[Pokémon] Arc's Journey

°Chapter 1°

I woke up not tired, as if I had slept for 16 hours but I had slept for 6, I quickly ran out of my tipi which I had made by myself because I thought that three people in my parent's tipi was a bit cramped. I used to climb up my tipi, (which was made out of bouffalant hide.) and sit at the top to watch the one thing I was madly in love with: Watching the sun rise. I was fascinated how the sky around the sun would turn pinkish, I was amazed.


I went for my daily jog before the pidgey started tweeting. I crept past the all of the tipi's without waking up any of my tribe members, once I was in the clear I started running. I ran straight behind our village and kept running. I kept running till I reached the 5 foot wide ravine. Beyond the ravine was a forest, we were banned from going there because pokémon were "dangerous creatures". It was time to go back to the village.


Once I got to the village, my best friends mom said


"The Chief wishes to see you."


Our village chief was about 97 years old and he had grey hair and dark hazel eyes. But he was dying. I slowly walked up to his tipi and entered. He was laying in bed so I walked up to him, he heard me and asked:


"Who's there?"


I replied


"It's me sir, Arc. Sleeping Arcanine."


He said with his old creaky voice:


"As you all know, I'm dying and someone's got to take my place. Would you like to be the Chief of this village?"


I never wanted to be Chief. If anyone found out I actually got near the ravine I would be in huge trouble. I wanted to leave this village and see what was beyond the Ravine, I wanted to befriend pokémon. So I told him:


"No sir, my apologies, I don't want to be Chief. Sir I want to go beyond village borders. I want to explore."


The Chief didn't say anything, I could tell he wasn't dead but he was finished talking to me.


That night I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking about my conversation with the chief. Until I realized, none was awake, I could leave now! I ran out until I saw the Chief standing outside, it was dark out but I could tell it was him. He asked me:


"Sleeping Arcanine, where are you going?"


I knew that he knew that I was going to leave I couldn't lie to the chief of my village. I told him:


"I've decided to leave and go beyond the ravine. I would like to befriend pokémon."


The Chief stared at me and took his tooth necklace from his neck and gave it to me, it wasn't just any tooth, it was a so called Rayquaza tooth. The Cheif nodded at me and I knew he was allowing me to leave. I quickly ran to the ravine and stopped I backed up and started running I was getting ready to jump until I stopped my self at the edge, I saw something In the tree's moving It crawled out and looked at me. I had never learned about that pokémon. I knew I wanted it so again I backed up started running and I jumped.


I made the jump and knew that this was the start of my very own Journey. I started running until I saw two pokémon fighting I realized it was just a beedrill and a Pidgeotto. The Bird pokémon dove at the Beedrill but it missed and slammed it's body into a huge tree.


The Pidgeotto quickly got up and flew away. I walked closer to the tree to see what was going on. Until 30 Yellow vicious beedrill flew out of the top of the tree and started flying towards I did what I was best at:
Running.


I started sprinting as fast as I could, but the buzzing got louder and louder. I had to pickup the pace. I started seeings buildings in the distance. I started running towards them until I felt a sharp stab in my back, It felt like a needle getting pushed deep into my back. I realized that one of the beedrill stung me, I could barley keep running. More of them started stinging me. I couldn't run anymore. Things started getting blurry, and then I fell.


I saw someone or something running towards me, but it was too late I passed out.


It was a big mistake at the time, leaving the village

Hi! I remember you posting that one story about a kingdom in the sky and looks like you have a new story there! The concept you have for this one seems interesting, although there are a few things I want to point out.

First thing is sometimes you can get a bit repetitive. A couple examples:

I was fascinated how the sky around the sun would turn pinkish, I was amazed.

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You already mentioned the narrator being fascinated by the sunrise, so "I was amazed" sounds repetitive.

I ran straight behind our village and kept running. I kept running till I reached the 5 foot wide ravine.

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You have "kept running" twice here. You can put those two sentences together like this "I ran straight behind our village and kept running till I reached the 5 foot wide ravine."

