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[Pokémon] He who is Merely a Rumour

*Vulpix09*

Lost in thought...
58
Posts
15
Years
yeah I like the plot twist which means Evans is Lord Augury. Are you just making this up as you go along, or did you have a plot idea beforehand? Anyway, I can't wait for part 2!
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
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I don't make things like this up as I go along, otherwise there would be a high chance of plotholes. ;D This was planned from the beginning. There were a few clues in Part I indicating this. :P

Thanks for the review. ^^
 

*Vulpix09*

Lost in thought...
58
Posts
15
Years
Yeah, I think it's easier that way, and I'm using your advice. Sometimes I just sit down with a notebook and write ideas for the next chapters. Or sometimes the ideas coem to me when I'm writing, and I'll consider if I should write them down=)
 

Misheard Whisper

[b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
3,488
Posts
15
Years
So, Sparkles finally gets around to reviewing! Here goeth I!

To the left, there were two, large couches.
You don't need the comma after 'two'. Superfluous much?

"Oh, he has relations with all the Oligarchs,"
*snicker* He said 'relations' . . .

"This is a strange story: the truth here does not seem truthful.
I think you may want a semicolon here. I'm a little shaky on correct use of : vs ;, but I think it's misplaced here.

This is the crux of the matter: you have my potential, and the vicious, cold-hearted bastardry to realise it.
Again, not sure about the colon there. I dunno.

Anyway, not too much to say about this Bridge, other than that it clears up a few things. I always felt Emerit's relationship with Augy-man was a little different to that of the other Oligarchs.

What do you mean, of course I'd say that now? How dare you?! [/lol]
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
I fixed the comma. ^^

Hmm, the colon/semicolon issue - I actually don't know the correct grammatical way to use either one - I do what my English teacher told me: (<-lolwut) read books, see where they use them, and experiment. XD And usually, it works out just dandy. :P Does anyone else have input on this matter?

Sparky said:
*snicker* He said 'relations' . . .
Shhh! You'll ruin the major plot twist at the end!

Sparkles said:
Anyway, not too much to say about this Bridge, other than that it clears up a few things.
Yeah. I wasn't going to do a Bridge, and gradually reveal this information instead, but I realised, "No, I want to move on, so I have to bridge the gap first". And here we are now. XD

Thanks for the review. ^^
 

Misheard Whisper

[b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
3,488
Posts
15
Years
Well, what I can say is this. You use a semicolon when the two parts of the sentence are closely related, such as 'Something was very wrong here; he didn't like it.' You could say 'Something was very wrong here. He didn't like it.' but that wouldn't sound quite right, would it? (Of course, the sensible option would be 'Something was very wrong here, and he didn't like it.' but never mind that) And I think colons are placed before a list. 'I need a few things from the shop: eggs, milk, butter, flour, sugar, and vodka.' Yeah, I'm no expert. All I can do is try to help.

I'm 95% sure that all my semicolons in Shattered are in the right place, though.
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
Hmm, thanks. ^^ Semicolons and colons seem to be a bit of a grey area, though, so I think I'll just preserve the status quo until someone can come in with a definitive answer. :P

Oh, and Chapter Twelve will be coming soon. Tomorrow soon. :D
 

Misheard Whisper

[b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
3,488
Posts
15
Years
Wowzers. Now I really feel like I need to go write. I'm still working on Chapter 7! You're slowly creeping away from me
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
Chapter Twelve: The Awakening

Chapter Twelve: The Awakening
Bevan opened his eyes, feeling confused, but extraordinarily well-rested. All he could make out was that he was in a dim room. Too dazed to analyse the situation, he shut his eyes again.

Opening them one more time, he could make out a person. He managed a groan, and then tried to lift his hands. And failed. In a matter of seconds, he realised that they were bound by chains to the chair he was sitting in. This snapped him into full alertness.

"Wha-wha- Charlotte? What happened?" He replayed the events in his mind as he asked. "You – you tried to kill me!"

"No," said Charlotte, shaking her head. "I just shot you with a dart."

