like it, but he did like her... opposites do attract, a law of magnetism he remembered learning in school. It was kind of cool to him that it fit with people.

    grrr...

    "Whoa, you hungry or somethin', Sapph?" Ruby asked, a small smile on his face - he could so rub it in that such uncouth things were letting themselves slip by in Miss Girly-girl. "I got some food... just don't eat Coco!"

    "B-be quiet, you...!" Sapphire retorted, that squeal in her voice now a bit more on the defensive side, as if mildly offended by Ruby's youthful prodding. "I didn't do that..."


    fwap...fwap...

    He ruled out immediately that he was hearing things. So there was some other sound in the area... perhaps some wild Pokemon fighting?

    He would leave them alone for now, unless they became a little aggressive on the fact that two humans and a Skitty were on their territory.

    "... Huh. Weird. Well, anyways, it's gettin' kinda borin' here. What do you say I go show ya how 'ta climb a tree?" Ruby said as he pulled himself to his feet, using hand motions to tell Sapphire and Coco non-verbally to follow him, as he turned around and began to stride off, his eyes aglow with a mixture of worry for the noise, and excitement for possibly watching his clean friend get herself a bit dirty.

    "He was the son of papa's good pal..."

    Sapphire let loose a small sigh of discontent, but decided that it would be sort of fun... the worst thing that could happen is that she got a little dirt on her dress, right? That could easily be fixed with her father's washing machine. She slowly pushed herself up to a standing position, and began to trot after her friend - thinking about it, she had only really seen him once before, but it was almost an immediate attachment.

    "She was the daughter of dad's good buddy..."

    grrr...raghhh...


    The sound was growing louder by the moment, and Ruby's muscles were growing tense. He slid a hand onto the two Pokeballs resting on his belt, just in case he needed to do something quick. But of course he wouldn't let Sapphire know of his worry for the fear that it might cause worry in her. Ruby had worried things before, and he knew how to handle it because of this experience, but Sapphire was a spoiled rotten who would ruin their little playdate in an instant if she got to being frightened.

    He placed his free hand on the bark of the tree in front of him, his cutoff gloves making his fingers feel the main grainy coarseness of the texture while his palm remained comfortably rested against fabric, making it a bit easier. He pressed a single foot against the trunk and applied pressure, removing his hand from his belt to grasp on more. He repeated the process with his other shoe, the red streak in the center becoming slightly marred with spots of earthy brown. At this point, he was already close enough to reach out and grasp onto a branch, then pull himself up and sit on it. This would be the farthest he would go, so he wouldn't pressure the beginner Sapphire into doing something she didn't want to do.



    ...brrrraaagggh...!!


    She was coming over slowly, her feet being forced to move only by her desire to appeal to this boy she was friends with. In her mind every fiber that secreted little girl logic was screaming at her to turn around and flee, for this stunt of "tree climbing" was nonsense, utterly barbarous nonsense that only freaks would perform. But every fiber that she consciously controlled overcame these other screaming ones, and she finally made it over to the tree.

    She pressed one shoe against the trunk, and immediately fell over. She yelped as she toppled backward, but the yelp was cut short as her eyes gazed upon the gigantic red belly of the blue creature that was now coming to land right behind her, her shriek quickly descending into high pitched vibrato.

    His heart began to beat in his throat.

    "SAPPHIRE!" Ruby exclaimed, his hand tossing itself forward on autopilot; this hand containing two small spheres which burst open to send forth their own individual flashes of white, blinding light. From these two flashes materialized two figures, Ruru the Ralts - a white bodied creature with a green helmet-like structure atop its head, a red extension jolting forth from it - and Nana the Poochyena, a black-furred dog with vicious eyes.

    The Salamence swooped in with fangs barred, but Ruby refused to let it. His legs moved on autopilot, as he ducked his head low, thrust his arms out in front of him and leaped forward to cross paths with the blue creature just in time; it had aimed to take a nice chunk out of Sapphire, but he had managed to push her out of the way, barely avoiding the jaws of the dragon.

    He landed on his hands but immediately sprung back up. "Coco!" he exclaimed. "I need yer help, girl!"

    The pink kitten scuttered over to her trainer, worry evident in her eyes. Ruby glanced over to Sapphire – Ruru and Nana stood in front of her, ready to protect her. Good. She had some reliability there. So he would take on the offensive.

