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[Pokémon] The advent of Darkrai | Chapter 1: Awakening | PG 13

felhight

Writer||Trade/Battle||Mapping
9
Posts
13
Years
To all reading this. I went ahead and labeled it PG 13 due to the fact that I don't know how intense I want this to get. Also, please forgive me if I misspelled a word or 2 in this, I lack a word program on my computer that has a spelling check. My computer was custom built, for gaming... and so the guys who made it never saw use in installing a quality Word program.


So, this is Chapter 1 of a series inspired by Darkrai.



Crashing down! Everything fell to the floor, my bedroom was now completely wrecked! But I was in an unconcious state, I didn't know what was going on. Asleep. I had drifted away, to a world of infinite possibilities, it was my dream world. Although this was no dream, it was my own personal nightmare, my own mind was my personal hell as I tossed and turned through the night. Then, as quick as this torturous whirlwind began, it was over. All it was, was just a terrible memory conjured by all my greatest fears.

Awaking in the cold sweat that I was begining to be more accustomed to each night, it was finally over. I looked at the clock and it showed 4:37 AM, just like the past 7 nights. That's right, this nightmare had re-occured 7 nights in a row, always the same time, always out of breath and always sweating.

I finally flipped on the light and saw the condition my room was in. Everything was trashed. My bookshelf had been knocked over and my clothes were strewn across the floor, my window blinds had been opened. I thought someone had broke in, but looking at the window I saw that it had been locked. Now, normally, a messy room wouldn't surprise someone like a 17 year old, but, seeing how the day before I spent three and a half hours cleaning this became quite odd to me.

A few ideas came to mind as to what could have happened. One thought was that maybe the nightmares were becoming so much more intense each night, that I began to sleepwalk and then resulting in my room looking distraught. Or possibly a Poke'mon had somehow slipped in unnoticed. I didn't care at the moment, all I wanted was some fresh air. And that's when I realized it was missing. The necklace my mother given to me at my 10th bithday. It was hand carved, but very wonderful craftsmanship, it was made to look like the wing of the Legendary Poke'mon Cresselia. Passed down through my family from generation to generation, always given to the first born.

I wore it everyday since I had recieved it. And every night, I hung it above my bed, it was supposed to prevent bad dreams from happening. After seven years, never leaving my side, it was gone. Of all the things that had happened in such a short period of time, none had such an impact on me as losing my family's heirloom.

In spite of this tramatic event, I had to begin cleaning my room, if my mom woke up and saw my bedroom was worse than yesterday she would have grounded me. Well, seven O,clock finally rolled around and now mom was now awake and active. I could here her downstairs making breakfast as usual. I was halfway through cleaning my room, again. Right as I began lifting the bookshelf back into place mom walked in to wake me up, and, expectedly, a look of surprise came to her.

"What on earth happened here, I thought you cleaned your room last night?" The sound of disapointment rang in tune with the tone of her voice.

"I did clean it," I began to reply, "I awoke to this after another nightmare."

"Another one?" Mom now said with concern taking over where disapointment left off. "Doesn't that make the seventh one right in a row now?"

"That's not the worst of it. My Lunar Wing necklace you gave me, it's missing, and you know, just as well as I do that it hasn't left my side since the day you gave it to me. I've searched my room over to be sure it just wasn't lost in the mess, and it hasn't turned up. Someone, something must have taken it"

"Well then, as odd as this may seem, at a time like this, I think you ought to visit Professor Reed. I think that what is happening is beyond your control, sweety, at least from here."

"What do you mean by that?" I was confused, and for an obvious reason.

"I can't give you all the details, due in part to the fact that I didn't know quite what she was talking about, but, she did say she might know what is causing your nightmares, and that possibly she could help." Mom reached down and picked up one of the books that had fallen off the shelf last night and handed it to me with a smile.

"Alright, it is quite odd but perhaps she can clue me in as to what might be the problem, or at least give me a solution."

