[Pokémon] Wings of War [Ages 16+]

CHAPTER 1: All was silent over the forest. The screams and cries that rang through the forest only minutes before were nonexistent. The quiet flapping of wings gently broke the silence. A Dustox fluttered gently through the forest, drawn to the flickering light of the fire that almost peacefully burned the woods to the ground. The Dustox happily flitted, crying, "Stox!" joyfully. He was excited by the find of such a pretty, ambient light that was all his. The flickering, happy light was the last thing he saw before two sets of razor-sharp teeth pierced through him and tore him in two, spraying blood into the fire.

The crackling return of the blood roasting gave the creature great satisfaction. The beast worked its wings, gaining altitude. As the arms ate their individual halves, innards spilled out on the trees below, blood macabrely painting the leaves a deep crimson. The beast wasn't too worried about cleanliness. In fact, it rather enjoyed causing messes. The large, central head snarled, biting a sizeable portion of the Dustox and playing tug-of-war with the smaller head. It won, merrily swallowing its spoils with one gulp. The creature roared victoriously, shooting off massive orange meteors in all directions.

Startled Pokémon howled in pain and surprise as the forest and their comrades around them were incinerated and crushed. Swellow and Noctowl attempted to flee, only to be smashed by a meteor or unceremoniously torn into pieces and thrown to the ground. The smaller heads began spewing out streams of crimson flames, setting the scattering bug Pokémon a flame. The beast continued on its rampage, relishing in the violence and chaos. Remember your objective, Hydreigon. These pitiful maggots are not what I sent you to kill. The voice thundered in Hydreigon's head. It snarled, angrily setting a Shiftry on fire and watching its wooden skin crackle and char. It rose back into the air, launching more meteors in an effort to flush out the target.

As impact after thunderous impact shook the forest, a single purple Pokémon rose into the air. Hydreigon was too preoccupied with incinerating the forest to notice the glowing pinprick that began emerging from the purple figure to its right. There was a droning buzz, followed by the sound of a cannon charging. A beam fired with pinpoint accuracy tore through Hydreigon's three right wings. It screamed, plummeting toward the ground. Before it could even touch the ground, a speeding purple blur slashed through it, neatly freeing Hydreigon's torso and right arm from the upper half of its body. Genesect hovered calmly as his pursuer's pieces fell to the earth. Blood dripped of off Genesect's claws as he began to nonchalantly glide down to the forest floor, landing adjacent to Hydreigon's largest head. He gazed curiously at the bloody mess as the wood crackled and splintered around him. Come now, Rayquaza. You'll have to try much harder than that. He cocked his head to the side as his cannon began to whir. Shame. I rather enjoyed toying with him. Ha. He actually thought he had me. Genesect unleashed the cannon, obliterating Hydreigon's head and leaving a six-foot deep crater in its place. Genesect rose back into the air and calmly began its long flight back to his home.

Rayquaza roared angrily, grabbing a nearby Gliscor and smashing it into a cavern wall. The cave shook violently from the impact of the hit. The Gliscor remained plastered to the wall, save a claw that tumbled to the floor. The rest of it slowly slipped down the wall as Rayquaza continued on his Outrage. Rayquaza, stop this foolishness, Darkrai telepathically spoke to Rayquaza. He stopped killing the Pokémon that were now cowering in all areas of the cavern, though his blood was still boiling. "LET ME HAVE HIM. I WILL NOT FAIL," Rayquaza roared. All in good time, Rayquaza, Darkrai calmly communicated. All in good time.

An interesting if rather violent beginning. =p I think the opening paragraph summed it up well: I was kinda mused and interested by the characterisation of the Dustox and it happy about finding a light (or well, flame), and then it was promptly followed by destruction.

I do wonder about how Rayquaza being able to command others via telepathy seeing it is not a Psychic type by nature; Darkrai I can kinda see doing it but Rayquaza less so. Another question I have is why the two are so intent on capturing Genesect but I trust this will be covered later on in the story.

Description is pretty decent thus far, certainly. I would suggest watching how you start sentences though as that is a touch repetitive; for instance a lot early on started with 'The ___'. The first paragraph for instance had four out of seven sentences start with 'The' and the second five out of eight; more than half the sentences in other words. Try to mix it up a bit more as it can start to affect the pacing of the story and also sounds repetitive.

All was silent over the forest.

Click to expand...

Over, or in? Both works I suppose but in seems to fit better.

Genesect unleashed the cannon, obliterating Hydreigon's head and leaving a 6-foot deep crater in its place.

Click to expand...

With numbers, write them out with letters if smaller than 100 (or 10 which seems to be a recent thing I've heard about from some kids in the states, but here six rather than 6 fits both).

Not a bad start all in all; certainly an interesting beginning with a lot of events going on; hopefully the plot will live up to expectations! Good luck with the rest of your fic.

Thank you for your interest and input, bobandbill. :) I had been making sure to write out the numbers, but I slipped up there. I will try my hardest to vary my sentence openings, too. lol It was, in fact, Darkrai speaking to Hydreigon, not Rayquaza. Rest assured, all will be revealed in the future. ^.^

Ah, okay, that makes more sense. I guess I assumed it was Rayquaza given there had been no mention of Darkrai until Genesect 'thought back' to Rayquaza, so maybe consider establishing who thought what a bit more as well to avoid reader confusion.