"Oh – you drugged me! Much better!" Bevan was enraged. He thought this girl was his friend.

Charlotte knelt down in front of Bevan. "It was Butterfree Sleep Powder. Enough to quickly knock you out and keep you in deep sleep, but not enough to cause any damage."

"Why am I chained up?"

"So we can ensure you don't run away."

"We?" Bevan scowled. "Who's 'we'? Are you working for my father?"

"Quite the opposite, actually. I work as one of Dagger's operatives."

"D-Dagger? The terrorist?" Something clicked. "You were sent to kidnap me! I'm the immediate family of an Oligarch!"

Charlotte looked down with shame. "Bevan, I was sent so that I was in a position to kidnap you if need be. But the plan changed. And, the plan changed a second time when I suffered Penalty F. Granted, I was hysterical, but, they don't leave Penalty F victims alive for long."

Bevan shook his head. "What plan!?"

"To train you as a Cloak, drug you, and take you back here. To be part of The Knife."

"The Knife?"

"The name of our group."

"Why did you want to do that in the first place?"

"You're a fast learner and you hate abuse of power. And, what we're dealing with here, is a massive abuse.

"There is a person in government pulling all the strings. A chessmaster, and we are the pieces. Lord Augury. He controls all of the Oligarchs, the underground world, and has a group of ruthless assassins working for him."

"And that's why you're killing innocent people?"

Charlotte looked away. "Speaking honestly, I disagree with how Chris – that is to say, Dagger – does things. But he gets results. And, as it turns out, you've just been moved up from Pawn to Rook in this chess game."

"What – why? What does this whacky conspiracy theory have to do with me?"

Charlotte stood up and pulled over the high-quality television leaning against the wall, which Bevan had failed to notice earlier. "This was found encrypted in Manfred von Stauffenberg's computer. He was the leader of the cult I escaped from."

She pushed the red button, and the TV lit up.

On the television screen, Evan Emerit walked into the room with Rex.

"My Lord," said von Stauffenberg contemptibly.

"Manfred," said 'Evan'. But Bevan could tell that it wasn't his father. Not really. His voice was strangled and seemed to be in stereo. His face had a crazed look, his eyes bulging dangerously.

"This is Rex," said Augury. "He is my new second: I thought you may like to meet the man you'll be doing business with many times in the future."

"Too good to deal with me yourself, Augury? I'm not dealing with your agents; I barely enjoy dealing with you."

Rex raised his hand, and the priest was flung against the wall telekinetically. "Watch your tongue," he taunted.

Charlotte switched it off. "It… goes on like for a while. I suppose you think we doctored that?"

Bevan mouthed a few things to himself, and something in his head snapped. "N-no. That voice, that voice that my father was using… I've heard him use it before. I'll never forget. It was the voice that he used on the night my mother was taken away. He – he didn't take her away because she discovered that he was having an affair…"

Charlotte leaned forward. "Your mother had discovered who he was."

"And Rex… he could use psychic powers… that's why you were so scared of him."

Charlotte nodded. "Yes."

"And my father?"

"Even stronger."

"So," started Bevan, "you want me to become a terrorist, with the ultimate goal of killing my father?"

Charlotte smiled. "And bringing down the Oligarchy itself that made this kind of corruption possible."

"How? I have three Pokémon, none of which are properly trained."

"You become an intern. We'll help train you."

"Are you an intern?"

Charlotte smiled. "No. My Growlithe was, well, a decoy. Remember how I said I had a team of six? We'd managed to regain three of them. The other three are… irreparably brainwashed, I'm afraid. However, I'll now be using Togetic, Roselia, and Iserno."

"And Growlithe?"

"Belongs to someone else," shrugged Charlotte. "She – Growlithe – was eager to help."

"And if I refuse to help you?"

Charlotte looked away. "W-well…"

Bevan glared at her. "You'll kill me, won't you?"

"N-not me personally. I couldn't."

"Yeah right, Charlotte. Are you going to pretend that you're still my friend? That you couldn't do it?"

