Digimon: Shadows of Souls

Hello, and to present myself, I'm Otherworld9) as my title says. So others won't be confused and puzzled, my story is actually based on both the Digimon and human world. Since the Digimon world is slower in time than on the human world, don't get confused with the time when characters switch from dimensions. To start off, I will warn you if there is some graphic or something serious on a chapter. For now, this is just the beginning.
There is no tamers for now, so don't worry. No main characters are in it for quite a while either, nor main digimon characters, so don't get them confused with these, these are different. Being very low on budget, and parents not allowing me to download from the internet due to experiences, I don't have my spelling or grammar check...it got expired not long ago. Forgive me for the errors, if it has any. Hope you enjoy, and this is the Introduction.

Fiction Rating- T (Teen 13+ and contains minor violence and adult theme later on as the story goes.)

-0- Dusk

"Wake up."
The voice startled the child. Opening her eyes, she saw what she thought was ought to never happen. It was another silly dream of hers I suppose, and her fan-based over Digimon. Thanks to her love over that show, she was realizing that it was taking her too far into her dreams....she had to stop that drive for more.

Once she did open her eyes, she stood up and felt awkward. She never felt any feeling or emotion in any dream, she was the person who saw what seems to be a TV right inside her eyes. This time however, she was living in it, which wasn't usual. She stumbled at trying to get up, her legs feeling different than usual, and right in front of her was some kind of digimon. It was a Minomon. Hanging from a thread that connected to the tree above them, it gazed down upon the confused child. She just looked up, rather confused at the digimon.

"Are you okay?" the Minomon asked her. She felt strange, and she felt as if...her ears were huge in size and....wait. She felt smaller in size, smaller in stature. Did she become a....no. Impossible. This is only a dream, right? It has to be, for she never had a dream that she was the main character until now. Eventually she'll wake up when she gets hit or such, minutes after the pain, she wakes up. She then decides it might work, and immediately starts dashing towards the tree to her left, and suddenly trips over something that was an extension of her body(left ear), since she felt the pain when she stepped on it, and tripped helplessly to the ground face foward. The Minomon grew worried.

"Are you okay!?" he yelled, utterly worried the girl was demented or memory lost.

"I'm.....I'm okay," the girl responded as she twirled around. Dizzy, yet the pain didn't go away. Puzzled from the fact she wasn't awake yet, she tried hitting her head into the tree, which didn't work out. Trying to understand the problem, the Minomon lowered itself to be at eye level with the newcomer. She was different, and studied her. When she realized what he was doing, she immediately backed away, looking confused yet scared.

"Is this a dream?" she asked him, making him confused at her question.

"Why, no. Why do you think that?" the Minomon answered. She grew terrified, and suddenly dashed off, yelling in terror. "WAIT!" he yelled out for her, now after her. he couldn't move though, not in the state he was. Good thing he saved his energy in case of an emergency. He spent the energy out of him as he was turned into a cocoon that turned into a transparent circle. Inside, data transformed the Minomon into Wormmon. Once done, the circle broke into tiny pieces and the Wormmon fell out, landing safely. He then immediately dashed after her, avoiding obstacles in his way.

"HEY!! WAIT!" he yelled out once more. He suddenly heard a scream of a female child, indicating it was the digimon from earlier. He wondered where she came from and if she were a offspring. Usually digimon don't scream off like that unless they just lost their parents or lost something dear to them. Rushing over to the source of the scream, he discovered that same digimon girl. It was then that the light shone and showed a mix of a rabbit. Pink with brown, he recognized her as Lopmon. She was dangling off a cliff, trying to regain her balance as she moved her arms in circles so fast they weren't visible to his eye.

He rushed over to her aid, and before she could lose balance and fall over the cliff, Wormmon grasped one of her long ears. She cried in pain, yet walked over to him safety. Collapsing to the ground, the girl panted for breath and air. She opened her eyes to see Wormmon, her face scribbled in daze and fear.

"This isn't a dream...is it?" she wondered out loud, Wormmon puzzled.

"No. This isn't a dream," he repeated once more, making the girl scream in terror and black out where she was. He grew worried.

"Lopmon? Lopmon! Wake up!" he spoke to the rabbit. He never saw a digimon like her, much less met one. This was unusual, especially in a place like this. He went under her and tried to carry her, but her ears made her heavier than she looked. Carrying her, even though she was a bit heavier than he imagined, he managed to place her where he first found her. He collapsed on the ground beside her, and closed his eyes to rest. Seconds turn into minutes and then turn into hours until he wakes up, groaning from trying to get off his rusty side.