The smell of burnt bacon began to fill the air, then, an obnoxious cry came from down stairs.

"KIRLIAAAAA"

"Mom... I think you left the bacon on the stove to long."

"Oh no, not again"

Mom rushed down stairs, and with the help of Kirlia she had managed to salvage some of the bacon. Mom has had Kirlia since she was fifteen years old, and technically Kirlia was a Ralts back then. They were inseperable since the moment my grandfather had given it to her. She became a trainer, and for six years she worked on becoming great at what she loved. She had a collection of gym badges, only four, but still that was alot, and what other kid my age can say that their parent was a great trainer. Only one that I knew of.

Tobias, son of a well known, and well respected gym leader, Raynor. If you were looking to battle him, you had to at least have five other gym badges. I didn't know much other than that, due to Tobias being a fairly quite kid in class. He never talked much at all, in class he has never asked a single question, but, somehow he has straight A's. However, whenever Professor Reed came in to give her lectures on the fields of Poke'mon science and research, he was the only one to ever ask questions, aside from myself all the other kids dozed off, or magically started feeling sick and needed to phone home. From what I could gather from the questions Tobias asked, he was always interested in hands on kind of research, like that of an adventurer, except it was more in depth with the medical aspect of research. I was always interested in the hands on as well, except I actually wanted to be an adventurer. Full on, recording all Poke'mon I came across and even searching out the rarest ones, all in the device known as a Poke'dex. Professor Reed had only a handful left, and they were to be handed out come graduation day for those that had been accepted to become her understudies.

After cleaning my room and getting ready for the rest of the day it was already noon. And then I realized I was going to be late. Oddly enough mom stopped me on my way out and handed me a backpack full of clothes, money, my cell phone and a pillow. I tried to ask why, she just told me to hury along and not be any later than I was. So, I went on my way.

My watch read 12:37. I knew the professor wouldn't mind, seeing how I was one of the only two students who paid any attention to her lectures. I walked up and tugged on the door to her lab, and to my surprise, it was locked. Then, my periheral vision caught him. I wheeled to the right and saw Tobias standing there.

"I've been standing out here since noon, right when she told me to be here. I don't understand why it's locked." Said in a serious but, light tone of voice.

I was actually quite stunned to see that he was talking to me. He spoke to no one except the teachers in class and Professor Reed.

"I - I was also told to come down here and meet her, and I'm not even sure as to why myself." Slightly stuttering in response to his statement.

Then a booming voice came over top of us both. "The door's should be unlocked now. I hope you both packed well." Coming from the intercom overtop of the lab.

I opened the door and we both walked in. It was dark we could only make out a few things in the entry hall. "Take the stairs, then take a right, I'll be in the first door to your left." The distorted intercome cracked over us again.

So we rushed up the stairs, took a right and went straight into that left door. I opened the door, and it bright with all sorts of metallic tilling and florescent lights. "Sorry about that, haha, I had to shut down the lab so I could get you two ready. Now before I get started, I want to talk to you alone for a minute" Professor Reed pointing to me with a smile. "Tobias, I know your fascination with Chansee's medical abilities, why don't you go help out with Lucky over there and see what is wrong with Aipom's right arm."

"So, I here you have been having some nightmare's lately. Can you describe to me what exactly is happening in these nightmares?"

"Well, alright. It starts out where everything is dark, it's night time, the sky is clear but the moon is blackened out. I'm over looking a cliff that seems to drop off into nothingness, an abyss of sorts. Then I see them, thousands of them, snake type Poke'mon, Ekans, Arbok, Seviper, and some I've never seen before." It was interesting recalling the dream to someone. Slightly theraputic.

"Are those your fears? Heights and snakes?" The Professor politly interjected.

"Well snakes yes, but it's not the fear of height, it's the fear of death. But, that's not all to the dream"

"Please continue then."

