Feathers and Poetry

I'm not sure what my fascination with feathers is all about, so don't ask.

Anyway, yes, there's a reason I'm posting this right now, and it's the same reason I posted that Breaking the Fourth chapter in the ducking forums. :D

As always, most of my works are found on my deviantArt account.

But whatever. Less talk more (free) verse.

St. Valentine's Ego
(Nothing to do with Jax, totally.)

Allow myself, as in moi,
To present to you, as in vous,
A most malevolent machination
Truly quite the sensation.

A red string of carnations,
Life drips from their spines.
Fantastic treacle delights,
Sweet cavities and more!

A worded gift from mouth to ear,
Of a poem so sappy, you doth shed a tear.
Quite the charmer, I am.
Or so you agree.

A trip to Paris so we shall go.
Then gaze upon the lighted city,
where romantics are artists.
It's you and I, girl, we're in this together.

All this for what, you ask?
A simple response is thus:
If it would please you,
Would you be my second half?

On this day of capitalist greed?

Author's Notes:
Idk what I was doing when I wrote this. There's probs no rhyme scheme, probs no meaning, and probs no semblance at trying to have a proper flow. All I know was that I wrote it on Valentine's Day, and I was laughing at all those who celebrated the holiday and gave away their money to those big companies.


Capitalism
(This one's for you, Eric Arthur Blair a.k.a. George Orwell)

I once had feelings. Sold them.

Author's Notes: Is this poetry or is this flash fiction? I don't know, nor do I care, but for the moment let's just assume that it's free verse, minimalist poetry regarding my feelings for capitalism. Though... that's not to say I'm Communist. If you're as big a fan of Orwell as I am, you should be able to guess which economic system I'm for.

That Valentine's Day one was much better than you think. At least I liked it.
True the rhyming and patterns don't seem to make much sense, but it has a very nice concept and flow. I enjoyed how it's read.
And Valentine's Day is probably the best holiday ever to write poetry. I speak from experience.
Well, glad to see you here with your own thread, and I hope you write more!

It's you and I, lass, we're in this together.

Click to expand...

I'm not sure I like the word 'lass' in this. I honestly can't place my finger on why - I think it might be because it's stuck in the middle and didn't seemed like it belonged. Not entirely sure. =/

All this you ask for what?

Click to expand...

I think this would sound better as 'all this for what, you ask?' I know you mentioned there's no rhyming scheme or proper flow, but 'all this you ask for what' feels like a mouthful.

Overall, a good poem. I like your mentioning of a red string of carnations, and the worded gift from mouth to ear. :3 It's a little too stiff and formal for my taste, but that's just my personal opinion. I'm not one for too many fancy words or shakespearian prose.

Now, as for your short 'Capitalism', I lol'd. Not much to say other than that, aside from a clever use of wit. It's too short to comment on. :p

All I know was that I wrote it on Valentine's Day, and I was laughing at all those who celebrated the holiday and gave away their money to those big companies.

Click to expand...

This is nothing against you personally, I've just seem this so many times it just makes me... want to rage and dropkick a few puppies every time I see people hold this attitude against Valentine's day. Yes, people make money from everything you buy on Valentine's day. They also make money off of everything you spend during Halloween, Christmas, and Easter, etc. Valentine's day is supposed to be about celebrating the people you love, just as Hallow's eve was about remembering the souls of the damned or those in purgatory (or whatever you believe in). It feels like a lot of people who refuse to spend anything on Valentine's day just to spite the companies like Hallmark also seem to forget the reason everyone buys those useless flowers and chocolates in the first place. It's about making the people close to you feel special, if only for one day a year. If you can make your significant other feel special without the flowers and chocolates, that's great! You don't have to buy the flowers and junk. The rest of the world likes to splurge anyway, most of us full well knowing we paid entirely too much for those roses, or the cards. We do it anyway because it's nice to see that special someone's reaction to the card tucked away in the cupboard, or the bundle of roses that mysteriously show up in the passenger seat of the car. If I ever have a boyfriend who tells me I was stupid for buying him something for a 'company engineered' holiday and that it was a waste of my money, I'd probably ditch him in a heartbeat. ._.

tl;dr, that's nice if you don't share the holiday sentiment, but don't go labeling the rest of us who spend money on it as sell-outs. Again, not directed at you personally, I've just seen this too many times.

Nnnnrgh, this rant turned out to be longer than my review. Sorry about that, I'll try to make up for that next time. :/

TJgamer said:

That Valentine's Day one was much better than you think. At least I liked it.
True the rhyming and patterns don't seem to make much sense, but it has a very nice concept and flow. I enjoyed how it's read.
And Valentine's Day is probably the best holiday ever to write poetry. I speak from experience.
Well, glad to see you here with your own thread, and I hope you write more!

Click to expand...