Charlotte met his gaze, her eyes prickling. "You are my friend! At least – I still consider you so. I doubt you think of me as such. But you'll come to realise that we have two choices: Augury or Dagger."

"And you chose the lesser of two evils?"

Charlotte nodded. After a pause, Charlotte started talking again. "Bevan… you need to decide. Will you join us?"

"No."

"Why? Just to spite me?"

"Because I'm not an idiot. I don't go up against odds this great."

"The odds are better than you think. Four people close to the Oligarchs have been killed by us. Remember the attack on Cronine Hotel a couple of weeks ago? That was a fortress, and Dagger still set a bomb off in there.

"And last night - all I had to do was push a button on my watch and a signal was sent to Dagger, and within five minutes, he and five other members of the Knife fought off the entire guard of the Academy and got you out alive. We're that good."

"Not to mention, Bevan," said a voice in the distance, "that odds don't matter to you." A man dressed fully in black stepped forward. "If you join us, I'd say you have a small, but not inconceivable chance of death. If you don't, you will most certainly die."

"Why do you wear clothes over your face, even to your allies?"

"So they cannot reveal who I am under torture," winked Dagger. "But you can call me Chris. It's a common enough name that it poses me no threat for you to know it."

"So, you want me to become an intern in your organisation, in exchange for my life?"

"And shelter, food, but most importantly, Bevan, freedom. Charlotte evidently didn't impress this point enough on you. This is what you value above all else. As do we. Join us, and that's what you'll be fighting for. We will deconstruct the Oligarchy."

Bevan weighed his options up. Despite the immense sense of betrayal he felt towards Charlotte, and the fear he felt towards Dagger, his only other option was death. Not only this, he would finally have something to fight for. Something that he had believed in. His entire life he had been pushed around by his father, only now to discover that he controlled the entire Torcran government.

It was time to push back.

"I'm in."

*​

"Let's see how good you are." After Bevan had been freed, and eaten, Dagger had escorted him alone to a mid-size battling arena. "We've had another intern in the past week – we usually don't have such frequent intakes. But, you're a special case, Bevan. Show us how good you are. Ready?"

Bevan nodded. There was an eighteen-year-old kid standing in front of him: short, black-haired, and looking like a pirate on account of his eyepatch.

"OK then. 3-3 single challenger standard."

His opponent grabbed a Pokéball with surprising intensity. "Taillow!"

OK, Bevan thought to himself. A flying and normal type. Venonat's out of the question. Larvitar has a type advantage, but Taillow beats it on mobility. "Gligar, go!"

"Focus Energy!"

"Sand Attack!"

Taillow closed its eyes, preparing to gather its energy and increase its strength. Before its eyelids had even fully shut, Gligar was leaping forward, spitting sand at the bird.

The trainer scowled. "Dodge it!"

Taillow abandoned performing a Focus Energy, and rose skillfully into the air, dodging the burst of sand.

The two trainers yelled in unison, "Quick Attack!"

Both Pokémon headed rapidly towards one another: Gligar leaping up, Taillow swooping down. Bevan was ready for this: his Pokémon was stronger, and more endurant.

The other trainer clearly thought this as well. When they were an inch away from each other, he yelled, "Whirlwind!"

Taillow flapped its wings ferociously, and Gligar was hurled, spinning back against the wall.

"Curl up and Harden!"

Gligar did as it was told, its skin becoming tougher, its vital organs protected. As a result, after crashing against the wall and falling to the ground, it rose, relatively unscathed.

"Gligar," the Pokémon said, challenging its opponent.

Bevan's nameless opponent accepted that challenge. "Brave Bird!"

Taillow's eyes began to bulge with – courage, it seemed. Ruffling her feathers, she flew powerfully and swiftly at Gligar.

"Secret move time! Hyper Beam!"

Gligar turned, a complete look of confusion in his eyes. "<Are you insane?>"

Evidently Taillow felt the same way, for it turned its head, swooped off course and crash-landed into the concrete floor. A few feathers drifted into the air on impact, and a snarl crossed the trainer's face. "Return, Taillow! And that was a cheap shot, rookie."

