[Pokémon] The Tale of an Amnesiac

I've been thinking about writing this for some time now.

This story is based off of the game, Heartgold and Soulsilver, and set in the pokemon adventures world, meaning that the jhoto trio are 16, and the kanto pokedex holders are around 18-19ish. I'm also going to use an OC, whose name is Amethyst (i cant tell you anymore than that). i'm going to try to keep the characters "in character" as much as possible. while i will be mentioning the jhoto and kanto dex holders, the plot is mainly focused on silver and amethyst.

I want to say that this will be pg10-pg13ish, depending how far i want to go with details

Summary:
Three years after the battle at the hoenn battle frontier, silver returns to the hideout where he left his father, geovanni, only to find that he disappeared. instead, he found a girl, amethyst, who seems to have no recollection of the past. Silver figures that the girl knows something about his fathers location, and offers for her to travel with him in search for her memories and giovanni.

Notes:
Many of the ideas for this story are "free floating" within my mind, and because of school work, most likely updates will be irregular. however, i will try to post every week or every other week.

whatever shippings/hints i put in will be based on my preferences. (oldrival and mangaquest). please dont bash just because of that.

final note: as a "warning," most likely my chapters will be short.

gah. way too many notes. onward with the story!

*I took out the prologue because the more editing i did to it, the more confusing and strange it became. i will, however, place whatever info from the prologue into the story because this is important*

i'll try to post chapter 1 this week

I'm not good at spelling pokemon names, so be wary of spelling.

Three years ago, he was turned to stone. Three years ago, his father disappeared.

Chap 1

Maybe…Just one more time? Silver thought as he opened to wooden door of the secret base, just as he did three years ago. After that, whatever free time he had left-not going on missions for Professor Oak-was dedicated to finding his father. Today, Silver felt the need to go back to the old hideout, where the mystery began.

He peered inside, the cabin fell in disrepair. Weedles and Caterpies chewed through the foundations of the wooden cabin and much of the furniture. What was odd was that they left the bed, where Ursaring most likely left Giovanni shortly after he passed out after they escaped the air ship, untouched. A figure sat limply against the foot of the bed. Who could that possibly be? Silver thought as he carefully stepped around the perimeter of the cabin, trying to avoid the holes and sagging wood. As he approached the cot, Silver's eyes widened in surprise, for the person he saw was the figure of a girl!

The girl's head was tilted downward; the long, black hair covered much of her pale face. She wore a black and lilac jacket, opened to reveal what looked to be a black tank top. Her arms hung lifelessly next to her body. Silver noted that she also wore dark blue pants, covered by a purple miniskirt, similar to Blue's. Kneeling down next to her, Silver checked her pulse; with the position that she was in: pale and lifeless, he was scared that she died. However, he could feel the faint thump, thump, thump of the heart. Silver let out a sigh of relief.

The girl's other hand held a torn piece of paper; a letter. Quickly and stealthily, Silver took the letter from the girl's rock hard grasp. His heart skipped a beat as he read it.

Dear Silver,

I'm sorry that I couldn't be here in person to tell you this. I know that this will not suffice, but I sent a messenger, my most trusted advisor, Amethyst, to bring this letter to you. (Do you still remember her?)

I wanted to tell you that you make me proud, son. I wish that I could have spent more time with you after I found you, but there was another matter that I had to take care of. Unfortunately, at the time I wrote this, the task is still not complete.

I'm sorry, for leaving you again. Please accept my apology. If you don't, I understand why.

From your father,

Giovanni

PS. Don't try to ask her where I am. She doesn't know.

Silver thought that he should have felt glad after reading this since Giovanni was still alive; however, rage surged through him. How dare Giovanni do this to him; after three years of waiting, of hopeless searching, all his father did is sent a letter?? Silver crumpled the letter in his fist and turned to look at the girl, whom he assumed to be Amethyst. Who is she? And what happened to her anyway? He wondered.

Hi there! Hope you don't mind me reviewing. You updated your story just as I was looking for one to read and review.

First, if you're worried about the spelling of Pokemon names, there are plenty of ways to check. Just use an online Pokedex like Serebii's to help you out.

Now, I'm really not familiar with the manga characters, so I won't be able to tell if they're in-character or not. Maybe it is normal for Green to ask to trade Pokemon with someone who just found out his father disappeared. That's what struck me about that scene. How quickly Silver got over Giovanni being gone. But like I said, maybe that's normal.

Just one grammar mistake I managed to see.

As he approached the cot, Silver's eyes widened in surprise, for the person he saw were a girl!

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"was"

Since your chapters are short, there's not much else for me to comment on. After a few more updates, then I can see where you're going with this and be able to comment more. But right now, you have a good start.

thank you for the review ^^

Quote:
As he approached the cot, Silver's eyes widened in surprise, for the person he saw were a girl!
"was"

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tell that to the microsoft word grammar checker >>. i'll go fix that, though.

just explaining any confusions:
the prologue was taken from the magazine "sneak previews" of the HGSS manga. all i know is that

i might have made silver seem to get over that too quickly, to cover for that, i'll just say that silver wants to be strong in front of green. ^^"

Silver looked around the dusty, small cabin where he left his father, Giovanni, after he saved his life.

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I don't think the comma after 'dusty' is necessary and only slows your sentence.

Giovanni suffered burns that left him hanging to his life.

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Burns? What kind of burns? I realize you're probably going off the pokémon special manga, but not everyone has read it and this leaves us scratching our heads wondering what's happened here. Maybe you can spend a couple lines explaining the accident and the burns?

