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I Desire..

Feathing

Water Gym Master
252
Posts
16
Years
    • Well, I wrote this poem in a winter and melancholic night.
    I hope you like it.

    I checked it thousands of times and I think it has no grammar errors. But if there's some, let me know please so I can improve my english.
    I know it has no rhyme, but I like that way..
    Farewell!




    My desires go beyond the Moon.
    My desires reach Sun into darkness.
    And within every whisper, every meeting,
    every thought and every sight,
    I desire you.

    I walked under the cover of stars,
    enchanted by night, and I only desired your hand.
    I came from the beautiful dawn,
    and my thoughts went to you
    like the river goes always to the sea.

    My darling... I aim you from the moment
    I wished for my very happiness.

    At this moment, alone.
    Look through my window and see
    indigo sky, shining moon and winter fire;
    I couldn't ask for anything else, but I do:
    I desire you.

    Oh my darling... My heart won't be completed
    until you come to me.​
     

    Megaera

    stop calling me d:
    303
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Age 31
    • Seen Mar 30, 2015
    well nice work you got there!
    I liked it even though it not rhymes but good job!
     

    ShadowLeader

    because shadows follow...
    653
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • wow.....is all i can say...well written....love the imagery.....and the feel of it....u have talent...dont waste it.....try it out at poetry.com.....btw who is this person of which u speak?.....it has to be someone special to inspire such a brilliant and beautiful poem..
     

    Feathing

    Water Gym Master
    252
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • ShadowLeader said:
    wow.....is all i can say...well written....love the imagery.....and the feel of it....u have talent...dont waste it.....try it out at poetry.com.....btw who is this person of which u speak?.....it has to be someone special to inspire such a brilliant and beautiful poem..
    Click to expand...


    Thanks a lot! You may not believe it, but I wrote this poem to no one in particular... I mean, I have written poems to some persons, but this one.. I wrote it thinking on an ideal, a dream... I think everyone has a ideal love... And I was thinking on it (although I don't know her yet XD) while I was writing...

    Weird, I know XD But thanks!
     

    BHwolfgang

    kamikorosu
    3,906
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • So, you're writing about your dream girl? That one girl that you always want?

    Hmm... it is well-written. You keep dreaming big, k? I'm sure that a girl would be attracted to this. ^^
     

    Feathing

    Water Gym Master
    252
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • By reading your comments I realized it may be seen as I'm so lonely and desperate to find a girl XD XD But yeah, I always keep on dreaming, and thanks for the reviews! I'll post other poems later! :D
     

    ShadowLeader

    because shadows follow...
    653
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • yeah thanks for the good poem i look forward to reading ur other works!!.......oh an ps...i nvr thought that u were despret and lonely.....more like weird guy in the corner apartment who u hardley ever see.....lol...jp....but no serious ly nvr saw u as lonely...sounded more like recently broken up....
     
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