"Hello," a female's voice spoke out. Not wanting to wake up, he moved to lay on his stomach, and ignored the voice. "Thanks for saving me out there," the voice talked. It only took that reminder that woke him up. Immediately standing up and rubbing his eyes, that rabbit digimon was standing in front of him now. She had her arms behind her and seems to force a smile on her face as she gazes at him.

"Erm....hello," he responded back, amazed from her recovery. "What happened to you yesterday?" he wondered out loud, making her sadly gaze at him. She had a sad expression and voice now.

"I woke up as a digimon. Thinking this was a dream, I tried to wake up by feeling pain....but it didn't work out. I then woke up just now as a digimon still...and you are the only one I know so far," she explained, a sad voice taking over her. He firmly stood, looking around for any eavesdroppers.

"Wait, woke up as a digimon?" he repeated. She nodded. "What are you trying to say then? That you weren't a digimon?" he guessed, now cleaning his antennaes.

"Yes! I was a human before I turned into a Lopmon!" she answered, making him widen his eyes in shock. He just looked at her. The only humans he heard or seen were the digi-destined. "What? Is something wrong?" she asked him.

"Oh! No, nothing....just that I never heard of a human turning into a digimon before in my life," he admits. She juts seems to nod and turn her back at him. Now walking, she observed herself walk. She seems to giggle.

"I kind of like my new body....I look very rabbit-like," she said.

"Do you by chance seem to know your name and appearance?" he asked. She turned her face, her body still walking foward.

"My name is Atina Herrera," she answered him. He seems to smile, and then turn to a neutral frown when he realized he was smiling. "I suppose you can call me by my human nickname, Lola," she added in, confusing the bug digimon.

"Lola? a nickname?" he asked, confused.

"In my school, my best friends gave me the nickname of Lola. I was currently 9 at the time, so I didn't know why they named me that. Later on, I discovered that was their favorite girl name, and it was my nickname eversince."

"We have no schools in my place...or not here," Wormmon responded.

"Don't you have a name?" Atina asked him. He halted, and pondered.

"Everyone calls me Wormmon," he greeted. She hops over a log, Wormmon doing the same as he passes her and walks in front of her, guiding her. As she walked behind him, Wormmon soon found the village he lived in. Problem was, they're going to wonder why he digivolved and why she was here. His village was very reserved, explaining why there wasn't a single attack so far, unlike the unlucky ones that do get them every day or so. Worried for her safety, he halted and extended an arm in front of her, halting her as well. She grew puzzled. It was then that Atina saw group of digimon not far from the distance. They were both on a tall hill, so it seemed as if rolling down the hill seemed faster than running or walking. The group consisted of 5 digimon. The first one to catch her attention was a Veemon. The second was a Coronamon, and the third was a Elecmon. The other two were hidden behind the other three, making it hard to distinguish them.

Wormmon then started to walk down the hill, and so did Atina. Wondering whether she would be accepted or not, she didn't imagine humans the same as digimon. It was until they were halfway down that she realized they were playing a similar game to soccer, except the ball was a giant coconut of some sort. It was at that minute that she saw the other two. The fourth one was a Salamon and the fifth a Bearmon.

Playing soccer, she felt a warm feeling inside her, making her smile. Walking down the hill quite fast from the downhill, they both managed to reach the bottom in a matter of minutes. Once down, the group of 5 were only a few meters away. Nervous from meeting new digimon, which felt like meeting new people, Wormmon encouraged her to be friendly. Approaching them, Veemon noticed the two and immediately ran off the game towards them.

"HEY!!" the Veemon yelled, waving his hands into the air as he ran towards them. As he hops and jumps from Wormmon's return, he stopped when he saw Atina. He then dashed towards them and slides to a stop beside them, Atina nervous.

"Hi! My name is Veemon! Nice to meet you!" Veemon smiled with joy. The four behind him stopped the game and glanced over to the rabbit. Coronamon ran over to were Veeemon was and halted in front of her, glaring as if she were enemy. Seconds later, his expression changed from a glare to a healthy smile. Atina grew confused, yet she just shrugs it off.

"I'm Coronamon, nice to meet you," Coronamon held out his hand to her. She shakes it, nervous from the rest back there, glaring at her from being the newbie. After Wormmon finished his boy conversation with Veemon, he told him the story of how he found Lopmon and what happened then. Eventually, the Bearmon got closer and got interested, now right beside Veemon and Wormmon. I look at them, Coronamon doing the same. Elecmon ran off into the woods.