"Alright, but, this is where it get REALLY weird. The snakes stop right before me, and the begin to pile onto one another, slithering up and down themselves. Then they seem to mutate into this dark human like figure, there are no legs from what I can tell, but there is an odd red collar, or necklace of somesort. It starts heading toward me, levatating with it's hand outstreched. I begin to walk backwards getting closer and closer to the cliff, and as I'm backing up it begins to laugh, it's so sickening. Then I reach the ledge and it has finally got ahold of me, lifting me up, but not touching me, there was nothing I could do to stop it. Then, it lets go. And I fall, and as I fall his laughter only gets louder and louder. Then, well then I wake up at exactly 4:37 and can't get back to sleep."

"That sounds quite intense. Your mother said this is the seventh night in a row that this has happened?"

"Yes Ma-am. Then today when I woke up, I saw my room torn to pieces, like someone was looking for something. Then I saw it, my Lunar Wing necklace was missing from above my bed."

"Would you believe that I actually have researched on the paranormal. I'm not at all surprised about what is happening to you. Has your mother ever told you about the story of your Lunar Wing necklace?"

"Of course, almost everynight, until my tenth birthday when I recieved it as a gift. She told me how The holder of the necklace had Cresselia as their own personal guardian, but only as long as you were her guardian. She told me that Cresselia watched over the bearer of the neclace so well, that at night, if you hung it above your bed, she would even watch over your dreams. So far, as long as I have had that necklace, I've not once had a nightmare, up until about a week ago."

"Did she ever tell you about Cresselia's other, the whole reason she even watches over your dreams? The character you are describing in you nightmares, it is known for it's nightmares, it's name, is Darkrai."

In a comment below I will be posting more details behind my writing, what inspired me to write this.
 
Last edited:

felhight

Writer||Trade/Battle||Mapping
9
Posts
13
Years
Actual events in my life helped to inspire this story about Darkrai.
One of the two key things that inspired this was that about 3 or 4 months ago I had a nightmare, not at all like the character in this story, but it was more towards the respect of the fact that I was awake and dreaming, but unable to move, I dreamed up a vision of a swirling disgusting cutting thing, that the image in my mind kept changing over and over again. The grinding noises were so real, that was coming into my right ear. In my left ear was some man giving some speech or trying to sell me a tool or device for cutting things, I was afraid I was about to have my arms severed, well needless to say I regained control of my body after about 30 seconds of this torture and fully awoke. Unfortunately I can't fully describe, how intense the dream was. The second thing to inspire this story was my fascination, like I'm sure all of you reading this, with Poke'mon. When I was playing the games more recently it dawned on me about how interesting Darkrai was due to his nature of causing nightmares. For those of you curious as to if I have done my research on him, YES I have. I know for a fact his nightmares are caused by self defense, not as an offensive tactic.

Anyway, prior to writing this story, I actually saw this as becoming a hack. Why? Because, I had just delved into the interesting topic of just that, I enjoyed playing hacked versions of fire red and ruby so, I taught myself a little of mapping and scripting and then got lazy, haha.

Once this story is over, or maybe even as it develops, I would still like to make it into a hack. I don't want to give out any details to my ideas, but hopefully no one will take my idea. If so, I hope a Moderator comes by and smashes them with a ban hammer XD

As a note to my writing. Yes, I realize I never give out the Main Character's name, the Main Character in this story is supposed to be a reflection of myself, or whoever is reading it.

And lastly, to any Moderator or Admin who reads this, Yes, that is a full chapter, I left the end open for Chapter 2 to come in with more details on Darkrai.

Constructive Criticism is always welcome, don't be afraid to tell me what you like or dislike. Love it | Hate it.
 
42
Posts
13
Years
review

I like the detail you added to the main character's backstory and how she got the lunar wing. Though there was one spelling error, everything else is fine. The description of the nightmare was both interesting and creepy. Keep up the good work. Also, make sure you proofread before posting.
 

felhight

Writer||Trade/Battle||Mapping
9
Posts
13
Years
Oh, wow, thank you, haha. I didn't expect many people to read this, let alone leave feedback, thank you, thank you, thank you :) If I may ask where the spelling mistake is I will be more than happy to make the fix. And I usually proofread once or twice before I do post, my only problem is my focus slips after reading to long, I know its weird, haha, but whenever I do go through it, I myself miss things.