Besides that, remember from your last story I mention dialogue punctuation? An example:

Our village chief was about 97 years old and he had grey hair and dark hazel eyes. But he was dying. I slowly walked up to his tipi and entered. He was laying in bed so I walked up to him, he heard me and asked:


"Who's there?"


I replied


"It's me sir, Arc. Sleeping Arcanine."


He said with his old creaky voice:


"As you all know, I'm dying and someone's got to take my place. Would you like to be the Chief of this village?"

Click to expand...

Whenever you have dialogue tags like "I replied", "he said", etc, those are often together with the dialogue line being spoken. For that part I pulled out, you would write out like this:

Our village chief was about 97 years old and he had grey hair and dark hazel eyes. But he was dying. I slowly walked up to his tipi and entered. He was laying in bed so I walked up to him.

"Who's there?" he asked when he heard me.

I replied, "It's me sir, Arc. Sleeping Arcanine."

He said with his old creaky voice, "As you all know, I'm dying and someone's got to take my place. Would you like to be the Chief of this village?"

See how that's much easier to read? If this still doesn't make sense, do let me know and I'll try to explain it better to you!

Another thing is some parts were either rushed and/or needed more description. The part about the old man dying I pointed out earlier I feel you could give out more details as to how he is dying. For instance, is the chief breathing very hard? Does his gaze look like as if he was daydreaming or reminiscing? Does he cough occasionally?

The part where the chief notices the narrator leaving and gives him the Rayquaza tooth I feel is very rushed. Before the chief gives the narrator the tooth, perhaps have him unsure what the chief was thinking and then be surprised when he's given the tooth since it's from a legendary and all. Maybe you can expand their interaction a bit by having the narrator feel he doesn't deserve it but the chief insists he keep it.

I think I'll stop here as I don't want to overwhelm you too much! I apologize if this is a lot to take in at first. This story does have potential and I do hope you'll try your best to take some of my suggestions in consideration.

°Chapter 2°
I heard faint phrases such as:


"Get out of the way! This poor Indian boy has been stung by several Beedrill 13 times!"
"Check His Temperature STAT!"
"We're loosing him!"


I slowly awoke blinded by a mysterious light coming from the ceiling, which you guys would call a light bulb. Back in the village we never used electricity, at the time I didn't things powered by electricity existed.


I looked around the room without sitting up, I had never seen anything like glass windows, a hospital bed or even a hospital. Once I tried sitting up I felt a large ache in my back, I felt like screaming in pain, but I didn't. I heard beeping so I looked to my left and saw a Cardiac Monitor, like I had said before I had never seen technology so I started freaking out. I looked down at my left arm and saw tubes in it. I thought I was in a torture device, so I ripped out the tubes in my arm. Suddenly the Cardiac Monitor started beeping faster and faster until it reached one long beep.


I heard the sound of footsteps hitting the floor quickly which meant people were running. I saw my door slam open and 2 doctors and a Nurse Joy with her fat pink pokémon, Chansey came in. I was Terrified. The doctor whispered something in Nurse Joy's,


And then he said "Hold him down until I put the mask on his face."


I could barely understand English, or even speak it at the time so I was terrified. Nurse Joy and one of the doctors grabbed my arms and legs and the other doctor said Chansey quickly give me the Sleeping Gas mask. I knew what sleeping meant because the word was in my name, but once Chansey gave the doctor the mask and he tried putting it on my face I started squirming until the Chansey laid on me, I couldn't move under the Fat pokémon. And then the doctor put the mask on my face and I started breathing in some kind of gas which made me really sleepy...and then I fell asleep.


I woke up and there was a boy with blonde hair, blue eyes and freckles on his face. He was about my age and he was sitting by the hospital bed I was in. He had a little fuzzy pokémon and it looked like he had punching gloves on, it was a mankey.