"It seems cheap shots are all we have in this game," shrugged Bevan. On the sideline, Dagger nodded in agreement.

"Machoke! Karate Chop!"

As soon as the bulky Pokémon materialised from its ball, it lunged at Gligar, its right hand raised above its head.

"Jump and grab!"

Machoke brought down the side of its hand, but it was too slow: Gligar leapt onto Machoke's arm and implanted every claw and tooth in it. Machoke screamed in pain and tried wildly to shake it off.

"Revenge!"

Suddenly, Machoke's anger became focused. Its skin became tinted with crimson, and then it launched its entire weight onto Gligar.

"Sand Attack his eyes!"

Gligar did, but it was useless. He was pinned by the incredible, immovable frame of Machoke. Its eyes were red with the sand, but it was so focused on revenge, it didn't care. Only about one in four of its punches hit, but it was enough. Gligar was out cold.

"Return!"

As Gligar materialised, Machoke's eyes twitched. "Return, Machoke!"

"But… why?"

"You should always forfeit rather than allow your Pokémon to be defeated, if there is no hope," said Dagger. "The rush from the Revenge attack was wearing off – if Machoke were allowed to be out with that much sand buildup in its eyes, he would be in excruciating pain. You got lucky; your desperate lashing out was actually a good strategy. Let's hope you can get that lucky where it counts."

The nameless trainer wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm. "Issely!"

Emerging from the ball was Issely, a Pokémon native to Torcra. It was a golden, lionesque cub with a cute face and smooth, golden fur. Its small ears and determined eyes leered forward. It would have been positively adorable were it not for the small, sizzling flames bursting out of its fur.

"Larvitar, Sandstorm!"

Larvitar materialised, opened its mouth, and released a powerful stream of sand.

"Issely, dodge!"

The quick cub leapt out of the way of the whirling sand.

"Ember!"

"Dodge! Bite!"

Issely opened his mouth and spat molten saliva at Larvitar. Larvitar leapt out of the way and charged at his opponent, teeth glinting.

"Smokescreen!"

"Sandstorm!"

Issely's pores opened, and he released thick, black smoke. However, Larvitar's Sandstorm whipped it away, the brown swallowing the black in a cyclonic whir. Issely tried to escape the same fate as its attack, but it was caught in the winds, and hurled painfully into the wall.

"Get up, Issely! Charge!" The trainer was very nervous, now. Defeat was close.

Issely did as it was told, lowered its head, and ran for Larvitar. When it was a few feet away, Bevan yelled, "Iron Head!"

Larvitar leapt at Issely, and the two Pokémon crashed head on. Larvitar was dazed, and wobbled a bit from the pain, but Issely was by far the most damaged. The poor cub stumbled a bit, and then collapsed.

"Return," said the trainer reluctantly. Three months of training with the Knife and I lose to some prissy Ozoldran brat, he thought angrily to himself.

*​

Evan Emerit sat at his computer and typed an e-mail, as Lord Augury, to send to all his Oligarchs. It read:

"I know that you think you're special. You've helped me in so many ways, but you are not the only one. I, Lord Augury, have had all Oligarchs under my employ for several years now. You were not chosen by me because you were the most resilient or useful, like I told you.

"Rather, you are all fungible. Once upon a time this secrecy and rivalry between you all was beneficial and useful. Now it is a liability.

"I know you will all be enraged, but I also know that you will all have the good sense to keep quiet. Should you change your mind, as I know you might, you'll be killed on the spot.

"Had you been able to catch this Dagger terrorist, we would be able to continue in blissful ignorance, but no. That ship has sailed, my good Oligarchs, and now this is the only way for us to move forward. You're lucky: my original plan was to kill you and replace you gradually over the years, but with the recent event at the Cloak Academy, I do not have the liberty of such time.

"Make no mistake. You will see Torcra change before your eyes. Within two years, I will be the Autocrat, and you will join me as my officers. Or not; it's your choice."

He signed it with Augury's seal, and hit the "Send" button.
 