"I hear you're a Lopmon. I was taught Lopmons are male only, not female."

"Well....I guess I'm a female Lopmon," Atina responded. Bearmon noticed her and hid among the rest, walking slowly. As Bearmon and Salamon seem to be debating something between the two of them, Coronamon turned to face Atina, bored. Before Coronamon could speak to her, Veemon gazed at her.

"First time meeting a Lopmon!" Veemon spoke to her, making her flinch at his excitement. She nodded at him, trying to show it's her first time seeing a Veemon in person as well. Coronamon and Wormmon just glanced at them, watching the other two on the field as well.

"So! How did you become a human!" he asked, excited.

"Umm...I don't really know...I lost a bit of my memory for some odd reason," Atina responded, now gazing at the sky above her.

"I see." Veemon scratches his chin and seems to get an idea. "You broke the rule of a Lopmon not being a female!" he added in. She nodded, being the second to notice so far. What she seems interested in right now is Wormmon. Atina's hand was suddenly grasped upon and the bug dragged her out into the field. Bearmon and Salamon noticed them and seperated, now glancing at them from time to time. Once Wormmon let go of her, she just stood beside him, not wanting to make him take her anywhere else.

"Bearmon, Salamon, is something wrong?" Felton asked them. Solomon seems to glare at Lopmon, an angry expression at her face. Bearmon only looked at her, worried and having his neutral sad face.

"Nothing at all," Salamon choked out, walking away. Bearmon followed her, mouthing the word 'sorry' to Wormmon. Atina felt strange, and rather offended she already has made enemies here, if that was the case now. Wormmon then gazed at her, worried wether she was angry or offended.

"Don't mind Salamon....she's been stressed lately due to unknown causes," he tried to cheer Atina up. She suddenly felt like being called a digimon, urges inside her trying to overtake her.

"Call me Lopmon...it sounds better," Atina announced, catching the attention of both Coronamon and Wormmon. Veemon ran up to them and catched up to her.

"Well then, Lopmon, do you want me to show you around?" Veemon offered.

"Sure," she spoke back. As both Lopmon and Veemon left the field to venture inside the woods, walking, Wormmon glanced over to Coronamon, worried. Knowing Salamon, she must have sensed either hatred or just fell jealous. she felt that way when Bearmon came in, and felt the same way when Coronamon last joined. The worst part was the fact she grows jealous, especially over a girl. One time a female Agumon came by and joined, only to leave due to Salamon's evil plot that no one knew until it was too late...Agumon has already left.

"We cannot repeat the same mistake twice, Wormmon. Either we warn Lopmon of Salamon's true intentions...or we warn Salamon of her consequences," Coronamon advised Wormmon. Both were worried for the safety of the new member.

"I'll talk to Lopmon," Wormmon offered, and left towards Veemon and Lopmon were last seen heading. Coronamon was worried as well, being an only child and all alone, not wanting to lose another family member. He thinks of her like a new, adopted sister....yet Salamon was his best friend now, he couldn't betray Salamon over Lopmon. Debating inside his head, he didn't feel the stare of a digimon on the bushes, learning her friend's true colors. Salamon was with Bearmon, behind the bushes meters away from Coronamon and Wormmon. She grew devastated, and left to be.

I love it! I want you to post more! I like your characters and how Lopmon now has many guys afetr her, just like you always write in your stories sis! Second of all is your setting in the digimon world and her lonely nature that could be seen in her digimon body and personality, and I hope you add the real main characters soon!

Chapter 1

I might not be here for tomorrow morning, so here I post the second chapter. This is my official first story ever posted in public like this, so pardon my habits in the grammars if I use one word or so. As for future stories, I might need a few fans willing to say post more...but I might post one I review the following chapter. I have been working on this story for so long(months) and wishing for others to read it (months as well.) Enjoy. Maybe then will the story unfold a bit for you.

-1- School

"This is the room I live in!" Veemon replied, pointing at his room inside a tree house. In this place, everybody had a tree house either high up or on the ground. Each person had a roommate of the same gender, Veemon being Coronamon's roommate. Salamon had this girl that was a plant....Floramon she believed it was. From the looks of it, Lopmon might get nobody, but she loved being alone rather than with somebody actually.

"That's all I have to show you, I'm tired already," Veemon whined, Atina following him hot on his heels. They walked out of the forest and into the fields. Gazing around, she got used to walking without tripping over her long, rabbit ears. She loved her color scheme and design, falling in love with herself. After minutes passed by, they both reached a school in the middle of an open field. She wondered if it ever got attacked, being so open like that.