The Boy told me: "Hey, you awake? My name is Andrew I'm Fourteen years old, I saved your life out in Beedrill forest. Me and my Mankey go for a daily walk into the forest and I saw you staring at the battle between Pidgeotto and Beedrill, next thing I know I saw you running, and then all of the Beedrill started attacking you, I knew you were poisoned so I quickly scared off those huge insects, and brought you here. Don't worry you don't have any more Poison in you, I asked. So...what's your name?"


I could barley speak English at the time so I had no Idea what he said, the only words I understood were Mankey, Pidgeotto, Beedrill and name, but by his tone of voice I could tell that he asked me what my name was. Since I could barley speak English....


I put my hands on my chest as if I was referring to me and said: "Name Sleeping Arcanine."


Then I pointed at him and said: "Call" then I again pointed at me and said "Arc".


Andrew then replied: "So your name is Sleeping Arcanine, but you want me to call you Arc?"


I had no Idea what he said, so I just stared at him and nodded my head once. I could tell he knew that I didn't speak very well English so trying my best, I put my hands on my chest and said:


"No...well...speak..." I repeated the sentence again because I forgot how to say English, but once I remember I failed at saying it.


"No well...speak....Henglitch"


The Boy stared at me with a grin and started laughing.


He then replied "Hahahaha, you mean you don't speak English very well?"


I was getting very frustrated, and I started breathing heavily.


I soon put my hands on my chest referring to me and said "That...Say!"


Andrew stopped laughing but he had a grin on his face and he just shrugged and said:


"Whatever, I'll teach you some English eventually. Do you got a place to go? A place to stay?"


I simply shook my head, because then I understood what he was saying.


Andrew quickly replied with a higher pitched tone: "Ok, you can stay at my house. There I'll teach you English and you can borrow some of my clothes since your shirtless and you might want to change those pants. Did you get your pants from your Indian village?"


I simply nodded and Andrew told me to stay put. He rushed out of the room and ran down the hall. After a couple of minutes he returned and said


"They said since you have none to stay with, you can stay with me!"


The Chansey brought in my clothes, I changed out of my hospital gown and found Andrew waiting for me outside the Hospital. We walked to his house and his mother told me about how she heard the incident in the forest, she said I was welcome to stay with them for as long as I wanted. I was sort of embarrassed. Later that day we had our first English Lesson, and since I could say Me, you or I that was what the lesson was about.


Andrew put his hands on his chest and said "I" and then he put his hands on my chest and said "you".


I thought I understood it but it turns out I didn't. I thought that I was you and that a person that I was referring to was I. Andrew Had to explain it about four times until I finally got the hang of it.


That night I couldn't sleep mostly because of my back hurt. But because I missed my family, I knew I was doing what I wanted to do. But I still missed them, I knew it would take a while for me to get used to not being with them.

°Chapter 3°

I woke up later than I used to because I had never in my life slept on something so soft and comfy. But I noticed Andrew was gone, I looked in his room, in the kitchen and even the living him, but he wasn't home. I looked in the dinning room and saw his mother on her computer.


She looked up from her computer and said with a smile on her face "Oh, Good morning. Want some breakfast?"


I had no idea what the term breakfast meant. So I just nodded my head and I asked:


"Where Andrew?"


She Replied "Oh, Andrew's at trainer school. It's a school where you learn about Pokémon, and he won't be home until 14:30. Wanna watch some tv?"


I had no idea what at the time that something like a tv even existed, so I just nodded my head. She led me to the living room where she turned the tv on. On this strange black box things were moving and speaking, I was amazed. She then brought me a bowl of Buneary Puffs which was chocolate flavored cereal.


I had done nothing all day and I still had to wait two more hours so I told Andrew's mom I was going out for a walk. I didn't tell her where because I knew she might have told me not to go there. I went back into Beedrill Forest, I grabbed some large rocks just in case I got attacked I could throw them at whatever would attack me. I kept walking until I spotted something jumping from tree to tree, it was a little red Pokémon I had never seen before in my life. But once I saw it I knew, that some day It was going to be mine.


