Thread: [Pokémon] It's a Crazy World
View Single Post
Old February 12th, 2013 (8:59 PM).
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus Astinus is offline
Remember NovEnder
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: Connecticut, USA
    Age: 30
    Gender: Male
    Posts: 9,923
    Don't worry. Posts won't merge unless posted very quickly in succession. You're fine.

    The prologue is a slow start. I do like that you're explaining the whys of a Nuzlock in the story, with why trainers can only catch one Pokemon in an area because of population worries. What I mean by slow is that you're taking the time to explain the Nuzlock in the story all at once instead of letting the reader get to know Edmund a little more through his reactions.

    But the first chapter is better with this. We get to see Edmund rush around to be a trainer and how he's willing to be a Pokemon trainer no matter what the world throws against him. He's even ready to take on an unconventional starter.

    I do see what you mean by you not being used to writing dialogue. You're missing the punctuation before the closing quotation marks. Here's a guide about punctuating dialogue the can prove helpful.

    Looking forward to more of this, to see how Edmund and Buren (as to their name meanings the only thing I can think of right now is artists) handle this Nuzlock challenge.

    Now nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody speaks my name
    I'm just another blister in the mouth of shame
    A bug in Ender's Game

    Reply With Quote