"You can take school if you want...I take it to control my powers an such," he told her, staring at his school. It had no title or giant letters that showed what the school was called, so she took it as the only school here. The way Veemon said the word 'powers' made her think of her powers. If she were to train, then maybe she can find a way out to her real human body.

"Maybe I can attend there...I might be able to digivolve my way to safety," she responded, smiling at the thought of gaining more power.

Veemon immediately smiled at the thought. He grabs her hand and pulls her towards the school. She knew what he was trying to do. Just flowing with the flow, he burst open the door without breaking it and walked to be in front of all the current digimon in the class. Luckily, they were all In-Training, so Lopmon didn't worry for her nervous habit since they weren't her age, for now.

Veemon turned around and faced the teacher, who was a Lillymon. She heard of her, but could never figure out the true power, even though people say it is a powerful digimon or such...it was hard to believe from something that small. The female digimon turned and faced Veemon, smiling while doing so.

"Veemon? What brings you here. Knowing you, you'd be playing your games with Coronamon and Wormmon," Lillymon responded at him. Her eyes then caught sight of Lopmon. She seems to grow suspicious and puzzled inside her, but managed to keep a smile somehow. Veemon grasped Lopmon's hands, only to point at her with his other hand.

"She wants to join your class teacher!" Veemon spoke, excited. Her smile twinkled with excitement. Her hands reached down for the rabbit, and later gave her a huge bear hug.

"Awww, so sweet of you to join! You're the first to join by will!" she said, excited.

"I....am?" she repeated, now worried the others might make fun of her now once she or Veemon spill it out. "I need to go....talk to....Wormmon," Lopmon said in between embraces. Lillymon realized what she was doing and let go of the embrace, Lopmon breathing in and out to gain air into her. Once done, Lopmon walked out of the school, Veemon behind her, and let him close the door for her.

"I never said you could attend me right away," Lopmon told Veemon.

"Better late than never!" he chirps. Ignoring him, Lopmon caught sight of something shiny far off into the distance. Squinting to get a better view, Wormmon appeared out of nowhere into her face, terrifying her. Screaming from horror and the fact he scared her, she trips over her ears and falls back, breathing.

"Lopmon!" Veemon yelled, helping her up. Wormmon felt guilty.

"I'm....I-sorry for getting you scared. I only had something to tell you that was very important," he apologized. As Lopmon balanced herself, she caught sight of that same shiny thing far off into the distance. Curious, she squinted her eyes again to get a better view of that shiny "thing". Before she could tell what it was, it suddenly blurrs out of her sight, getting her utterly confused. Veemon looked at where her eyes were headed, yet found nothing interesting except grass and more trees.

"Are you okay? Did I scare you that badly?" Wormmon asked with worry.

"Ahh? Oh, no. I was just deep in thought and you came out of nowhere, sorry if I scared you," she apologized to him. He accepted it and walked foward, both Lopmon and Veemon following. Once they were out of sight from the school and inside the forest, Wormmon halted and turned to face her, nervous.

"Look. Ati-I mean Lopmon, Salamon is a very.....rough girl," Wormmon started.

"Very rough?" Veemon asked, now confused. Wormmon shot him a look, and Veemon immediately understood what he was trying to say to her.

"Salamon is very protective, and gets very jealous very easily," he went on. Lopmon listened, rather confused but all ears. She nodded at every sentence.

"I'm only telling you this to warn you that Salamon might prank you or-"
Veemon then interrupted by stepping in front of Wormmon, "-or making your life miserable," he finished. Wormmon swallowed his anger, and calmed down. It was then that Salamon appeared into the scene all innocent.

"Hey! Wormmon, I..." she started, yet stopped once she layed eyes on Lopmon. She grew upset, yet somehow hid the anger swelling inside her.

"I need you to help Bearmon get back his cap. It's on the highest branch, highest tree!"

"Karma....just can't describe how Karma is," Veemon added in. Lopmon wanted to speak her mind out, but after what Wormmon and Veemon said, she withdrew. Wormmon agreed to help her, and rushed to her aid as they ran back where Bearmon was last seen. Veemon stayed with Lopmon, bored and wanting to help them as well.

"So.....Lopmon....I'm bored."

"So am I," she agrees, now sitting on the ground. He sits beside her, full of energy from the way he was jumpy. She gazed at him, curious to know him. "Veemon."

"Hmmm?"