I started getting closer to the tree until I heard buzzing coming from behind me, I looked behind me and I saw it. Those yellow demons were after me again! I started running and I got past the tree. I quickly stopped and grabbed one of the stones out of my pocket, and I threw it at one of the Beedrill. The Beedrill I hit only got angrier and started coming at me faster this time. I started running again and this time faster than before. I kept running until I tripped over a tree's root that was above ground. I laid there and threw the remaining stones at the Beedrill. I managed to hit some of them but I missed the others. I knew that this was the end. This was the end of my story, of my Journey.


They were five feet away and I accepted my fate. I closed my eyes and then I heard someone yell


"Luxray! Use ThunderShock on those Beedrill!"


I opened my eyes and I saw the Beedrill getting electrocuted by the man's Luxray. The Beedrill quickly fled. The man ran towards me and said


"Are you ok? I haven't been in this Region for a while but I know that none goes into this forest without their own Pokémon! So, where's your shirt?"


I stared at him, he had light blonde spiky hair and blue eyes. He had a blue Jacket and khaki pants.


I told him: "I no need shirt."


He stared at me and I could tell he thought I was stupid for coming in here. This guy looked Important, but I didn't know who he was so I asked him:


"Who you are?"


He had a smirk and said "I'm the Eighth, and the strongest gym leader in Sinnoh. My gym is in Sunnyshore city, this here is my pal Luxray, I caught him when he was just a little Shinx. Here let me show you all of my Pokémon. Everyone come out!"


Out of the pokéballs on his belt came a white beam and then four Powerful Pokémon were standing in front of me. I stood up and was amazed. He had a Raichu, a Luxio, an Electivire and a Jolteon. I really liked his Electivire and wanted him on my future Pokémon team. I asked him if he knew where I could get one and he said


"You can get an Elekid deep in this Forest, but he's really hard to find. Oh, well I've got to go it's almost two o clock. If we meet again we should have a battle."


I stared at him and his Pokémon with amazement. I wanted a powerful team like his, but not all of them the same type. He ran off in the other direction where I was going. I started walking back to Andrew's house. Once I got to his house It was already 14:00 and I was really sweaty so I asked his mom how I would clean myself and she said I could use their shower. I didn't know what a shower was so I asked her to show me where it was. She showed me where it was and she showed me how to turn it on.


Once I got in the water was too hot so I burned my back. But once I was finished Andrew got home. I told him about everything that had happened in the forest, and how the gym leader saved my life. He thought it was amazing. But he told me that today me and him would go shopping for some new clothes.


We walked to the nearest clothing store and the lady told me:


"I'm sorry but you need a shirt to get service."


Andrew told her how I was an Indian and didn't have clothes so she let me buy stuff. I bought a black shirt and a black Jacket to wear over it. I bought dark green pant's and some new shoes. Once we bought everything I told the lady


"Dank-eeou" Which was my way of saying Thank you.


Andrew looked at me with a smirk and said


"We'll have to work on the way you say thank you after we are done with everything."


Next was the Barber Shop. I had to get my long brown hair cut. I got it cut it was short but still long (Kind of like Red's hair in Pokemon Red and Blue)


Once we got to Andrew's home his mom was surprised on how much different I looked. She said I looked like a real Pokémon trainer. She then suggested that I should start going to trainer school with Andrew. I decided that I would start going with Andrew to trainer school.


Before we went to bed Andrew wanted to help me pronounce Thank you correctly. It took us 30 minutes but the best I could say was:


"Fank you."


Later that night I heard someone picking the lock on the door. I got up off of the bed and saw that Andrew was sleeping in the other bed, I went down stairs and saw that his mom was sleeping in her room. I went halfway up the stairs when I heard the door open I turned around and saw two Indians from my village. Their names were Prancing Mareep and Burning Fire. Prancing Mareep grabbed a tube from his little pouch and shot me on the shoulder with a dart. I fell down the stairs and realized that it was a paralyze dart. They picked me up and took me into the woods. They stopped when we were near the Ravine. Burning Fire said:


"You betrayed us, you betrayed your entire village just for your silly ambitions. I'm sorry Arc, but this is your discipline."