Well, Genesect is not actually speaking to Rayquaza, he's merely thinking to himself. I'll be sure to elaborate on that later on. I will have the next chapter up in the next half hour, too. ^.^

Did I say half hour? I meant an hour and a half ^.^

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CHAPTER 2: Brian nudged Sal, awakening the sleeping dragon. Brian spoke as snow continued to fall.

"Look lively, my good friend. The caravan should be passing by soon."

Sal lifted his head, disturbing the pristine snow pyramid that had built up on it, and looked drowsily at his Braviary friend. "Thanks for the heads-up," he muttered. "How long was I out?"

"Around 7 hours. I tried waking you, several times, in fact. You, my friend, are a heavy sleeper."

Sal chuckled deeply, bringing himself to his feet and stretching his wings, causing snow to kick up spectacularly. He squinted down into the canyon below, watching a human military caravan march along.

"The humans. Again. I hate them so." He growled.

"I'm right there with you," Brian said soothingly, "and their blood will soon flow. We just need to get to that Pokémon shipment. Our ranks need to be reinforced, especially after our last encounter with those Ozone Mercs."

Sal nodded gravely. He remembered the bloodshed. He remembered the pain. What he remembered most, though, was the sheer stupidity of it all.
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It started it out as a routine patrol. Sal soared calmly, leading a platoon of fourteen Aerodactyl, ten Skarmory, and eight fellow Salamence through the Hailstone Crevasse. There was a slight chill in the air, accompanied by snowflakes that continuously floated down from the heavens.

An Aerodactyl name Dex groaned loudly. "When we get back, I need to hunt. I can't take any more of those preserved Pidgey legs we've been eating for the past few weeks."

"Keep quiet, Dex," Sal snapped, "We don't want to let any Ozone scouts know we're here."

"The hell with this. I don't care enough about you stupid S.O.B.s and your friggin' cause to fight for you. What was I thinking? I'm out of here."

"You turn your back, and I will personally rip you into pieces!" Sal roared.

"Why do you care if I desert, you lofty dragon bastard?"

"Because you know too much! Who's to say you won't go running to those Ozone bastards and spill your guts to them?"

Dex, embarrassed and angry, fell silent, save a few choice words that Sal ignored. The frigid morning's crisp air and unhindered sunlight gave the tundra's landscape an almost surreal beauty. I guess keeping sane is almost all I've got left. I need to stay focused right now. Such a glorious morning. No, focus, Sal, focus. Sal shook his head, calming his thoughts as the group continued to fly.
Things were calm and almost boringly peaceful as they silently cut their way through the air. Just when Sal felt like he would doze off mid-flight, a knife-edged sheet of ice tore through Sal's right-hand man, a Salamence named Orion, rending a two foot gash in his wing. Before a scream could be mustered, the second and third volleys finally caught up. The former pierced Orion's chest, causing blood to spray into the air and splatter on the Pokémon that were behind; the latter plunged clean through Orion's gaping maw and exited through the back of his skull, brain matter and blood decorating the wind and his fellow soldiers as the top half of his head flipped through the air and his body plummeted to the ground. Confusion and panic swept through the platoon as ice sheets continued to rip through the platoon's ranks, slicing an Aerodactyl newbie's wing off and denting a Skarmory's thick metal skin. Sal scanned for the source of the barrage, finding a series of small alcoves in which several Froslass had dug in, hurdling ice shard towards the platoon.

"The alcoves! They're in the damn alcoves!" Sal roared as a shard sliced just wide of him, missing by mere inches.

"Got it!" Drake, a Salamence, shouted back, "Hansel! Gretel! On me, now!" Hansel, an Aerodactyl, and his best friend Gretel, a Skarmory, fell into line on both sides of Drake, and the three of them shot toward the alcoves. Hansel shot a hyper beam into one of the alcoves, causing an explosion. Of, course, the beam itself was harmless to the ghost Pokémon, but the shrapnel that the explosion was deadly. Well, as deadly as it could be when dealing with ghosts. Ectoplasm and Froslass parts flew from the opening in the glacier.

"Since when has Rayquaza been able to get the damn ghosts on his side?" Drake roared as an ice shard grazed the right side of his torso, letting a decent amount of blood flow. Drake quickly shot a burst of fire on the wound, cauterizing it; then he shot a meteor into the third alcove, obliterating everything in it.

Gretel landed on the second alcove's ledge, slashing through one of the Froslass's icy mask with a razor sharp wing.

"Come on, you frigid ethereal bastards!" Gretel shouted.

"If you say so, little prick," a voice shouted, echoing off the walls of the alcove. Gretel whipped around, searching for the source of the voice.

"Drake! There's someth-"

Gretel was interrupted by two giant metal arms crushing her in a metallic grip. The shrieking grind of metal scraping was only topped by Gretel's scream of pain. Drake watched in horror as a Metagross rose up from beneath the snow, laughing a guttural, machine-like laugh. He rolled Gretel into a ball, coolant-colored fluid dripping grimly from what was Gretel. Metagross threw the wad of metal into his mouth, chewing with sadistic pleasure. As he swallowed their friend, hundreds of shining blue specks emerged from the snow lining the crevasse. The crevasse swarmed with Metagross, almost blanketing the sky like a tidal wave of steel. Sal beat his wings, despair filling every fiber of his being.

"This may be our last stand, Sal!" Drake roared in rage.

I hope to Arceus it isn't, Sal thought desperately.