"Aren't there any parents here?" she asked, wondering why she hasn't seen any except the teacher and a few others wandering around. He looked down, his mood plummeting from her question. As soon as she noticed, she realized her choice of words and apologized heavily, making Veemon laugh after 20 "sorry's".

"Salamon is not like you at all," he admits, rubbing his head. She gazes at him, wondering how Salamon really acts like. From what she hears, she appears to be very snobby and preppy...the type she hates. "I don't like Salamon, so it's a good thing."

"And why do you hate her?" Lopmon asked, curious. He lies down on the grass, hands behind his head and looking at the sky. The trees blocked 1/3 of the view.

"One word.....prep. She's very jealous and never wants to be the fifth wheel at all, but the worst part is the fact she always wants us to do it her way, or else she just hates on them for a week at most. I call that not growing up," Veemon gossiped. Lopmon laughed, agreeing since she compared Salamon to a human classmate.

"Well, we gotta go!" Veemon spoke as he sprung up to his feet. She stood up lazily, making Veemon chuckle at the way she did so. He suddenly turns around and faces her, worried. "Don't tell Salamon I said that about her! She actually likes me, so if she were to hear this....she'd hate me like a bee hates a wasp!" he warned her.

"No worries....besides, a bee doesn't always hate a wasp," she corrected him. He calms down, knowing she wouldn't spill their secret. Problem was that Wormmon, Bearmon, and now Lopmon knew. Coronamon would only lecture him if he listened to Veemon, so he'd rather not tell him at all. Walking towards the school building, Wormmon was seen with Salamon and Bearmon with his cap back on his head, happy.

"Lopmon, hello," Salamon said out of the blue. Lopmon grew confused, as well as Veemon and Bearmon. Wormmon looked as if he knew she was going to say it. The prep forced a smile on her face, yet Lopmon was able to see through it and seems to ignore her....more out of nervous reasons though. As all 5 digimon approached the school, Coronamon was already waiting by the door, leaning against the wall and arms crossed. He was always impatient when it came to school.

Once all 5 made it to where Coronamon was, the school, Salamon rushed inside. Bearmon followed suit. Veemon was eager to enter, yet waited for both Lopmon and Coronamon to enter with. For some odd reason, Lopmon felt all strange inside. She ignored the feeling and became proud for who she was...a rookie of a future Deva.

"Lopmon?" Veemon urged her. She woke up to her senses and rushed in with Veemon, Coronamon and Wormmon behind them. It was when she entered that she realized not many attended this school....unless there were not that many teens. There were 5 tables, each table being a group of 4 since there were 4 groups. The problem was, Wormmon and Veemon were already taken. Salamon was with Bearmon sitting with another two, who were a Palmon and Patamon. Out of all 5 groups, one was missing two....the one at the very back beside Salamon's group.

There were 2 digimon, one being a Labramon and the other a Flamemon. The Labramon was a girl with white fur, and pink on both ears and tail. Having two pink triangular marks, on both of her cheeks, she seems to stare at the dog while giving Lopmon a neutral stare. Flamemon, on the other hand, gives Lopmon quite a shy smile, waving Lopmon as she just seems to debate something on her mind. He had a humanoid body with huge, puffy orange hair with broken visible horns. Having green pupils, he had elf-like ears with a circular earring on each ear. His tail was quite bushy, only wearing pants and showing the white, circular marks on his chest.

Lopmon walked towards the group, only to be grasped on the shoulder by the teacher without her knowing.

"We have a new student it seems!" Lillymon squealed with excitement. "May you introduce yourself?"

Lopmon hesitated, nervous and packed inside herself. She grew out of her shell either way, not wanting to ruin her reputation like in the human world. "I-Lopmon is my name. I don't feel comfortable saying me real name, so....," she trails off, only to be revived by Veemon giving her a thumbs up. She seems to recover her happiness thanks to Veemon. "I'm new, so just bear with this newbie," she spoke with a neutral, boring voice.

"Ahh, Lopmon...I thought I'd never get to see one!" Lillymon cheered. Suddenly, one digimon from group 3 raised her hand. Lillymon called on her, singing.

"I thought Lopmon were only meant to be from a male evolutionary line, is that not right Miss Lillymon?" the Floramon asked. Every digimon stared at Lopmon, her nervous habit now starting to take effect. She was able to stop the urge of biting her nails, but in this case, claws.

"Oh! I almost forgot Floramon.....Lopmon....are you a girl?" she asked, wondering.