They tied my feet together and then they tied my wrists together. And then they lifted me up and started swinging me back and forth until they let go I was falling into the Ravine.


I realized that this was the real end of my Journey. This was the End of my Story and...of my life.

So I was working on my review for Ch 2, and then you have Ch 3 posted! Sorry if me commenting on two chapters will be overwhelming for you, I wanted to play catch up!

CH 2

I heard faint phrases such as:


"Get out of the way! This poor Indian boy has been stung by several Beedrill 13 times!"
"Check his temperature STAT!"
"We're loosing him!"

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I feel you can rewrite this part a bit to have it flow more better. Something like this:

As I regained conscious, I heard faint but frantic phrases not far from me.

"Get out of the way! This poor Indian boy has been stung by several Beedrill 13 times!"

"Check His Temperature STAT!"

"We're loosing him!"

(Bolded part should be "losing" I think as "loosing" tends to be used in phrases like "a loose rope" or "loose pants" ).

I was Terrified. The doctor whispered something in Nurse Joy's,

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Bolded part "terrified" shouldn't be capitalized. Also, the second sentence you meant "The doctor whispered something in Nurse Joy's ear?"

Nurse Joy and one of the doctors grabbed my arms and legs and the other doctor said Chansey quickly give me the Sleeping Gas mask.

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Don't think you need to capitalized "sleeping gas" either.

There's actually a few instances I saw you capitalized words that you shouldn't like "hospital". I also saw one instance of "Andrew Had" near the end, though I assume the "had" there was a typo.

Andrew stopped laughing but he had a grin on his face and he just shrugged and said:


"Whatever, I'll teach you some English eventually. Do you got a place to go? A place to stay?"

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I did see most of your dialogue you're able to have the dialogue itself and the dialogue tags ("he said", "she replied") in the same paragraph! There are still a couple instances where you have them in separate paragraphs like the one I just pulled out.

The ones where you got the dialogue and dialogue tag together I noticed you used colons instead of a comma. A while back I posted a couple links on dialogue punctuation in another thread, so I do recommend giving them a read and practice dialogue punctuation more! If you're confused or need help don't hesitate to ask!

Cute Arc meets with someone who is willing to teach him English. I feel the part where they go home and they start their lesson feels a bit rushed, though. You could probably do a couple paragraphs in which Arc interacts with his mother. Arc and Andrew's English lesson might benefit a few more sentences too, like for instance Andrew showing Arc the room where they'll have their lessons (kitchen? Andrew's room? Arc's room?).

CH 3

She looked up from her computer and said with a smile on her face (need comma) "Oh, Good morning. Want some breakfast?"


I had no idea what the term breakfast meant. So I just nodded my head and I asked:


"Where Andrew?"

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First dialogue there you did correctly saved for forgetting a comma. Second dialogue though you sepearted into two paragraphs again (and you did that for most of this chapter). It should be like this:

I had no idea what the term breakfast meant. So I just nodded my head and I asked, "Where Andrew?"

I won't mention the dialogue punctuation mistakes too much here as I explained in great detail when checking out Ch. 2, so do check out the links I provided earlier!

She Replied "Oh, Andrew's at trainer school. It's a school where you learn about Pokémon, and he won't be home until 14:30. Wanna watch some tv?"

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14:30 sounds weird unless you're in the military (at least in the US). Maybe have the mother say, 2:30 instead?

He had a smirk and said "I'm the Eighth, and the strongest gym leader in Sinnoh. My gym is in Sunnyshore city, this here is my pal Luxray, I caught him when he was just a little Shinx. Here let me show you all of my Pokémon. Everyone come out!"

Click to expand...

Weird for Volkner introducing himself as "Eighth gym leader" instead of his name. I do hope he'll have more of a role in this story.

I didn't know what a shower was so I asked her to show me where it was. She showed me where it was and she showed me how to turn it on.