P.S.
To everyone that enjoys reading this, please leave me feedback, lets me know I'm loved, haha. But, seriously, it does help the inspiration a little to know you have someone reading your stuff. :)

And thank you to everyone who has read this.
 

Brittani

Pokefan for life!! (:
174
Posts
14
Years
"So, I here you have been having some nightmare's lately. Can you describe to me what exactly is happening in these nightmares?"

here should be hear



Anyways I really like this story and it does have potential. I think if you would read through it a couple of times it would greatly improve some things. I have a lot of experience correcting stories as my friend's write stories all the time on paper and give them to me to correct so if you need anything corrected before posting it publicly just PM me. However, I do think you should be able to do it yourself as long as you have the time and focus.

One more thing, I would organize your paragraphs more. You have long paragraphs then short ones and some in between. I'd like to see them more evenly spaced out and divided.

Is the main character a girl or boy? I was assuming it was a male because from what you said, the character was based off of yourself.
 
10,175
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17
Years
  • Age 37
  • Seen yesterday
felhight, don't worry about how your chapter ended. The way you ended it was on a sort of cliffhanger, so the reader's ready to continue on and find out more about the story. No need to worry about your thread being closed.

Speaking of mod work, want me to edit the thread's title to get rid of the "Chapter 1: Awakening" part? Otherwise, it's rather odd.

My main trouble with your story was the grammar. Not only did you misspell quite a few words, but commas were running rampant all over this story where you didn't need them, and no punctuation where you did need it. For examples of misspellings:

but still that was alot
"a lot" is always two words.

Mom now said with concern taking over where disapointment left off.
It's "disappointment".

due to Tobias being a fairly quite kid in class
"quite" should be "quiet".

I tried to ask why, she just told me to hury along and not be any later than I was. So, I went on my way.
"hury" should be "hurry".

Also, when writing Pokemon and you're not going to use the accented "e", just write is "Pokemon". Putting the apostrophe in there is kind of awkward to read, and writing the terms without the accented "e" is acceptable.

I think you left the bacon on the stove to long."
"to" should be "too"

Like I said, you have random commas where you need them. Quite a few of your sentences were combined when they would fit better as two or even three. There were a lot of these throughout your story. My best suggestion to you to fix these is find yourself a beta reader. We have a service for that in the Writer's Lounge. Or Brittani can help you out there.

As for spelling errors, you should read over your chapter before you post it so you can catch your errors (like "quite" versus "quiet") that spell checkers won't catch. As for a spell checker, there's plenty online that you can use. Or even depending on your browser, you might have a spell check there. Just don't completely rely on it, though.

As for your story, there's not much for me to comment on. Characterization I don't want to touch, since you seem to be going a Twilight-ish route and have the narrator be almost a blank slate so the reader can identify more with the character. This might be difficult to do because your character might act a way that puts an image in the reader's mind. (For instance, I read the main character as a seventeen-year-old male.) So I'll be interested in seeing where you go with this.

I will suggest adding a bit more narration and description of the setting and other characters. For instance, where the characters are living in the Pokemon world. What everyone else is doing. Where they're going. That way, the reader isn't asking what's going on, and you can pad out your chapter some more.

So far, you have a start to something good. Mechanics clean-up will definitely improve your fic. I look forward to seeing more of this.
 

felhight

Writer||Trade/Battle||Mapping
9
Posts
13
Years
YES, lol, please do edit the title of the thread. And I will go back and edit all my grammar, haha, thank you.
To those, who actually have read this story, thank you so much. Also, I have to apologize, please understand I take my music as a priority before Pokemon. Currently, I haven't been working on the second chapter yet. But, I promise within 2 weeks time I should have it written, grammar checked, spell checked, proof read and posted. :D
 
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