"There is another reason why I wanted to accompany you to check this cabin. I've been reading this book on the theory of ground type pokemon, titled: The Mysteries of Earth," Green said, being careful not to mention the author's name for fear that it will upset Silver more, "The author mentions that it is possible for Rhydon to evolve once more, however, it requires a trade."

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What does checking a cabin have to do with wanting a trade? It also really seems heartless on Green's part. 'Yeah I know you're father is missing and all, but the only reason I came here was so I could trade with you. :D' It just seems misplaced and completely inappropriate timing. Moreover, I don't believe Silver was completely cool with it. One minute he's nearly sobbing at the bedside, the next he's completely willing to trade. XD

Overall, it just feels like a lot is missing from this prologue. Chapter one is a little better from what I read, but I'm really confused about the timing.

Three years ago, he was turned to stone. Three years ago, his father disappeared.

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Maybe…Just one more time? Silver thought as he opened to wooden door of the secret base, just as he did three years ago.

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Okay, so in the prologue, it had been three years since his father disappeared. In chapter one, another three years passes?

Weedles and caterpie

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I'm... not going to touch on what is appropriate grammar for pokémon (because I have no idea what's officially right), but just make sure that if you choose to keep weedle and caterpie plural, you keep it that way through your fic, along with the capitalization. So if you're going to keep 'Weedles' capitalized, 'Caterpie' must also be capitalized. Also, just my two cents, but I think weedle and caterpie already sound plural, so there's no need for the extra 's' on weedle. IMO, anyway.

As he approached the cot, Silver's eyes widened in surprise, for the person he saw was a girl!

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I'm not much of a fan of this sentence because it feels overdramatic. Try changing up that last bit to something more like 'Silver's eyes widened in surprise, recognizing the shape of a young girl'. Not that exact sentence, obviously, but something similar so it doesn't feel so out of place.

It seems odd that Giovanni would send such a strange girl to deliver his letter, though I find it stranger that she acts so lifeless when she's clearly awake (or at least I thought she was - if she's knocked out maybe you could remark that her eyes were shut). I also can't tell if the characters are in-character or not since I've never read the manga, but Giovanni is the only one I'm wary of since I've never associated him with any sentimental 'you make me proud, son' moments. For the most part though, not a bad start to a fic. Good luck! :3

yeah, thank you. i realized that some people who read this have no idea about the mange. i'll try to add some details to the prologue and edit chap 1. hopefully it will be less confusing as i continue to write. ^^"


Chap 2

A little girl with eyes the color of plums tugged on a man's pant leg. She looked up at him eagerly. "Look, Uncle*!" she begged him. "Look at the sunset!"

The man, who wore a suite even though it is summer, glanced at the other children playing, looked down to her. "Why, yes, isn't it so pretty?" he said in that nauseating child's tone that only little children seemed to bare. Even though he said those pleasant words, his face stopped the girl cold. She grip on the man's leg loosened. He had no face; it was just a blur of light brown. "Go now and play with your friends, they must be missing you."

She hurriedly stepped away from the man, and hoped that her friends weren't like that that either. "Hey!" a boy, wearing a navy blue jacket, waved to her, "Hey! There you are! Come and play. Join us!"

Another voice joined the boy's voice, "Yes! You must join us! It's not the same without you!"

A chorus of voices exploded in inside her head; each one sounding more distorted than the next. "Join us! Joiin uusss! Joooiiiinnnn ussssss…"

She stopped running, her blood turned cold. Her face turned white with recognition. Their faces were like the man's; each one's blurred and blank. No…no…what's going on? She thought desperately. She looked around and found herself trapped in a circle made up of children who she thought were her friends. The girl turned so that she faced the boy with the blue jacket, whose back was turned. The little boy slowly turned his head. This time, his blank face started to morph. First, his pale face turned black like the night. Then, cold, ice blue eyes appeared on his face. The boy let out a terrifying cry that brought the girl to her knees, clutching her ears with her tiny hands. "Daaaaaaarrrrkk."

Amethyst woke up with a jolt. She brushed away a loose strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear and looked around her surroundings. "Wh-where am I?" Her gaze fell on Silver, who sat next to her with one hand on her wrist. His eyes were closed. Amethyst's heart beat sped up. Her violet colored eyes widened in alarm; she felt goose bumps spread across her skin. Silver, feeling the pulse quicken, slowly opened his eyes. He spoke softly, "You're finally awake." He looked down and realized that he still held onto her wrist. Silver quickly recoiled his hand and blushed.

She spoke louder and more forcefully, "Where am I?"

"You don't know? Then how did you get here? We're in the Viridian Forest, in Kanto." Silver replied, puzzled.

"I-I-I don't remember."

"Ok, then what do you remember?"

Amethyst paused for a moment. "N-nothing. N-nothing," she stuttered.

Silver was bewildered. How could this girl not remember anything? It's not humanly possible-that is-unless she has amnesia…

"Wh-who are you? Who am I?" Amethyst asked him, knocking Silver out if his thought.

Silver frowned. If his hunched were correct, then this girl really did lose her memory. "I am Silver," he said, pointing to himself. Silver then pointed to the girl. "You are Amethyst."

"Amethyst…" she repeated hazily. She must be just as confused as me, Silver thought.

Suddenly, Silver's pokegear started ringing. Silver let out a sigh of annoyance. "Hello?" he said into the phone.

*note. when the little girl said "uncle" she means it as respect. the man is not her literal uncle.