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Bolded parts repetition. Maybe second bolded part have "She led me where the bathroom was and showed me how to turn the shower on."

Next was the Barber Shop. I had to get my long brown hair cut. I got it cut it was short but still long (Kind of like Red's hair in Pokemon Red and Blue)

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Weird insert referencing the games in my opinion.

The ending with the two villagers tossing Arc like that feels more like a cliffhanger to me than an ending as it would have been abrupt otherwise. Well, I do hope the first option is being the case, haha. I do think you could have Arc wonder how they find out where he's staying and him perhaps screaming that he's not silly for leaving the village.

If you do continue this (and this isn't the end), I do hope my suggestions will help in your next few chapters!

°Chapter 4°

I didn't want to die. I needed to know how they found me, or where I was staying, and who gave them the permission to do this to me.

As they tied my wrists together and my ankles together, I was begging them to let me go, I was pleading for forgiveness.

"Please, please please let me go! Please forgive me, I'm begging you! Do whatever you want with me...you can even take me back to the village, just please don't kill me!"

Prancing Mareep just stared at me and ignored me. He looked at Burning Fire and nodded his head. They lifted me up and started swinging me back and forth until they let go... I was falling into the ravine. Once I was about to hit the bottom, I closed my eyes and accepted my death, this was the end.

I opened my eyes and I was on the mattress in Andrews room it had all been a dream. I quickly sat up and wiped my forehead, I was sweating bullets. I quickly ran outside and climbed onto the roof, and stared at the sun. But I was annoyed, what had the dream meant? What did they mean when they said my discipline, after all the village chief said I could leave. I had to find out what my dream meant.

Before I knew it the sun was already up, and Andrew bolted out of the house.

He was screaming, "Arc! Arc! Where'd you go?"

I hoped down from the roof right in front of him and said, "I here."

Andrews eyes got wide and he fell back and gasped.

"You scared the crap out of me!" He said getting back up on his feet.

Andrew told me that he had to go to school, and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. I was thinking about exploring the town a bit more, but then I remembered my dream, and I had the urge to visit my village.

After eating quickly eating my breakfast, I quickly got the new shoes that Andrew and I bought and ran outside before Andrew's Mom could say anything. But the second I closed the front door, Andrew's pet pokémon Mankey was wondering where I was going, I had to make an excuse.

I just said the quickest one I could think of: "I go...for...walk."

Mankey suspected something but didn't bother following, I guess he had a lazy nature.

I started running away from the house. I got pretty far into the forest until I stopped at the tree of where I was attacked. It got hard for me to breath, I was so terrified of getting attacked again... but I had to keep going. I kept running, and before I knew it the Ravine was a couple of feet away from me. To get across I had to time the jump perfectly, since it was pretty wide. I started getting closer and closer until I jumped. I made it, and my village was just up ahead.

I got close to my village until I stopped and I quickly hid behind a tree, some people were in my village. From behind the tree I peeked my head out and saw a group of men and women, dressed in strange black uniforms, with a big red D on the front. These men and women were capturing my people!

One of them yelled, "Where's the tooth! We know you guys have it!"

The village chief was handcuffed and was walking to where the men were indicating him to go until he was stopped by the man that was yelling about the tooth. The man punched the village chief in the stomach, so the chief bent over gasping for air, until the man put both of his hands on his back and kneed him in the stomach as well, the chief was on the ground gasping for air.

The man started asking about the tooth again, "Where's the tooth, old man!? If you don't tell me where the Rayquaza tooth is I'll kill everyone here, but you know what? I'll be generous, if you tell me where it is I'll bring you all to our team headquarters and none of you will be harmed."

Rayquaza tooth... I looked down to my chest to see the necklace with a Rayquaza tooth, was this what they were looking for?

The village chief on the ground, turned his head toward my direction and nodded his head once at me.

The man that beat him up, turned his head to the direction where the Chief had nodded his head and he saw me, he then said, "Hey you get over right now!"

"Oh no, they saw me." I thought.