Thanks for the comments. And also, are you implying something by that last line? "Well, glad to see you here with your own thread" It's the egotist in me for sure. >_>

Azurne said:

I'm not sure I like the word 'lass' in this. I honestly can't place my finger on why - I think it might be because it's stuck in the middle and didn't seemed like it belonged. Not entirely sure. =/

I think this would sound better as 'all this for what, you ask?' I know you mentioned there's no rhyming scheme or proper flow, but 'all this you ask for what' feels like a mouthful.

Click to expand...

Fixed.

Overall, a good poem. I like your mentioning of a red string of carnations, and the worded gift from mouth to ear. :3 It's a little too stiff and formal for my taste, but that's just my personal opinion. I'm not one for too many fancy words or shakespearian prose.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the critique, truly appreciated. Anyways, onto the rebuttal. I actually wrote the poem, not as an appreciation of Valentine's day, but more of a piece of comedy, or satire, whichever way you want to see it. The inclusion of shakespearean-esque verse in there is not only intentional, it's also intentionally jarring in contrast with the rest of the poem. See, it's, I guess you could say, the lead up to a joke, probably seeing as I used a lot of innapropriate adjectives and phrases. You know, describing the plan as malevolent, the poem as sappy, and referring to the candy as giving you cavities.

This is nothing against you personally, I've just seem this so many times it just makes me... want to rage and dropkick a few puppies every time I see people hold this attitude against Valentine's day. Yes, people make money from everything you buy on Valentine's day. They also make money off of everything you spend during Halloween, Christmas, and Easter, etc. Valentine's day is supposed to be about celebrating the people you love, just as Hallow's eve was about remembering the souls of the damned or those in purgatory (or whatever you believe in). It feels like a lot of people who refuse to spend anything on Valentine's day just to spite the companies like Hallmark also seem to forget the reason everyone buys those useless flowers and chocolates in the first place. It's about making the people close to you feel special, if only for one day a year. If you can make your significant other feel special without the flowers and chocolates, that's great! You don't have to buy the flowers and junk. The rest of the world likes to splurge anyway, most of us full well knowing we paid entirely too much for those roses, or the cards. We do it anyway because it's nice to see that special someone's reaction to the card tucked away in the cupboard, or the bundle of roses that mysteriously show up in the passenger seat of the car. If I ever have a boyfriend who tells me I was stupid for buying him something for a 'company engineered' holiday and that it was a waste of my money, I'd probably ditch him in a heartbeat. ._.

tl;dr, that's nice if you don't share the holiday sentiment, but don't go labeling the rest of us who spend money on it as sell-outs. Again, not directed at you personally, I've just seen this too many times.

Click to expand...

I can totally get where you're coming from and I apologise. Just because I'm a voluntary celibate who doesn't really care much for relationships, it doesn't mean that I can go knocking a holiday which other people celebrate. It's mostly because I'm not a big fan of Valentine's seeing as some people only treat their loved ones lavishly on that day instead of maintaining a high average throughout the year. It's just that small percent of the population, really, nothing against all of you who celebrate it personally.

Also, a humorous side note: Being a non-Christian, non-Western, I don't actually celebrate any of those holidays. xD

Update!

Our Chilren
(No, not mine!)

In the deserted city of our fathers,
whose towering spires did wound the sky,
whose bountiful rivers now bleed dry dust,
whose elegant quarters reminisce of their masters,

we awoke a hidden fear.
Or rather, we discovered the truths that were hidden,
or rather, our assumptions were false,
or rather, our arrogance melted away.

Lies of a different age,
now a tale of despair,
resonating through empty streets.
And regret became our companion that day.

Thus in the deserted city of our fathers,
our worst fears were faced.
For we found that it was not He who forsook us,
but our fathers who made it so.

Our fathers who left us
a decaying city,
crumbling ruins,
a life of death.

Under a domed sky,
we pray for forgiveness,
for our fathers who destroyed a gift,
for our fathers who we remember not.

Author's Notes: This is an environmental poem? Possibly?

This one leaves me in the shadows. Not a bad thing, but, makes me think a lot.
It's so mysterious that even I have a hard time understanding it.
And no, I don't think it's an "environmental" poem. It's hard to see why it would be.
Sorry, I really wish I could say more, but, this poem is very puzzling. A real mind bender.
Impressive work, though.

Haha yeah. This came to me out of nowhere, and I wrote it down quickly so I wouldn't lose it.

Basically, the idea in my head is that a group of explorers in the distant future discover the ruins of an ancient city. There, they find out that it was their ancestors which destroyed the earth (via pollution) and not Nature/God as they had originally thought. Hence, domed sky, meaning that they're living in some kind of artifical habitat. It's vague, yeah, but it made sense to me when I wrote it. In retrospect, however, it's not incredibly obvious and it's really up to the interpretation of the reader.