Last edited:

Feign

Clain
4,293
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  • Seen Jan 25, 2023
Only mistakes I found:

forChapter Twelve: The Awakening


Don't need the 'for' in there ;)

Bevan opened his eyes, feeling confused, but extraordinarily well-rested. He opened his eyes, and saw a dim room. Too dazed to analyse the situation, he shut his eyes again.

Might be able to say that better, as he has opened his eyes twice.

--

Otherwise I liked it, it was interesting how fast Bevan decided to join, and how Evan easily admitted that he'd have them killed.

As always the battle was pretty well done, though I still find the lack of detail after a quoted attack being used could do witha bit more detail or requisite. But pokemon battles will always be a learning experience for us.
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
lolwut. XD; I have no idea how "for" got in there. XDD

*fixes the double eye opening* :)

Feign said:
how fast Bevan decided to join
It was because the voice was linked to a very memorable and traumatic event, and he's now associating Augury with his mother's "death". Had they not had the video to show this, Bevan would have taken a lot longer.

Feign said:
Evan easily admitted that he'd have them killed
This is how he operates: fear. Most shadowy leaders wouldn't get away with it (they'd fight back), but when you have premonitions and telepathy, he can afford to.

Thanks for the review. :D
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
Thanks for the review, Oblivion Reaper. ^^

Issely is. :> It's a shame I don't have a scanner, so I can't upload a picture.
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
I've recently suffered a bout of writer's block (terrible excuse, I know), which is why this chapter took ages. D: Hopefully you'll enjoy it, though. C:

Chapter Thirteen: Cogs in the Machine
"This is…"

"Impossible."

"Ridiculous."

"Outrageous."

The four Oligarchs who had their operations based in Ozoldra City, the de facto capital of Torcra, had gathered for a secret meeting. Evan Emerit, Susan Adams, Simon Gordon, and Samantha Lincoln.

"What can we do?" Simon Gordon was fretting. "He wants to demote us all."

"We can't do anything," said Evan, feigning defeat. "Have you seen what he does to people who do things against him?"

Susan, the Eyes, let out an uncharacteristically anguished roar of anger. "Had anyone else done this to me, they'd be dead. But we can't do anything. He'd know."

"And with most leaders," started Simon, the Brain, "this meeting would constitute as treason. But he's probably sitting back in his dark room, eavesdropping from a distance. And if any one of us resolves to act on this… anger… he'll probably send in someone. He might as well be in the room with us."

At that statement, Evan's eyes glinted, but Susan sat and put her head in her hands. "Never have I felt so angry, and yet so powerless."

Samantha, the Ears, tried to feign maternity by putting a hand on her shoulder. Susan just shrugged it off.

"In hindsight, it makes sense," mused Evan. "Why did none of us see it?"

"Because when he said 'don't investigate', you didn't investigate," sighed Samantha. "His surveillance system was better than any of ours: psychic powers. How do you fight against that?"

"Dagger evidently can," mused Simon. This was a topic they wanted to explore, but they all knew that their heads were on the line.

Samantha turned to the room. "Has anyone heard from Calvin and Gareth in Cronine City?"

Evan nodded. "Calvin's furious – he had his assistant fired and sanctioned because she brought his coffee two minutes late. It would seem Gareth already knew."

"Brat," spat Susan.

"Do you think he'll leave us alive?" Gareth was fretting. "It could be more than a demotion we're in for."

Evan shook his head. "We're talented. And we know the system. And he can't justify a reorganisation where all six Oligarchs die – not to the Bureaus, and not to the general public. He'd have a mutiny on his hands."

Susan leaned back. "Whatever he is, he's always rewarded people who do well. He never kills, unless you get in his way. We just have to keep being useful to him."

"In that case, there's really one thing he needs right now," said Samantha. "Dagger."

*​

"So, where are we?" Bevan was curious. He hadn't fully forgiven Charlotte, but he was talking to her again.

"Can't tell you that," smiled Charlotte.

Bevan thought. "You took me from the Academy, which means that you had two places to run to: Route 616 – unlikely, or you took me across the water, so we're somewhere outside Ruraya Town. Not exactly the best position for headquarters."