    "Right, so, run over to that thing and get an Iron Tail in on it!" Ruby commanded. And so it was done.

    The tiny pink cat scurried over to the Salamence and flipped up, slamming his tail as it shone a firm silver into the belly of the blue dragon. A sickening snap rang through the ears of the boy; ribs had broken. The Pokemon cried out in pain, and gave an angry glare to Ruby, knowing him to be the one responsible.

    It walked right over to him and grazed him across the forehead with glowing red claws. He cried out, but landed on his hands and sprung right up; a totally odd thought struck him then. If it were to protect Sapphire, the throbbing wound on his forehead was nothing to him. "Heh- try it again, Co--...coco!"

    He winced as he landed on his feet and ordered the command, shutting his eyes as hot red blood leaked in to it. He watched through his one eye as Coco ran up to the Salamence, offering another slam to the stomach. With another sickening thwack and a roar, the Salamence stumbled off.

    And Ruby stumbled toward a cowering Sapphire. It tore him in two to see her so frightened, tears streaming from her eyes like rapids. But that would end soon. He approached her and extended a hand to help her off the ground.

    "... I-I did it, Sapph!" he exclaimed. "I chased it off... we'll be okay..."

    Sapphire stared at him for a moment like he had lobsters crawling out of his ears, then scurried to her feet and off, presumably, to find her father.

    Ruby froze. Had he just chased his best friend off with his brash violence? He... he hadn't, had he? He blinked, ignoring the pain in his temples, and clenched a fist.



    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~​


    They stood there, each wearing the biggest grins they could possibly manage to muster. They vowed to themselves: that they would do this. They would fight their hardest, through the toughest of droughts and the most vicious downpours, so that they could continue on in life – and hopefully see each other again.

    "I tainted her crystal clear heart," Ruby said. "And so I decided to turn away from the path of brute strength and walk down the road of beauty instead. No one would ever see me battle again!"

    "I was a burden to him," Sapphire said. "And so I decided to become stronger. I must learn to protect myself and those whom I care about!"


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~​

    Ruby stood in front of her as she recounted her story, his heart pounding so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest right then and there. So it was true. This girl who he had initially despised, this girl who practiced such vile and disgusting things, was the girl of his dreams. The girl he had chased away.

    Just then, the gigantic leafy Pokemon beneath them began to somersault, and Sapphire almost instantly slid off. Ruby, in a moment of sheer adrenaline-fueled power, reached out and held onto the girl with all his might. They straightened through the turbulence, and he pulled her back up.

    "Okay, we're okay Grand Master," Ruby said. "I think... I think we're reaching the other side!"

    "I see it!" Sapphire exclaimed, and Ruby nodded. He saw the end of the vortex as well, and closed his eyes and braced himself as they rushed through it.

    A cool rush of air blew over Ruby's body. They burst into life over Sootopolis City, Steven and Wallace beneath them on top of Registeel. He glanced toward them and nodded, watching as they rushed back into the battle.

    "We're back in Sootopolis!" Sapphire said.

    Ruby nodded. "Sapphire, can you force the jewel out now?"

    "Uh, okay," Sapphire said, a bit of confusion evident in her gaze. "... Ugghh, grr..." She lifted a hand up and shut her eyes, groaning lightly. A slow whirring sound entered Ruby's ears, and he watched as the blue orb slowly rose from her palm.

    "Sorry, Master," he said. "I'm gonna need to borrow your air car... it can be summoned by inputting a password on the Pokegear. I've seen Master do it before."

    "Here," Sapphire said, handing him the blue orb. "What're you gonna do with the air car?"

    The air car buzzed up next to them, top hatch open. Ruby appeared to be deep in thought for a moment, when in reality he was simply wondering just whether or not he should really do this. He decided to do it.

    He lifted up a palm. "... Hm," he said. He pressed it against the chest of the brown-haired, blue-eyed girl in front of him.

    "This."

    He watched as she tumbled backward, Plusle and Minun going down with her. They landed safely in the padded seating of the air craft and with the press of a button on his Pokegear, the plexiglass roof shut.

    Sapphire lay there for a moment, obviously a bit dazed and confused. But after a moment, she hopped up to her feet and began to pound on the roof fruitlessly.