"Ehh?!? Of course I'm a girl!" Lopmon said, flushed that Lillymon wouldn't recognize her voice nor body as female. She seems to apologize, being a joke, and let her off to table 5, the last group the dog and humanoid digimon were at. She sat on the farthest chair away, the very last chair in the room. Labramon doesn't seem to mind a bit, while Flamemon glanced at Lopmon's direction once every minute.

The class started just like any school, even the human ones. They started role calling and asking morning questions, the usual. It was until it stroke noon that lunch time came. The female teacher gives everyone a meal she prepared herself, especially meant for rookies, her highest level class. She told everybody that a Champion class was old enough to recognize their teachings and mistakes, unlike Rookies. All Lopmon was able to catch was that you need to be trained at a certain point to digivolve.

"Enjoy!" she chirps, now eating her meal outside of class to give the class some alone time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, nearly everybody raced to over where Lopmon was. Scared and stunned, everyone asked questions and stared at her. She flushed with not only embarrasment, but being in a crowd that was too much for her. It was until one of them asked about her evolution line that they talked about today that Lopmon realized that all this time, the lesson was on about Lopmon's history and evolution line. She was amazed at how much Lillymon was excited to have her here. She then decided to answer the questions she could...or the ones she wanted to.

"Are you really a girl!"

"Yes."

"Do you like somebody?"

"No."

"Do you want to have a partner?"

"What? Not really."

"Are you really a Lopmon? The rookie Deva?!?

"Yes, exactly. Awesome, I know."

"Are you really powerful?"

"I don't know, I just entered this school to know all this."

"Do you want to be my sister?"

"I don't know you, sorry."

The questions kept falling to her, making her dizzy, yet quite popular. She hated the popularity however. Out of all digimon, Coronamon and Wormmon and a few others seems to wide-eye Lopmon, not knowing who she really was until school was taught. Suddenly, Lillymon came in and every single digimon raced to their seat, all innocent and sweet for her.

"I'm back! Oh! Lopmon? Do you want to explain your likes and dislikes?" Lillymon offered. Lopmon refused, yet Veemon interrupted before she could answer.

"She does!" he announced. Lopmon only mumbled his name, now regreting ever coming here. She stood and walked to the front of the school. Now at the front, she was placed by the teacher on her desk to get full attention.

"Ahem. I like the color black and red and blue. My favorite animals are bears, rodents, and dolphins. I like to play video games and sleep," she explained. Lillymon urged for her to continue. "I hate the color yellow for some odd reason....and the color orange is okay, but what I hate the most is the preps. Preppy people hate me, and I hate them back. I also love music and actually hate the ridiculous and cheaters."

"Good resume Lopmon!" Lillymon started clapping. Eventually, the whole class applauded for her, making her blush a bit. Once she went back to her seat, she spent the rest of the class bored. Complicated words and evolutions were being said as the lesson. It was until the bell rang that she woke up, 3 minutes until they leave school.

Leaning her head up, she noticed Flamemon was staring at her, his eyes dreamy and full of regret. Labramon was listening to every word. What she liked about this class is the fact that she was so far ahead in her human class that this seemed like first instincts to her...except the evolution and battle part. She slept through the whole lesson, now not knowing whether she lost some lesson that could've saved her life later on. The bell suddenly rang, everybody marching outside. Labramon slowly made it out, yet Flamemon seems to walk very slow to his way out, as if expecting something.

"Hello!" Veemon suddenly retorted.

"AHHH!" she yelled from fright, her chair flipping and hitting her head on the floor. She grasped her head and stood up, now holding her pain all inside for later to explode with awful insults.

"Lopmon!" he yelled, helping her up. She seems to ignore his help, walking on her own out the school. No matter she feared school, especially digimon school. Once out of the door, Wormmon and Coronamon were waiting for them. Coronamon faced them both, amazed and with interest he never had for days.

"Lopmon....where did you come from?" he asked her. She shrugs.

"I just woke up as one. I guess I fell out of the sky," she guessed.

"Are you.....a digimon? Lopmon's percent of being a female is quite low," Coronamon continued. Wormmon agreed and nodded. Lopmon seemed offended.

"Well....I don't really know why I'm a Lopmon...to tell you the truth, I could've been anything besides a Lopmon," she started to reveal. Veemon and Coronamon seemed shocked. Suddenly, she saw that shiny thing from earlier. Thinking it was just her head, she ignored and wanted to hear their reactions. Before Wormmon could ask her a question, that same shiny thing grows. When Lopmon looked at that direction, she realized it wasn't growing, but it was getting closer! It suddenly seems to hop and aim for Lopmon. Before she could react, there was an explosion in the area.