"Yes, alright, you're right, but keep your voice down. And it's not headquarters, it's just one base. Dagger's only here because of you. And some scientist person."

"Oh."

"Anyway – today, we're going to get you equipped. Come with me."

They wound past people eating their breakfast and into a large supplies room. Shelves upon shelves were stacked with various things. Almost all of these things that were piled here gave the distinct impression of lethality. Charlotte pulled a small box off a low shelf.

"So, do I get a killing knife?"

Charlotte smiled. "Most of us don't use blades for killing. But when you want to make a killing personal, a corpse with a slash says a lot more than a corpse with a bullet wound. Augury knows that – that's why his Moonlight Squad always kill with swords."

"Moonlight Squad?"

"An elite group of about twenty executioners. They all answer to Augury. We managed to catch one once, but he telekinetically snapped his own neck when he woke up in our cell, so we couldn't interrogate him. Trust me, you don't want to run into one: they're fanatic and bloodthirsty."

"So, what do I get?" Bevan wanted to change the subject.

"What I'm about to give you are your general purpose items. You take them on every mission unless you're told otherwise, and usually with a few other things. The first is your smoke spray."

She handed Bevan a small red aerosol can. It fit snugly in his hand.

"It's liquefied fur of Isking mixed with the chemical vent linings of a Weezing. Only a little bit of push is needed and you've got a hell of a lot of smoke. It stinks real bad and can give first-degree burns if done at point-blank range. This is mainly if you need an escape."

Charlotte put the small can back in the box and picked up a pair of gloves. "Aside from leaving no fingerprints, these gloves have a chip that connects to HQ. Not only that, it has some kind of microchip in it. I don't understand the specifics, but it can fire all kinds of light waves and computer signals. In any case, it has allowed our agents to get to a computer, stick their hand out, and retrieve all kinds of secret information."

"And can it tell where I am – if I get in trouble?"

Nope, this does that, said Charlotte, taking a beeping pill-shaped gadget from the box. "You need to swallow this. It'll stick to your stomach lining. Don't worry, it's completely harmless. You have to keep quiet about this as well – if someone with psychic powers caught you, it'd be useless."

"I don't want someone to be able to track me when I can't stop them! Put it in a watch or something."

"Would you rather rot in a cell? Because they'll strip and redress you if they capture – and the redress if you're lucky. Take the damn pill."

Reluctantly, Bevan took the 'pill' from Charlotte and swallowed it.

"Good. Now, you have this: Synthetic Sacred Ash. This is very expensive to make for something that we give to everyone, so use it wisely. Sprinkle it over your Pokéballs and it will be absorbed through, and will heal all your Pokémon fully, even when they've fainted. I repeat: only use it as a last resort."

"Can it be used in battle?"

"Unfortunately, no. It has something to do with a bad reaction to a chemical that's released into a Pokémon's body while they're in battle, or even in a Pokéball while its friends do battle."

Charlotte took a deep breath – she wasn't used to talking for this long.

"Anyway, moving on. This here, is a gun. It fires darts, filled with, er… Butterfree Sleep Powder. There are ten rounds, and it's for incapacitation only. If they're useless alive, then kill 'em with your Pokémon. It's most effective when fired at the neck or heart, but it will work anywhere."

Bevan looked dubiously at the gun, and peered further into the box, and noticed one item. A watch.

"This button will send out a distress signal, this one here will bring up a light. And these two…" Charlotte stuck the smoke spray on the edge of the watch, and it dematerialised. She then proceeded to do the same with the gun. "Will dematerialise and rematerialise these weapons."

"And that's it?"

"Pretty much," said Charlotte, acutely aware of the effect the gun was having on Bevan. "Anyway, get some rest. Maybe train your Pokémon. You have a mission tomorrow."

*​

"How difficult would it be to re-open the Cicero Files?"

Cicero's face darkened. "Christopher, I don't think that's a good idea. They are… too dangerous."