I started running as fast as I could. I could hear the man saying, "Go get that boy, and don't return once you've found him, he knows too much information."

I reached the ravine, I didn't even have time to think, I just jumped. My adrenaline was pumping. I started getting closer and closer to the Beedrill Tree, and all of the sudden one of them started flying towards me, without thinking I swung my arm at the Beedrill and it went flying towards the ground. All of the Beedrill started getting angry, but I kept running. Luckily those thugs that were chasing me arrived at the Tree on time so the Beedrill got aggravated on them.

I heard those men and women yelling, "Go poochyena, take down these Beedrill!" or "Go Rattata use bite!"

I arrived at Andrew's house in no time. I was sweating and panting like crazy, trying to gasp for air.

His Mom came out and asked, "Oh where were you, I was needed your help with something."

I replied, "I went run."

She then said, "Ok then, you should go take a shower."

I said, "Yes." and took off running into the bathroom where I shut the door locked it, and sat on the floor. My mind was full of questions. Why were those people capturing my people? Why did they want my necklace... and what was so special about it? Could it actually be a Rayquaza's tooth?

I took a hot shower, and got dressed. I went upstairs and I waited for Andrew to get home from school. Once he got home, a girl was with him, they had to work on a project togedthor. This girl... was beautiful. She had light brown hair, with blue eyes, and she had a pokémon with her, it was a pichu. Andrew introduced her to me, her name was Jessica. Andrew explained to her who I was and why I was staying with them.

Then Andrew quickly ran over to me and said, "Hey Arc, Jessica's uncle is in town and guess what! He's Volkner, the eighth gym leader in Sinnoh!"

Before I get to my thoughts on this chapter, I do want to say you have improved on your dialogue punctuation, so good job on that. =) There are a few instances where that can be improved on, but I noticed there are some run-on sentences and minor spelling mistakes too. I'll mention the grammar stuff under the spoilers.



Now, onto the overall chapter. So what happened last chapter is all a dream huh? I too wonder what that meant. Looks like some group crashed onto Arc's village, am curious what their purpose is.

I do feel you could perhaps expand the part where Arc gets introduced to Jessica, have a few paragraphs where they interacted a bit. That way, ther reveal of her being Volkner's niece doesn't seem sudden. Speaking of Volkner, it does seem he'll have a role where and am curious where that will go.

I realized most of my thoughts are "curiosu where this goes," haha. That's a good thing, though, as that got me interested where you'll take this story next. =)

°CHAPTER 5°
I was terrified, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind of those awful people hurting my people. I felt like it was all my fault. I wanted to tell Andrew every single thing that happened the other day, but he was at school. I mostly wondered what he did at school, but without him at home, it was so boring, so I decided to go out and find some new friends. I couldn't speak English very well at the time, so I thought it was best to befriend a Pokémon instead.

I walked out of the house into Beedrill Forest, when I heard two screeches; I started walking towards the sound, and it kept getting louder. Once I arrived I couldn't believe my eyes, right in front of me were two fearows fighting over an egg, the both collided into the egg making it fly up in the air! What ever baby Pokémon was in that egg could die if it hit the ground, so I made my move. I started running, and I suddenly dove for the egg to catch it from smashing into the ground, I caught it! I got up and started waving my arm, and I was screaming at the top of my lungs to make them get away, and they did.

I looked down at the egg in my arms, it had a little crack on the side, but the egg was so warm. All of the sudden noises started coming from the egg, it started shaking and before I knew it, it started glowing; The egg was hatching, I could hear soft cries, "Chii Chiim," I had never heard these cries before, what Pokémon could it be? The egg was so bright I closed my eyes for a second and all of the sudden, I couldn't feel an egg anymore, but a little hairy creature. I opened my eyes and saw Chimchar with a little scar over it's eye ( It was most likely the aftermath of those to Fearows colliding into it).

The chimchar stared at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen, and all of the sudden it jumped on top of my head and just sat there. I decided to name him Caesar, after a movie I saw where all of the monkey Pokémon band together and take over the world, Caesar was the name of the leader of the group, the Slaking. I had seen the movie one day flipping through the channels on Andrew's TV.