    "What're you doing?!" Sapphire exclaimed.

    Ruby stood atop Tropius and stared at her for a moment before speaking. He took her image in, for he feared it may be the last time he would see her.

    "I... I need to thank you too. I'm also glad we made the bet. Really. Thank you. But I can't go with you. Because I know how you feel now. And... I like you too. I've always liked you. Ever since we first met."

    He swiped his hat off his head, revealing his slick black hair and the dead white scar tissue on his forehead.

    Sapphire's eyes widened to a point where Ruby believed they would hurt.

    "That's why... I can't take you with me. I can't let you... enter the final battle and face the two Pokemon!"

    "... That scar!" Sapphire whispered. "Ruby, you're... The boy who saved me from the Salamence...!"

    A rustling sound entered Ruby's ears.

    "Are you done?" a voice said.

    He turned, but not before catching one last glance to Sapphire. "Yeah. Let's go... Marge."

    He on Tropius and her under the grip of her Swellow, the two of them zipped off toward the battle scene. Ruby focused the power of the two orbs on his own, and his body ached miserably.

    But it was worth it.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~​


    Ruby finished with a deep breathe, holding back the tears in his eyes. They came from seeing Sapphire with tears of her own, streaming down those cheeks of hers.

    He reached forward and pulled her in for an embrace. It felt nice to have her buried in his chest, to be able to stroke her brown hair and comfort her.

    "Shhh," he whispered. "I-...it's okay... I remember it all, Sapph... clear as day... I love you..."
     

    icomeanon6

    It's "I Come Anon"
    1,184
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • First of all, I should say that I'm not familiar with the Ruby/Sapphire portion of Pokemon Adventures. You say that you used direct quotes from the manga, but it seems enough like your own work for the most part that I don't think we have a plagiarism issue. Still, in the future I would stay farther away from the line in that regard.

    Now on to the review proper:

    There was plenty that I liked, but I found a lot of the story hard to follow, especially the second to last section. There was something about "Grand Master" and "orbs" that left me totally confused. The whole section seemed to come right out of the blue, and I was lost. It may be that you only wrote this for readers of the manga, but it's a problem if the reader can't visualize what's happening without stopping and spending a minute going over previous sentences and passages.

    Another issue that you need to attend to is the way your sentences are structured.

    They were scared, but the fear stood nothing in comparison to their deepest desires that these words would unlock in their memories, causing a smile to cross their shaky lips and these words to pass through them, their thoughts in sync - unknown to them at the time... but whichever way you went about it, the only edit to the point behind the words being their unique dialect.
    That's all written as one sentence, but it should probably be several. Also, I found the last few clauses inscrutable, and I'm still not sure I know what you were trying to say. The phrase "edit to the point behind the words" was especially hard to parse, and the clause that it's in doesn't have a verb ("being" is a participle). I would suggest re-reading your story aloud. It's hard to spot mistakes when you know what you mean, but reading aloud can help.

    Mechanical issues aside, I found much of the writing to be a tad superfluous. Here's an example:

    He placed his free hand on the bark of the tree in front of him, his cutoff gloves making his fingers feel the main grainy coarseness of the texture while his palm remained comfortably rested against fabric, making it a bit easier.
    This is entirely my opinion, but I thought the description was a little much, especially the word choice. "Main grainy coarseness" is a lot of language for something that's not too important.

    ...using hand motions to tell Sapphire and Coco non-verbally to follow him...
    This is redundant description, which is another thing to watch out for. If he's using hand motions, we can tell that it's non-verbal.

    There is good news, though, and that's that I think you have an uncommonly good premise for a story. Though I had trouble following the narration, the format was different than the average fic, and that's highly appealing to the reader. The number one problem with fan-fiction is people writing the same old thing, and you've certainly avoided doing that. I found the fractured style of storytelling intriguing, and I felt compelled to read the whole thing.

    Also, you've done a good job with what the backbone of any romance story is: emotion. Though I hadn't been familiar with the manga characters beforehand, you gave me a good picture of what they were like, and I could believe the growth of their relationship. For this reason, I ultimately enjoyed your story.

    This work has a refreshing amount of potential. If you spend some more time working on the flow of your sentences, and possibly elaborating on elements that are too vague, you could have an excellent one-shot here.​
     
    Back
    Top