I'm not going to focus too much on grammar or spelling because of the Reviewing Challenge, but I will say that it might be a good idea to look into getting a beta reader (person who can read your fics before you post them). There's a number of awkwardly worded phrases (e.g., "her fan-based over Digimon," which I don't quite understand myself), and you switch tenses frequently. Both facts give me the idea that English might not be your first language. Don't take that the wrong way because it's completely okay if it's not. There's a lot of good writers in this fandom who actually speak English as a second or third language, but their skill comes after years upon years of practice.

If English is your first language, try reading your work aloud while proofreading it. Sometimes, just listening to your story will help you pinpoint phrases that aren't quite right. (Those phrases should – hopefully anyway – not quite sound right if you try to read them.)

Either way, this is a link to the Beta Place. You can find people who can help you with the proofreading process there.

In the meantime, I'm putting aside grammar and focusing primarily on the story itself. The rest of the review will more or less be a list of comments as I'm reading to make things a bit easier for me.

1. I really can't say no to any fic that involves people turning into something else. Even if it's a plot line every fic author tries at least once, there's always something entertaining about watching a girl discover that she's a rabbit. One thing, though? It puzzles me that she didn't really notice her body part before she tripped over it. Wouldn't she have touched it? Looked at it? Or pinched herself is she really needed a shock to her system?

2. Try to avoid things like "birds flying around her head" and cartoon clichés like that. For one thing, that kind of thing never happens in Digimon, so it feels a little out-of-place. For another, if you want the reader to take your work seriously, it's usually not a good idea to make it seem more cartoonish.

3. The description of Wormmon's Digivolution wasn't that bad (and was actually a clever move because other authors would have completely ignored the fact that Minomon doesn't have legs), but the part about Minomon "sucking the energy out of him" might need a bit of rewording. I wasn't sure what you meant at first until I realized you meant he spent his energy.

4. Lopmon seems a little disturbingly okay with the fact that she was transformed into a Digimon. I mean, if you were transformed into an animal with absolutely no clue as to whether or not you'd be able to change back, you probably wouldn't be giggling too much about it, right? That and she was freaking out not too long ago.

5. Considering she's unusually happy, I don't think she'd be saying she likes her new body in a neutral tone. Neutral tone means she has no emotion in her voice.

6. Why did the other Digimon seem to ignore Wormmon (who lives in that village)? I mean, wouldn't they at least say hello to him? Maybe ask him who his new friend was?

7. Also, how do they know Atina is female? Given a Lopmon's voice and general body, I don't think it'd be that easy to tell based on appearances. Since they're different species, too, it'd probably be like attempting to figure out whether a dog is a girl or a boy at first glance without checking between the legs, too.

8. The name "Felton" pops up in the middle of the story, and there's no mention of who he might be. Typo?

9. The entire first chapter (numbered 0) seems to be more of a first chapter than a prologue. In other words, I'm not sure why you made it 0 instead of 1. Usually, a chapter that comes before 1 details a scene that's set before the main story actually happens.

10. I know Atina was obsessed with Digimon prior to her arrival in that world, but she doesn't seem at all concerned about maintaining any part of her human self. As in, she wants to be called by her Digimon name instead of her human name, and she's not thinking at all about turning back into a person. This seems pretty weird, considering, again, she was freaking out not too long ago, and on top of that, the beginning of the story has her commenting that she was uncomfortable about how much Digimon has invaded her mind.

To put it a bit simply, it would be okay if Atina eventually got used to being a Lopmon, but she seems to be taking it a bit too quickly. Just yesterday, she wanted to feel like it was a dream. Now, she loves it. It makes the fact that she was ever a human seem like it doesn't matter because she has no intention of keeping any part of her (her mind, namely) human.

11. On that note, later on in chapter 1, you have her mention briefly that she's interested in becoming human again. That's sort of weird because just a moment ago (at the beginning of the chapter), she loved her form, and in the last chapter, she wanted people to call her Lopmon instead of Atina. So, it seems like she's going back and forth between whether she wants to be a Digimon or a person.

12. Er, "prep" as in the high school stereotype? Because if so, I'm a little uneasy about the fact that Veemon, a nonhuman, knows what that means. (Also, "prep" means "the kind of kids who wear expensive clothes – polos, khakis, that sort of thing – and generally think they're better than other people due to having "classier tastes." As in, they're not just the people who shop at Abercrombie & Fitch or the people who hate the unpopular kids at school. They're the higher class, rich kids who throw around money while at the same time trying to become professional suits after graduating high school. This is also a pretty terrible stereotype, but then again, all high school stereotypes generally are.)