"The CFWs are a tool, Cicero. They are not necessarily harmful; it's a matter of who uses them." The CFWs, or Cicero File Weapons, was a project that Cicero had while he was the Brain of the Oligarchy. He ran experiments in order to develop weapons – powerful weapons that stretch science to its limit. "Besides which, Simon Gordon, your protégé and the current Brain is continuing your experiments."

"What?"

"A while ago, a prisoner informed me of an experiment where a man was submerged in Seviper venom, and electrified. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I looked into it. That poison was from a genetically engineered Seviper, and was mixed with a number of other chemicals. Apparently they're trying to find just the right combination. And the prisoner's legs were opened up. Do you remember that experiment, Cicero?"

Cicero turned away. "Yes, of course. The plan was that Seviper poison was shown to have neurological effects. It was theoretically possible to alter it and re-program a person, with the right kind of shock. It was one of many experiments along those lines, but it was discarded – all it did was cause severe brain damage."

"Well, evidently, it's an ongoing development. Beginning to show a bit of promise. They've partially de-programmed a human using this method."

Cicero's face twitched. "But – this is insane. Even before I fled office, I shut these down because of the moral implications."

"Simon Gordon doesn't care. He doesn't have your moral character. And you need to temporarily put yours aside for the greater good." Dagger stepped closer, and Cicero turned back to face him.

"I will not re-open the Red Files. Brainwashing… Genocide… Torture by Proxy… these are not the things I am willing to develop, even for you. But everything else – everything useful… I will help you with."

"Good man."

"Which CWFs do you have in mind? I assume your people can hack the Brain's systems to get the information?"

"Oh, yes. We've already got all your files. The first weapon I wanted you to work on was the Brain Reading one. Untouched by them, of course, considering Augury's already proficient in that. Which experiment showed the most promise on that front?"

"The metal from Alakazam spoons wrapped in Gardevoir fur and welded together with burning Gastly gas. Then, you run a current through that, and touch it to a heavily drugged person while asking them a question. We got as far as being able to get yes/no answers against the patient's will. Until it was mysteriously canceled… Augury, I assume?"

"Indeed; he would have seen the weapon as useless." Dagger paused for a bit. "This seems an awful lot like mad science."

"Oh," smiled Cicero. "It is."
 
Last edited:

Feign

Clain
4,293
Posts
15
Years
  • Seen Jan 25, 2023
this meeting would constitute as treason.

Just sounds better for me.

Shelves upon shelves were stacked with various things, all of which looked like it could kill, or at least maim.

Might need more description as it somewhat sounds like that it is the shelves that can do the killing

Charlotte put the small can back in the box and picked up a pair of gloves. "Aside from leaving no fingerprints, these gloves have a chip that connects to base. It can fire all kinds of different waves – you'll have to talk to the techies if you want to know the specifics. Let's just say it's allowed field agents to go into closed circuit systems, stick their hands out, and we hack it from HQ."

This sentence sounds a bit confusing, I think the first part lacks description, and the last part is just ordered wrong.

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Otherwise, very nice :) I like how it is also getting more and more political. Plus you can tell about the mounting action. I half expected Charlotte to give Bevan a cyanide pill. XD

Interesting tech ;) Especially the one's made with Pokemon extracts.
 

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
Thanks for the review, Feign. :D I've changed the sentences around - although I probably need the thumbs up on the paragraph, since that was changed quite a bit. :P

The cyanide pill would be useless, as anyone who knows anything of value could resist, and everyone else doesn't know anything of value. :3 Besides, which, it's a bit cliché. XD;
 

Swift!

The Swiftiest
2,388
Posts
15
Years
I'm finally up to date. Finished reading yesterday.

I caught a few grammatical errors while I was reading, but I was too interested in the story and now I've forgotten where they were. xP

But, I think you aren't spending enough time talking about Bevan. I mean, every chapter has pieces from all over the place and I can't even tell if Bevan is supposed to be the protagonist or or not. Maybe if you seperated things, like have a chapter all about Bevan and then save all of the Oligarchy stuff for another chapter. I dunno, just an idea.
 
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