I than realized, I hadn't been paying attention walking over here and I was lost! "CRAP, how could I have let this happen? I'm such an idio-" I was about to finish bashing myself in my mind when I saw to guys dressed in dark clothing.

It was a boy and girl and both of them had big red D's on their shirts. "Well well well...what do we have here? It's the eavesdropper from yesterday! We're Team Doom, and we'll be taking you to our boss. NOW!" The man said. The lady started giggling and said, "Yeah, and you can forget about keeping your precious little Chimchar, once we get our paws on him he's as good as 25k Pokédollars on the Black Market!"

What was I going to do? They were about to kidnap me and take Caeser and sell him. I would never see him again!

The two grunts snatched Caesar from me and we're holding him by his ankles! They didn't care about Pokémon, they were greedy, and just wanted the most money possible. Than all of the sudden behind me I heard a loud deep voice calling out, " Hey! You two, leave him alone and give him back his Chimchar immediately!" It was Volkner!

The male grunt screamed out, "Oh snap, it's Volkner! Let's get out of here. NOW!"
They both started running and the male send out an Abra and said, "Use Teleport. NOW!" They disappeared, with Caesar. I was never going to see him again.

Volkner put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I'm really sorry about your Chimchar, but don't worry we'll get him back. I promise."

I trusted him that he would keep that promise. In the meantime he told me to come with him to the PokéMart, I followed him and when we entered the cashier said, " Welcome to the Linqasa City, the number one PokéMart, in the Oncet Regi- No way you're Volkner! Can I please get a picture? By the way we're not the best PokéMart in the Region, I was only told to say that by my boss." Volkner replied with a smile on his face, " A picture? Sure, but first I need ten Pokéballs for this young man. Then, you can take a picture." The Lady replied starstruck, "T-Ten-Ten Pokéballs right, here you got that'll be 2000 Pokédollars." Volkner paid the lady and took a picture with her and we left.

We returned to the Forest and he was going to teach me how to catch Pokémon.
The entire day passed quickly, I had to go home, and since I had no idea how to get back he showed me the way back. I thanked him and I went inside.

I went upstairs and saw Andrew sitting on his bed with a book open he was probably studying; he asked me, "Dude, where have you been? My mom's been so worried." I told him everything that happened that day. Andrew than promised me something, " Arc, I can't believe you lost Caesar, I hate people that steal Pokémon just for no good, anyways I promise that I'll help you get Caesar back, with Volkner's help."

That night he was explaining how he didn't have school for the entire week because some guy saved the entire Oncet region from the evil Pokémon Darkrai; We stood very late making plans on how we could get him back, until we both fell asleep.

Oh cool, been a while since you updated this fic.

I was about to finish bashing myself in my mind when I saw to guys dressed in dark clothing.

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"Two."

I trusted him that he would keep that promise. In the meantime he told me to come with him to the PokéMart, I followed him and when we entered the cashier said, " Welcome to the Linqasa City, the number one PokéMart, in the Oncet Regi- No way you're Volkner! Can I please get a picture? By the way we're not the best PokéMart in the Region, I was only told to say that by my boss." Volkner replied with a smile on his face, " A picture? Sure, but first I need ten Pokéballs for this young man. Then, you can take a picture." The Lady replied starstruck, "T-Ten-Ten Pokéballs right, here you got that'll be 2000 Pokédollars." Volkner paid the lady and took a picture with her and we left.

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Usually if you have a new speaker you separate the dialogue in a new paragraph. So it could be written like this:



From this chapter, I think you improved your pacing there which is good! Sucks that Chimchar was stolen, although I think there should be somekind of reaction from Arc concerning that incident. You could also probably showcase more Volkner teaching him how to catch Pokemon. I understand it's not exciting, but this is a good opportunity for some Arc and Volkner interaction. Looking forward to what Arc and Andrew's plans are.