So, to recap, it's not a bad concept, but there's a few points you'll want to work out. Definitely think about getting a beta reader because that'll help you smooth out grammar/spelling. Also, take it slow with Atina's transformation. Let her try to get used to the idea of living as a Lopmon, rather than embracing it fully. If you're not into the idea of going back and revising your first couple of chapters (which I really do recommend either way), just remember that if something big happens (like a transformation), you'll want to make sure your characters take some time to get over it. The easier you make conflicts (even internal ones), the less of a story you'll get to tell. As in, if your character doesn't need to try to get over obstacles, then there's just not much to talk about.

It'll help if you try to think about how you'd react if you were Atina. If you were lost in a completely different world away from your family and friends, how would you feel? If something was seriously wrong with your body, how would you react? Thinking about your characters in terms of how real people act will help you develop them into interesting characters while making that conflict seem a little more real, rather than a rush job.

In short, it's not too bad of an idea, but just be careful with it and think it through a bit more. Good luck on future chapters.

Quotes....hmm.

JX Valentine said:

Both facts give me the idea that English might not be your first language.

Click to expand...

Yes, my first language was Spanish, but I just recently got used to English grammar, quite a strain and a habit of mine to get quite...flushed when people critic my grammar...sorry.

JX Valentine said:

It puzzles me that she didn't really notice her body part before she tripped over it. Wouldn't she have touched it? Looked at it? Or pinched herself is she really needed a shock to her system?

Click to expand...

Thanks for that, I just noticed that despite re-reading it myself. My school isn't good on that, and I really don't go so specific into things.

JX Valentine said:

Why did the other Digimon seem to ignore Wormmon (who lives in that village)? I mean, wouldn't they at least say hello to him? Maybe ask him who his new friend was?

Click to expand...

well....I never really thought about it...he isn't that popular though.

JX Valentine said:

The name "Felton" pops up in the middle of the story, and there's no mention of who he might be. Typo?

Click to expand...

typo....where di you find it to fix it?

It makes the fact that she was ever a human seem like it doesn't matter because she has no intention of keeping any part of her (her mind, namely) human.
So, it seems like she's going back and forth between whether she wants to be a Digimon or a person. [/QUOTE]

If you read more on the following chapters, her human life ain't that good at all. But her human life won't come to light into maybe later chapters like in the 10s...so might as well tell it now....all I can say is that it was harsh and she had a craving/dream to be a digimon.

I do have to say that this is a good fic for someone of your skill level. It's a weird-sounding compliment, I know. But I can see that you do put as much thought into this as you can with what you know about the English language or writing. So it's great to see you practicing and willing to learn.

Since English isn't your first language, I'm not going to stay too much on grammar. I do have to say that there were quite a few times where I didn't know what you were trying to say. Seconding the suggestion for you to try a beta-reader, who can help you one-on-one to improve your grammar.

Just a few things for me to go over.

One thing I want to mention about the way you wrote this is that you have a few times where you use "I" in the narration, as if someone was telling the story. I don't know if this was something you did intentionally (like you were telling some parts from someone's point-of-view, but then went back to the third-person for the rest of the story). Just something you'll want to watch out for.

Another thing that you constantly change in the narration is what you call your main character. She goes from Atina to Lola to Lopmon, and the name that you call her in the story changes between those three. Since she wants to be called "Lopmon" by the other characters, keep her name as Lopmon in the narration.

She does seem to be accepting rather quickly her new life. Not only is she okay with her new body, but she's also fine being in a brand-new world where she'll have to fight. While I can understand that she might prefer being a Digimon now, it's still a big change to go through and be fine with after a few hours.

Also, if she's a big fan of the Digimon anime, wouldn't she be more excited that what she thought was fake is now real? She experienced this only on her television screen, and now it's real life to her. That doesn't even seem to cross her mind.

Just a quick question, but is this based around any particular season of the Digimon anime? (I'll assume there's no connection to the games at all for this.) You mention the story not having tamers and Lopmon being a future Deva. If this story does take place in the DigiWorld of the Tamers season, you'll have to follow the rules of that world. For instance, the Digimon would act differently if they had the Rookie form of a servant of a god in their village.

As I said, this is a good beginning of a fic here. It just needs to be smoothed out a little to have it make sense to readers. Getting a beta reader will help with the grammar (and they might even help you with questions about telling the story). Definitely keep writing!