I Desire..

[Feathing]

Well, I wrote this poem in a winter and melancholic night.
I hope you like it.

I checked it thousands of times and I think it has no grammar errors. But if there's some, let me know please so I can improve my english.
I know it has no rhyme, but I like that way..
Farewell!

My desires go beyond the Moon.
My desires reach Sun into darkness.
And within every whisper, every meeting,
every thought and every sight,
I desire you.

I walked under the cover of stars,
enchanted by night, and I only desired your hand.
I came from the beautiful dawn,
and my thoughts went to you
like the river goes always to the sea.

My darling... I aim you from the moment
I wished for my very happiness.

At this moment, alone.
Look through my window and see
indigo sky, shining moon and winter fire;
I couldn't ask for anything else, but I do:
I desire you.

Oh my darling... My heart won't be completed
until you come to me.​

 

[deliriouspurple]

I like your work, it's quite good and nice....
Keep up the good work^^

 

[Megaera]

well nice work you got there!
I liked it even though it not rhymes but good job!

 

[ShadowLeader]

wow.....is all i can say...well written....love the imagery.....and the feel of it....u have talent...dont waste it.....try it out at poetry.com.....btw who is this person of which u speak?.....it has to be someone special to inspire such a brilliant and beautiful poem..

 

[Feathing]

wow.....is all i can say...well written....love the imagery.....and the feel of it....u have talent...dont waste it.....try it out at poetry.com.....btw who is this person of which u speak?.....it has to be someone special to inspire such a brilliant and beautiful poem..

Thanks a lot! You may not believe it, but I wrote this poem to no one in particular... I mean, I have written poems to some persons, but this one.. I wrote it thinking on an ideal, a dream... I think everyone has a ideal love... And I was thinking on it (although I don't know her yet XD) while I was writing...

Weird, I know XD But thanks!

 

[ShadowLeader]

man just keep on dreamin!!! i hope that u meet that someone someday....honestly the way u depict her I'D like to meet her!

 

[wee187]

That was really well-written. Nice job, I could definitely get the emotion out of it. :)

 

[BHwolfgang]

So, you're writing about your dream girl? That one girl that you always want?

Hmm... it is well-written. You keep dreaming big, k? I'm sure that a girl would be attracted to this. ^^

 

[Feathing]

By reading your comments I realized it may be seen as I'm so lonely and desperate to find a girl XD XD But yeah, I always keep on dreaming, and thanks for the reviews! I'll post other poems later! :D

 

[ShadowLeader]

yeah thanks for the good poem i look forward to reading ur other works!!.......oh an ps...i nvr thought that u were despret and lonely.....more like weird guy in the corner apartment who u hardley ever see.....lol...jp....but no serious ly nvr saw u as lonely...sounded more like recently broken up....